Want to change

[iGeek]

My selfishness is ripping my marriage to shreds... from year one, i've been all bout me and what i want to do and have totally neglected things my wife wants/needs.

 

We are getting to the point where we are distancing ourselves and interacting less. I want to reverse this and begin making things better before it gets too late.

 

My main issue is my mindset, i simply dont think about the things she thinks about, i have no forethought, and i struggle when taking her feelings into consideration. I dont want to be selfish, and i feel like i cant change by myself.

 

So how do you all better yourselves?

[iGeek]

also, i'm very irresponsible. i'm almost undependable.

 

i think i have poor time management skills. i find myself doing what i want to do at all times. whether thats reading, writing, playing games, etc, but i'm rarely doing things that i'm supposed to be doing.

[Roadkill007]

I think you need to slow down on "doing". If you're keeping yourself too busy (even if its busy with things you enjoy), you sometimes have a harder time noticing things around you. You mentioned gaming, so let me make an analogy. You know those games where map awareness is CRUCIAL? Life is kind of like that. If you tunnel vision for short term goals like getting a kill, you can easily lose track of the bigger picture and ruin yourself in the process. Thus the key is to force yourself to slow down, to stop "doing" so much, and think for a second about what's going on around you. Smell the flowers so to say.

 

the second step is to force some discipline in your life. Maybe set some alarms on your cell phone at certain times to force yourself to do certain daily chores at designated times. You need to start small since you seem to have such little self-control. You need to feel super guilty when you notice that you're procrastinating these little tasks.

 

Once you get to a point where you can "train" yourself to do regular tasks around the house, you can start working on bigger things.

 

Also, if you're serious about changing, you should really have a long chat with your wife about this whole thing : let her know you feel bad for neglecting her, that you want to be a better person, and maybe even work out with her how she might help you regain control over your life.

 

Gl

[iGeek]

I think you need to slow down on "doing". If you're keeping yourself too busy (even if its busy with things you enjoy), you sometimes have a harder time noticing things around you. You mentioned gaming, so let me make an analogy. You know those games where map awareness is CRUCIAL? Life is kind of like that. If you tunnel vision for short term goals like getting a kill, you can easily lose track of the bigger picture and ruin yourself in the process. Thus the key is to force yourself to slow down, to stop "doing" so much, and think for a second about what's going on around you. Smell the flowers so to say.

 

the second step is to force some discipline in your life. Maybe set some alarms on your cell phone at certain times to force yourself to do certain daily chores at designated times. You need to start small since you seem to have such little self-control. You need to feel super guilty when you notice that you're procrastinating these little tasks.

 

Once you get to a point where you can "train" yourself to do regular tasks around the house, you can start working on bigger things.

 

Also, if you're serious about changing, you should really have a long chat with your wife about this whole thing : let her know you feel bad for neglecting her, that you want to be a better person, and maybe even work out with her how she might help you regain control over your life.

 

Gl

 

thats about where i'm at in my life. it hit me this weekend.

 

i set a reminder in my phone to complete a simple task over the weekend. when my phone alerted me, i dismissed it because i was procrastinating. then i thought about it later, then dismissed it again. now, i feel terrible. it seems that i do that with everything and i have no self control or discipline about me.

 

i plan on talking to her this evening.