Cheating husband won't sign a postnup

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I am so sorry.

 

You do need to find a way to go NC to help yourself heal.

 

It will get easier (eventually) if you can limit to child visits.

 

I think it's also easier to either think of him as a zombie...definitely looks like the guy but a shell

 

Or. Keep a folder of the emails, or whatever you can reference to remind you of his lies.

 

So sorry you are having a bad time today.

[vera345]

Drafted all documents for uncontested divorce and emailed them to him. He just need to sign and we can be divorced soon.

[vera345]

Told him we can do it by agreement or he can hire an attorney to represent him.

[vera345]

I have some news.

So, I served my husband with divorce papers.

He immediately started to tell me that we need a separation, and not a divorce. He said that people frequently get divorced and then feel sorry about it. Tried to tell me that we both need to calm down before making this step.

I responded that I can't calm down by living in this triangle. I want to free myself from it and wish him happiness. The only thing that will calm me down is to get myself out of this situation.

 

We talked a lot over text messages. Finally, he broke down and asked me to give him any chance to save his marriage. He cried and told me how sorry he was. He is even agreeing to sign a post nap, any post nap that I want.

 

He came home today, I told him to write a NC letter. He did and sent it. Then he spent time playing with our child. We put together a toy for our baby and he left. It was strange how he left, didn't even tell me bye. Just walked to his car and left.

 

I sent him a text message asking for his id and password to Skype. I haven't got any response at all. Sent him another text asking to call, no response.

 

Either he turned off the phone b/c ow may call him after NC letter or he does not want to talk to me. He is coming tomorrow to spend time with our baby.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I have some news.

So, I served my husband with divorce papers.

He immediately started to tell me that we need a separation, and not a divorce. He said that people frequently get divorced and then feel sorry about it. Tried to tell me that we both need to calm down before making this step.

I responded that I can't calm down by living in this triangle. I want to free myself from it and wish him happiness. The only thing that will calm me down is to get myself out of this situation.

 

We talked a lot over text messages. Finally, he broke down and asked me to give him any chance to save his marriage. He cried and told me how sorry he was. He is even agreeing to sign a post nap, any post nap that I want.

 

He came home today, I told him to write a NC letter. He did and sent it. Then he spent time playing with our child. We put together a toy for our baby and he left. It was strange how he left, didn't even tell me bye. Just walked to his car and left.

 

I sent him a text message asking for his id and password to Skype. I haven't got any response at all. Sent him another text asking to call, no response.

 

Either he turned off the phone b/c ow may call him after NC letter or he does not want to talk to me. He is coming tomorrow to spend time with our baby.

 

Not to be a negative nelly but based on odds...he went to tell the other woman to ignore the NC letter that he just sent. They often take the affair underground. Minimally he went to get "closure" which is breaking contact.

 

You need to move forward with whatever makes you comfortable. But be wary.

 

Not answering you is a bad sign.

[vera345]

This is my concern too. Sometimes, I am thinking just to write her and tell her that if he ever tries to contact her again, she can have him. I would rather he leave than keep playing games.

 

I want to believe him but it all very strange. He really still have feelings for her. I don't know if he will be able to stop contact.

 

I can go to his place and talk to him right now or wait until tomorrow. I think I am just going to see how he explains this tomorrow. I spy on his phone, he didn't make a single phone call or sent a single text message after he left the house. I want to think that he simply turned it off but I don't know.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

This is my concern too. Sometimes, I am thinking just to write her and tell her that if he ever tries to contact her again, she can have him. I would rather he leave than keep playing games.

 

I want to believe him but it all very strange. He really still have feelings for her. I don't know if he will be able to stop contact.

 

I can go to his place and talk to him right now or wait until tomorrow. I think I am just going to see how he explains this tomorrow. I spy on his phone, he didn't make a single phone call or sent a single text message after he left the house. I want to think that he simply turned it off but I don't know.

 

The reality is you can find out, if it matters, not sure if it does.

 

But...he is acting so strange, what did he say?

[vera345]

I didnt talk to him, decided to wait until tomorrowBut I don't think he is contacting ow

 

 

I saw she just sent him an angry message, telling him that he used her

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Good luck.

 

I hope this works out however you want it to. But be careful.

[vera345]

He told me that he took sleep medicine and slept for 13 hours. I asked him if ow tried to contact him. He said yes she sent him several messages telling him that he used her and he deleted them.

He also gave me passwords to his account.

So far, looks like he is telling me the truth.

 

 

He is going through withdrawal now and being very sad. I don't know what I need to do at this point. He is living in the apartment that he rented. I think I will just wait and see what he plans to do.

I am holding with divorce papers. I did some resersch on post naps and found that in the form that they are not enforceable in the form that I wanted him to do. Don't know if I need to proceed with it anyway.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

He told me that he took sleep medicine and slept for 13 hours. I asked him if ow tried to contact him. He said yes she sent him several messages telling him that he used her and he deleted them.

He also gave me passwords to his account.

So far, looks like he is telling me the truth.

 

 

He is going through withdrawal now and being very sad. I don't know what I need to do at this point. He is living in the apartment that he rented. I think I will just wait and see what he plans to do.

I am holding with divorce papers. I did some resersch on post naps and found that in the form that they are not enforceable in the form that I wanted him to do. Don't know if I need to proceed with it anyway.

 

Yeah, the post nup value is mostly the willingness.

 

But I think that it's too early to know for sure. Go back and read your posts. A lot of stuff needs to be explained to your satisfaction.

 

Good luck.

[Coolit]

If you are considering R, let him know deleting texts is a no no. It was hard for me to stop doing so because it was a knee jerk reaction from doing it for months but let him know that. But you need to see those texts.

[vera345]

I am in a strange situation. For 2 days he visits, spends time with his child, and leaves. I don't see any attempts to R with me so far.

I am the one who brings conversation about passwords, ow, his day.

He says he is busy now trying to settle in his new apartment, he left all furniture to me and didnt take anything from home. He tells me that he sleeps on air mattress.

I really don't know what to do next. I think I should wait until he shows some initiative to spend time with me. It seems that he is grieving his relationship with ow at this point.

Do i need just to wait and see what he does or ask him if he wants to do anything together? I think I should just wait right now.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I am in a strange situation. For 2 days he visits, spends time with his child, and leaves. I don't see any attempts to R with me so far.

I am the one who brings conversation about passwords, ow, his day.

He says he is busy now trying to settle in his new apartment, he left all furniture to me and didnt take anything from home. He tells me that he sleeps on air mattress.

I really don't know what to do next. I think I should wait until he shows some initiative to spend time with me. It seems that he is grieving his relationship with ow at this point.

Do i need just to wait and see what he does or ask him if he wants to do anything together? I think I should just wait right now.

 

I am sure he is grieving his relationship with her. As much as it sucks. He is in the FOG and all that.

 

You do whatever you ned or want to. But I would assume he's got to do more than spend time with you to fix this.

 

What do you want to do?

[carhill]

Since you've served your husband with divorce papers, that indicates they are on file with the court, as in most jurisdictions a disinterested third party (the sheriff here) serves them after filed.

 

With that done, and the lawsuit in progress, you each decide next steps.

 

If your goal/option is reconciliation, a clear recitation of the terms of reconciliation, along with verifiable means of determining compliance, should be established and agreed to. Doing it in writing helps.

 

If your goal is divorce, I'd recommend mediation as a first option. A collaborative divorce is generally less rancorous and costly than a hotly contested and litigated one.

 

My sympathies.

[vera345]

I am sure he stopped all contacts with ow.

Today, she sent me a threatening message on a facebook, stating that I will pay for what I have done and that if I don't know yet how things are done in her country and I am about to learn.

 

I was so man, blocked her, and showed it to my h. He says just ignore her. I am shocked that she did it. But at least it shows that she is not getting what she wants and is mad

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I am sure he stopped all contacts with ow.

Today, she sent me a threatening message on a facebook, stating that I will pay for what I have done and that if I don't know yet how things are done in her country and I am about to learn.

 

I was so man, blocked her, and showed it to my h. He says just ignore her. I am shocked that she did it. But at least it shows that she is not getting what she wants and is mad

 

You should contact the polices out the threats.

 

Has your husband showed any guilt or anything? Anything about her contact at all?

[vera345]

I can't contact police, she lives on another continent, there is nothing they will be able to do to her. I blocked her.

 

He just listen, asked me to calm down, and asked to please ignore her and don't engage into conversation. Says there is nothing she will be able to do to us. Nothing more.

 

But I also run home this evening and started to scream at him from the beginning. He had no idea what was going on. Told me that he is afraid now that will start writing me some lies and I will never trust him.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I can't contact police, she lives on another continent, there is nothing they will be able to do to her. I blocked her.

 

He just listen, asked me to calm down, and asked to please ignore her and don't engage into conversation. Says there is nothing she will be able to do to us. Nothing more.

 

But I also run home this evening and started to scream at him from the beginning. He had no idea what was going on. Told me that he is afraid now that will start writing me some lies and I will never trust him.

 

Well, assuming she never tries to enter the US ten you are correct. However if she decides to come and exact some revenge then having registered a complaint would be to your advantage would it not?

 

I guess what I am hoping you will say is something about him realizing he was a dope and she is a con artist or something?

[vera345]

No, I don't think he realizes it. In fact, he started to tell me that he is now afraid bc even when he is trying to do the right thing I am still yelling at him. It made me even more mad.

Told me that she is doing these things now b/c she isn't getting what she wants and reminded me that I tried to threaten him with suicide too.

 

He spent 3 hours at home playing with the kid, then we had supper together, calmed down, talked about different things and he went to his apartment.

 

I asked him for how long did he signed the lease. He said its month per month. Also said he doesn't feel comfortable yet in our house b/c of how often I threw him out of it.

 

I don't like this attitude at all.

[vera345]

she can't enter US. she is from Russia. In order for her to get a US visa, she needs to marry someone at US or come as a fiancée. If she could do it, she would fly here on a first airplane and fight for him. This is how crazy she is

[It-is-what-it-is.]

No, I don't think he realizes it. In fact, he started to tell me that he is now afraid bc even when he is trying to do the right thing I am still yelling at him. It made me even more mad.

Told me that she is doing these things now b/c she isn't getting what she wants and reminded me that I tried to threaten him with suicide too.

 

He spent 3 hours at home playing with the kid, then we had supper together, calmed down, talked about different things and he went to his apartment.

 

I asked him for how long did he signed the lease. He said its month per month. Also said he doesn't feel comfortable yet in our house b/c of how often I threw him out of it.

 

I don't like this attitude at all.

 

Ok...so it is time to start the 180...

 

Somebody has links.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

she can't enter US. she is from Russia. In order for her to get a US visa, she needs to marry someone at US or come as a fiancée. If she could do it, she would fly here on a first airplane and fight for him. This is how crazy she is

 

She can come to US to visit on vacation...

[Coolit]

She can come to US to visit on vacation...

 

Up to six months is considered a vacation.

 

Maybe, if his attitude is bothering you, you should start having him take his daughter to his place. Besides, wee ones can feel tension.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

A thread on 180...

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/separation-divorce/406628-critical-readings-separation-divorce