fatty Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 Hello, First off I would like to thank everyone and anyone who reads this post. Bear with me as I try to simplify my story and situation. I have been with my girlfriend for about 1 year and 6 months. We have a conflict relationship as in we argue everytime we are out, infron of people/freinds etc... . I have discussed with her many times that we are a TEAM in a relationship and should work together. I have steped back and looked at our arguement and they are all so foolish, when we argue we just start fighting with each other to see who is right. We do this very often almost everytime I see her this happens. She goes to university about an hour away so we maybe see each other once a week or maybe twice a month. I am a very open and fair person. I have given her/told her that if she wants to leave me she can, i give her the option to because it is unfair for a person to stay in a relationship where it makes her feel bad. I want to see her smile and be happy. I beleive the reason we argue so much is because I am jealous/insecure of her. I always feel that she puts other people above me such as her freinds for example, She gets soo exited and enthusiastic when she knows her freinds are coming out or if they are all going out somewhere but she will never have that reaction with me. I told her the other day that I could be in a cardboard box with her and wont care because I am with her. She totally missed the point and said "I will never choose to live in a cardboard box". I was hurt by it. I told her at the beggining of the relationship that I am a very emotional person and my heart is made of glass and breaks easily. But yet she still seems to ignore that fact. I beleive I am intouch with my feelings and am emotional almost like a female. Is there something wrong with a guy being so emotional? I feel that one second she makes me fly and when her tone of voice changes my heart breaks? Is there somethign wrong with that? Another bit of Info, our conversations do not last more than 5 min, the longest conversation we have had is about 15 min, thats soo pathetic. Our calls consist of "Hey, how are you, Love you, Bye" also it bothers me that when she talks to her freinds or my freinds she is soo exited and enthusiastic in her tone but with me she is all like blah. I have told her this because I hide nothing from her, and she told me that she does that because she doesnt want to loose me. What type of reason is that to sound soo happy with her/my freinds and so monotone with me? Also I barely see her and we still only talk for 5 min but she will talk to her roommates, campus freinds for hours and hours and hours. It makes me mad because she see's them everyday as oppose to me who she barely see's about twice a month and only has 5 min talks with on the phone. With all of this and couple of other life factors I have gone into depression, Yes I accept it, also this has been causing my self esteeem to go low, I cry so much everytime i take a shower or looking at my body. And when my girlfreind tells me that she is going to the gym i get even more insecure and hurt some more? Any reply would be greatly appreciated or just read this post for fun Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 Just based on what you've said.. it seems you've made your girlfriend soley responsible for your happiness and that is to much of a burden for anyone. Perhaps she keeps her conversations with you to a minimum because she feels she is walking on eggshells.. she is afraid that she will say the wrong thing and then have to try to make things "right" and explain herself.. you've said that you've given her the "option" to leave the relationship if she wants to however that really isn't YOUR choice or option to offer.. that would be HER option and decision to make if she so wishes. You can only get out of a relationship what you put into it.. My two cents Link to post Share on other sites
Karina Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 From what your saying, seems like she really doesn't know "how" to leave you, so she stays miserable, and acts the way she acts. If around other people she is full of LIFE and around you she seems to be dead, than what exactly do you need to be explained? She doesn't know how to have fun around you, because she doesn't want to have fun around you. she doesn't keep a conversation for longer than 5 minutes, because maybe she doesn't really want to talk to you. YOu say you see her maybe twice a month...HMMMMMMM what is she doing meanwhile that she cant call you and tell you how much she misses you, or should the question be WHO IS SHE DOING!!!!! I hate when people cant REALIZE the most simple things that are more than obvious to see. Find yourself another past time that doesn't include her, as she probably hopes you one day do. I'm more than sure she doesn't want anything to do with you. Maybe she feels to sorry to leave you, so she's just with you to make YOU happy when in reality all she's doing is making it worse. Don't ask her since she'll deny it, just leave her. Than she'll realize how fuCcKed up she was to someone who all he wanted was someone to LOVE. kari I'm here all night Link to post Share on other sites
Author fatty Posted November 4, 2004 Author Share Posted November 4, 2004 You can only get out of a relationship what you put into it.. I have put a lot of work in the relationship thats why I sometimes think its not worth it becasue i expect to get it all back. She tells me sometimes that its my fault that i spoiled her and thats teh reason she doesnt do as much in the relationship. Merin2, I like your reply because she has told me stuff similar to what you have posted, My question is how do i make her feel comfortable and how do i not make my girlfriend soley responsible for my happiness? Thank you for your post Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 Originally posted by fatty I have put a lot of work in the relationship thats why I sometimes think its not worth it becasue i expect to get it all back. She tells me sometimes that its my fault that i spoiled her and thats teh reason she doesnt do as much in the relationship. Merin2, I like your reply because she has told me stuff similar to what you have posted, My question is how do i make her feel comfortable and how do i not make my girlfriend soley responsible for my happiness? Thank you for your post I do understand that you feel you've given 110% to this relationship.. and you know you probably have. This is the thing.. sometimes you can do so much for someone that is coming from your heart and rather than that other person feeling like wow, he/she really cares about me.. they feel overwhelmed and uncertain what to do with it. The hard part is, when you do so much for someone although it may just be what you want to do because you care for them.. if you're being honest you are also doing things for another person with certain expectations that they will return all you've offered or given to them... and when that doesn't happen, it is disappointing and confusing. The thing to understand is what makes you feel loved, or appreciated may not be what makes her feel loved and appreciated.. It seems that she cares for you.. but she may also feel some what "smothered" do you know what I'm saying? She doesn't want to feel that your happiness depends on what she says or doesn't say.. does or doesn't do.. how do you go about making things better for her.. you do so in making things better for yourself. Find out what makes you tick you know? What makes you feel really great about yourself.. what do you enjoy doing on your own or with other friends.. When she wants to do something with her friends and it doesn't include you.. as hard as it is sometimes suck it up.. smile tell her to have a great time and that you will talk to her later.. when you get on the phone with her ask her specific things.. what is she studying.. how is the project (or whatever) going.. get her to talk about HER. Tell her whats GOOD with you.. save some of the gloom for a close friend or LOL for this forum... Be more independent.. have confidence that you are worth being with! Best Wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Author fatty Posted November 5, 2004 Author Share Posted November 5, 2004 Wow Thank you very much Merin2, I guess I am smothering her and have to find out what I like and Love to do, I gotta discover myself. I really appreciate all the help you have given me, its people like you that make this forum the only place I come to when i am online Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted November 5, 2004 Share Posted November 5, 2004 Originally posted by fatty Wow Thank you very much Merin2, I guess I am smothering her and have to find out what I like and Love to do, I gotta discover myself. I really appreciate all the help you have given me, its people like you that make this forum the only place I come to when i am online Thank you. You're Welcome Link to post Share on other sites
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