Is looking for a GF the wrong strategy to get one?

[Atem]

Hey there,

 

Opened a similar thread a while ago to ask what you guys thought about OLD as a way to find a GF.

 

This thread is more general - do you guys think that trying to get a GF is like shooting oneself into the foot (i.e. trying too hard only results in failure and wasted time/resources)?

 

I already told u guys about my busy schedule, so meeting girls offline is not very easy for me. OLD works just fine - in fact, had a date that came through OKC this weekend. Went very well and we set up a second date already. Also, another girl from OKC pinged me and we're texting (already agreed on a date when she gets back from vaca). Finally, yet another girl messaged me on POF and we just stated exchanging messages - not sure if this'll turn into a date yet since it is in very early stages, but we'll see.

 

Now, here's how my experience has been in the past: I've a pretty easy time getting dates / girls interested in me. Mainly because of fairly good looks and wit (thanks for the genes mom & dad) But seriously now - getting dates is NOT the problem at all. Getting dates with girls I'm into is also not a problem.

 

However, converting the girls into GFs IS a problem. Usually I have a few very good dates with girls until they basically beg me for sex. Everything goes well and then.... it somehow fizzles out - either on my end or on theirs.

 

Recently had a ~4 month thing with a tall blonde. Got really bored at the end to the point where I didnt even feel like ****ing her - not because she wasnt pretty but because I didnt feel it anymore.

 

In late 2012, I had a 3 month thing with yet another girl. She was totally into me but once we approached the commitment stage, I found out that she had been heartbroken by her ex the day before we first went out and that he had suddenly pinged her again. Needless to say, I ****ed off.

 

And then I have these short-term flings all the time - go out with cutie, she's totally into me, we have fun, ****, etc. and then it fizzles out - usually what happens is that I cant hang often due to my schedule. That gets them pissed bc I dont have time for them and they start accusing me of hanging with other girls and/or they start playing the "busy game" - i.e. pretending to be busy on the dates on which I suggest meetings.

 

Dont know whether:

- my experiences are just a DC thing

- Im ****ing up somehow

- Im just unlucky and havent found the right girl yet

- Im just impatient at this point

 

Again - Im doing fine but Id really like to find a woman that stimulates me mentally and physically. Also - yeah I like sex but sex shouldnt be the #1 driver in the relationship that Im looking for. Id like to find a partner - not just someone to hang, ****, have fun with.

 

Am I just trying to hard? Should I completely stop looking around/put done my OLD profiles and concentrate on work and other activities?

 

Or is it normal for this stuff to be this hard and Im just an impatient whiner?

[Philosoraptor]

You should be looking for the right qualities in people, but not go into it specifically for a relationship. Just get to know people and let things develop naturally as that will provide the best chance for a strong commitment.

 

Patience will lead to the best odds of finding something lasting. As with anything else, you find it when you stop looking so hard.

[Miller103]

Opened a similar thread a while ago to ask what you guys thought about OLD as a way to find a GF.

[atomicdog]

Or is it normal for this stuff to be this hard and Im just an impatient whiner?

 

You're not a whiner, but it is normal for this to be hard, and especially on dating sites.

 

Actually I've only ever gotten one date from any dating site, whereas I've gotten laid a few times from meeting women in other situations, so I think it might just have something to do with the online crowd.

 

Since you seem to be a pretty attractive guy, maybe you should try meeting women in offline situations, where there's less competition and more variety.

 

BTW at least be happy that you're getting laid so much with so many attractive women. A lot of men would love to be in that situation (myself included).

 

At the very least, if you die without ever having had a good long-term relationship, you'll have had lots of enjoyable sex.

 

(Yes, shallow to some people, but to me, sex can be very deep and meaningful, even a one-night thing. I think a one night stand with genuine passion and enjoyment from both parties beats the crap out of a 5 year relationship based on settling out of fear of being single.)

Edited August 18, 2013 by atomicdog