I Messed up pretty badly

[Azmah]

Just wanted to get advice on what to do, i think i already know the answer anyway =(

 

I started uni last year and like any typical 19 year old getting into a relationship was the last thing on my mind. then one drunken night i met this beautiful, wonderful, intelligent girl, which i instantly knew was the one for me. however in my drunken state i lied about my age and being a virgin upon hearing that she was.

 

So im seeing her and everything is good, i knew in my heart that i really wasnt ready for anything serious but i really really liked her and i didnt want to loose her, i felt pressured to put a label on what we were so i could keep her, i knew alot of guys were attracted to her and speaking about it, wanting to be with her so i...very stupidly...asked her to be my girlfriend, ive suffered from ADHD and anxiety since i was a child so im prone to making impulsive decisions without thoroughly thinking about it which isnt an excuse, only a factor.

 

At first the relationship was ok, however all my friends ridiculed me for being with someone saying that in 1st year i shouldn't be due to the general standard of 1st year, normally im not the cheating type but being the easily impressionable, impulsive and thoughtless person i am, i cheated on her. the irony of it is that she 1st ended with me not coz she found out i cheated...which she didnt, but because i wasnt being serious with the relationship e.g. not seeing her often, going out with my friends too much, not tidying up my room when she came over, but we managed to work this out. then the rumours started.

 

despite getting her back, i still went on to cheat on her. she ended it with me for a 2nd time coz when rumours were flying around that she slept with some guy i got pissed off and in a drunken rage i embarrassed/verbally abused her in the club. after talking to her about the rumour we managed to smooth things out again.

 

then over xmas i get a phonecall from her saying she had kissed a guy at a BBQ when she was drunk and she was sorry, i forgave her coz i knew how easy it was to make mistakes when your drunk, i also respected her honesty (something i lacked) and we worked things out.

 

3 months in after xmas to stop any rumours we decided to keep our relationship a secret, things were looking good, but still i messed around and cheated on her again, this time she looked through my phone and found out about the girl and she ended it with me for the last time, i lied to her and said i only got head when she asked me about it.

 

then as the months went by and i tried to win her back my past came back to screw me over and she was learning about the previous girls i had slept with, instead of being honest i withheld information knowing it would only make her feel worse, thing is in the end i eventually told her everything anyway because of the guilt, some of these things being my real age, me not being a virgin and me actually sleeping with the girl i claimed to only get head from.

 

i was with her for only 5 months and 6 months later ive still got feelings for her. during my whole year until the break up i was disillusioned with reality and my responsibilities as i partied way too hard and messed up my academic year (which i failed) and a girl i really loved. my relationship with my family also deteriorated. i know i dont deserve her, but i also know how compatible we are and that if i actually made an effort like she did and i wasnt so influenced by my friends about this general standard of uni promiscuity we would stay together forever. since the break up i dont get drunk anymore, ive started going to the gym and have cut out all drugs, all in an effort to prove how much of an inspiration she was to me. i realised what i had and lost and im willing to do anything to regain her trust and win her back. recently she said that she enjoys speaking to me but knows that she shouldnt, so she cut me out.

 

i know ive been immature and i should respect her decision, but i cant help but feel like she's forcing it, which makes me want to still speak to her coz i know she likes hearing my voice and our long convos. What should i do? and i there anything i can do to make her fall for me again?

Edited August 10, 2013 by Azmah

[nescafe1982]

It sounds to me like neither of you were serious (or mature) enough to be good partners with one another. What is more concerning is your consistent partying, drinking, drugs, and sleeping around in general. You say you're starting to get back on track... keep doing it. You have a LOT of things you need to straighten out before you can even think about another relationship, whether with this girl or any other.

 

Stop with the drugs immediately. Keep drinking to a minimum until you get your grades up. If you have a hard time drinking less, stop drinking altogether... if you can't drink without getting drunk, you may have an alcohol problem and should seek professional help.

 

Once you get your own life back on track and take responsibility for your life and where it's headed, the rest of the pieces will fall into place. It won't happen overnight (nothing worth doing does), but you will figure out this heartbreak if you start treating yourself a little better and working towards your future.

 

Hope that helps, even if only a little bit. I would stay away from this girl until then. It sounds like she is a source of a lot of drama, and if you're going to get your act together you need to keep drama to a minimum for a while. Good luck.