Jealous of his team mates

[ashtree-house]

I am having a problem lately I just want to get off my chest. My guy and I have been together on and off for about two years. Recently, this has been bugging me, and I am not quite sure if I am looking for a solution, or just venting. Of course, I would like to get some opinions..

 

My boyfriend is dedicated to soccer. He loves soccer, its a true and deep passion for him. He is on 3 teams, all of which he wouldn't miss a practice or game. I would never ask him to on my part. I know how much soccer means to him and I would never ask him to cut back on playing time to be with me. He only recently joined the third team like a month ago; and only in the last 2 years has he picked up soccer in total since graduating high school. So when we first met, he wasn't really playing much. That isn't the problem. I do not have a passion for soccer. I am not sporty at all. I enjoy kicking a ball around with him and tolerate watching a game on TV but other then that, I honestly could care less about it. As I said before, I am not athletic, I am have my dance classes and I love to draw and run but I am not specifically in a club or activity that fills my time as Soccer does with his. I have friends and things to do and I see my BF when I can so I don't really miss him.

 

The problem is, his soccer teams are co-ed. He has female team mates and a few of them are on all 3 teams. He sees these girls almost every day and shares a deep passion with them that I do not have. They also do alot of parties after their soccer victories (with his male and female team mates), most of which I do not get invited too. I have met a few of his soccer friends before, and some of the girls do not seem to like me. I have always had a problem making girlfriends so I thought I was to blame for this. I began trying harder to be friendly to these girls and some have come to like me, but there are still a few that seem very indifferent to me. They are his team mates so I understand if they have no desire to really befriend me. I guess it just bugs me that he is close with some of these girls that are apart of a whole different life I know nothing about. He is more dedicated to his soccer then he is to me and therefore, it feels like, sometimes, he is more dedicated to these girls then to me.

 

I can't help but feel jealous and insecure. My boyfriend and I have alot in common and I don't know if I should simply focus on these things or if we should join a club or activity together that we would only share. Don't get me wrong, I haven't personally felt like any of these girls are a specific threat; I think they are indifferent to me because they are "cliquey" which thier soccor team. But they are a huge part of his life, not very open to me and I feel, for lack of a better term, ****ing jealous.

[PegNosePete]

Why are you not invited to the after-match parties?

Are the other team members' partners invited?

 

If you feel your BF is not spending enough time with you then you are totally justified to bring that up with him. But phrase it like that, don't tell him not to spend as much time at soccer. Tell him you'd like to spend more time with him and enjoy doing more things together. Leave it to him to choose how to find the time.

[twixed]

And again, they could be indifferent to you because they know what you're boyfriend does behind your back.

 

I know women like that. They've seen your boyfriend cheat on you, but since they are his friends, ignoring you is better for them. Its better than experiencing the cognitive dissonance that comes when thinking their teammate's bad behavior.

 

I see no reason why you cannot go to the post game parties for any other reason than having some illicit activity going on. Why can't you go? Why can't a teammate's partner be at the party? Its not like they are practicing and you are getting in the way of a pass. This makes no sense. Sorry OP, this has more red flags than the Chinese army.