Confusion_Reigns Posted August 12, 2013 Share Posted August 12, 2013 I’ve been posting about the bad things in my marriage and husband but not everything is bad. There are many, many good things in my life. It’s time for me to reflect on these things… The first thing that is very important and, I think, speaks to our presences as a couple is that we’ve raised some very good kids. Even tho me and their dad have argued and they’ve seen/heard more than they should have they are really good…no GREAT…kids. Our daughter is 19 and is studying to be a teacher and has a long term goal of being an Art Therapist. Our son is 16 and will be a Junior in HS this year. He’s way into computers and has his own…geez,I don’t even know what it’s called…*business* where he produces and renders short videos for his friends. He’s going into high academic’s in math. Both of these kids are respectful, well mannered, motivated, and just all around nice people…and I’m not just saying that because their my kids although I am bias, lol. We have a nice home with nice things. We’re not rich but we do ok. All the bills are paid on time and we sometimes have a bit of extra money left over. We’ve always worked hard for what we have and have told the kids that anything worth having is worth working for. My daughter has bought all her own school clothing since she was 14 yrs old. My son buys his own computer stuff…he’s so-so not into shopping…I can’t hardly even make him buy a new tee-shirt! We have a good extended family who’s always been there to support us and are not all up in our business all the time…which is good as I don’t deal well with that type of situation. I really love his Mother and Father and(most) of his siblings. My Dad really loved my husband and my family loves/likes my husband. I realize that it is sometimes rare for the entire extended family to get along as well as we all do. My husband is a good man, really he is. He’s dysfunctional as all heck…and maybe so am I…but he is a good guy. He never had a great role model to follow…he’s got his demons that he has to battle…it seems like he is trying to understand what’s happening in our relationship and trying to…idk…do something…and maybe he’ll get an ‘ah-ha’ moment that will clear it all up for him. Idk…maybe I’ll get that ‘ah-ha’ moment…We have weathered many storms in our time together, we’ve always come out stronger after the storm… I just wanted to reflect on some of the good things in our life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 I post negative things and get replies. I post positive things and get no replies. Well, anyway, it was short lived. He turned into an a-hole last night. Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 We do forget to post the good things as well. In therapy I have been advised to use the types of postive things you mention to counter negative things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 Yes, it's too easy to get wrapped up in the negative. We went to a niece's bday party last night with his family. Mostly everyone was there. There's a family feud between him and his brother so his brother didn't show up. Anyway, as I was there, enjoying the company, I was also reflecting on the interactions within his family. There's some pretty big & unspoken tension in several of the couples. His mom and dad, his sister and brother-in-law, his brother and sister-in-law...just tense. Each were doing the 'little jabs' at each other. They call it joking (esp if called out on it) and kind of laugh. I realize that maybe this is why he does what he does...why he's such an a-hole sometimes to me. He did this to me a couple of times last night and I just walked away from him. Why would I hang out with someone who's jabbing me? Not going to happen. I don't want to create a scene..where I'm labeled the 'over sensitive cry baby' (not saying that that's what would be said out loud to me...probably said behind my back)...on the way home (he'd had a couple of drinks so I was driving) he starts in on me about how fast I was driving. I was going 45 in a 55 and he was bitching about it...and got mean saying something like "You can pull your ass over and I'll drive" to which I said "Geez, you're mean!" and that's all I said...so then he's silent for a few minutes and says "I'm not mean" when we got home he says he had to go to the bathroom and that's why he wanted me to speed up. Sheesh, couldn't he have just said that in the first place? I try to reflect on the good things. I think that it's a good thing to do to keep perspective. However, this is my problem right now...trying to figure out...I experience that negativity from him (like last night) and I deal with it...I think about the good things and try not to dwell on the bad things...but when it's all said and done the bad things don't stop and don't go away. Granted these bad things are very small compared to some of the bad things in our past...and then I got all these bad memories that I don't know what to do with... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 You mention observing others and also listing good things. When I see my sister's marriages (30 years now) ...I never see any affection. Never have. No touching, no kissing, nothing - ever. Not even hugging or leaning against each other. I also observe this among most (if not all) other seemingly normal "happy" couples around town, and in our neighborhood. It’s like there is a 2 foot no fly zone around these husbands and wives. Despite all our huge issues, and major concerns issues, and things missing - we often hold hands, we touch each other, and sometimes even short kiss when we are out in front of others. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 Honestly, from the outside we look great, really-really great. We're happy, smiling, holding hands, cuddling, talking, laughing...so to look just at that part we have everyone fooled. It's behind closed doors that stuff isn't so great...it's when we're alone that all the crap seems to manifest... I'm a much more internal type of person (introvert) so I can go for long periods of time totally enjoying my own company. I can go to lunch alone and be just fine. I can go out alone and have a great time. I'm so very good with being alone. He's much more of an extrovert. He's gotta always be talking-talking-talking...it's kind of exhausting sometimes... Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 Honestly, from the outside we look great, really-really great. We're happy, smiling, holding hands, cuddling, talking, laughing...so to look just at that part we have everyone fooled. are you doing this (touching, holding hands) on purpose to fool people? or maybe because others are? Or does it happen kind of naturally without any thought? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 Just natural, I'm a happy person ( you couldn't tell by my LS persona but really I am ) he's an outgoing person. Years ago I used to get mad at him because we would be sitting in a restaurant, bar, social event, etc. and we would be talking but it was like he was not really talking to me but everyone else within ear shot...it got to the point where I would ask me out loud "Who are you talking to? Me or them?" Link to post Share on other sites
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