Author dichotomy Posted August 13, 2013 Author Share Posted August 13, 2013 Thank you, everyone, for your replies. It has been helpful to read them. Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 The rationale for most OW in dating others is realizing that an affair is not an ideal relationship, and most OW don't genuinely just love being in an affair, they want the person and choose for whatever reason to accept the limitations and hope it will change in the future. However, most OW get tired of this, esp if no change is apparent, and realize it is unfair to them to have a complicated, halfway relationship which they are 100% faithful to, it seems completely ridiculous when you think about it, so some try to date single guys hoping they can find a full time partner and can let go of the half-way R with MM. Unfortunately it is usually difficult for them to be emotionally available to do so, but that's the reason why many try to. Can understand this thinking of being exhausted with a R that is unfair, complicated and inert. But, if/when I give up on the A have decided I'll break it off before beginning to date others. Link to post Share on other sites
fanine Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Can understand this thinking of being exhausted with a R that is unfair, complicated and inert. But, if/when I give up on the A have decided I'll break it off before beginning to date others. I could never contemplate seeing anyone else when I was with MM. To me my heart was with him and it was not fair to involve anyone else in my complicated situation. I simply was not interested in anyone else. Plus for the first 8 months anyway I thought he was separated.....I had always thought too once I know he was married, I would only date again when the whole thing was over. He once said to me the situation was not fair on me, I should date other men. I said okay then, would you really be happy with that? He wasn't...and I did also point out if I dated someone else then we would be over. I would not lie to another man I was single, I would not see 2 men at one time. He never mentioned it after that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I tell all my single, or divorced friends it is ALMOST impossible to meet or entertain anyone new when you are invested in another.....even an affair limping along on life support. When they begin to date they wait to see if an emotional connection develops and STILL think it wrong to see another during the wait and see period. Those I have convinced to be honest and tell all prospective suitors what you want in a relationship AND that you will not be exclusive OR sexual with them while you look for it have had some amazing results.... The players, the secretly married and the cons bowed out quickly. The nice guys knew they had to decide or risk losing you. The one who stayed, waited and continued to chase you most likely really cares for you. Your choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lady2163 Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Dating costs me $50 before I even get out the door of my house. It takes a lot of time and energy on my part. I've been lazy for several months. The last date I had was from an online site. We agreed to meet halfway, about a 45 minute drive. He was a bit older than what I would normally go for, but I decided to give it a chance. It was a nice restaurant, he was on time. The picture he used for his online profile was easily ten years old. So, he didn't look as appealing as I would like. It was a Friday during Lent. That meant I couldnt eat meat. I don't know if he was nervous or what, but he kept making jokes about it and waving hs prime rib literally under my nose. It got harder and harder to be pleasant about it. The conversation was good, other than that glitch. We made plans to get together again. I never heard from him again. He was supposed to let me know details about our next date. I briefly thought about sending him a bread and butter thank you note for supper a couple of days before the next date was supposed to happen. He really wasn't that formal a man, so a thank you would be exactly as it seemed...a pulse check for the next date. God, I'm getting ready to try this ***** again. Sarcasm....it's almost easier to just stay involved with MM. Link to post Share on other sites
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