Violet flower Posted August 11, 2013 Share Posted August 11, 2013 I just feel at a loss for what to do so thought I would seek some help, advice and support. This may be a long story. Many years ago my husband and I met another couple which we clicked with immediately, we started hanging out all the time and became best friends. We were so close that due to personal bad circumstances we all lived together for almost a year. From the start it was clear that my h and his w were very compatible people and me and the other h were very compatible. It quickly became that me and him were best friends, inseparable, which of course a couple of years ago led to an affair. It started as all do. With the promise of no feelings but three years later there are a whole lot of I love you's thrown around. I have never cheated before and neither has he. I really do love my husband, he treats me amazing but we have all but a sexless, passionless marriage. He is an amazing man and would not want to lose him but often feels just like a friend. My mm is self centred, uncaring and pig headed but I love him and their couldn't be more passion, etc. I know that my mm will never leave his wife and I don't want to leave my husband most of the time but I am becoming very conflicted on it all. I thought that things would get easier last year because I moved away, so I thought we would be able to just make a clean break and go back to being friends. However, we just find reasons to see each other when we can or do things long distance. I am torn bc it hurts so bad bc I know I love my mm more than he loves me (which hurts me emotionally and makes me think i should give him up) and I want to be able to give him up but I have tried and can't. I don't think that I would be able to go back to just being friends but break down completely at the thought of him not being in my life. I think that it is especially hard for me to consider bc he is my best friend, I talk to him every day and besides my husband he is the only one really who is there for me. See the other part of what makes this so hard is that I have always been introverted and unable to really go up to people and make friends. People often don't like me which helps contribute to my low self esteem and then not making friends, it's a circle. When u combine that with the fact that I have moved around a lot in the past decade i have no friends. i am in a new place once again where I am starting fresh and don't know anybody and am lonely. I feel like I know I should end the affair but can't bc not only do I love him but he is essentially my only friend and let me tell you, it gets lonely and so depressing not having a support system, so giving him up I feel would crush me completely. I know a lot of people won't get just how lonely and how much i depend on my mm to be not only my affair but my friend but try not having anyone to hang out with, talk to or really have someone be there for you for friends in almost 15 years, then u get someone and know that so many people could get hurt if you don't let them go but that you will be utterly alone again if you do. my husband is great and always a friend to me but he is also a workaholic and never really around much. I know I am a walking contradiction but I am so confused, alone and emotionally exhausted. Link to post Share on other sites
wanting more Posted August 11, 2013 Share Posted August 11, 2013 So sorry you're hurting. It's a very lonely place to be There must be something you enjoy doing, some hobby, some interest that you could meet people. Something you enjoy that you could find a group with others that enjoy the same thing. Gym. Reading. Painting. I've never understood the "I'm having an A with my/husbands friend. I don't mean to sound disrespectful but I don't understand that. Maybe it's because my xBSO had as*holes for friends. But I think of my girlfriends and couldn't imagine sleeping with their boyfriends/husbands. Can you get yourself into counseling? You need to stop the A with him. This is not a good situation for anyone. If you think it's lonely now, imagine MM never speaking to you again, his wife blaming the A on you and your husband being hurt beyond anything you can imagine. Please get into counseling. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted August 11, 2013 Share Posted August 11, 2013 (edited) You say your husband is an amazing man, who is always there for you. You say your MM is self centered, uncaring and pig headed. And yet you value the attention (you see it as love) of an as5hole, more than the love of your amazing husband. This indicates a self worth issue. How was your relationship with your father? Who in your life was selfish and pigheaded? I think you are subconciously trying to work out an issue from your past. I think you should seek counseling. You are valuing the way this person makes you feel and ignoring his character. It may be beneficial to you to explore why you are doing that. Edited August 11, 2013 by Quiet Storm Link to post Share on other sites
Author Violet flower Posted August 11, 2013 Author Share Posted August 11, 2013 I plan on getting counselling when I can but I don't think that it will change the loneliness or make me any friends. I know I have self worth issues and I know that I should end the A bc it is not healthy but knowing and doing are two different things. Link to post Share on other sites
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