I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life.

[beautifulearth83]

I'm 30 years old. I live with my parents. I make $10/hour. I'm not doing what I want to school for. I have an Associates degree. I'm working on a portfolio, so I can get a job in the industry. I'm not working on it a lot. I seem to just be content doing what I do day to day. I don't have kids, or a girlfriend. I don't hang out with any friends. I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life.

 

My parents are getting older. My sister has two kids. My brother is married. I'm a middle child. I like to play music and draw. I don't spend too much money. I think about money and managing it. I take anti-depressants. I've broken the law and I've gotten arrested. I see a therapist. I spend a lot of time on the computer and reading about the mind, spiritual things and other interests.

 

I think about nature a lot. About being somewhere tranquil. I think about living in a rural area and doing artsy things. I love dogs.

 

I find it hard to imagine living in my own place and supporting myself. I find it hard to imagine falling in love and getting married. I find it hard to imagine having the strength to support my own kids. I feel like a child sometimes.

 

It's been said that I have OCD. There is a lot I'm working on in the mental health department. I masturbate a lot. I think a lot. I try to feel things and connect with others. I'm happy at work, because I like the people and the job is fairly simple.

 

I often think about the world and changing it. Sometimes I don't feel like part of the world. I get angry with the people in my life. My Mom for smothering me, friends for not caring, friends for doing the same nonsense.

 

I begin to feel bad about the things that I've done. I feel bad about how I treat others, though I'm not sure what is right and wrong all the time.

 

I try to develop my compassion. I try to open my heart and mind. There are times that I begin to and it feels better, but my ex pops into my mind and things get complicated. I lose myself in others. It's like I'm not even there sometimes.

 

Things don't always feel consistent. I'm on medication. I don't experience too much anxiety. I don't get depressed, that much. I rarely cry. I don't feel like I feel enough.

 

Sometimes I think there is too much me in my life. Sometimes I don't feel like there is a flow. Sometimes I don't like this town and would rather be somewhere else, seeing where the road takes me.

 

Other times I'm content, and tell myself that I've got to take things as they come. And appreciate what I have. Sometimes I think that I could have so much more, and that I'm selling myself short. Sometimes I think that I'm just afraid.

 

I think about all the things I could do, and sometimes feel like I'm making progress, but something will happen or somebody will say something, and I'll feel stuck.

 

I wish I didn't care. I wish I cared more. I'm all over the place, but I'm going nowhere.

 

I have a nice care. All the toys you could imagine.

 

I'm not sure where I am or where I'm supposed to go. It's like I don't know how to get enjoyment out of life anymore.

[TaraMaiden]

Are you complaining, asking for advice.....what?

 

We can all throw the 'good advice' you want, at the screen.

Motivation and getting off your butt, is up to you.

Until you actually quit talking about stuff, and energise yourself to do it, it's all 'wasted breath'.

 

If you want to "Win the lottery, it pays to actually buy a ticket".

 

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

 

You have a multitude of choices, listed in your post.

 

Instead of talking about it, DO something about it.

[beautifulearth83]

Are you complaining, asking for advice.....what?

 

We can all throw the 'good advice' you want, at the screen.

Motivation and getting off your butt, is up to you.

Until you actually quit talking about stuff, and energise yourself to do it, it's all 'wasted breath'.

 

If you want to "Win the lottery, it pays to actually buy a ticket".

 

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

 

You have a multitude of choices, listed in your post.

 

Instead of talking about it, DO something about it.

 

I could eat pizza every day.

[TaraMaiden]

Well then Bon appetit.

 

>*Thread ends*<

[dgiirl]

You might want to talk to your doctor about the medications you are taking. It's possible your current dosage might be numbing your feelings and they might be able to help you with other meds

[SpiralOut]

Yoga and meditation might help. They are not the answer of course but they could help you to feel more in touch with yourself. It sounds like you are stuck inside your head, can't turn thoughts into action. Yoga helped me a lot with that.

[beautifulearth83]

You might want to talk to your doctor about the medications you are taking. It's possible your current dosage might be numbing your feelings and they might be able to help you with other meds

 

Thanks for the input, but the numbness began far before I went on meds, and it has gotten better since. I have many ideas concerning why it occurs, but don't really wanna write about it right now.

[beautifulearth83]

Yoga and meditation might help. They are not the answer of course but they could help you to feel more in touch with yourself. It sounds like you are stuck inside your head, can't turn thoughts into action. Yoga helped me a lot with that.

 

I agree. Getting in touch with myself is big, I think. Lately I've been working on having more compassion for myself. And I certainly get stuck in my head. Sometimes when I'm in situations and that happens, it's like torture, because I don't even feel like I'm there. I end up sitting there and just kinda staring off and I don't say much. It's like I've just kind of melted into a puddle.

[beautifulearth83]

Are you complaining, asking for advice.....what?

 

We can all throw the 'good advice' you want, at the screen.

Motivation and getting off your butt, is up to you.

Until you actually quit talking about stuff, and energise yourself to do it, it's all 'wasted breath'.

 

If you want to "Win the lottery, it pays to actually buy a ticket".

 

Actions Speak Louder Than Words.

 

You have a multitude of choices, listed in your post.

 

Instead of talking about it, DO something about it.

 

When I started this thread, I basically just wanted to put it all out there, and I wasn't really sure what I would hear in return, if anything. I do agree that I need to take more action. And I am grateful for all of your responses.