second chance?

[thora-tiki]

I agree with everyone on this thread, to go no contact.

 

You wouldn’t put up with his crap arrangement from anyone else –

what reasons do you think you have to put up with it from him?

 

You wrote:

 

«I know i have to deal with it...and the short cut he thinks he is taking won't and wouldn't help...i'm just tired of feeling so desperate and sad and lonely!»

 

Listen to me, robsa, this break up is fresh, don't beat yourself up just because you don't have it all figured out.

 

It took me months to be able to read a book without my eye wonder and then 30 minutes later, I still hadn't read more than two lines.

And I love to read!

 

It took me months to laugh again.

And when I did, almost 6 months after the break up, I laughed so hard I sprained my back.

Bahaha!

 

It took months before I was able to look at guy, and think: He is cute.

 

Here are some activities to occupy you during no contact:

 

- Eat at really expensive sushi restaurant or just a nice place were they also have sushi, or something you like to eat, with some supportive friends

- Go to a museum you haven't been to

- Get lost in a favourite book

- Pet, hold or hug anything soft or furry (i.e. dogs, cats etc.)

- Buy a flower (to a friend/family member or to yourself)

- Eat chocolate

- Try lazer tag, paint ball, indoor climbing etc.

- Goof around in a big toy shop

- Go swimming

- Play pool

- Make goals for every week

 

Hope is not what will hold you back, I still hope my ex will get his sh*t together, and we can start a new relationship.

 

Hope is not in your way to evolve.

I am evolving beautifully even if I have hope.

 

Hope is actually my force, my motor, my drive.

As in: fu*k him, he'll have to eat his words some day!

 

Just watch The shawshank redemption.

Quote: Andy Dufresne: [in letter to Red]:

«Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things,

and no good thing ever dies.»

 

My hope is not getting in my way to live my life.

 

You are not alone, robsa.

 

You will not die without your ex.

I know you know this, but this always made me feel better the first few months after the break up, because I thought I was going to die.

 

I didn't.

 

But stop all communication with him - today!

 

This will sound harsh, but I truly believe if we are going to survive this,

we all sometimes need a good kick in the a*s:

 

Your ex-hole will speak to you if that is what you want; but only under the terms of his own self-serving agenda, only if he sets the topics and you abide by his unreasonable boundaries – that is his deal, you can have it or you can fu*k off.

 

Don’t go along with it any more. Choose fu*k off.

Choose you.

[robsa]

Thank you both for your input your words are both beautiful and full of strength and courage!...

 

I think yesterday was my limit, i reached the bottom and i'm not willing to go further down for his sake.... funny enough one of his favourite sayings says it best "you can't have your cake and eat it too"..... well he can't have broken up with me and still have be around to feel loved and good about himself and feel secure that at any moment when/if he decides to come back I will be here for him waiting with my arms open...

 

 

My conversation with him yesterday was an eye opener, and i'm sure he wrote that message, may be not with the intention to hurt me, but definitely selfishly. We had not talked in 10 days, I told him i accepted his decision and he wanted to make sure I was still around...and I gave in as soon as I read the message... I'm finally able to see things that were wrong about the relationship and that i should have never dealt with or accepted....but alas the past is the past and we can only learn from it and use it for a better future...

 

So i will not extend my stay here to see him, once again if he thought it was important enough he would have sacrificed part of his trip and not asked me once again to change something to fit his schedule, plus it would not help me in any way and would just give him exactly what he wants...

 

and yes i'm done taking s*it from him! It is my life and it is about me and what i want to do! I finally gained that strength i needed to focus on myself and stop letting him be in control of my emotions and indirectly my life.

 

I know it won't be an automatic change, I will and I still think about him, and of course loving him might never stop it can only diminish.

 

I'm not scared to be alone, in fact I have been alone (without a partner) for most of my life, and i lived without him for many years so there is no doubt that my life will go on...

 

And finally i truly believe that there is nothing more i could have given to the relationship and this is not so much about me but about him and his needs and understanding of relationships... and until he reaches the next maturity level and is ready we could have not continued to be together.

 

Thank you again so so much for your support and advice, and for letting me know i'm not alone!

[BC1980]

You are not alone. These forums have helped me on my worst days, when I couldn't find joy in much of anything.

 

One thing that really helps me is just simply not to think about him. I know that seems simple, but, when I find my thoughts wandering towards him, I immediately shut it off. I think of anything else. The pain is still there, but what is the point in dwelling on it? I just keep reminding myself that it is out of my control at this point.

 

You will have bad days when you want to cry and say to hell with it all. But those feelings are usually momentary and pass quickly if you start doing something else. But contacting him will not help that pain. You must remember that. Talking to him will in no way make you feel any better right now, so, as much as you may want to, talking to him isn't going to be the answer right now.

 

Above all else, know that everyone on this forum has felt this terrible pain. So you aren't alone. We are here to walk you through it when you want to call him or just need to vent.

[robsa]

Yesterday I had a very good day, I was busy seeing friends and I felt so strong, I know the best way to go and felt like everything was going to be fine very soon....

 

I just woke up from having a dream of him having s*x with someone else while he was at my house...the dream was very confusing but now I woke up with this heaviness on my chest....mornings are always the worse....I can't help it but wake up and look at my phone and feel like everything is back to normal.

 

But I think what you say it is true, thinking about him is no good,I need to find a way to block those thoughts and think about more exciting things in my life....I also picked up reading again and it is not as difficult as I thought it would be, and the book is also making me understand alot about relationships and love.

 

 

I can't wait for that day when I wake up, and even if his thought crosses my mind I no longer need to feel sad, bad or a sense of heaviness, and I can't wait for the day when he will no longer be the first thought on my mind!

[robsa]

I'm doing much better, i have accepted the situation for what it is and i understand i cannot be with someone who is only 50% into it, or that keeps trying to walk out...i see things i should have see...

 

yet tonight i couldn't stop myself but cry, cry because of how stupid someone can be not to see reality, whatever that might be...so i could have been the one, or he could be the one at the moment....i don't feel the urge to break NC, or to do anything to get him back.... i just feel sorry that something so beautiful could be thrown out the window...

 

 

it just hurts so much to let him go, and to let him go forever.... when he was supposed to be my forever!