Less than 1 year of dating and already getting married?

[AKisBaked]

Do you think this is a bit overboard or jumping the gun too soon? I am not the one getting married if anyone is asking:laugh:

 

Short story, my ex i dated for 3 years, started going out with someone 2 weeks after we had broke up. Up until this day they are still together, and found out that she is getting married. It's been only 8 months since we broke up. She called me many times before but I had never answered her before because I needed time to heal. I recently just got in touch with her again, and I am now at a stable emotional state unlike how i was before and she brings up alot of things such as " I always thought one day you would have been the one to ask me." "my parents still mention about you up until this day.."

 

Personally, I think she's only having " in the moment" feelings and happy that I have started to communicate with her again... ( NOT FOR LONG!! )

 

But I don't understand, if she's already going to get married why does she still want to bring up these conversations about me ? and how her family would rather choose me than her new bf?

 

But getting back on topic... Do you think getting married to someone who you haven't dated for even a year yet is a bit ridiculous?

 

Let me hear your feedback plz !!!

[Brunettie]

I think the absolute minimum you should date is 1 year. That way you experience very holiday and just the different seasons together.

I think 1.5-2 years is a good time span to get engaged in.

 

some of my classmates have gotten engaged after about 5 months of dating. kind of baffled me but I guess when you know, you know.

 

I still think that's part of the honeymoon phase still though...when everything is glitter and rainbows 24/7 so I mean of course in that time you feel like you want to marry that person.

[nescafe1982]

I have an ex I dated for 6 years, nasty breakup (he was cheating and subsequently got together with the other woman), and he still contacted me after our breakup like this. Eventually I told him to leave me alone, that I was moving on an didn't appreciate his attempts to keep in touch. I found out 6 weeks later that he was engaged to the other woman. That was 10 months after our breakup.

 

The moral of the story is: some people cannot stomach the idea of being alone. They will jump from relationship to relationship. They are typically serial monogamists, and they are more likely than most people to get engaged/married very quickly, sometimes in an attempt to keep from losing someone.

 

It's best not to get involved with these types. My opinion? You dodged a bullet, and should probably stop talking to your ex.

 

Generally speaking, I think 18 months is the earliest I would consider getting engaged... but I'm a little conservative about these things.

[Silly_Girl]

I got engaged 6 months in and we hadn't lived together!

 

We knew how extremely compatible we were and we had talked A LOT about a lot of things. No concerns at all. We never fall out, we're a great team, we're both old enough to know what we want from a relationship/each other.

 

If anything I'd say the very short gap she had between relationships is a far bigger red flag. Are you wanting to get back with her? Or genuinely concerned for her welfare?

[AKisBaked]

I have an ex I dated for 6 years, nasty breakup (he was cheating and subsequently got together with the other woman), and he still contacted me after our breakup like this. Eventually I told him to leave me alone, that I was moving on an didn't appreciate his attempts to keep in touch. I found out 6 weeks later that he was engaged to the other woman. That was 10 months after our breakup.

 

The moral of the story is: some people cannot stomach the idea of being alone. They will jump from relationship to relationship. They are typically serial monogamists, and they are more likely than most people to get engaged/married very quickly, sometimes in an attempt to keep from losing someone.

 

It's best not to get involved with these types. My opinion? You dodged a bullet, and should probably stop talking to your ex.

 

Generally speaking, I think 18 months is the earliest I would consider getting engaged... but I'm a little conservative about these things.

 

@ nescafe1982 She is one the type of person who cannot stand being alone. She needs to be constantly with someone, she is definitely not independent she always needs someone to support her. I sorta blame her friends in a way because they all are like the same.. Once they break up with one person, right away they jump into another relationship without giving themselves anytime for themselves. It's total huge SLAP in the face for the ex's (which would be me in this case )

 

I agree with you that I dodged a bullet there. And after this mini encounter with her, I do not plan to talk to her anymore. I was happy doing what I was doing when I ignored her before and I plan on continuing just that.

[AKisBaked]

I got engaged 6 months in and we hadn't lived together!

 

We knew how extremely compatible we were and we had talked A LOT about a lot of things. No concerns at all. We never fall out, we're a great team, we're both old enough to know what we want from a relationship/each other.

 

If anything I'd say the very short gap she had between relationships is a far bigger red flag. Are you wanting to get back with her? Or genuinely concerned for her welfare?

 

@ Silly_girl You two must be much older than I am definitely, because I don't think anyone would just jump into marriage without having some sort of plan. And no I don't plan on getting back with her. ESPECIALLY AFTER THIS?! you'd have to give me over with a ton of money for me to get back with this chick.. At this point I can care less about her and what the hell she does. It's not my problem and not my life.

[AKisBaked]

UPDATE: i believe she is pregnant that is why she is quickly getting married. Oh the irony...

[Silly_Girl]

@ Silly_girl You two must be much older than I am definitely, because I don't think anyone would just jump into marriage without having some sort of plan. And no I don't plan on getting back with her. ESPECIALLY AFTER THIS?! you'd have to give me over with a ton of money for me to get back with this chick.. At this point I can care less about her and what the hell she does. It's not my problem and not my life.

 

You seemed quite passionate about (understanding) her situation so I didn't know if you still had feelings for her.

 

And yes, we met when I was 35.

[tbf]

Since you're no longer hurting over the break up and are now in a good place, I will share this. My husband proposed within 6.5 weeks of dating on Valentine's Day 2009. Marriage and two boys later, no regrets and much love and happiness.

 

Prior to meeting H, I would have thought anyone was insane for committing so soon. But sometimes, people are meant to be together, so you go with it instead of fighting love.

[todreaminblue]

i think if you are mature and understand marriage is a commitment for life...not just a cool dress and fruit cake and if it doesnt work out plan the next fruit cake scenario when the divorce is final.....

 

 

 

if you make that commitment to another who professes to love you and you love them back...either one year two years or four weeks......you can have a happy loving and mutually happy partnership...time is not a consideration on how you truly view marriage.....if you view it right.....you have as good a chance of having a sucessful marriage as soemone who waited years to marry..................deb

[PlumPrincess]

Since you're no longer hurting over the break up and are now in a good place, I will share this. My husband proposed within 6.5 weeks of dating on Valentine's Day 2009. Marriage and two boys later, no regrets and much love and happiness.

 

Prior to meeting H, I would have thought anyone was insane for committing so soon. But sometimes, people are meant to be together, so you go with it instead of fighting love.

That's fast, but how romantic.

[Janesays]

I have a good friend who met a man and married him 2 months later. We all thought she was insane.

 

Now, 11 years later and 2 beautiful children and they are one of the happiest couples we know. Which goes to show: No one really knows a relationship but the ones who are participating in it.

[Krytie TV]

Since you're no longer hurting over the break up and are now in a good place, I will share this. My husband proposed within 6.5 weeks of dating on Valentine's Day 2009. Marriage and two boys later, no regrets and much love and happiness.

 

Prior to meeting H, I would have thought anyone was insane for committing so soon. But sometimes, people are meant to be together, so you go with it instead of fighting love.

 

I'm feeling ya on this one. Pretty similar story here, except I was the one proposing. OP, it's not for you to decide what is too soon for someone else, especially when the sole reason for caring is jealousy.

 

Doing it right doesn't always "work". Doing it different doesn't always "work". Too few years and too few guarantees. Why not just do it the way you want to?

[pink_sugar]

My H and I became engaged after a year...we had known each other for nearly 1.5. and were marred a year after that. Usually your first year together you're in the honeymoon phase where everything is new and exciting. However, sometimes it takes years to really figure someone out, especially if you have minimal experience with relationships.

[pink_sugar]

UPDATE: i believe she is pregnant that is why she is quickly getting married. Oh the irony...

 

How old are they? A lot of times if you marry young, people will wonder if the woman is pregnant.

[tbf]

I'm feeling ya on this one. Pretty similar story here, except I was the one proposing.

Didn't realize that the two of you got together so soon. It's strange how so many solid relationships begin so quickly.

 

OP, it's not for you to decide what is too soon for someone else, especially when the sole reason for caring is jealousy.

 

Doing it right doesn't always "work". Doing it different doesn't always "work". Too few years and too few guarantees. Why not just do it the way you want to?

Good observations.

[Harlequin_Dog]

Hey OP!

 

You sort of remind me of one of my ex's. I think you are way too interested in her life, and making dangerous claims. I skimmed over a few of your other posts, and I think you need to go NC. For real this time. You have been following her via friends and social media, and all of this information hasn't helped you at all in your healing process.

 

Stop trying to dissect her new relationship. It will not change the fact that she left you. Stop all communication with her, and stop trying to learn about her life! And for goodness sake, do NOT even imply she's pregnant unless she directly tells you she is.

 

Also, once you have finally healed (and this will take a long time, give it 10-12 months MINIMUM), if you want a friendship with her, reach out. Like I said, you remind me a bit of my ex. We also dated for a long time, and even though I have moved on to a new serious relationship, he still seems to be holding on for me to come crawling back. It hurts me terribly to see him like that, so I keep NC with him, but I do hope someday I can be his friend because he did mean so much to me.

[Harlequin_Dog]

Also, to answer your original question, you really can't judge when it's the right time to commit. Every person and couple is different. Some wait 6 weeks(As TBF's story proves!), months or even years before committing. It's all about what works for the relationship.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would want her happy, so I would hope/pray/send good vibes towards their relationship and hope it is rock solid. What joy is there in watching someone you care about crash and burn? So hope for their sakes that it is the right time for them.

 

After feeling happy thoughts for them, if I were you I'd go have fun being single and start looking for my own match! <3

[AKisBaked]

How old are they? A lot of times if you marry young, people will wonder if the woman is pregnant.

 

She only turned 24.

[AKisBaked]

Hey OP!

 

You sort of remind me of one of my ex's. I think you are way too interested in her life, and making dangerous claims. I skimmed over a few of your other posts, and I think you need to go NC. For real this time. You have been following her via friends and social media, and all of this information hasn't helped you at all in your healing process.

 

Stop trying to dissect her new relationship. It will not change the fact that she left you. Stop all communication with her, and stop trying to learn about her life! And for goodness sake, do NOT even imply she's pregnant unless she directly tells you she is.

 

Also, once you have finally healed (and this will take a long time, give it 10-12 months MINIMUM), if you want a friendship with her, reach out. Like I said, you remind me a bit of my ex. We also dated for a long time, and even though I have moved on to a new serious relationship, he still seems to be holding on for me to come crawling back. It hurts me terribly to see him like that, so I keep NC with him, but I do hope someday I can be his friend because he did mean so much to me.

 

@Harlequin_Dog I'm not trying to analyze or trying to become involved with her life. Again, I've been the one ignoring her most of the time and just recently I talked to her because she kept calling me so many times. And yes I have talked to her and she herself told me that she is pregnant. So that's not me claiming anything or making up assumptions. Those were literally the words that came out of her mouth.

 

What i can say is this... there will always be at least one person in your life that will have a big impact on you, and I suppose it was this girl. To be honest, its huge slap and kick the face. It really is. I'm really disappointed in what has happened within just 8 months. And I do agree with you that im probably still a bit hung up on this girl just because she's changed my life so much, but I know for sure Im not going get back with her ever. And I too, hope that one day maybe we can be friends.

[AKisBaked]

Also, to answer your original question, you really can't judge when it's the right time to commit. Every person and couple is different. Some wait 6 weeks(As TBF's story proves!), months or even years before committing. It's all about what works for the relationship.

 

If I were in your shoes, I would want her happy, so I would hope/pray/send good vibes towards their relationship and hope it is rock solid. What joy is there in watching someone you care about crash and burn? So hope for their sakes that it is the right time for them.

 

After feeling happy thoughts for them, if I were you I'd go have fun being single and start looking for my own match! <3

 

I may have to disagree with you about being happy for them. Personally, in this situation, I don't feel like i need to express or acknowledge their happiness. It's not like I am the one together with her right now anyways. She's with someone else.

 

And I am happier being single atm, I see myself having dodged a huge bullet.

[AKisBaked]

Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much.

 

You very much care about what she does and with whom she's doing it, or you wouldn't have started a thread about her.

 

My first thought was that she was seeing this guy when you two were still together, and that's why they're already so far advanced in their relationship. My other thought, after you said she needs to be with someone and can't be alone, is that you were with her for a few years and didn't progress the relationship to the next level which frustrated her, so she's now projecting that need onto the new guy and getting what she couldn't get with you. Like he's a pinch-hitter or something.

 

It's pretty clear - whether you admit it or not - that you have some regrets about your breakup.

 

You are right about one thing.. she was seeing him while we were still together. Shows that she is not the committed type and like to sneak around. Even if she was frustrated with me, she didn't have to do what she did. She didn't want to break up so instead she would see someone else behind my back. I'd say that's just being a coward and a b*tch move. At the time being with her, there was no way we could have gotten married yet. We weren't financially ready,and things were still up in the air.

 

Im pretty sure everyone's got some sort of regret in their relationship also, no one is perfect not everyone makes the brightest decisions/choices either.. But I can say is that I don't think of it as regret, I think of it as a learning curve for my life you learn from your past to only make your future better.

[MissBee]

Do you think this is a bit overboard or jumping the gun too soon? I am not the one getting married if anyone is asking:laugh:

 

Short story, my ex i dated for 3 years, started going out with someone 2 weeks after we had broke up. Up until this day they are still together, and found out that she is getting married. It's been only 8 months since we broke up. She called me many times before but I had never answered her before because I needed time to heal. I recently just got in touch with her again, and I am now at a stable emotional state unlike how i was before and she brings up alot of things such as " I always thought one day you would have been the one to ask me." "my parents still mention about you up until this day.."

 

Personally, I think she's only having " in the moment" feelings and happy that I have started to communicate with her again... ( NOT FOR LONG!! )

 

But I don't understand, if she's already going to get married why does she still want to bring up these conversations about me ? and how her family would rather choose me than her new bf?

 

But getting back on topic... Do you think getting married to someone who you haven't dated for even a year yet is a bit ridiculous?

Let me hear your feedback plz !!!

 

 

In short, to the bold: yes.

 

I never understood the rush, unless you're someone who vowed not to have sex before marriage and you just can't wait or something like that. But if you believe marriage is forever or you're not interested in marrying more than once, I do think it wise and you increase your chances of not making a mistake by having the relationship mature.

 

Yes there will ALWAYS be people who said it worked for them, but I do not think the majority of people who do this find out it worked well.

 

Marriage is an important decision for me that I don't want to do on a whim. Ideally, I would like to know you and be with you for at least 3 years before pledging forever, so that I've given the newness some time to fade a bit and to really see if I want you for the long haul....as before a year, it can all still be very much clouded by the newness. Even if I "just know" he is the one by date 3, I still won't rush to make it legal, but take my time. But I'm very cautious about marriage all the same, maybe more than many.

Edited August 11, 2013 by MissBee

[Sarabi]

Amen to the above a very well thought out and intelligent response. If only more people thought like this...

I can tell you in my early twenties and maybe even a couple of years ago, when I thought of marriage I would not be thinking of being with that person until my 70s or until I die...more the dress and the party and who to invite

Getting married after a year? Lol...I can guarantee it would have been over within five yrs...

[Sarabi]

Lol...I picked up my book and started reading after posting and the book has a paragraph starting by saying

most people put more time and effort into choosing a car or tv to buy than they do into deciding whom to have a relationship with

Hahahahaha :laugh: same when deciding to marry.

Sorry but its true ...forever is a long time. People really don't think.