Is he a flirt or really interested???

[karnipa]

Hi,

 

So I have just turned 19 years old, and two months ago I ended a very long, serious, and abusive relationship which I had been stuck in. Just to summarize it: the guy used to hit me and cheat on me over the duration we were together. Since then, I've been working hard to find myself, and be myself again. And things have been looking up, I go to the gym nearly every single day, I've found myself a job, I've reconnected with friendships I was isolated from...and I also realize that I am incredibly young and should be enjoying as well as living my life to the fullest, even though I like to think I am really 'mature', as most 19 year old girls do.

 

Anyway, the reason I'm coming here today is because I am incredibly confused. Two and a half weeks ago I started a new job, it's not a job I'm serious about but it is purely to pass the time. From the very first moment I walked into my new job, I caught eyes with a handsome guy. He stared at me throughout the duration of my training when I was there, and I was very attracted to him as well.

 

Once I started work, I received a lot of male attention. I'm not going to beat around the bush, I am a very attractive girl and I know this. I don't let it get to my head, but because I just got out of a very serious relationship, of course I'm not going to be frigid and flirt with those who flirt with me, because I am potentially interested.

 

Back to the story, this guy-let's call him 'T'-had been as I'd like to refer to it 'eye-****ing' me the entire first week I was there. By my third day on the job, he followed me to a coffee shop where I was, and I flirted with him in saying that he was following me and I pretended to forget his name. He proceeded to tell me I was stirring up all the male attention, but I just laughed it off. The next day when I came to work I asked one of my co-workers about him. She then told me that he wasn't even single, he was dating a girl who ALSO worked at the same place. Warning signs and alarm bells went off in my head. Before I found out he was in a relationship, I would have never guessed he was based on the way he spoke and acted towards me. I also watched the way he acted towards the other girls, and I'm assuming because they knew he was in a relationship, he didn't flirt with them or look at them the same way he did to me. Anyway, I dated a guy like this before so I know his game entirely, my ex-boyfriend treated me like this with other women all the time, so there's no way in hell I want to be the other women.

 

Problem is that he is incredibly attractive, my type, a few years older, and I feel the chemistry that we have. Anyway, I toned my flirting down with him completely-but he still flirts with me. He says things like: "do I make you nervous?" or "god, why are we working the same shift, means I'm going to have to look at you all day" and other mean-sarcastic jokes or flirtatious remarks. Usually I can pull out some sort of witty response, but I just can't with him. 1. Because he does make me nervous and 2. Because I know he's not single!

 

But he doesn't know that I know, so he continues to play this game. The other day, he came up to me and said: This is a war, you're going to lose. We can't do this.

 

I didn't understand what he meant and I literally just gaped at him. I though he meant I was going to lose to his girlfriend, as in, I wasn't going to get him. But this isn't a problem for me, because it's not as if I will lose anything since I'm not interested! My friend though he meant I was going to lose as in he was going to get me. I ignored him for an hour or so, but then he came by and lightly smacked my butt...I literally turned around and gasped...no one has ever openly done something like that to me, and when I should have retorted with-what the hell...I was left speechless. The remainder of the day he continued this flirtacious game, before asking me to: Stop, you know what you're doing. When I replied with: I have no idea what you're talking about. He said: you know exactly what you're doing.

 

And then he sauntered off! I am so confused. Yes, I am attracted to him. And yes, I do have a flirty persona. But once I found out he had a girlfriend, I literally closed off towards him completely, and now this is one sided. To make matters worse, I was at the same coffee shop the next day and I saw two completely unfamilliar girls, who don't work where I do, they were staring me down and then I heard one of them mention HIS name very loudly. I was so incredibly just...confused.

 

So I know I'm naive and young but can someone please explain to me what game this guy is playing at? Is he a flirt? Is he interested? And more importantly...how can I let him know I'm not interested without looking like an idiot if his response is: I was only joking around.

 

Someone, anyone, help me before I do become the other women. Wether it's true or not.

[nescafe1982]

Don't get involved with a man who has a girlfriend. Period. Even if you do get him (as you know) he will treat you the same way he's treating her right now... as a side-piece.

 

He sounds like a jerk to me. I would keep my distance. And if he says any of those aggressive types of things to you (you call them flirty but they sound more aggressive to me than anything else) I would recommend telling him you're not interested.

 

No need to elaborate. "I'm not interested. I'm going to go back to work now." And then you exit the conversation.

 

This guy is probably dogging a few other women, too. Don't become one of them.

 

Edited to add: as for the rumors, they should stop once you are keeping a wide distance from him. I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with rumors, though... That sucks.

[PegNosePete]

No need to elaborate. "I'm not interested. I'm going to go back to work now." And then you exit the conversation.

This.

Don't flirt with him at all. Tell him you are not interested. Keep it work-like and professional.

Tell ihim that slapping your butt is not acceptable in a work environment and he should never do it again.

If he carries on then there are procedures, but since you have been encouraging it so far, it makes sense to see if he'll back off voluntarily first.

[Zahara]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/415974-am-i-becoming-other-woman

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/415975-what-he-playing

 

You've posted on two other forums - The OW/OM and Dating and now on the Cheating forum.

 

How much more advice do you need? Expecting to hear something else in a different forum? You won't.

 

Just give in to his advances if you want to pursue this man. I have feeling you will soon enough.

[nescafe1982]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/415974-am-i-becoming-other-woman

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/415975-what-he-playing

 

You've posted on two other forums - The OW/OM and Dating and now on the Cheating forum.

 

How much more advice do you need? Expecting to hear something else in a different forum? You won't.

 

Just give in to his advances if you want to pursue this man. I have feeling you will soon enough.

 

Upon reading all the duplicate threads, I can say +1 to pretty much all the advice you received there too. I have to admit, your original post was a bit TL and I DR the whole thing... I missed the part where this man sexually assaulted you. Yes. Sexually Assaulted You. That's what an unsolicited ass-smack at work is. Assault.

 

Do not engage this person. He's dangerous and likely just as abusive as the last guy you dated. If he speaks to you again, tell him you will go to your boss unless he stays away. And if he doesn't desist, tell your supervisor.

[BeholdtheMan]

I missed the part where this man sexually assaulted you. Yes. Sexually Assaulted You. That's what an unsolicited ass-smack at work is. Assault.

 

This reminds me of that SNL skit with Tom Brady.

 

How does a man avoid sexual harassment at work law suits?

 

1. Be handsome

2. Be attractive

3. Don't be unattractive