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Will my brother ever forgive me for sleeping with his fiancee?


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I was right before. His ex fiancee was playing with me too and it's worst than I thought. I just spoke to my parents and they told me that my brother found out through others that she's been cheating with 2 other guys and right now her facebook profile status is ''in a relationship''. I know this is going to sound stupid at this point as I should have known better not to ever do this to him, but during that time, I thought she had some feelings for me.

 

I feel so disgusted with himself. I ruined it all, his trust for a worthless girl, a serial cheater.

 

 

Minimize much, Cresingdown?

 

You can say whatever you want but you are Jerry Springer material.... just like your brother's ex fiance. It may be hard to admit it but you two really belong to that group now.

 

And your parents must be really proud of you.... I can only imagine how lovely Thanksgiving dinner will be this year for all of you.

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The ham and turkey will be pre-cut and they'll be using spoons.

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At least you saved your brother from marrying a whore.

 

 

All he was thinking about was getting his piccolino wet.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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All he was thinking about was getting his piccolino wet.
No, I actually did had feelings for her. I had a crush on her for a long while but wouldn't act it out until the day we got drunk.

 

According to my parents my brother hasn't been dating anyone and recently quitted his job. And he still has my last message.

 

I know this right now might not be a good idea, but I was thinking of meeting up with him and explain him everything in person. I'm tired of hiding from him. I'm prepare if he wants to punch the hell out of me. I deserved it.

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You have free will...you could have maintained boundaries...you should have kept honor of your brother in front of your sexual wants. But you didn't. Why is that?
I such a crappy brother. I don't know what on earth I was thinking but have been having sleepless nights.

So why does it surprise you that a girl who would have sex with her finances younger brother would move on quickly to another, or be promiscuous? (Hope you are getting STD checked)
I used protection all the time. I know. I must be an idiot but she used to tell me about feeling the same too. She has many good traits and right after our drunken night, I fell for her quicker than any other girl.

You need to let your bother chew you out, face to face and quit hiding like a child.

 

Man up

I'm planning to meet up with him sometime this week or next. I don't want to hide from him forever. I'm the reason he is a mess now.
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Minimize much, Cresingdown?

 

You can say whatever you want but you are Jerry Springer material.... just like your brother's ex fiance. It may be hard to admit it but you two really belong to that group now.

 

And your parents must be really proud of you.... I can only imagine how lovely Thanksgiving dinner will be this year for all of you.

I know you may not believe me, but I really regret what I did to him.
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It-is-what-it-is.

Cressing

 

You need to think about something.

 

You still sound like you feel more sorry for yourself.

 

For having a crush-real feelings

 

For realizing she was using you too?

 

Please focus your apology for your brothers feelings and his life imploding.

 

Fiancé, brother, parents who want him to forgive you, job.

 

Think about it

 

IIWII

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Space Ritual
I know you may not believe me, but I really regret what I did to him.

 

 

Kid,

 

The only thing you regret is getting caught. You want someone to tell you that this is going to pass and that the "Blood is thicker than water" adage will play itself out like a Saturday afternoon movie on basic cable where all is forgiven before the end credits roll.

 

It won't.

 

Your brother may forgive you someday, he may not. However even if he does here is a snapshot of how the rest of your life will probably play out regarding your relationship with your brother.

 

Let's say he SAYS he forgives you at some point. What you did will always be in the back of his mind for the rest of his life. He will never trust you...ever. Any relationship he has with another female rest assured he will think twice about ever being around you with her, let alone ever introducing you to her. You can also be assured that some of your mutual friends will never be your friends again...after all if you can screw your brother over the way you did, you would be more than happy to screw them over too, right?

Possibly to some other extended family members you will be considered a scumbag and will not be welcomed in their presence, ever.

 

Not to mention the massive embarrassment your brother has suffered at your hands. From now on he will always be "that guy whose brother screwed his fiance" to some people he knows and they will snicker and make jokes about him behind his back, about what kind of loser he must have been to have his own brother bone his fiance. HE has to live with the consequences of YOUR actions for the rest of his life.

 

His fiance got off scott free literally, as it does not seem she was too broken up about it as you admit she is already in a relationship.

 

Of course it may not turn out that way at all, maybe you two will chalk it up to youthful exuberance and drinking and say "Oh well, we are still brothers". But I highly doubt it

 

It is one thing to cheat on somebody but to cheat with your brother's fiance is about as reprehensible an act as can possibly occur.

 

The best thing you can do is give him as much space as he needs and leave him alone. If he wants to talk to you, he will. be prepared to take a beating you richly deserve if he ever does speak to you again.

 

25 years ago I was three weeks shy of my wedding when I walked in on my fiance riding my friend like Bronco in my own bed. The choice I made in the moments following that discovery landed me in prison for 4 years. I have a brother, and I figure had it been my brother instead of a "friend" I would guarantee you that I would still be sitting there.

 

Consider yourself lucky your brother has not reached out to you yet with a 3 Iron (the 'W' on Wilson golf clubs really can make a nasty mark on somebody's head, I know from experience)....and leave him the hell alone!

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Kid,

 

 

25 years ago I was three weeks shy of my wedding when I walked in on my fiance riding my friend like Bronco in my own bed. The choice I made in the moments following that discovery landed me in prison for 4 years. I have a brother, and I figure had it been my brother instead of a "friend" I would guarantee you that I would still be sitting there.

 

Consider yourself lucky your brother has not reached out to you yet with a 3 Iron (the 'W' on Wilson golf clubs really can make a nasty mark on somebody's head, I know from experience)....and leave him the hell alone!

 

 

If you have the time your story would be a good one to hear if you can share more.

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Unfortunately, there's very little honor among men anymore.

 

Because of the rampant desperation among men, very few of them know how empowering it feels to turn down a woman in morally reprehensible situations, such as yours and the OP's.

Don't think there was ever any honor among men. I've done both and it feels 10x better when you pick the sleeping with her option. :o Showing your greatness over another guy by making his woman want you and having her. It's a primal feeling there's really nothing like. I don't blame CresingDown. Especially since it was his older brother who was probably an authority figure. Makes it even more intoxicating.

 

Cresing, if it makes you feel any better you did something the majority of men would do. Most just don't like to admit to it and those that can manage to pull it off usually don't get caught. It's what you were programmed for. You're now the alphadog. If your brother can't handle it that's his problem.

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Most just don't like to admit to it and those that can manage to pull it off usually don't get caught. It's what you were programmed for. You're now the alphadog. If your brother can't handle it that's his problem.

That makes sense - as long as he is willing to see himself as a dog.

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Space Ritual
If you have the time your story would be a good one to hear if you can share more.

 

Sure, I will be brief though....

 

I really was the poster boy for lashing out physically and I will be the first to admit that the choice that I made was an absolute terrible one. I have no one to blame but myself and I deserved to go to jail for what I did. I could make up some excuse and say I was young or I made a rash decision, or he had it coming, but I won't. I could have and should have walked out the door at that second and deleted both of them from my life but I made the choice to do something incredibly violent and in the process messed my life and the lives of 2 other people up all on my own. And certainly not proud of what I did.

 

I am still paying for my actions 25 years later. It's very hard for convicted felons (especially those convicted of a violent felony) to get work, loans, housing, you name it. Not to mention the hell I experienced inside. I had to grow up real quick in the space of 4 years as I quickly learned that anything anyone ever sees on TV or movies about prison life is not even remotely close to the actual experience. And again, I landed there all on my own because of what I did, not what my fiance or my "friend" did.

 

I have since been able to go to college and get a couple of degrees but even then being a felon pretty much ends an interview right then and there. So I went into business for myself and over the last few years I have built a decent life for myself but the spectre of my actions follow me everywhere I go. I can say I am not that person anymore but the State of Illinois would beg to differ, and will do so until my dying breath.

 

My comment to the OP about getting a beating from his brother was a visceral reaction and a triggery response of sorts, so my apologies to the OP for saying that. I of all people should have never said anything about anyone deserving a beating.

 

 

So if there is any advice I can offer to anyone who thinks about kicking somebody's ass over something like this is that I am living proof that it is not worth it. It may feel really good to do at the moment, but that feeling will fade very quickly when you are having a service revolver pointed at your head and slammed to the ground and cuffed. No one is worth going to jail over...ever.

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James-London

Interesting thread. totally agree about dodging a bullet by not marrying the awful fiancé. When the brother realises how terrible she was, losing her will be seen as less important. Not that this condones Crushing's behaviour.

 

Crushing - how you should try and get forgiveness depends on what he is like. Nobody on this forum knows him except you, so I don't know why they all advise you to leave him alone. I would certainly not crowd him.... However, I would go get some therapy and ask your family to let him know that. After a few months, maybe write another brief note to tell him you love him and will carry this guilt for the rest of your life. That you hurt yourself as well as him.

 

One thing that would get his trust would be to be in situations where he would have to trust you with his GF and you don't mess him over. However, I doubt such opportunities will arrive anytime soon.

 

One more thing - this Gaius guy is simply saying stuff that all guys know. In general, the OP has no obligations to the BF. If the GF wants to cheat, it is not the fault of the OP for being involved. All blame goes to the cheating BF/GF.

 

However, that only applies where the OP has no relationship with the person being cheat on. If it is a friend (or brother), then you DO HAVE obligations, and you obviously shouldn't do it.

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James-London

dude - you don't go with a girl when you know her BF personally. sure I take your aloha male point (I've been there myself), but I would never do it against a friend or even anyone I even know.

 

also, the girl you "conquered" will always be a cheat (by definition) so lower value than a girl who wouldn't.

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You stabbed your brother in the back in the worst kind of way. Men just don't do this kind of stuff to men they supposedly care about. I have no brothers but I would literally take a bullet for my friends so I could never entertain the thought of sleeping with their woman. You have a lot to make up for.

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A true alpha is in control of himself and his impulses and does not let his penis talk him into betraying his own brother or friend. I suggest any single man go through a celibate period because it really has help a man master himself which is the true mark of a strong person.

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He found out 4 months ago through some messages we would exchanged and because she was acting distant. He obviously send me to hell over the phone and nope, I didn't even wanted to met up with him (I've been hiding from him since). He broke off the engagement too.

 

But thing is I already was overwhelmed with guilt and was the one to break things with her and within the following days, he finds out about our what we did. My mother slapped the hell out of me and other members scolded me harshly (again, I only came home when my brother was working; I'm hiding from him still).

 

I've tried apologizing countless on the phone and online but he send me to hell again. He took me out of facebook. I'm really sorry and regret it. Is there a way I can get him back. My parents have been trying to talk to him. I would do anything to get him back, to gain his trust again. I was stupid. Will we ever talk again like brothers and best friends? I already learned. I won't ever do this to him again.

 

Will someone please help out. Please I beg you no labels no insults, please don't. I already feel like the lowest being of all.

Just wait and hope for him to forgive you.

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