Why do I feel jealous when a girl I like talks to other guys?

[Kokoro-Fan]

I noticed this happens to me most of the time when I like a girl. Maybe I feel like they are competition? I do feel like the girl will get along better with whatever guy she is talking to and that she won't talk to me as much.

 

Not only that but everytime a girl I like talks about her friends, I feel the same way. Like how many guys dies she hang out with, etc. I know its not a good thing to think this way. Perhaps it's my insecurities kicking in. I hardly have any friends nor a social life. I do like girls like me but they are hard to find. I'm definitely starting to like "normal" girls if you will (aka any girl that has a life, friends, etc.) but the whole talking to other guys thing kinda bothers me. It's not like I would forbid a girlfriend to stop talking to guys; no, not that kind of jealousy.

 

What can I do about this? It does tend to bring me down because I feel like there's so much competition.

[HiddenUser]

I'm an extremely jealous person and it makes things very complicated with women. I don't want to be a control freak, but I don't want to be a pushover either. It's a very fine balance that you have to try to find. It's especially hard when they start to flirt right in front of you, because you don't want to look like a pompous ass, but you don't want to look like a weakling either. I think the best way to combat feelings of jealousy is simply to improve upon yourself. I think you should try to find new hobbies and groups to belong to so you can expand who you are. This will help you feel much better about yourself and it'll give you a lot of stories and things you can talk about. A good example would be a gym membership. Going to the gym a few times a week gives you a new ritual, time outside of the house and maybe even some new friends.

 

Once you have new interests in your life, you'll want someone that can supplement them in some way - not just a random crush you have. For example, if you like going to the gym, you might want to date someone who does the same. Or while you're at the gym, she's at a book club - then you guys get together and talk about your evening, have dinner, watch a movie or anything that brings you guys together. There are many variations that can work, you just have to try to find the right woman. Your jealousy will begin to dissipate when you're engaged in more activities because you have less time to sit around thinking about it. As you find new hobbies, you'll begin to realize how good of a guy you are and how much you have to offer. This will help you have the confidence to swoop in and talk to your crush. If at some point you get a relationship going and notice she's flirting, you'll be more inclined to move on rather than be jealous. This is especially true because you'll find that as you expand on the things you do, you'll meet more people and have more opportunities to talk to single women.

 

If your full attention is on getting or maintaining girlfriend, it will complicate things tremendously - especially if you're the introverted type like me. Focus on doing things that make you feel good about yourself and you'll begin to look for someone who sees it, not just anyone who will accept you (not saying you do, but that was my problem several months ago). In a way, it's a lot like maturing into being a man. You know what you want, and that's a woman who's smart enough and respectful enough to know the boundaries of relationships and flirtatious behavior. If you're dating or crushing on some girl that's flirting with everyone, that's not the type of woman you want anyway. It kind of sucks to move on, but at least you save yourself a lot of trouble in the long run.

Edited August 9, 2013 by HiddenUser

[jphcbpa]

Just know that we cannot control or change other people. Let them be who they are. All you can do is be the best person you can be, control your own thoughts and actions. Have a great life regardless and do not let your happiness depend on the outcome of the relationship. Do not put all your eggs in one basket. The more you love on yourself (taking care of you, self love), the more love you will be able to bring to the relationship and all relationships in your life.