To stay or not to stay

[lonelyinlove]

Wow I just want to say how wonderful this board looks..I've been looking for something like this where people will respond with great advice. Ok heres my problem;

 

I have been with this man for 8 years and we have a daughter and have been engaged for 2 years without any plans for a wedding as of yet. I know that I love him, but I am not sure if its the romantic love or just a "ive been with you for so long" kind of love. Things have been at a stand still for about 4 years. Our daughter is going to be 3.

 

I have tried leaving him 2 times in the past year because I feel that love should be romantic/passionate etc. and we dont have that. He is a wonderful father and man, and loves me very much, and fought tooth and nail for me to stay with him. And I always felt bad so I stayed, I didnt want to see him hurt..plus I am scared for my daughter..she loves him tremedously and I hate to take her away from him(although I would let her see him whenver he wanted) but its not the same as waking up with her every morning.

 

I am so confused, am I staying in this relationship for the wrong reasons? I aslo find myself very attracted to someone now I feel like I am going to burst. I honestly do not know what to do...I feel guilty for having those feelings for someone else, but I also know that I have never felt those feelings towards my fiance since the very beginning. So do I stay in this relationship..we've tried counseling etc. but with no avail. So pls help me if you can I would really appreciate it so much! Thanks for the long read

[Quandary]

Only you know the answer to this question.

 

My parents stayed together for me and I hated every minute of it. I would have much preferred them to divorce and find happiness in other people. But that is me, I have friends who hate the fact that their partens got divorced and think they should have stayed together for the kids sake.

 

I was an only child for 17 years (my parents divorced when I was 15) It all turned out great in the end. My dad is happily remarried and has been for 10 years and has 2 kids (8 & 3) my mom was engaged and had a beautiful daughter (8) but never did end up marrying the father.

 

The only thing I can recommend to you is that you don't leave because of someone else. If you are not happy and you don't think that you have found what oyu are looking for then that is reason to leave.

 

Sometimes things don't always turn out the way the do in our heads. But whatever you decide please for the love of your child don't ever ever make her feel bad if she wants to go see daddy. (I went through and am still going through that and I can honestly say that it's the worse feeling in the world) If you and your fiance start having major problems and he has given you every reason in the world to hate him (not that he would) realize that thoses are your feelings not your childs and just because she wants to see her daddy or even live with her daddy does not mean that she took his side or loves you any less. Please bear that in mind as that is the miserable part of live for a child.

 

Anyway, it's your happiness and you have to follow your heart, but be true to your fiance don't jump in the sack with someone else until it has been ended. (The other route you can take is to be honest with him tell him that you love him very much as a daddy and a man, but he is not what you are looking for in love. If he won't respond well to that then don't do it).

 

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope that your daughter will be understanding of your decisions whatever they may be.