Father getting physical abusive

[dizy]

It's very hard for me to share this because my father is a good person. He has a good heart and is rational enough. However, he treats my mother like garbage.

 

Long story short: when they got married, mother's family was against it. My father doesn't come from a stable (financially, emotionally) family. My uncle (my mother's brother) and my father have invested in a business a couple of years ago. They have very different personalities and different visions for the company so my uncle wants to pull out.

 

My mother as you can imagine is stuck in the middle. She does everything she can to help, but my father won't listen to her. He gets very angry because of this and past issues (my mother doesn't get along with his family very well; my uncle was against my parents' marriage at the beginning).

 

I understand that he feels a lot of pressure because my mother can be very unsupportive emotionally sometimes. She used to constantly disagree with him and disregard his contribution to the family. He also works very hard for long hours. However, his behavior, especially recently, is simply unacceptable. He insults my grandfather (my mother's father was against their marriage), saying that he didn't raise his kids properly, which as you can imagine is extremely hard for my uncle and my mother. Last friday, he even tried to hit my mother.

 

I think that my mother is an adult and she made a decision to marry this man and to not treat his family as well as he expected her to. But my mother is still very committed to my father and to our family. She works, cooks, takes care of me and my sister while my father was pursuing his business ideas with all his energy.

 

Before everyone jumps to their guns and say that it's abuse and she should leave him. I just want people to understand that we are not dealing with a monster. He is my father and a very hard working man with a good heart. He was raised in an abusive family where his father abused his mother. Most of the time, he has no idea how to show others his feelings.

 

My mother also has no intention of leaving him.

 

This is extremely hard for me and my sister. I have in my early 20s and they have been arguing all my life. I don't think I can ever believe in marriage. I know I can't change people and I can't solve all their differences.

 

Is there anything that I can do (change my perspective etc) to get myself out of this situation? After talking with my parents today, I stared at the kitchen knives for quite awhile. I don't think I would do anything to hurt myself, but I just can't help but wonder what's left for me.

 

I can't let my father do this to my mother but there's nothing that I can do about it.

[unluckycat]

That's a tough situation. And I can certainly sympathize. I'm nearly 30 and my parents have been abusive to eachother in the past, and fight nearly every day.

 

As much as I loved them, I couldn't take it anymore, and I moved. I suggest you do too.

 

I'm sorry I don't have better advice on the parents' side of things. But living in that environment is stressful, depressing, and hurtful. Maybe your parents aren't like mine, and you can actually talk to them and tell them how much it's actually affecting you?

[Eddie Edirol]

Your biggest influence to your parents are for you to move out. Once change starts happening, one of your parents will think about wanting more change. Your Mom might catch a case of empty nest syndrome and want to start going out more, away from your father. But you have to know that you cant do anything to help your parents unless they ASK for your help.

[CC12]

I can't let my father do this to my mother but there's nothing that I can do about it.

 

You're right that there's little you can do about it. You can be supportive to your mother, and encourage her to get the help that she needs/wants. Same with your father. But you have to remember that you can't fix them, and that your help and support can only go so far. If their personal or relationship problems start taking too much of a toll on you, feel free to bow out and let them deal with it themselves. Just remove yourself from their issue and be done with it.

 

 

After talking with my parents today, I stared at the kitchen knives for quite awhile. I don't think I would do anything to hurt myself, but I just can't help but wonder what's left for me.

 

Actually, disregard everything I wrote above. Forget about your parents' problems and address yourself first. Go here: Suicide Prevention -- Lifeline Or call here: 1-800-273-8255