Bubblegumkitty Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 Okay so we have been best friends since i was 6 and she was 7. She always invites me over to her house when im up at my cottage to hang out. (We live three hours away, she lives near my cottage). And we always hang out inside her house or go out on the trampoline. There are times we will just lay side by side on the trampoline and talk. We have been bestfriends for seven years now and just this past march break i started to get feelings for her. It started off as i thought about her every day wishing she was beside me. Then it got to the point where i was cuttig myself because i couldnt stand to be away from her, i still cant. During the summer we both went to camp with a bunch of ou other friends and i tried to tell her that i loved her. Only one of my other friendsnknew . I guess i was kind of giving it away b the way i acted because she went up to my friend and asked if i was bi and my friend said yes. Then she asked if i was in love with her and my friend said yes. So she talked to me and said that she still loves me and that nothing will ever change and that what i am feeling is probably just a phase and it will probs pass over soon enogh...but i dont think it will. I love her so much i hate being away from her. But the worst part about the whole thing is that when im around her i feel like she likes me back even tho i already know she doesnt. I love her sooooo god damb much....what should i do? Can anyone help? Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted August 13, 2013 Share Posted August 13, 2013 I'm taking it, that you are now 13yrold? I hope you are no longer cutting yourself...sign of depression, and you should seek counseling for such. I'm afraid there is not much you are able to do. She wants to remain friends and had no attraction to you. You cannot force anything. Maybe in time...things could happen. Don't waste your youth on her though. You really are too young to worry over stuff like this. Focus on other things. Accept her friendship - if that is not good enough for you...stay away from her; as to not hurt. Things will improve. This could be a phase; just don't cut yourself or let it further depress you. You can always speak to your mom...if it gets too bad. I'd not enjoy hearing of you cutting again.. I'm not the best for advice...someone better could probably help you...if this isn't fake. Link to post Share on other sites
Angry bird Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 Aww, so sad, teen love. I think your friend is sweet for not freaking out on you (boy, how times have changed). I think you need to journal this out, and yes see a therapist. I had a best friend that I just loved to pieces. We were little hellions, our parents said we could not hang out anymore, because we were influencing each other. For six months we were apart, it was like a real break up, seriously. I was so sad, she was my partner in crime. 20 years later we laugh about it,but I remember the pain of not hanging out with my BFF. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bubblegumkitty Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 I just turned 14 and her 15. Im happy to say that i havent cut in weeks so no need to worry. Thanks for the addvice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tooslowatlove Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 (edited) Since you seem to be young, could it simply be a very strong friendship? I love my best friend, my cousin very dearly, but I'm not in love with her. But there was a time when I was afraid that I might be. We'd been close since we were both teenagers, and when I was in my early 20s we started to be inseparable. She's very pretty, as well, and just the type of girl I'm attracted to. So I was very worried for a while at the strength of my feelings for her. But as time passed, I realized that having a deep love for someone does not always equal being in love with her. There are more kinds of love than romantic. Just because TV and movies like to focus on romance, that doesn't mean other kinds of love aren't just as powerful, just as significant. Ask any parent. Over time I realized my feelings for my cousin are very strong filial love, not romantic. In my heart she's more my sister than my cousin: my closest, most trusted friend. The person who helps me through my heartaches. She was my rock through the disintegration of my engagement a few months ago, and she's helping me though my current crush (on her sister's best friend). She's the one who knows all my secrets, has seen me at my best and worst, and thinks the world of me just the same. I wish I could see myself the way she does - I'd be a lot less insecure. I'm not in love with her, but I love her very deeply and powerfully all the same. I'm not dismissing your feelings or denying them, but there's more to love than the romantic kind. I'm not saying your feelings aren't romantic love, but I know from experience that powerful emotions can be tough to figure out. Edited August 14, 2013 by tooslowatlove 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 Okay so we have been best friends since i was 6 and she was 7. She always invites me over to her house when im up at my cottage to hang out. (We live three hours away, she lives near my cottage). And we always hang out inside her house or go out on the trampoline. There are times we will just lay side by side on the trampoline and talk. We have been bestfriends for seven years now and just this past march break i started to get feelings for her. It started off as i thought about her every day wishing she was beside me. Then it got to the point where i was cuttig myself because i couldnt stand to be away from her, i still cant. During the summer we both went to camp with a bunch of ou other friends and i tried to tell her that i loved her. Only one of my other friendsnknew . I guess i was kind of giving it away b the way i acted because she went up to my friend and asked if i was bi and my friend said yes. Then she asked if i was in love with her and my friend said yes. So she talked to me and said that she still loves me and that nothing will ever change and that what i am feeling is probably just a phase and it will probs pass over soon enogh...but i dont think it will. I love her so much i hate being away from her. But the worst part about the whole thing is that when im around her i feel like she likes me back even tho i already know she doesnt. I love her sooooo god damb much....what should i do? Can anyone help? Lots of people on this website have reason to speak of a time period of "seven years". For some it is a long period, for some it isn't so long that they can't break ties... but for you, "seven years" is roughly half of a lifetime-to-date. I have a whole lot of regard for your valuation of the seven years, and I understand that you are (really, so comfortable ) when you get to be around your friend. Yet I don't have any understanding yet which convinces me that you truly need (or even 'want') something beyond friendship from this important person. Humanity is really odd in the way that, we take young people who are evolving in surprising-to-them ways, and who feel most vulnerable during that window of time, and then we make them all spend their days among hundreds of others who are going through the same evolution and confusion. I think that the most important thing for you in the present is to preserve that friendship for as long into the future as you can, and that means not pressuring her to go somewhere or be somebody that she isn't. The most likely scenario has one or the other (probably both) interacting on a much deeper level with boys, and reducing the importance of your shared friendship with each other at such time as when that happens. Yet when that does happen, the friendship you've formed, with such a great foundation, could prove to be the most important thing either of you possesses at the time. Is there anything about your home life, or your world, which causes this time spent at your cottage to be/seem so important to you? (such as: you don't have to spend as much time near ____(somebody in your life)_____ when you are at the cottage) Is it possible that the friendship you share with the best friend seems extra comfortable because it always gets to thrive when something/somebody else in your life isn't around you??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bubblegumkitty Posted August 14, 2013 Author Share Posted August 14, 2013 The time at my cottage is very important to me because its where i love to be. I get to see my best friend and time with her is very important to me because i get bullied alot at home and she talks to me about it and she sais alot of things that make me feel better about myself. I have been getting bullied since even before i knew her and even when we were 6-7 years old she was saying stuff to me that made me feel so happy and proud to be who i am inside. And to the 4th commenter, i do love her. Its not a love that i would have for a friend or family member... Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 14, 2013 Share Posted August 14, 2013 Thanks for your response... but it kinda falls into what I was envisioning. The chance to get away from (something about) your home environment is of major prominence about time spent at the cottage, and thus with the friend. And I can fully respect the importance of the reassurance offered you by your friend, in the face of tough times back home. I just don't know that you would want to ever risk that friendship for the somewhat unlikely chance that she is interested in romance (and all that it entails) with another girl, until such time as when she makes it very clear to you that she is into females sexually. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bubblegumkitty Posted August 15, 2013 Author Share Posted August 15, 2013 OkY thanks. And about what you sai before abot not really understanding why i think im in love with her? I ll tell u how, when im around heri cant help but smile. When we hug i never want to let her go i want her to stY with me forever. Shes all i have thought about day and night since march. And idk, i used tLike madley in love with this boy named jake a few years ago . Thats how i feel now onpy the feeling is like a million times stronger :/ Link to post Share on other sites
Toddbt12y1 Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 I'm curious as to about how your home-life is. You said you are bullied there. I'm really worried if it is abuse, or if you mean 'back at home(school, etc).' If your parents are bullying you, that would entail abuse. I believe something should be done with this. Give it time; your friend my change her mind. She than again, may not. But, there is always a chance. Basically, give time, but don't wait around for it. Go live your life. Date others, and see. BTW: I am glad that you are no longer cutting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bubblegumkitty Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 No no no, my mother abused me when i was little but that was solved when i turned ten. I now live with my father and hes amazing to me. Its mainly at school because im a tom-boy...and i do try, there is this boy who i like and he likes me but even when im around him i still think of my best friend. And yea, after the cuts healed to scars i realized that i dont wanna grow up with these marks on my body. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 It seems to me that if you have known such bad times, even if all in 'the past', you can still feel a "sense of calm and comfort" the likes of which might overwhelm you far more than the same conditions might affect the rest of us. And I wouldn't blame anybody to whom that felt like "love". With both friendships and relationships, the ultimate experiences come when they create environments in which you can feel 'vulnerable' and comfortable at the same time. You are indicating that you have this now... and that's great... but at least take time to observe whether or not you can continue to enjoy that freedom to be yourself, without needing to declare romantic love for your friend. There are times when risking it all, for romantic love, is the right thing to do, and there are times when it is best for all parties that you let the romantic love notion pass. Maybe give it more time, and let time decide for you... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bubblegumkitty Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 Okay thanks for the advice Link to post Share on other sites
NinaSim Posted August 18, 2013 Share Posted August 18, 2013 Maybe give it more time, and let time decide for you... I agree, let time pass & also try to see what other friendships and feelings can develop. There are*so many more possibilities in the world that you may not have even imagined yet. Imagination can be a great help...try to imagine what a perfect day would be or could be like. What if you could go anywhere, be anything, do anything. Imagine what your most possibly perfect, idealized life could be & take notes. What does that life include? Most likely, there isn't just one image; just like our favorite foods and music will change just as often as our moods, so will our dreams & aspirations. But notice the things that keep reoccurring, the things that HAVE to be there & the type of people that are included (like maybe someone who listens, someone who is respectful, someone who is kind, happy, etc). There are many people that have so many different qualities that can help make us all appreciate being alive & being whoever we think we are. I have sometimes been a "cutter". And so many of us have experienced (& still do!) experience longing for one particular person. For me, imagining all the other possibilities out there that I might haven't even seen yet helps a lot! Link to post Share on other sites
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