love triangle

[red]

Hi Please give some advice:

 

I'm deeply inlove with my friend's girlfriend, and although she know how I feel about her, he does not know. She tells me that she loves him, although they are often arguing and she rarely seems that happy with him. Since we work together, In the past few months we have spend alot of time together and she has told me that she was planning on leaving him, cause she had enough, they been in a two year

 

relatinship, but, she does not seem to have any intention

 

of marryng him, although, she claim he does, and sometimes

 

she says he does not.

 

She has given me many signals that have made me think that she has more than friendship feelings toward me, and at times has told me that she would consider going out with me if they ever broke up, she was planning to leave him for the new year, but, lately, she seems to have changed her mind and seems to want to give their relationship another try, according to her, after a recent argument, he finally

 

told her "she meant the wolrd to him" and she had been waiting two years for him to say that, wish confuses me, if he trully loved her he would have told her that a long time

 

ago? em I right?

 

Altough, I care about them both, I know my friend, and I donot believe he really loves her. I am confused, she has

 

told me she likes me, and now she tell me that even if

 

they were to break up, she would only want to be a friend.

[Tony T]

You are NOT my definition of a very good friend.

 

Anybody who would call himself a friend of mine wouldn't be flirting with my girlfriend and working on her head to get her to break up with me. Any friend of mine would respect my ability to tell my girlfriend how much I care about her whenever I am ready.

 

Any friend of mine would not be spending the better part of his days analyzing my relationship and trying to predict just how soon it would end. My friends are smart enough to know just how unproductive that is.

 

A friend of mine would have deep respect for my relationships, my privacy, and my right to conduct my relationship in whatever way I felt without undue intrusion by a back biting, two faced friend.

 

Any friend of mine would be intelligent enough to know just how dangerous and insane it is to wait around for ANY couple to break up in order to move in on the girl...because it is a big gamble on how long that might take if it ever happened at all.

 

Any friend of mine would butt out entirely and go find his own girl, independently of mine, and get on with his life.

 

Any friend of mine would know just how unethical it is and how hurtful it would be to start seeing my ex soon after I would break up with her, if that ever happened. No friend of mine would do something so classless, because my friends have class, manners and honor.

 

I haven't answered your question, but I think I have established that you are not a very good friend of this guy. Do him and yourself a favor by staying away from him.

 

I would not want you for a friend either. Work on being a better friend and you might find a really nice girl.

 

And, by the way, I think if there is a break up here, this girl deserves a guy with more ethics and morals than you have.

 

Don't take this personally. I don't know who you are. I am just sort of made this generic because there are a lot of scumbags that do this around the world.

[leah]

first of all:

 

1)you couldn't possibly care about your friend if you are sleeping with his girlfriend

 

2)you couldn't possibly care about this woman, because if you did, you would want her to resolve her feelings for her ex before rebounding onto you

 

3)you couldn't possibly care about yourself, because if you did, you'd realize that this girl does not have feelings for you, because she's been waiting for your friend to declare his feelings for her and you'd realize that your love relationship is based on insecurity.

[RED]

first of all: 1)you couldn't possibly care about your friend if you are sleeping with his girlfriend 2)you couldn't possibly care about this woman, because if you did, you would want her to resolve her feelings for her ex before rebounding onto you 3)you couldn't possibly care about yourself, because if you did, you'd realize that this girl does not have feelings for you, because she's been waiting for your friend to declare his feelings for her and you'd realize that your love relationship is based on insecurity.

I did say I was sleeping with her,,, I would not do that,,

 

and I have encourage her to resolve her feelings, but, she

 

keeps throwing this i'm going to leave him stuff at me, knowing, that I care about her. Which is what makes no sense to me..

[Lost&Confused]

I know exactly what you're going through. Currently, I'm going through something similar. The only advice I can give is that if you're really in love, then be sure that she knows just how much. And remember, always be a friend. Don't wait though. In my situation, I waited for so long that now she's engaged to the one that doesn't truely love her, and the one that she complains about constantly. Try reading my post. I think its odd just how many people out there are in our situations. Don't worry about those other naysayers out there. As long as you respect her and don't unfairly manipulate the situation, you're doing the right thing.

[Richard]

I went through this sort of crap, to put it mildly. My friend who I had known for 8 years started seeing my girl behind my back. I had left town to visit friends for 2 weeks because I hadn't seen them for years. During those 2 weeks he was meeting her practically everyday. I knew my relationship with my girlfriend wasn't the most solid, but my friend budding into my life in that way was so inexcuseable. And this "bad" friend was moving out of the country, so I guess he wanted to have a girl to come home to on vacation. Incredible! I terminated our friendship. He wanted me to see his side, but like I said that was crap. Friends do not do these things, take it from me.

 

Later they did keep in contact, but even he called me a couple months afterwards to say hello. He did explain that he wasn't thinking about her as much anymore. No doubt...How could both of them trust each other for back stabing someone the were close to?

 

You should put yourself in your friend's shoes and imagine how things would be for you. That's my best advice. Think of a girl who would just move over to his friend. Is that a girl you really want? I think the lure to get her is part of the challenge but her true mentality is more important. She's shallow and if you go through with this you are too. Remember that. I'm sure your friend is probably a decent guy and you must be very lucky to have a good friend like him...They're not easy to come by. You ought to have a lot more respect for him, otherwise get out of his life. If you go through with going after his girl, you'll lose him and for what? A girl who goes to her boyfriend's friend--very shallow indeed. Do the mature thing.

I know exactly what you're going through. Currently, I'm going through something similar. The only advice I can give is that if you're really in love, then be sure that she knows just how much. And remember, always be a friend. Don't wait though. In my situation, I waited for so long that now she's engaged to the one that doesn't truely love her, and the one that she complains about constantly. Try reading my post. I think its odd just how many people out there are in our situations. Don't worry about those other naysayers out there. As long as you respect her and don't unfairly manipulate the situation, you're doing the right thing.

[Deejette]

What I am seeing here in these recent posts are a number of girls that keep two guys on a string by complaining to one about the other one but still staying in the relationship with the first one.

 

I think the guys are ill-advised to keep hoping for a girl who is already attached. If she had any guts and really liked you guys, she would leave the boyfriend who supposedly is so horrible.

 

It is easy to see where the guys are going wrong, in horning in on some other guy's girl. But we must also look at these shilly-shallying girls who seemingly can't make up their minds and enjoy all the attention they are getting.

I went through this sort of crap, to put it mildly. My friend who I had known for 8 years started seeing my girl behind my back. I had left town to visit friends for 2 weeks because I hadn't seen them for years. During those 2 weeks he was meeting her practically everyday. I knew my relationship with my girlfriend wasn't the most solid, but my friend budding into my life in that way was so inexcuseable. And this "bad" friend was moving out of the country, so I guess he wanted to have a girl to come home to on vacation. Incredible! I terminated our friendship. He wanted me to see his side, but like I said that was crap. Friends do not do these things, take it from me. Later they did keep in contact, but even he called me a couple months afterwards to say hello. He did explain that he wasn't thinking about her as much anymore. No doubt...How could both of them trust each other for back stabing someone the were close to? You should put yourself in your friend's shoes and imagine how things would be for you. That's my best advice. Think of a girl who would just move over to his friend. Is that a girl you really want? I think the lure to get her is part of the challenge but her true mentality is more important. She's shallow and if you go through with this you are too. Remember that. I'm sure your friend is probably a decent guy and you must be very lucky to have a good friend like him...They're not easy to come by. You ought to have a lot more respect for him, otherwise get out of his life. If you go through with going after his girl, you'll lose him and for what? A girl who goes to her boyfriend's friend--very shallow indeed. Do the mature thing.