So hurt by ex-husband moving on fast...

[jamier77]

This is my first post on this site. I’m so confused shocked, sad, and depressed, I’m not sure what to do anymore.

 

 

About six years ago I met this guy who I fell in love with pretty much at first sight. He was my physical type, sort of cocky, friendly, tall and handsome. We met through mutual friends.

 

For many years prior to meeting him, I stayed away from dating. My son, who is 11 years old now was my priority. My son’s father, who I never married, died when he was three (auto accident) so I’ve been the sole provider and managed to make a good career for myself (data analyst) despite all that has happened.

 

When this guy came into the picture, I was ready to find someone again. My life was perfect! After 8 months of dating, he proposed and we were married less than a year later. It was beautiful wedding, 400 people in attendance, I couldn’t have been happier. He had a good job as well, so we were able to afford a beautiful new home in the suburbs.

 

About a year into our relationship, the wheels started coming off. I loved him so much and treated him well, but he started treating me poorly (he never hit me), became less affectionate, never complimenting me. He was still good to my son, but he often complained about how we didn’t have enough money to enjoy to do the things we wanted to do. Having an 11-year old isn’t cheap.

 

 

We went into counseling. Things weren't getting better.

 

At the end of our third year of marriage, after he continued to insult me almost every week and he got into a verbal argument with my father over something trivial, I decided to end the marriage. He took the next step and filed the paperwork with almost zero emotion. I asked for no alimony or support, as we didn’t have any kids. 3 months later, he moved out the house, and my son and I moved to a tiny apartment. We get officially divorced a month later.

 

I struggled with the divorce for a long time, but it became a lot worse when he immediately started dating again. We’ve known each other for 6 years and within two month he already had a girlfriend?! He insists he never cheated on me (and I did check his phone once to see if something was going and I found nothing).

 

I wonder if he ever did love me. I’m still picking up the pieces 7 months later, and he is already thoroughly entrenched in his new girlfriend’s family. He’s facebook friends with her dad, her mom, her brother, they’ve taken vacations together, attended family weddings. It is insane. She has no kids and her family is rich. I feel like he got rewarded for treating me so poorly.

 

All I do is cry. I have this huge lump in my throat – like heartbreak. I can’t do it in front of my son, so I bottle my emotions, and cry my eyes out every day on my way home from work. My son asks about him and I don’t even know what to say.

 

 

Has anyone been through anything like this? To watch the love of your life just move on that fast and completely forget about you? How do you cope?

[Balzac]

I'm sorry for your misery. That being said it sounds as if he expressed his unhappiness. For whatever reason you two were unable to make compromise changes. The idyllic suburban life you established wasn't working for him. Once he'd identified that - no changes occurred - he was mentally moving on. He's had a jump start. It's not that he's moving on so fast.

[orionboxing]

This is awful and painful to read. Your ex-husband sounds like a total a**hole from what you tell us, but do you know why he wanted out and why he acted the way that he did?

 

Are you sure he wasn't cheating on you?

 

Be glad that you are done with him, as much as it hurts.

[TaraMaiden]

Balzac is right....

 

Your ex didn't move on quickly.

Your ex was moving on while still married to you.

 

That's why, even with Counselling, things didn't improve.

he had already checked out.

 

It's possible you could pigeon-hole him into a category:

 

narcissist, sociopath, pathological liar, delusional fantasist....

or you could just face the fact that he's emotionally shallow, egotistical and materialistic and that actually, you should be delighted it's over.

 

OK.

 

Give yourself two more weeks to wallow.

Then set a date on the calendar.

Ring it in bright red, draw pretty flowers around it, and highlight it in Gold.

 

THAT'S the day you claw your life back, and start living for yourself, and realising that you have everything within your grasp, to make you a happier, healthier and altogether more wholesome person.

 

you have you.

 

And you couldn't be more blessed.

 

And your son needs the genuine article, not the woeful pretender.

 

Smile like you really mean it.

One day soon, you will.

[Knoxpwns]

Like in the case of my ex, you find not that they get over it fast, but that they got over it a long time ago.

Perhaps, I prefer to wish they got over fast, because knowing they got over us long ago, to me, was more heartbreaking; it left me guessing when and where she began faking her love. How long was it "real" for her? How many heartwarming moments I shared with her she saw in a grey gloom of denial?

 

They have the audacity to drag us through the mud and we do it with a smile. I get through it by reminding myself not to cry for someone that wouldn't cry for me.

I would rather be with someone who genuienly loves me half as much as someone who will fake all of it.

[portableversion]

This is my first post on this site. I’m so confused shocked, sad, and depressed, I’m not sure what to do anymore.

 

 

About six years ago I met this guy who I fell in love with pretty much at first sight. He was my physical type, sort of cocky, friendly, tall and handsome. We met through mutual friends.

 

For many years prior to meeting him, I stayed away from dating. My son, who is 11 years old now was my priority. My son’s father, who I never married, died when he was three (auto accident) so I’ve been the sole provider and managed to make a good career for myself (data analyst) despite all that has happened.

 

When this guy came into the picture, I was ready to find someone again. My life was perfect! After 8 months of dating, he proposed and we were married less than a year later. It was beautiful wedding, 400 people in attendance, I couldn’t have been happier. He had a good job as well, so we were able to afford a beautiful new home in the suburbs.

 

About a year into our relationship, the wheels started coming off. I loved him so much and treated him well, but he started treating me poorly (he never hit me), became less affectionate, never complimenting me. He was still good to my son, but he often complained about how we didn’t have enough money to enjoy to do the things we wanted to do. Having an 11-year old isn’t cheap.

 

 

We went into counseling. Things weren't getting better.

 

At the end of our third year of marriage, after he continued to insult me almost every week and he got into a verbal argument with my father over something trivial, I decided to end the marriage. He took the next step and filed the paperwork with almost zero emotion. I asked for no alimony or support, as we didn’t have any kids. 3 months later, he moved out the house, and my son and I moved to a tiny apartment. We get officially divorced a month later.

 

I struggled with the divorce for a long time, but it became a lot worse when he immediately started dating again. We’ve known each other for 6 years and within two month he already had a girlfriend?! He insists he never cheated on me (and I did check his phone once to see if something was going and I found nothing).

 

I wonder if he ever did love me. I’m still picking up the pieces 7 months later, and he is already thoroughly entrenched in his new girlfriend’s family. He’s facebook friends with her dad, her mom, her brother, they’ve taken vacations together, attended family weddings. It is insane. She has no kids and her family is rich. I feel like he got rewarded for treating me so poorly.

 

All I do is cry. I have this huge lump in my throat – like heartbreak. I can’t do it in front of my son, so I bottle my emotions, and cry my eyes out every day on my way home from work. My son asks about him and I don’t even know what to say.

 

 

Has anyone been through anything like this? To watch the love of your life just move on that fast and completely forget about you? How do you cope?

 

Yeah I hear ya, IM still picking up the pieces about a year after my divorce. Ive been completely pounded in the ground over this. The real kicker is not being able to see the boys everyday, but she got married on the 5th of july less than a year after our divorce. That's what she did was just check out and did nothing to try to fix things. It was easier to just move on with someone else than try to figure it out. She don't care she never took the vows seriously and does not even really believe in God. I find my self at times still crying over it. IM sure I am scarred.

 

IM real sorry to hear of your troubles, your ex reminds me of mine, constant insults and nose deep in a serious relationship quickly after divorce.

 

Well lucky for me I used alcohol and pot to cope with the fact my needs were not being met and too I was treated like a child, and endured many years of put downs and general disrespect. It finally blew up in a few fights where I was drunk lashed out. After finally finding a place to live before we got divorce I went to aa. The spirituality and the support there has been monumental. It also adds much meaning to the messages I get at church. So me ive dove in head 1st I goto church every sunday and try to go during the week, and I goto several aa meetings during the week.

 

Funny enough my boss sponsors people he stopped going to aa meetings though but still has his sponsees he has listened to my story and he told me im not an alcoholic, he said it was just more of her insults and put downs on me and she got my head all messed up. He does not think I need to go anymore but I say I got no choice, its the only place I can afford to go to make friends with people I can trust.

 

My world had been turned completely upside down, yeah I cried so much and still find my self getting teary eyed at times, especially after I come home from dropping off the boys and I come here and see their toys lying about. Divorce is hell there is no way around it, well unless you are like the x who does not care about the other person at all and is already nose deep in a relationship..........**** them they destroyed us.

 

rebuilding is not going to be easy for me it may not be possible, I was stay at home dad for about 4 years and we moved many times, my resume is complete garbage and my ba in philosophy is not so good for jobs either. IM probably not ever going to meet anyone again, I feel ill be single a long time which is hell cause my libido is pretty high. Sounds like at least you have a nice job..... write a gratitude list and try to add to it everyday it has helped me

 

AA and church is saving my ass, ive learned a lot that shes not worth crying over, but yet sometimes I still do.

 

Good thing you don't have kids with that creep, you wont have to deal with him and get mixed up in his life. Ill have to deal with my ex for another 14 yrs or so. So yeah ill be asked to watch the kids so her and her hubby can go out on romantic evenings. Shes such a bitch about that too, ive tried to get more time with the boys but I can only have the time when it suits her schedule.Maybe ill get lucky and a semi will plow into me on the road someday. Man that butthead will see my boys more than me....its just not right not right at all. I better say some prayers im getting into a dark place now. Perhaps I need to stop coming here and reading this stuff.

 

IM sorry you had to go through this, people are sick and twisted and inflict much misery, yeah be grateful you don't have kids with him, youre gonna avoid having much dung flung in your face.

[NomiMalone]

TaraMaiden couldn't have articulated it better! Just wanted to add that when someone walks away like that, at some point you'll have to realise that "why" no longer matters. All that matters is that he did what he did. You'll just have to accept that often times there's no logic. I know it's much, much easier said than done, but in order to move on, you'll have to come to terms with finding closure without answers.

 

Also delete him from Facebook immediately and block him. Seeing what he's up to will do you no good and hold back your healing process. Unfollow any mutual friends you have.

 

I know how difficult it all is. Treat yourself well and do things you enjoy. Sending you hugs and good thoughts

[Sugarkane]

I'd thank my lucky stars. He started treating you like crap anyway. I've also had the dumper pull this BS on me too.

[orionboxing]

I imagine there will be things about his new relationship that he won't like in time. No relationship is perfect and it seems like he bailed when things weren't PERFECT in his eyes. Newsflash! relationships are complicated and it sounds like he's a quitter.

 

He made a pretty quick rebound...I just don't see it ending well.

 

Although it might have been tough for him to see himself in a father role, it's not like you guys weren't in any sort of financial struggle. Data Analysts can make pretty good money and you guys had a great home by the sounds of it.

 

You are going to get through this.