To love or divorce.

[elroymc]

My wife and I have been married for over 8 years and 12 since dating. we got separated because she told me she does not love me anymore. I think that she is going through depression, stress and some fustration as all young professionals with lots of work, two doughters, bills, no time, sick parents, etc. However, nothing extraordinary. Well, I am suffering a lot. I love her with all my hart and feel she is the one to share my all my expierences in life.

 

we had problems before, but now it feels like there is no energy to fight. I think that she decided that is easier to get rid of me than stop working, get rid of kids, any other problems.

 

In the past if we separated, I allways try to get her attention, treat her like royalty, be attentive, complement her and invite her out. However, from my expirience and what i've been reading, women do not like men who show their sad feelings, desesperation, etc.

 

This time I am taking my time to call her, let her pay the bills, deal with kids alone, and be kind of indiferent. And I think is working bacause every time she calls or see me she tries to put a nice conversation and that smile (you know what I mean). However, I think that I need something more impressive. I was thinking of asking for divorce or at least telling her that I will visit the lawyer and start the papers. I think is my last chance to make her think about our relationship and if she really needs me. If not I will divorce her anyways. we all need to seek happiness. What do you think?

[overseas2004]

I think that there are some things that once said can never be taken back. I wouldn't venture into that dangerous territory. But I do understand your unwillingness to keep begging your wife back into your marriage.

 

Still stay away from burning bridges. That is never good.

[bluechocolate]

Originally posted by overseas2004

I think that there are some things that once said can never be taken back. I wouldn't venture into that dangerous territory. But I do understand your unwillingness to keep begging your wife back into your marriage.

Still stay away from burning bridges. That is never good.

 

I agree. If it is not your intention for go through with a divorce then don't threaten her with one - that's emotional blackmail & will rebound on you big time.

 

Rather you should talk her into attending some marriage counselling with you.

[elroymc]

I could divorce her even though I know I will die, but under the circumtances I can't stay in a limbo where she does what she wants. She is not taking advantage of me or anything. We respect each other a lot. I know that eventually I could find someone, but my family is first. I love her and my two doughters. i used to spend a lot of time with my kids, and now i only see them twice a week when i pick them from school and every other weekend they stay with me.

 

However, I feel that I allways try to please her or make her think that I willing to do anything for her. And I think that makes them think that you are less important. You allways hear women trying to get back with the man that does not care or cheated not the man that bought two wedding rings because she lost the first one. I would like to be the other man that gets his wife back.

[Devildog]

If you want to get your wife back I would suggest counselling. By yourself if you can't get her to go right away. Men and women are different psychologically. You need to understand how your actions effect her. You might learn a healtier way of dealing with your problems. If you have been bouncing back and forth into separation then I think you definetly need some outside help.

[Ladyjane14]

Has she seen a medical doctor to discuss depression? Have you had any marriage counseling as a couple?

 

If you suspect depression, the first step really is to get it diagnosed and depressed. I don't see how you can make any headway without addressing that first. It alters a person's view of the world, and makes it difficult to make good decisions.

 

NEVER issue an ultimatum that you are not prepared to back up. It will almost always blow up in your face.

 

Consider beginning marriage counseling on your own. It's possible that she may join you later.

 

Good luck.

[elroymc]

Yesterday we met and spoke for the first time in two months. Actually I asked for it, but she called first to say hello.

 

After talking about all the things that happened and the feelings and how each other feels right now, we started talking about the kids and economic matters. It went smooth even when I stated that is difficult for me to maintain two home. Our home and the apartment I rented. We both are professionals and have reasonable incomes, however, I have paid for the highest and most important bills like mortgage, utilities, and private school.

 

Then she hit me. She said that if we have difficulties with economic responsabilities that we should get divorce so that we can straight out the responsabilities. That way I could buy another apartment and she can pay for whatever she'll have to. I honestly thought that I could asked her for divorce. Now i know I was not prepared. My heart just went running throuthout all my insides. It was the most horrible feeling.

 

I think she didn'y notice how I felt because I decided that last time we talked that i would not show my sad faces to her.

 

I need your help people. How do I tell her that we have to think this over, and take it slow. . We did caunseling two years ago and it was expensive and the results were not impressive, but I know it can help. There are so many issues for us to resolve, but I definetly beleive that ther is still love. We have always treat each other with much respect and care for our daughters a lot. Her love just vanished. There are no third person whatsoever.

[elroymc]

I went on Monday and called to set appointments with lawyer and counselor.

 

When I told wife, she confessed she isn't ready to deal with divorce too. So, I am thinking there could be a chance for counseling.

 

What should be my strategy? I think that if you make sure that you take the right decision when you're going to get married, the same thinking should be apply to divorce. You have to be convinced. In a divorce there's no space for regret.