I go after emotionally unavailable men...

[amkxoxo]

Oh my god. This is me. I'm still puzzled because I have amazing parents who raised me right and who were always there for me. But this article describes how I am with men. Why Are Some Women Attracted to Emotionally Unavailable Men? - Yahoo! Voices - voices.yahoo.com I just want meet someone I really truly like who likes me back. I want to be in love. What should I do? I feel like I'm never going to be able to open up. I hate being vunerable. My most recent guy would always try to get me to open up and I would to a point and then I would stop. We are not together anymore due to issues in his life, but I want to change. I want to be in a long fulfilling relationship and get married. Help....

[CptSaveAho]

i hear therapy helps most normal people with this problem

[KatZee]

You're emotionally unavailable as well and that's why you're drawn to EU men. Sure deep down you may want the real thing, but when faced with it, you shut down.

 

Your own EU sounds fear based. What are you scared of besides vulnerability? Are you scared a guy is going to hold it over your head? Use it against you? Are you scared to let someone see the real and true you? Are you scared to verbalize or express your emotions/feelings? If so, why? What is fueling that fear?

[amkxoxo]

I am always afraid that someone will take advantage of me physically and especially emotionally. I am such a nice kind person who goes out of their way for people and some have taken advantage in the past, sometimes even friends of mine who I still talk to have unknowingly used me a bit. I am very private with my thoughts. Like the guy I was seeing would constantly ask me what was on my mind, because he wanted to know and I would immediately shut down and not be able to tell him. Most of the time the thoughts were about him. I think I am afraid people will judge me, or not like what I have to say and leave me.

 

I am only 21 and have little to no sexual experience. My guy was very experienced and I loved it. He opened my eyes to new things and being physically close to someone. He didn't push me. I was always thinking of things I wanted to do with him, like grab his hand or reach out and kiss him at random times and I would be too in my head to do it. I didn't know how to initiate and would be too afraid so I never would. One time we were fooling around and he asked me what I liked. I told him I didn't know because I truly didn't. He wanted me to tell him and I never could. I was happy with what he wanted to do with me and everything felt good to inexperienced me. I think I get afraid of expressing my expectations and affections to people. I want all these things but I never told my guy this.

 

I always told him I liked him so so much, but question if I showed enough appreciation to him. I held him on a pedestal in my mind but maybe it wasn't evident in person. I baked him things and always wanted to spend time with him. When he broke things off with me due to his own personal problems he reverberated to me many times that I did nothing wrong. I was very emotional during this and he told me he didn't realize how invested I was. Maybe I didn't show enough. I was upset during this and he told me "don't start putting all your walls up again." so he noticed I had them and I had broken some of them down.

 

He would always ask me deep questions like he wanted to know my biggest fears and dreams etc... I could never really tell him anything solid because I couldn't be vunerable. I would daydream and he would want to know what was on my mind and I could never tell him. I tried to act all mysterious but it was my way of coping with the fact that I couldn't open up. I tried so hard to open up and put so much trust in him. I just want to be the perfect girl for someone and for them to love me forever too. I want the facebook official, couple selfies, butterflys in stomach, passionate, marriage worthy, dedicated, can't live without them endless love with this recent man, and I'm afraid that I can't open up enough to ever have it with anyone. I want someone to come home with me and meet my family, and for them to love him. I want someone to take me to a school dance. He was suppose to be my date this winter, but that probably won't happen now. I feel like I want all these things and I can't express that I want them. I feel like I tried so hard though, but maybe its partially me.

Edited August 9, 2013 by amkxoxo

[Archanaart]

Seems like you need to be focused on working on yourself and your self esteem NOT about guys and getting into a relationship.

 

 

You need to be confident in yourself and know your self worth before getting into a relationship. Without confidence and better self esteem/worth you're going to sabotage the relationship and attract the "emotionally unavailable" men.

 

Work on yourself and stop worrying about being in a relationship. You're still really young.

 

And life doesn't revolve around a guy, relationship or marriage. You seem to be in a hurry to grow up from your other threads about moving out and stuff.

 

You need to be in a good place in your life and with yourself in order to have a good relationship.

 

And you need to be able to communicate and get over the fear that everyone or most people will take advantage of you. You need to work on communication.

 

You also seem to have the fairy tale idea of relationships. You need to be more realistic! Relationships are hard work!! It takes time to build a solid foundation. There will be arguments and misunderstandings and its now you handle them that matters. It won't be all butterflies and roses. In order to have you're fairy tale idea you need to be a good communicator and realistic!

 

I'm also a nice kind person who goes out of their way to do nice things for others but thats not an excuse to let others take advantage of me because I'm no fool and I have confidence and high self esteem and I know my worth. I won't stand for an "emotionally unavailable" man. That's why I'm in a pretty good relationship right now

 

P.s. you're rehashing not a great way to move on and get into a new relationship or even think about a new relationship lol you're getting ahead of yourself when you're not even over the this guy. Look ahead when you're over him and not rehashing anymore. And there is no such thing as perfect!! In my opinion I don't you anyone could be the perfect guy or girl. Is the flaws that makes people who they are and the little quirks.

Edited August 9, 2013 by Archanaart

[amkxoxo]

Thank You. That was a confidence boost I needed. I am just so confused where I went wrong I guess. I wasn't even looking for men or a relationship when I met my guy. It just happened and I asked for his number for him to help me with a project. I woke up soon there after and went wow, I like him. Then I started trying to talk to him. I was looking over our conversations on facebook early on when we first started talking. He was always facebooking me to talk and we would laugh, and flirt, and we liked each other.

 

I started pushing and he would go hot and cold on me. I was crazy. I am thinking back to times where I would freak out. One time I saw him Wednesday afternoon and didn't see him again until Thursday night. all in between those times I was like freaking out, crying, and thinking he didn't like me and plotting what my next move should have been. I need to relax and let things happen and be me. I get so hung up on now losing them that I lose myself. I am currently in the process of selling those tickets to the concert, and I have not contacted him since he called me a week ago.

 

Its like inside I know how great of a person I am. I'm pretty, smart, quirky, a great dancer, and cook. I have a lot to offer someone. I just don't know why I tend to get so nervous with men and lose this all. I feel like people don't see me clearly. People underappreciate and underestimate me. I always feel like the under dog. I like the way I look. I used to be heavy in high school and I lost lots of weight and I look good now. But sometimes I still see myself as the heavy girl. I look at people and unless they are like huge, I think they are smaller than me. I realized my rose colored glasses the other day. My mom and I went to eat and a girl walked in that looked about my size in something that I would wear. I leaned over and asked my mom, who is brutal about my weight, "Do I look similar to that woman, bigger than her?" My mom surprisingly came out with "Your a little smaller than her." I was floored because in my eyes that woman looked good. So I looked good. I couldn't believe it.

 

I'm looking for a knight in shining armor and I know it sounds cheesy and unrealistic but I believe in love. I have had many guys ride up on a horse and try and take my hand, but I pull it away waiting for a different knight, same horse. I deserve someone who wants to call. Make me dinner. and so many other things. My guy did all those things, but only like 80% of the time. I kept feeding myself excuses for him. Some of them were logical. He thinks that he and I communicated great. He said it. He was glad that I was understanding and would let him explain or listen to him. He said he was shocked that we didn't fight more, and that things seemed almost too perfect. Yeah they were because I held my tongue a lot, because I'm sweet and nice.

 

I'm a strong, beautiful, talented woman. Mr. "your perfect." Is missing out.

[Revolver]

When they say "emotionally unavailable man" it usually means desirable man who has tons of options who doesn't want to settle down with anyone at the moment

[Woggle]

You are emotionally unavailable yourself. Open yourself up and you will find the man you claim to want.

[amkxoxo]

He's not always emotionally unavailable. He has been in serious relationships and says that he enjoys them. When we met he had just gotten really hurt from a serious relationship and wasn't totally ready to jump into another one, and his parents thought it wasn't a good idea either. We liked each other and continued to date, but when we went long distance I tried so hard to make it work and think I had expectations because I wanted a boyfriend and he just wasn't ready and he stepped down. You can read my other threads and comment for more information about he and I.

 

I am going to try so hard to be the best person I know I can be and I haven't been. My problems in the last many months have even strained some of my friendships. I have been on a mission to try and repair them this summer. I have also realized who my real friends are.

 

I want to win this guy back but at the end of the day if he isn't ready for it and his life isn't in a good place for a relationship like he claims, it would not work.