Girlfriend Told Weird Story About Having Fun Other Men. What??

[MrBossMan]

*with

 

Hi, guys.

 

My gf told me that she went to the park alone because she was bored and went to the basketball courts where there were shirtless men playing basketball. She said that she joined them (she's not good at it at all, but enjoys playing). She said that they said that they play every week at about the same time and that they invited her back. She told me that she's going.

 

Now while she was telling me this, I'm thinking, "is this a joke??" But she doesn't really tell jokes like that so I assumed it was true. I asked if she was serious and she said yes and that she's going back next time. So I said, sarcastically, that I just happen to be judging a bikini contest at the same time, so it's ok. She asked me if I was ok with her going and I asked her if it would be ok with her if I wanted to play volleyball with a bunch of girls on the beach and she said yes.

 

She cracks a big smile on her face and says she made it up and that it was just a joke. I showed annoyance, but laughed it off, but does this cross you as a little strange that she would be making jokes like that just to get me upset and/or jealous? Or is it just an innocent joke and nothing more?

 

I'll add that she's had boundary issues in the past when it comes to other guys.

 

Thanks!

Edited August 14, 2013 by MrBossMan

[nescafe1982]

If this was the only incident I'd say she successfully ignited your jealousy but that it's not that big a deal (the joke, that is).

 

I mean, maybe it was sort of a mean joke and you could tell her you didn't like it... but depending on how the rest of the relationship, this might be a "pick your battles" moment.

[BeholdtheMan]

I'll add that she's had boundary issues in the past when it comes to other guys.

 

Thanks!

She sounds like a mentally unstable attention whore...unless she's just a sweet girl with an eccentric sense of humour. What is it, OP?

[MrBossMan]

She sounds like a mentally unstable attention whore...unless she's just a sweet girl with an eccentric sense of humour. What is it, OP?

I'm leaning toward the second. She does have a charmingly embarrassing sense of humor, but the reason that this left me confused is because she made me upset for a laugh.

[Try]

My gf told me that she went to the park alone because she was bored and went to the basketball courts where there were shirtless men playing basketball. She said that she joined them (she's not good at it at all, but enjoys playing). She said that they said that they play every week at about the same time and that they invited her back. She told me that she's going.

This is either one of two things. One, she had the opportunity to really do this, or something like this, and she wanted to sh*t test you to see if she should tell you about it so that she could do it again. Two, this was just a sh*t test to see if you are beta enough to let her explore inappropriate relationships with other men. Almost all women will sh*t test their men. How you handle the test will impact your relationship with them going forward. When given this test, please remember that it is OK to be jealous when given good reason to be jealous, and that being in an exclusive relationship means by definition that you both agreed to have your interaction with the opposite sex be controlled and limited. Edited August 14, 2013 by Try

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

This is either one of two things. One, she had the opportunity to really do this, or something like this, and she wanted to sh*t test you to see if she should tell you about it so that she could do it again. Two, this was just a sh*t test to see if you are beta enough to let her explore inappropriate relationships with other men. Almost all women will sh*t test their men. How you handle the test will impact your relationship with them going forward. When given this test, please remember that it is OK to be jealous when given good reason to be jealous, and that being in an exclusive relationship means by definition that you both agreed to have your interaction with the opposite sex be controlled and limited.

 

On a deeper psychological level, this is 100% correct.

[MrBossMan]

This is either one of two things. One, she had the opportunity to really do this, or something like this, and she wanted to sh*t test you to see if she should tell you about it so that she could do it again. Two, this was just a sh*t test to see if you are beta enough to let her explore inappropriate relationships with other men. Almost all women will sh*t test their men. How you handle the test will impact your relationship with them going forward. When given this test, please remember that it is OK to be jealous when given good reason to be jealous, and that being in an exclusive relationship means by definition that you both agreed to have your interaction with the opposite sex be controlled and limited.

 

You're right. I've heard people say that getting jealous at all will make you look insecure, so I toned it down for most normal situations where there isn't necessarily a real threat. I'll act like I don't believe it's possible for me to be the kind of guy that a girl would choose someone else over. But at the same time, there are situations that can get out of hand and become disrespectful (like in her fictional story).

 

She said that the reality was that her and her best friend both went to the park and were playing by themselves. Seems legit, but I wonder why the idea of shirtless men popped into her mind. Hmmm...

[ExpatInItaly]

You're right. I've heard people say that getting jealous at all will make you look insecure, so I toned it down for most normal situations where there isn't necessarily a real threat. I'll act like I don't believe it's possible for me to be the kind of guy that a girl would choose someone else over. But at the same time, there are situations that can get out of hand and become disrespectful (like in her fictional story).

 

She said that the reality was that her and her best friend both went to the park and were playing by themselves. Seems legit, but I wonder why the idea of shirtless men popped into her mind. Hmmm...

 

Sorry, but I don't really buy that it's just a joke. I agree with another poster that she either really did it or had the opportunity to do it, and wanted to see if she could do so again.

 

If she actually made up the whole story as a joke and kept it up when she saw you were upset, it's twisted. Why would she want to upset you for a couple laughs?

[PegNosePete]

Try is right, it's not a joke it's a sh*t test, and I'd say you passed with flying colours.

You didn't do the freaking out jealous thing. You didn't say "sure no problem". You handled it with sarcasm and role reversal and humour whilst shutting it down. Perfect answer.

She said it was a joke because she didn't want to admit (and maybe didn't even consciously know herself) that it was a sh*t test.

 

If this is the last such occurance then I'd forget about it. But if she keeps on testing you then I would be concerned.

[eddyctv]

Tell her you are available to play too...just to see her reaction.

[MrBossMan]

Tell her you are available to play too...just to see her reaction.

 

I did, and she said, "nah" and brought up a scheduling conflict

[MrBossMan]

Try is right, it's not a joke it's a sh*t test, and I'd say you passed with flying colours.

You didn't do the freaking out jealous thing. You didn't say "sure no problem". You handled it with sarcasm and role reversal and humour whilst shutting it down. Perfect answer.

She said it was a joke because she didn't want to admit (and maybe didn't even consciously know herself) that it was a sh*t test.

 

If this is the last such occurance then I'd forget about it. But if she keeps on testing you then I would be concerned.

 

Yeah, I'll keep my eyes open

[MrBossMan]

Sorry, but I don't really buy that it's just a joke. I agree with another poster that she either really did it or had the opportunity to do it, and wanted to see if she could do so again.

 

If she actually made up the whole story as a joke and kept it up when she saw you were upset, it's twisted. Why would she want to upset you for a couple laughs?

 

Know what's weird? She kept reminding me that it was a joke, even after it was clear that I knew. I made a joke about it right after, and then again much later, and she replied that it was just a joke. It crossed me as a little strange.

[MrBossMan]

Know what? I may swing by the park on that day for maybe 2 or 3 weeks at around the time I think she went, just to be 100% sure. At best, she's not there and she doesn't know I checked... and even if it didn't start as a joke, at least I'll see that she has no intention to go. And at worst, she lied.

[Try]

Know what? I may swing by the park on that day for maybe 2 or 3 weeks at around the time I think she went, just to be 100% sure. At best, she's not there and she doesn't know I checked... and even if it didn't start as a joke, at least I'll see that she has no intention to go. And at worst, she lied.

Smart move you going to check it out. If she is there and sees you, do not make any apologizes at all. Just tell her that you did not think that her joke was very funny at all, and then ask her why she was there.