dilema

[lou]

I am a US business man who was travelling without my family in Australia. My marriage has not been healthy for about 5 years and I cannot say that I love my wife. I was lonely and I called an Escort agency for company. I was after only sex at the beginning but something clicked between me and Karla. I am yet 41 and she is 21 but we almost instantly had a more than professional relationship. While stationed in Australia I saw her (not for money) 3 or 4 times a week and trusted her enough to give her the keys to my apartment. Admittedly the age gap is an issue. My family and my children are issues. Her profession and her willingness to quit are issues. I love her completely and now that I have returned to the US, I am a mess and unable to resume my old life. I call her once a day. Am I crazy for thinking that there is a future in this relationship? I must put everything I have at risk to continue and yet that's what my heart says to do.

[Quandary]

Are you sure you are thinking with your heart and not your penis???

 

This seems rather odd to me, I honestly doubt that you have any chance in hell with this call girl.

 

You have children with your wife? I would not recommend having sex with your wife after you have been with a prostitute, that would be completely unfair to your wife. How can you look her in the eyes. I hope you know that you are leaving behind a trail as if you want to get caught.

 

If things are not good at home, then be man enough to end it.

[lou]

Are you sure you are thinking with your heart and not your penis??? This seems rather odd to me, I honestly doubt that you have any chance in hell with this call girl. You have children with your wife? I would not recommend having sex with your wife after you have been with a prostitute, that would be completely unfair to your wife. How can you look her in the eyes. I hope you know that you are leaving behind a trail as if you want to get caught.

 

If things are not good at home, then be man enough to end it.

I don't think its sexually driven - I have already been caught - probably on purpose and have come completely clean with my wife - my wife would like to work things out. I do have children and I would hate to lose them and understand my responsibility to them... but this is the first time I have been in love like this and I don't ever see getting over it - I if stay in a relationship because its safe or for the children how cowardly is that?

[Quandary]

Don't be surprised if you find out that either all of your stuff is gone from your apt. and/or your little girl friend is having sex with other guys in your bed.

 

I don't mean to be harsh, but think about what you are saying, if you had no doubts you would not be here posting this...

[Quandary]

I did not say to stay in the relationship because of your kids. At least you came clean with your wife.

 

You say that you don't want to loose your children, then why do you keep doing this? All you are doing is jeopardizing your relationship with your children.

 

I am sorry but you are looking for love in all the wrong places, first of all you are a grown man married with children. You are supposedly in love with a 21-year-old prostitute, although you may have seen her unpaid does not constitute that she has the same feelings for you.

 

I would say be fair to your wife tell her that you obviously don't' care to fix the relationship and end it. You obviously have no intentions in being faithful. Next would be to forget about the 21-year-old as if the feelings were mutual she would undoubtedly end her profession knowing that it is immoral.

 

I honestly think that you would have better luck finding someone in your own age range and of the same mentality. But that is my opinion you can do with it what you will. Just know that you are setting yourself up to live unhappily ever after& this is not pretty woman.

[Tony T]

Most young girls who are prostitutes have serious psychological issues and are either lazy or lack proper education, necessitating the selling of their bodies. This girl is looking at you as a meal ticket.

 

Girls that age with those problems are very impressionable and giving her the keys to your place gave her power she never had. Because you called an escort service and paid for her initially, she has guessed you have money to blow.

 

Because of her issues, she right now seeks emotional and financial security from an older man as well as a father figure which was probably absent from her earlier years.

 

No matter how you slice it, once she has gotten what she wants from you...and that has probably already happened...she will be off and running to someone else. In the end, if she makes major changes and decides to settle down, she will do so with a younger man with lots of promise. They win over an older guy almost every time.

 

She will continue to talk to you on the phone and eventually ask you to send her money...if she hasn't already. She will use the money to make life easier for herself and some young guy she finds.

 

All that aside, if you don't love your wife and your marriage has not been good for five years, get a divorce. Once you do that. find a nice lady through friends, going out, personal ads, etc.,...you know, the old fashioned way.

 

You are going to get screwed big time on this Karla deal, you have my unconditional guarantee. If your feelings for her are genuine, start seeing a counsellor now because when you realize her agenda you will probably need to talk to a professional.

 

These girls are street smart and know how you wrap a lonely, sex crazed guy around their little finger to get whatever they want. She's got your number, dude.

 

I like your nerve, though!!!

[lou]

 

Thanks you give good advice; a bit harsh but something to think about. I dont see Karla as a prostitute she's just a woman with a few problems trying to work them out. I dont think theres any reason I should doubt her intentions and love for me - theres nothing in it for her. She's been very good for me and making me feel like a man again. What ever I do though I'll need to be close to my kids to give them the support they'll need to grow up and that may essentially end it.

[leah]

a few things:

 

1)if you have never felt this love before...obviously you were not meant to marry your wife. that's something you should have felt with her

 

2)sounds a little like a mid-life crisis

 

3)you say the love is real....for you. tony's right, get some counseling now...because your love is being driven by the wrong reasons (a young, beautiful woman who is kissing your ass, and pretending that your the big man on campus)

 

4)consider a divorce...it will be better for everyone (including your kids - think about it - you and your wife are teaching them that love is a lie and unromantic - they will model themselves after you - and get involved in disastrous relationships because that is what you taught them)

 

5)get a check up for all sexually transmitted diseases

 

6)let your prostitute go...for you and for her.

[Deejette]

It is easy to fall in love with a lovely young girl when your marriage is not that great. But I think that over time, Karla's profession would start bothering you. Why did she have such low self-esteem to enter into a profession where she will have sex with strangers for money? There are lots of jobs people can have to support themselves. With deep-seated problems like that, simply being "in love" may not be enough to keep her from other self-destructive practices.

 

I know it is exciting to be 41 and have sex with a 21-year-old, but that is not a basis upon which to build a life. I am glad you are reconsidering this and thinking of your kids.

Thanks you give good advice; a bit harsh but something to think about. I dont see Karla as a prostitute she's just a woman with a few problems trying to work them out. I dont think theres any reason I should doubt her intentions and love for me - theres nothing in it for her. She's been very good for me and making me feel like a man again. What ever I do though I'll need to be close to my kids to give them the support they'll need to grow up and that may essentially end it.