Too young to be so miserable.

[LaLaKay]

My story might be a little long. I feel like I can get everything off my chest here and hopefully get advice and/or understanding. Currently, I'm living with my partner. We have been together for 7 years. We have a one year old son together. I am 21, he is 24. I'm black, he's Mexican. He doesn't get along with anyone in my family. His family loves me. At the beginning everything was good between us. We started dating in high school so yes, we had the typical high school drama. He has done more than enough dirt, anyone else with common sense would have been left but I felt like he was the one. I'm only going to discuss our more recent problems but I want it to be clear that he has hurt me, very bad. And has done some of the most disgusting things a person can do to another person-from having a baby with another woman (who he is not at all involved with because the woman refused to have a paternity test done to prove the kid was his and now the kid has been taking away from her) to kissing one of my family member (it happened at the very beginning of our 7 year relationship and I just found out about it this year). Anyways....right now my problem with him is that he's completely selfish. I'm the one in the relationship with the transportation, he doesn't have a vehicle. The apartment is in my name. Everything we have is in my name. He has some issues that prohibit him from getting certain things. Ok so it's August now, we havent been out on a date since March. We have been living together since Jan 2011 at his moms house. I got pregnant and had my son and we moved into our first apartment a few months later. I found out then that he had cheated on me while I was pregnant. I forgave him. When we were at the apartment he started putting his hands on me (not full out punching or slapping me but pushing me down or into the wall) I forgave him. Then I discovered he was trying to become a member of a dating website. I left him. I packed up my child's things, hired movers with my last hundred bucks to move all of my furniture out a few days before Christmas. I enjoyed my holidays. I was broke but my son got lots of gifts from both sides of the family (none from his own dad though). Ok so he's living on his own with no furniture. My mom took pity on him and gave him an air mattress. He had a tv, his clothes, his kitchen cookware that his mom had given US and the air mattress and blankets my mom had given him. He had his PS3. When the movers came to move me out he didnt say a word to me. We were there for a good 2 hours moving things and he just kept his mouth closed. After I left he immediately called me cell phone and says....wait for it...."So you took the cable box too?" Yep. *******. So I lived with my mom, uncomfortably might I add, but emotionally I was content. I was single. I was somewhat lonely but I much rather be lonely than miserable. Between Jan-March his apartment was robbed 3 times. On the 3rd time they took everything he had-his tv some of his clothes, his stack of cash, his game, cell phone. Now the apartment was in my name so of course the police called me, I contacted him at work and told him everything he came home early. This is where I must point out that he is a complete hot head. The cops who spoke with him over the phone even told him "you better not get here with that bad attitude or this situation is gonna get uglier than it already is" he hung up on the cop YES HE HUNG UP ON THE POLICE OFFICER WHO WAS TRYING TO HELP HIM GET HIS STUFF BACK. Ridiculous, I know. So I'm not going to dwell on this particular episode, after pushing me down, taking my car keys and leaving me there at that broken apartment to try to get revenge on the person he THOUGHT robbed him (a so called friend) he came back, talked to me like a normal person we made a plan to get through it together. we moved him out, well got evicted and stayed with my mom and his mom until we got an apartment 2 weeks later. Now when we got here we had multiple fights. Police were called the first time when he kicked down the apartment door. Second time when he choked me threw my keys out of the bedroom window and tried to steal my truck. I forgave him. I'm an idiot, I know. I convinced myself it was love. Now, you may say if you stuck with him after all that why would you leave now? I always say that only YOU know YOUR breaking point. and after EVERYTHING now enough is enough. Management at my apt told me that if i let him come back they were going to evict me well stupidly i let him come back, instead of keeping a low profile and hiding from the apartment manager he hangs outside with the neighbors smokes weed and was seen doing this by the manager, she hasnt said anything yet. Hopefully, she doesnt. Now he's ALWAYS outside with the neighbors. I'm always inside, I'm not a very friendly person and I am suspicious of everyone. I don't trust the people he chooses to befriend because his last group of friends robbed him, jumped him, tried to hit on me behind his back. anything you can name they've done. So I'm always inside alone, except when our son is there. He'll come in and play with him for a little while, make him cry by doing something annoying like trying to comb his hair when he's trying to play or pulling his toes and he hates that. Now when one of our parents have our son for the day or a few hours my bf decides to grab my keys and leave, never saying come with me or lets go out. NEVER. I'm working as an at home nurse for my aunt and her child who has down syndrome and adhd. Hectic to say the least. I'm raising a one year old practically on my own, and my only free time is when he's with one of his grandparents. I shouldnt even call it free time because if I'm not working, I'm doing 8 page essays, powerpoints and research papers (im in school to get my bachelors of science) now I make pretty good money. He does as well (he's a forklift engineer) we split the bills usually, he pays rent, i do electricity, car note car insurance (because its my truck) my cell phone (he doesnt have nor want one) and lately i've been buying all the groceries, diapers, baby clothes, any and everything besides rent. Now just leave you say. I have no where to go. After the him choking me incident my mom washed her hands of our relationship and said if i took him back dont come looking her way. i took him back so i cant look her way...well i did anyways because i've been feeling pretty desperate lately but she's not trying to hear it. That woman can hold a grudge. I've tried reaching out to his mom to see if there was anything she can do to help me, like talk to him, offer me a room at her place for a few months something. We have always gotten along although she doesnt speak english and i dont speak spanish. she has 5 other kids living with her including her husband and a cousin there wont be any room but im willing to get in where i fit in thats how desperate i am. ive talked to my bf about leaving, i even offered to get him an apartment in his name because i love my place so much and he isnt even supposed to be there but he doesnt want to leave. i guess he likes the misery. He's selfish. When I try to talk to him about something serious he ignores me all together or change the subject. When we have sex its great. We recently started trying anal, successfully during the first night but not much since. It was new and exciting and i fell in love with it even though it can be painful. But with us we can be cool/normal for about 2 or 3 days then it all falls apart and when we're mad at each other or not speaking its hard to get turned on. I have a very high sexual appetite, I can have sex daily and I prefer too but we have so many issues that we can. I need a miracle.

[MidwestUSA]

You do eight page essays and PowerPoint, so you hold be able to master the concept of paragraphs. And punctuation. And capitalization. It would surely make it easier for anyone here to help you.

 

You said he had a cell phone, but it was stolen. Later you say he has never had/wanted one. Which is it? A lot of inconsistencies and too confusing to decipher.

 

Short answer, tho, obviously, is that you need to leave him and start your life over. You were 14 when you got together. There's a whole life ahead of you!

Edited August 13, 2013 by MidwestUSA

[LaLaKay]

To MidwestUSA - You really shouldn't make it your business to post if you're going to be rude. I was upset and rushing when I typed this post up so excuse me for not being on point with my grammar and spelling. Why is that something that you have to point out? Ignorant. And he did have a cell phone before he was robbed and it was stolen at our last apartment. Now he doesn't have nor want one.

[MidwestUSA]

Okay, sorry. That's a lot on your plate! What is your priority right now? To stay with him and make things better (to change him?). Or to find a way to leave?

 

How long before you finish school and what will your prospects be at that time? Do you feel you'd want to be with him still once you are in a successful career or do you feel that would be a good time to start over?

 

 

Lastly, do you feel safe? You and your son both? At all times?

 

 

A lot to think about at 21!!

[Mr. Lucky]

To MidwestUSA - You really shouldn't make it your business to post if you're going to be rude. I was upset and rushing when I typed this post up so excuse me for not being on point with my grammar and spelling. Why is that something that you have to point out? Ignorant.

MidwestUSA is being neither rude nor ignorant. I'm assuming you posted on LS to get responses and one long, unbroken paragraph is nearly impossible to read on a laptop, tablet or mobile device. You're limiting the number of people that can give you feedback. I've broken your posts into paragraphs so it can be read. Good luck with your situation...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

My story might be a little long. I feel like I can get everything off my chest here and hopefully get advice and/or understanding. Currently, I'm living with my partner. We have been together for 7 years. We have a one year old son together. I am 21, he is 24. I'm black, he's Mexican. He doesn't get along with anyone in my family. His family loves me. At the beginning everything was good between us. We started dating in high school so yes, we had the typical high school drama.

 

He has done more than enough dirt, anyone else with common sense would have been left but I felt like he was the one. I'm only going to discuss our more recent problems but I want it to be clear that he has hurt me, very bad. And has done some of the most disgusting things a person can do to another person-from having a baby with another woman (who he is not at all involved with because the woman refused to have a paternity test done to prove the kid was his and now the kid has been taking away from her) to kissing one of my family member (it happened at the very beginning of our 7 year relationship and I just found out about it this year).

 

Anyways....right now my problem with him is that he's completely selfish. I'm the one in the relationship with the transportation, he doesn't have a vehicle. The apartment is in my name. Everything we have is in my name. He has some issues that prohibit him from getting certain things.

 

Ok so it's August now, we havent been out on a date since March. We have been living together since Jan 2011 at his moms house. I got pregnant and had my son and we moved into our first apartment a few months later. I found out then that he had cheated on me while I was pregnant. I forgave him. When we were at the apartment he started putting his hands on me (not full out punching or slapping me but pushing me down or into the wall) I forgave him.

 

Then I discovered he was trying to become a member of a dating website. I left him. I packed up my child's things, hired movers with my last hundred bucks to move all of my furniture out a few days before Christmas. I enjoyed my holidays. I was broke but my son got lots of gifts from both sides of the family (none from his own dad though).

 

Ok so he's living on his own with no furniture. My mom took pity on him and gave him an air mattress. He had a tv, his clothes, his kitchen cookware that his mom had given US and the air mattress and blankets my mom had given him. He had his PS3. When the movers came to move me out he didnt say a word to me. We were there for a good 2 hours moving things and he just kept his mouth closed. After I left he immediately called me cell phone and says....wait for it...."So you took the cable box too?" Yep. *******.

 

So I lived with my mom, uncomfortably might I add, but emotionally I was content. I was single. I was somewhat lonely but I much rather be lonely than miserable. Between Jan-March his apartment was robbed 3 times. On the 3rd time they took everything he had-his tv some of his clothes, his stack of cash, his game, cell phone. Now the apartment was in my name so of course the police called me, I contacted him at work and told him everything he came home early. This is where I must point out that he is a complete hot head. The cops who spoke with him over the phone even told him "you better not get here with that bad attitude or this situation is gonna get uglier than it already is" he hung up on the cop YES HE HUNG UP ON THE POLICE OFFICER WHO WAS TRYING TO HELP HIM GET HIS STUFF BACK. Ridiculous, I know.

 

So I'm not going to dwell on this particular episode, after pushing me down, taking my car keys and leaving me there at that broken apartment to try to get revenge on the person he THOUGHT robbed him (a so called friend) he came back, talked to me like a normal person we made a plan to get through it together. we moved him out, well got evicted and stayed with my mom and his mom until we got an apartment 2 weeks later.

 

Now when we got here we had multiple fights. Police were called the first time when he kicked down the apartment door. Second time when he choked me threw my keys out of the bedroom window and tried to steal my truck. I forgave him. I'm an idiot, I know. I convinced myself it was love.

 

Now, you may say if you stuck with him after all that why would you leave now? I always say that only YOU know YOUR breaking point. and after EVERYTHING now enough is enough. Management at my apt told me that if i let him come back they were going to evict me well stupidly i let him come back, instead of keeping a low profile and hiding from the apartment manager he hangs outside with the neighbors smokes weed and was seen doing this by the manager, she hasnt said anything yet. Hopefully, she doesnt. Now he's ALWAYS outside with the neighbors. I'm always inside, I'm not a very friendly person and I am suspicious of everyone. I don't trust the people he chooses to befriend because his last group of friends robbed him, jumped him, tried to hit on me behind his back. anything you can name they've done. So I'm always inside alone, except when our son is there. He'll come in and play with him for a little while, make him cry by doing something annoying like trying to comb his hair when he's trying to play or pulling his toes and he hates that.

 

Now when one of our parents have our son for the day or a few hours my bf decides to grab my keys and leave, never saying come with me or lets go out. NEVER. I'm working as an at home nurse for my aunt and her child who has down syndrome and adhd. Hectic to say the least. I'm raising a one year old practically on my own, and my only free time is when he's with one of his grandparents. I shouldnt even call it free time because if I'm not working, I'm doing 8 page essays, powerpoints and research papers (im in school to get my bachelors of science) now I make pretty good money. He does as well (he's a forklift engineer) we split the bills usually, he pays rent, i do electricity, car note car insurance (because its my truck) my cell phone (he doesnt have nor want one) and lately i've been buying all the groceries, diapers, baby clothes, any and everything besides rent.

 

Now just leave you say. I have no where to go. After the him choking me incident my mom washed her hands of our relationship and said if i took him back dont come looking her way. i took him back so i cant look her way...well i did anyways because i've been feeling pretty desperate lately but she's not trying to hear it. That woman can hold a grudge.

 

I've tried reaching out to his mom to see if there was anything she can do to help me, like talk to him, offer me a room at her place for a few months something. We have always gotten along although she doesnt speak english and i dont speak spanish. she has 5 other kids living with her including her husband and a cousin there wont be any room but im willing to get in where i fit in thats how desperate i am. ive talked to my bf about leaving, i even offered to get him an apartment in his name because i love my place so much and he isnt even supposed to be there but he doesnt want to leave. i guess he likes the misery. He's selfish.

 

When I try to talk to him about something serious he ignores me all together or change the subject. When we have sex its great. We recently started trying anal, successfully during the first night but not much since. It was new and exciting and i fell in love with it even though it can be painful. But with us we can be cool/normal for about 2 or 3 days then it all falls apart and when we're mad at each other or not speaking its hard to get turned on. I have a very high sexual appetite, I can have sex daily and I prefer too but we have so many issues that we can. I need a miracle.

[pink_sugar]

OP, if you have the financial means to be on your own with your son, do so. There's really no excuse to continue with this man if you can make it on your own. A lot of us who don't have those means are stuck, so it's hard for me to be sympathetic to your story when you can definitely do something about this situation. Your BF is a loser and that's not going to change. It sounds like you have a positive future ahead of you, so why settle for that dump?

[Mycteria]

Why are you stressing trying to find a place to stay????? You HAVE AN APARTMENT that he is NOT allowed to stay in! You are LETTING him stay there against the wishes of your landlord, thus risking you and your child being thrown out into the street! Call the police on him. Get a freaking restraining order. Get him out of YOUR apartment! That, or I sincerely pray to god that CPS takes your poor child from you. That poor baby should not have to suffer its entire life because of your bad decisions.

 

This story actually makes me ANGRY. Don't you just want to slap some people around the head??????