What to do now

[djalx]

Lets see, my girlfriend of three years just broke up with me. The reason she said was it was her not me. We had some problems with communication but both of us were willing to work it out. Then she decides that she needs to find herself first. She didn't have such a good childhood growing up. Her parents divorced when she was 13 and her mom didn't fufill her needs as a child. A very bad mother. Her dad was good to her and she has a good relationship with him and her stepmom.

 

Anywho, she has some issues to resovle first. As for me, I am sad and don't know what to do. She still values our friendship and wants to continue that. I'm not sure how to procede. I love her very much and feel that I have found my life partner with her. How to I reconnect with her without taking away from herself?

 

Thanks to anyone out there who has read this and made some comment.

[leah]

sorry to hear about your breakup. it's never the right time for a breakup.

 

but, instead of making excuses for her (bad childhood), look at the present situation. she wants something different for herself in life, that's why she said she needs to find herself.

 

if you are still in love, it would be best to sever all ties until you can stand back from your emotions and be her friend. that is, if you can do it. i have found it very difficult to remain friends with men that i have had deep attachments to. to not sever the ties, will mean an agonizing death for your heart.

 

instead of trying to change her mind, accept the fact that she is moving in a different direction now. be thankful she was honest. and now...it is time for you to begin your new life.

 

i know this is not what you probably wanted to hear, but it is advice that wise people in the past have given me. and...they were right.

[MIMI]

I went through a breakup recently, and I was given the same advice.

 

Even if you are to remain friends, it can't be now. It can only be when you have a good bit of distance between you so you can both cool down and heal, and find yourselves again.

 

I doubt that friendship is doable, even though I have done it with somewhat more "casual" romances. If this lady is someone you truly "loved", you will probably have a tough time being her friend, without it searing your heart everytime you see her. Are you OK with being her friend and confidant and hearing about her new love interests and hear about her dating? Probably not.

 

The best thing you can do were advice given to me on this board.

 

Be kind to yourself.

 

Surround yourself with good friends and make contact with ones you hadn't heard about in a while.

 

Do things that you enjoy, and maybe things you enjoy that she never enjoyed doing with you.

 

Stay busy busy busy.

 

In time your heart will start to heal. It took me a few weeks, but the intense anguish and heartbreak slowly subsided.

 

I told my ex that the door would remain open, if I was still avaialable. I still love him, and he is also confused.