help im dating a stripper

[atthedrivein4200]

hey , the problem is the girl I love is a stripper. I met her a few months ago and she was a full nude dancer.

she has quit the job but is starting a new job toppless tommorow.

its not the nudity that worries me (she has a hot body, why not show it)

but the lifestyle. how can i get over this without breaking up with her?

its hard to tell a young woman whoo makes 10x's as much as me to get a real job and make 6hr, instead of$200

thoughts, feelings?????????

[Merin]

My thought is this.. you met her when she was a stripper, you persued her when she was a stripper, you began dating her when she was a stripper..

 

Point being.. it isn't really fair to say, I love you, you're perfect now change.

 

Talk to her about what concerns you regarding the "lifestyle" without trying to change who she is.

 

Good Luck

[morrigan]

I agree----accept what she does as a career or get out of her life. Stripper doesn't equate with being promiscuous or stupid. They are regular chicks--some are nice, some aren't.

 

I would suggest not hanging out at the club(s) where she works--you're less likely to feel jealous or upset. What are the qualities about her----not her body--that make you admire and appreciate her? Treat her like you would any girl who works at a hospital or a restaurant, be supportive when she's had a bad day at work.

 

I would hope that she is realistic about how long term she can be doing this, she definitely won't be in this business when she's 45.

[Stone]

I was a Topless Dancer for several years I meet my boyfriend there and like Merin said you prosued her as a stripper so you can't change that. I am sure she is a totally diffrent person outside of the club.

 

Most girls long to get out of the business, but when you are making ALOT of money and you are single it's eaiser just to stay and tuck it away. I always knew that if I we're to find a serious relationship I would quit because in some way it's disrespectful to the relationship but I didn't quit dancing untill we we're togeather 8 months or so. ( can't leave the money unless it's a sure thing )

 

My Advice to you is to just hang on for a little and see where this goes if it seems to be going in a serious long term relationship I would speak up. Make sure she is going to school OR investing her money properly, unfortunatly once you are in your late 20's to 30's your done with the business.

[faux]

If you have a problem with a woman making more money than you, and you cannot trust her enough to be faithful, perhaps both you and this woman should find new people to be involved with. If you cannot be comfortable with her line of work you probably cannot be comfortable with her.

[No One]

My brother was with a girl for 3 years. Within a few months before their relationship fell apart, he found out that she was stripping for the past 6 months. He also found out that she slept with his best friend while they were engaged to be married. He bought her a $60,000 engagement ring and she totally screwed him over. Bottom-line is that she lied, cheated, and she turned out to be a stupid b*.... Well, what can you really expect from a girl that couldn't even graduate from high school?

 

If you are serious about this relationship to the point of marriage, you should ask yourself, would you want the mother of your child to be a stripper? I imagine that she must have other talents to draw on after all beauty is not forever. With age --- beauty fades, then what is she going to do? Besides, isn't it a little cheap to be exposing your body for money?

 

To ask her to stop would be a mistake because she will just become angry with you. (No guy is going to tell me what to do...blah...blah...blah). I heard it all. Anyhow, I have never met a stripper that was decent and a lot of girls that were my friends in hs ended up becoming strippers. 1.b/c they had little respect for themselves; 2. the attention made them feel better about themselves; 3. they had no other talents to draw from. That's not to say that there aren't some decent girls that strip (liberal views, etc) b/c I will probably never meet enough strippers to make a fair judgement nor would I want to. My morals tell me that it is wrong and I would never date anyone that I had absolutely no respect for. Obviously the stripping issue does not bother you from your post - why should it matter now. Dude, that sort of lifestyle comes with the job. You have to accept it.

 

The same advice I told my brother, she's not worth it there are millions of beautiful girls with a brain out there - you just need to know where to look. Because after she starts to sag, etc... what will you love then?

 

I really hope she doesn't hurt you! My brother who is truly a sweet guy now treats girls like crap b/c of that one stupid b*. He think all girls are sluts now. It's really sad. -- sigh

[Stone]

Originally posted by No One

she's not worth it there are millions of beautiful girls with a brain out there.

 

O.K. you stated that you havent meet enough dancers to make a judgement about them, then you make a statement like above, that they don't have brains. There are SEVERAL dancers that are going to school full time, have daytime careers, and are wonderful stay at home mothers in the day. Don't sterotype all of them because you meet a couple crack heads with low self esteem. AND it takes ALOT of guts to get up on that stage in the 1st place, I have never meet a DAncer with self esteem issues and I was one for 5 years.

 

If the origional poster loves this girl as he says he shouldn't leave her because she is in the job he found her in

[MelodyJ]

Well, I have never been a stripper, nor do I know any, but Mr. Guest, you are incredible. You are drawing off an experience that was'nt even yours and passing judgement and giving advice based on it. "what do you expect from a girl who could'nt even pass highschool?" I have friends who did not graduate highschool. Why, because they are stupid? No, because they made some bad judgements, because they had no one at home to supervise them and give them the encouragement that kids need to get through highschool. Now, they are intelligent working women, caring mothers who run a household and keep their men happy, and can hold a conversation with the CEO of the company. Someone that no one would ever guess did'nt pass high school. If you don't like someone for what they do when you meet them, don't stick around. Easy as that. But don't judge something or someone when you don't know fist hand how it came to be. If this guy is so concerned, then maybe he should just move on. If she wants to pursue a relationship, then she will decide if he is worth changing her lifestyle for. But, it is her choice.

[No One]

LOL Ms. M I did not say that all people that didn't graduate from hs were stupid. I said that this girl was stupid because her IQ was very low. We generally measure intelligent by IQ. She had two more opportunities to get her GED but she failed both times of no cost to her parents - the gov't paid for it (our tax dollars).

 

1. you assumed that I was a guy - which I am not.

2. you assumed that I did not know this girl - which I knew more so than my brother b/c she was my friend

3. you assumed that I implied that she was stupid because she didn't graduate from hs - which I am not.

 

I know many intelligent people that didn't graduate from hs. Their reasons were that they were stupid, irresponsible at the time and just didn't care. This is not the case for her. The statement I mentioned about hs was more directed to the point that she wasn't focused - had no direction, etc... therefore you cannot expect much from a person like this. I'm not saying that she will always be like!

 

Also, how can you say that I have no experience with this when you know absolutely nothing about me. Again I mentioned to you that I had a lot of stripper friends - they told me directly that they would not quit stripping for their bfs, etc...

[No One]

Originally posted by Stone

O.K. you stated that you havent meet enough dancers to make a judgement about them, then you make a statement like above, that they don't have brains. There are SEVERAL dancers that are going to school full time, have daytime careers, and are wonderful stay at home mothers in the day. Don't sterotype all of them because you meet a couple crack heads with low self esteem. AND it takes ALOT of guts to get up on that stage in the 1st place, I have never meet a DAncer with self esteem issues and I was one for 5 years.

 

If the origional poster loves this girl as he says he shouldn't leave her because she is in the job he found her in

 

Like I said in my original post - I have not met enough strippers to make a fair judgement. the advice to my brother is very accurate for his situation but for this guy I'm not sure. I forgot to add If she is anything like my brother's ex then...blah...blah... I did NOT say that all strippers were like this - again the statement above.

[zara]

I am a stripper. I have had BFs in the past who have had problems with my being a stripper, even though they like going to strip clubs and liked having a hot girlfriend, they just had jealousy issues and a prejudice that meant they couldn't bear the thought of their girlfriend being a stripper. However, i have just started dating someone who is totally cool with it. He understands that it is just a job.

 

You say you don't have problems with her actually stripping, but with her lifestyle - exactly what do you mean? There are many women who have lifestyles that you would find disagreeable, regardless of whether they are strippers or not. I know of women who are doctors, teachers, lawyers who drink excessively, smoke, take drugs, sleep around and so if these are the sort of things then it is a lifestyle issue rather than her career.

 

If you have doubts about being able to trust her, i have to tell you that a stripper is probably the most faithful girl you could have! Unlike most women, we don't feel the need for attention from other guys, we get enough of that at work, what's more we tend to regard most of the guys we dance for as a necessary irritant in the course of our jobs, a bit like anyone who works in a record store or shoe shop - they give us money to pretend we find them irresistable: YOU have the real deal. Enjoy this fact, be proud and confident and allow your relationship to blossom.

[Withnail]

Thats easier said than done for a guy to put up with that. We're just territorial and protective. Im pretty sure I couldnt do it. I could probably put up with a topless cabaret showgirl type though

[Soul Doubt]

Originally posted by No One

Like I said in my original post - I have not met enough strippers to make a fair judgement. the advice to my brother is very accurate for his situation but for this guy I'm not sure. I forgot to add If she is anything like my brother's ex then...blah...blah... I did NOT say that all strippers were like this - again the statement above.

 

 

No one, Take your Conservative views and stick them in your hat.

like most Conservatives I know you have the uncanny ability to contradict yourself all in one sentences...Amazing. Christ if I hear one more person complain about tax dollars, I think I am going to scream. How can you get on here and Judge anyone is beyond Me, Judge Not, Or you will be judged my Dimwitted friend, and our original post is full of Judgments, not to mention extreme exaggerations..

 

let's say your brother did Shell out 60,000 dollars for an engagement ring. 60,000 Dollars!!! My House didn't even cost that much, nor any car I will ever drive. If your brother payed that much for a ring you have to wonder what exactly is he trying to make up for? and then you have to wonder if maybe just maybe this girl who you blasted because, her lifestyle was not the same as your,s might have been perfect 4 your brother, because if he paid anyone 60,000 dollars for a ring he is just as dumb as the Dumb, Stupid, whatever other label you conservatives so easily throw on people, girl that he was talking to.60,000 Dollars Come on?

 

I am serious I can not believe you at all. You said in one breathe that Strippers aren't descent people, and then in the next that you don't know enough to pass judgment...after you already passed judgment, if you ask me you just wanted to have something to say so you made a little story about how some liberal no good Stripper hurt a Good God Fearing bush voting Family, threw in some tales to enforce your Conservative outlook, and then exaggerated the Facts so no one could tell you you are wrong...here is my Feeling YOU MADE THIS UP!!!

[soccer_809]

My 2 cents ..

 

I think you should (as someone else mentioned) forget about what she does and evaluate her as a person. That's what we would do with pretty much any type of job wouldn't we?

 

I have also just recently met a dancer. Not in a club, I never was into that. We met online (at first) and we found we had a lot in common. She told me very early on though what her occupation was. That was a small negative at first for me, to be honest, but I really liked so much about her.

 

I can't generalize, I can only say I know her to be a really sweet, together lady that happens to be stunning too She doesn't spend her spare time in ridiculous heels or anything and I am never embarassed to be out shopping for groceries with her.

 

If you take away the dancing thing, she is a fantastic match for me in a variety of ways, and she feels the same about me .. claims I'm the one she's been waiting for!

 

It hasn't bothered me so far, I am not going to go see her on the job though. Not a jealous type, but still, haven't wanted to take the chance.

 

So .. does her job spell doom for us? Not so far, here's hoping ..

[soccer_809]

Zara, Stone ..

 

Any expert advice on my situation?

 

Like I said, we are crazy about each other and she wants to move in.

 

Her job hasn't bothered me yet, she's really businesslike about it, and has been doing it for a long time. She just likes the ease of making the money. She's still beautiful but 39 now, so I guess that must be coming to a close soon.. ?

 

My concerns are not jealousy, she knows what she wants, I am not worried. I don't treat her any differently than if she came home from a nursing job or whatever... should I?

 

I do ok but have support payments to make .. so I worry a bit about being just your avg guy (financially).. where I know she makes a bundle. She's very down-to-earth and says that doesn't matter, she doesn't need a wealthy guy. But how long can she go on dancing, and what does an ex-dancer do?

 

No big worries, the main point is still our feelings towards each other.

 

Its just a unique situation I never dreamed I'd be in, and I'd like it to work out. Any other tips from someone in the know?

[Withnail]

Of course theres nothing wrong with strippers as people. My main concern and it depends on the age too, is when relatives come into play. Theyd probably be a little vocal about it, hence rendering things more difficult.

[zara]

You say that you don't view it as a barrier, or any different to lots of jobs out there: i think this is a healthy attitude that you have and is matched by her healthy, professional attitude to what is just a job at the end of the day. Carry on like that and you two are going to be sooo happy together!

 

She may well be nearing the end of her dancing career over the next few years and so this is the time where perhaps you need to discuss with her what she has in mind. If she has any formal qualifications she may want to use those, or she may want to gain some over the next few years. Perhaps she has thought about going into club management, costume design, maybe set up her own business training and supplying dancers. Or maybe she wants to do something completely unrelated. There are a whole host of options - it's just like being a regular dancer. I had the option of becoming a professional dancer (not exotic, but modern dance theatre) and chose not to because of this short career span.

 

As for the relatives issue raised by Withnail - it's really none of their business, is it?! You can tell relatives that she runs a bar, gives aerobics classes or whatever if you just want a peaceful life, but it really has nothing to do with anyone else. You are the people having the relationship, not your families!

 

Good luck to you both and i hope you enjoy a long and happy future together!

[guest]

Originally posted by zara

You say that you don't view it as a barrier, or any different to lots of jobs out there: i think this is a healthy attitude that you have and is matched by her healthy, professional attitude to what is just a job at the end of the day. Carry on like that and you two are going to be sooo happy together!

 

She may well be nearing the end of her dancing career over the next few years and so this is the time where perhaps you need to discuss with her what she has in mind. If she has any formal qualifications she may want to use those, or she may want to gain some over the next few years. Perhaps she has thought about going into club management, costume design, maybe set up her own business training and supplying dancers. Or maybe she wants to do something completely unrelated. There are a whole host of options - it's just like being a regular dancer. I had the option of becoming a professional dancer (not exotic, but modern dance theatre) and chose not to because of this short career span.

 

As for the relatives issue raised by Withnail - it's really none of their business, is it?! You can tell relatives that she runs a bar, gives aerobics classes or whatever if you just want a peaceful life, but it really has nothing to do with anyone else. You are the people having the relationship, not your families!

 

Good luck to you both and i hope you enjoy a long and happy future together!

 

I would not worry at all.

[Withnail]

Zara, of course the family arent the ones in the relationship, I was merely stating to be prepared for this, and you know some families can have inquisitions lol. I mean if one has to 'hide his love', it kinda sucks. It depends on age too, if hes in his 30s and has his own place, then its a non issue.

[soccer_809]

Thanks guys

 

Yes, withnail, have thought about the family .. sigh. But I'm 38, and haven't lived with 'Mommy and Daddy' for 20 years, so not too worried. I really hate lying but may just tell them she's a waitress or whatever. Do I really need all the nudging and winking? .. I don't think so.

 

Glad to hear you are optimistic too Zara. I just got to wondering yesterday .. should I be worried about a relationship with her .. did a few searches on the net .. and up came a slew of horror stories!

 

Most of it seemed to be just shock value reading though, that's why I came to this board. Was nice to read the perspective of a couple of girls who really are/were dancers, amongst all the frothing at the mouth overly conservative types and guys looking for some kind of trophy on the other hand.

 

I agree maybe she might like to look at alternatives, maybe I can help her, but I am not going to be pushing her into/out of anything. Just be nice if she has something else to fall back on later. I guess its just too easy, she loves the free time: working "full-time" to her is 3 days a week from noon to 4pm!

[zara]

I wouldn't give much credence to stories people may put round about strippers - i am sure there are some about me! Sometimes i would just love to be a fly on the wall when a guy goes back to his friends after i've danced for him and gives a report back - it's like fishing stories! They may come out and say "she did blah blah blah and let me do blah blah blah" when in actual fact they sat there like scared bunnies whilst their dick strained in their pants and they fumbled for a ten to give me a tip.

 

It might well be difficult for her to adapt to a 'normal' job, with 'normal' hours that's why she might prefer to run her own business. As i say, talk it overwith her and see what she has in mind!

[soccer_809]

Yeah, I'm sure the stories are greatly exagerated.

 

We've talked a bit about it, she said the last time anything happened at work, it was with a bartender working there and that was 10 years ago. Anyone else ever had a thing at work.. ?

 

What's REALLY nice about seeing a dancer (especially one that's been doing it so long), is she is really open about everything: been there, done that, and knows exactly what she wants now.

 

.. and she says she's found it all in me!! So, you are right, I won't sweat it and will just enjoy this great lady, maybe there are a few small downsides but overall I feel I can't believe how lucky I am to have met her.

 

Thanks for the words of wisdom

[zara]

Soccer - i'm currently in the middle of a 'thing' at work with one of the guys who works there. I'd always vowed never to do that but heck, just fell for him big time, sucker that i am!

[soccer_809]

lol .. well at least he probably understands and is ok with the stripping then obviously!

[zara]

...but his regular girlfriend (yes, it's a complicated 'thing'. And it sucks) doesn't strip and is the antithesis of me, i.e. not great looking, slightly overweight, no dress sense. So i guess he views me as someone to screw but not someone to have serious relationship with... although actually i'm going to ask him for some home truths tonight so i may be wrong, but i doubt it!

 

What i need is a nice guy like you!