Interesting Weekend

[JustJoe]

Once quality is part of your marriage, duration will come naturally. Marriage isn't an endurance race.

I think you are giving endurance a negative slant. My Grand parents were married for 71 years, I think that is a remarkable achievement.

[tbf]

I think you are giving endurance a negative slant. My Grand parents were married for 71 years, I think that is a remarkable achievement.

If they had a quality marriage, this would be the natural result of it and 71 years of happiness is a remarkable achievement.

 

But there are enough people who grit their teeth through unhappy marriages until they become so anesthetized to drudgery, they just go through the motions of living. That to me is a fate worse than death since you're wasting your precious life away.

[Emilia]

Instead of becoming scared and spiteful I am reminded even more that I need to continue to take my marriage seriously and not take anything for granted. Some may say that I am against the odds but I am content on proving the naysayers wrong and have a life lasting happy marriage.

Just because it doesn't work out for some it doesn't mean life partnerships cannot work in general. Let's face it a huge % of people have no idea how to pick a partner and build a connection, let alone maintain it. That doesn't mean no-one else can.

 

I've heard as well recently that divorce rates are falling except for the older generation of 60+ who are finally catching up. I've also read somewhere that higher divorce rates have also meant dropping rates of domestic violence and murdered spouses. The healthier aspect of not being forced into maintaining facade and unhappiness.

[karnak]

Just because it doesn't work out for some it doesn't mean life partnerships cannot work in general. Let's face it a huge % of people have no idea how to pick a partner and build a connection, let alone maintain it. That doesn't mean no-one else can.

 

I've heard as well recently that divorce rates are falling except for the older generation of 60+ who are finally catching up. I've also read somewhere that higher divorce rates have also meant dropping rates of domestic violence and murdered spouses. The healthier aspect of not being forced into maintaining facade and unhappiness.

 

 

The reason why divorce rates are dropping is because the number of official marriages are dropping as well. Many, many people nowadays prefer to just live together and not turn the relationship "official". That means that when these couples split they're not part of the official divorce statistics.

 

Some researchers claim that if these unions were to be considered as "marriages" the divorce rate would now be off the roof.

 

But what you wrote is very true. The fact that people can now divorce as they please is now an impediment to couples being forced to stay together, whith all that it implies in termos of mutual resentment and domestic violence.

[Emilia]

The reason why divorce rates are dropping is because the number of official marriages are dropping as well. Many, many people nowadays prefer to just live together and not turn the relationship "official". That means that when these couples split they're not part of the official divorce statistics.

 

Some researchers claim that if these unions were to be considered as "marriages" the divorce rate would now be off the roof.

 

But what you wrote is very true. The fact that people can now divorce as they please is now an impediment to couples being forced to stay together, whith all that it implies in termos of mutual resentment and domestic violence.

I think the difference is that it's % rates are dropping, rather than the actual numbers, ie I'm talking about measuring % of marriages that fail relative to the actual number of marriages. If both numbers and the % are falling it's perhaps an indication that people take the concept of marriage more seriously.

 

Yes it makes sense that as people have more options to get out, they do. It has to be a good thing overall.

[tbf]

The reason why divorce rates are dropping is because the number of official marriages are dropping as well.

People are waiting longer to get married and within the college educated crowd over thirty, divorce statistics have dropped.

 

Many, many people nowadays prefer to just live together and not turn the relationship "official". That means that when these couples split they're not part of the official divorce statistics.

 

Some researchers claim that if these unions were to be considered as "marriages" the divorce rate would now be off the roof.

Pretty soon, people want to factor in dating as part of the marriage statistic.

 

Cohabitation without marriage has always existed but has grown in numbers where younger people don't get married earlier and instead, live together and if unhappy, split. One major factor of why people live together is to save money since jobs aren't as plentiful, well paying and lack any job security.

 

IMO, it's best that younger people split when their relationship isn't working. This way, they gain precious experience about what works with them and what doesn't. Life's not a Disney fantasy.

 

But what you wrote is very true. The fact that people can now divorce as they please is now an impediment to couples being forced to stay together, whith all that it implies in termos of mutual resentment and domestic violence.

It's interesting how you've used the word "impediment", as if it's a terrible thing that marriages break up including issues surrounding resentment and domestic violence. Is the preservation of the institution so much more important than the reasonable happiness or contentment of the individuals?

 

Times are changing. Is it so tragic that the institution is adapting to the change? Even the new RC Pope is adapting by putting out a tentative hand to gays.

[sweetjasmine]

Can you provide a source?

 

Maybe it is from my time spent on LS but I hear about divorces more frequently than I would like to.

 

Divorce rates falling, report finds - CNN.com

NVSS - National Marriage and Divorce Rate Trends

by state: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/dvs/divorce_rates_90_95_99-11.pdf

 

If you go back farther, you'll see higher rates.

 

Regardless of what the actual numbers are, some people on this board like to misuse these statistics and pretend that they tell you what your chances of making it are. Completely wrong-headed.

[HokeyReligions]

I'm not sure if this thread should have even been created for my topic but lets proceed.

 

So over this weekend I discovered that one of my closest friends marriage is ending. I won't go into details of the reasons why but they were together for about 5 years and then married not even a year ago.

 

I also discovered that a co-worker of Mrs. Pyro ended her engagement for reasons that I will not discuss either.

 

You can't deny that the number of marriages that fail are much higher than they were 20 years ago and the news that I discovered over the weekend really hit close to home being that we know these people.

 

I could easily go into panic mode and start shunning the institute of marriage but I am married so that would be highly hypocritical of me.

 

Instead of becoming scared and spiteful I am reminded even more that I need to continue to take my marriage seriously and not take anything for granted. Some may say that I am against the odds but I am content on proving the naysayers wrong and have a life lasting happy marriage.

 

Actually the number of marriages that fail now compared to 25 years ago is very close.

 

When I got married the naysayers proclaimed d oom and gloom too.

 

Ouf marriGe isstronger than ever too. I'm sorry to hear about your frie ds.

[Pyro]

Just because it doesn't work out for some it doesn't mean life partnerships cannot work in general. Let's face it a huge % of people have no idea how to pick a partner and build a connection, let alone maintain it. That doesn't mean no-one else can.

 

I've heard as well recently that divorce rates are falling except for the older generation of 60+ who are finally catching up. I've also read somewhere that higher divorce rates have also meant dropping rates of domestic violence and murdered spouses. The healthier aspect of not being forced into maintaining facade and unhappiness.

 

Interesting way to look at things. Good stuff.

 

No sarcastic dude here

 

Divorce rates falling, report finds - CNN.com

NVSS - National Marriage and Divorce Rate Trends

by state: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/dvs/divorce_rates_90_95_99-11.pdf

 

If you go back farther, you'll see higher rates.

 

Regardless of what the actual numbers are, some people on this board like to misuse these statistics and pretend that they tell you what your chances of making it are. Completely wrong-headed.

 

Thank you for the links.

[Pyro]

Basically, marriage has long ceased to be a cornerstone of society as it used to be. It does still offer many legal benefits but it is no longer imperative that people marry. And if it remains easy to get out of a marriage, divorce rates will remain relatively high.

 

If I get married I want it to be a one-time thing. My long-term ex had asked me if I'd marry him for a green card and I flat-out refused. I knew then that we would never work, since we had vastly differing views on marriage. Some people think I'm cynical about marriage because I say that I'll probably never get married.

 

It's not that I don't want to get married; it's that I take marriage very seriously. It's not that I don't think I deserve the right person, or that he's not out there--I know he is. Hell, there are multiple 'right people' I could be happy with for life, I'm sure. I just don't know if I will ever be ready, that's all.

 

FTR you would be considered cynical only if you felt the need to shun those here who have chosen to be married.

 

You are just careful which is perfectly fine.

[blueoak]

I was really depressed when I heard my close friend's divorce. She was my classmate and I loved her in school.

 

What I notice is we are living in a world when things broke, we throw away instead of fixing it. More people are likely to just get divorce instead of facing the issue and solve it.