Single mums who struggles to date?

[juliepatterson]

Am a full time working mum with two boys. I'm a single mum I lead a busying life. I want to start dating again and haven't had much success on dating sites. Has any one been in similar situation? If so, have you done anything about it?

[BluEyeL]

Yes, it is more challenging, but people with kids date and find partners all the time. I'm not sure what your specific situation is, so I don't have advice that applies directly to you, but I'd say, persist, it can be done with the right mindset, skills, and with enough money I'd add.

[Janesays]

When I got divorced, I had an easy time dating.

 

But the difference is, I didn't have children.

 

Unfortunately, I got the impression from a lot of guys I dated that one of my most attractive qualities to men was my age and that I didn't have children. Not of lot of men want to sign up to be a father figure to some other dude's kid.

 

So I'm guessing there is not much you can do about it but wait for Mr. Right...however long it might take for him to finally show up.

[juliepatterson]

Yes, it is more challenging, but people with kids date and find partners all the time. I'm not sure what your specific situation is, so I don't have advice that applies directly to you, but I'd say, persist, it can be done with the right mindset, skills, and with enough money I'd add.

 

Hi BlueEyeL thanks for reply. please feel free not answer if to personal. but have you been in a similar situation ie single parent, trying to date. If so, what have you tried? i'm really out of ideas. and what did you mean 'enough money'??

[BluEyeL]

Hi BlueEyeL thanks for reply. please feel free not answer if to personal. but have you been in a similar situation ie single parent, trying to date. If so, what have you tried? i'm really out of ideas. and what did you mean 'enough money'??

I tried online dating and meetups. I found someone at a meetup, after heavy dating for 5months. Enough money because I dated a lot and had to pay 10 $/h (or more when i used an agency) for childcare. You need sitters to date. I still need to pay.

[juliepatterson]

When I got divorced, I had an easy time dating.

 

But the difference is, I didn't have children.

 

Unfortunately, I got the impression from a lot of guys I dated that one of my most attractive qualities to men was my age and that I didn't have children. Not of lot of men want to sign up to be a father figure to some other dude's kid.

 

So I'm guessing there is not much you can do about it but wait for Mr. Right...however long it might take for him to finally show up.

 

Hi Janesays. thanks for reply, I understand you don't have children, but did you face any problems with trying to date and how you solved it?

[juliepatterson]

I tried online dating and meetups. I found someone at a meetup, after heavy dating for 5months. Enough money because I dated a lot and had to pay 10 $/h (or more when i used an agency) for childcare. You need sitters to date. I still need to pay.

 

are 'meetups' similar to speedating or single nights? if you hadn't found anyone, would you of tried something else/different? like a dating course or some kind advice/course that sharpens your dating skills to improve your chances?

 

I'm consider my alternatives.

[juliepatterson]

It is also against site policy to start the same thread over and over again. Mods will delete all but one.

 

Really you need to chill out. At least leave some valuable advise.

[Emilia]

Really you need to chill out. At least leave some valuable advise.

No, you need to read the terms and conditions when you sign up to a site, if everyone did the same thing it would be a mess. Your threads have been reported, please don't start new ones if they are of the same theme.

[Lansing]

For meetups, go to meetup.com

 

The idea is that it is an activity, a group, a social outing, or they also have "singles" events, etc. It doesn't necessarily have to be for dating purposes. I am thinking of checking it out just to meet new people, guys and girls. Most cities have a ton of different events happening of all topics/interests. I know you are busy with your kids but if you can do things that you like then you are more likely to meet someone of interest through those activities.

[Silly_Girl]

I used a dating site last year. Scored myself a fab husband. Didn't expect that!

 

I think it's important not to expect too much. It's nice to get out and have dates, but finding 'the one' could take some patience.

 

Do you enjoy dating?

[juliepatterson]

No, you need to read the terms and conditions when you sign up to a site, if everyone did the same thing it would be a mess. Your threads have been reported, please don't start new ones if they are of the same theme.

 

Emilia, I will repeat. Please read c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y or please don't response. OBVIOUSLY Emilia is was a mistake. A M-I-S-T-A-K-E that will now be corrected. I don't take pleasure or gain joy and entertainment from petty, small, playground comments.

 

The M-I-S-T-A-K-E is O-V-E-R. I'm sure there are others who also repeat threads, who you need to discover. I advise you spend your time doing just that. Please stop leaving invaluable messages here. I'm actually here to gain good, quality advise. Your more than welcome to do that, if not please don't comment. This is my last message to you, unless you decided to post valuable information. No Timewasters Please.

[juliepatterson]

For meetups, go to meetup.com

 

The idea is that it is an activity, a group, a social outing, or they also have "singles" events, etc. It doesn't necessarily have to be for dating purposes. I am thinking of checking it out just to meet new people, guys and girls. Most cities have a ton of different events happening of all topics/interests. I know you are busy with your kids but if you can do things that you like then you are more likely to meet someone of interest through those activities.

 

Hi Lansing, good advice about meeting people doing things you like. I am considering my alternatives too. Have you ever considered things like dating courses, relationship advice or ways to better your dating techniques? Kinda like improving/working on yourself before getting out there?

[Janesays]

Hi Janesays. thanks for reply, I understand you don't have children, but did you face any problems with trying to date and how you solved it?

 

None at all, really. Was a pleasant experience and found my fiance fairly quickly.

[bentleychic]

Is your kid's dad in the picture? I don't use baby sitters. I go out when their dad has them every other w/end and if I need to go out more, I'll ask a relative to watch them, but I'm hesitant to do that. Not ideal if trying to get in a steady relationship, I suppose, but works for me for now.

[juliepatterson]

I used a dating site last year. Scored myself a fab husband. Didn't expect that!

 

I think it's important not to expect too much. It's nice to get out and have dates, but finding 'the one' could take some patience.

 

Do you enjoy dating?

 

A HUSBAND! Silly Girl your selling it to me. Your can't be that silly, more like Miracle Girl!

 

Dating is ok, but sometimes I wonder if I need to prepare myself better so I'm stronger for the world of dating. Everyone just seems to jump on dating sites. I'm thinking should I get some relationship advise, build on my confidence and interaction methods. Things like that.

 

If you had never found anyone, what would you of done about it? what would of been the next move for you?

[BluEyeL]

are 'meetups' similar to speedating or single nights? if you hadn't found anyone, would you of tried something else/different? like a dating course or some kind advice/course that sharpens your dating skills to improve your chances?

 

I'm consider my alternatives.

Yes, singles nights and other activities. I didn't take a course but I read about TWENTY self help books, because I was married or otherwise with my ex husband all my adult life and didn't know anything about dating or male psychology. Helped me a lot. First thing is you must have high self esteem before you start.

 

I raise my son 100% on my own so I need sitters.

[juliepatterson]

None at all, really. Was a pleasant experience and found my fiance fairly quickly.

 

Do you know, your the second person who has told me they found a fiancé 'fairly quickly' through dating after divorce. Are women taking some kind of new potion I haven't heard of??

 

Please, if you don't mind try imagining that you are struggling in dating and have been for a while. Surely you would consider alternatives like dating advise or how to improve you communication with men, a course relationship advise?? Anything?

[Janesays]

Do you know, your the second person who has told me they found a fiancé 'fairly quickly' through dating after divorce. Are women taking some kind of new potion I haven't heard of??

 

Please, if you don't mind try imagining that you are struggling in dating and have been for a while. Surely you would consider alternatives like dating advise or how to improve you communication with men, a course relationship advise?? Anything?

 

The potion was 'no children.' As I said, the little factoid made me very 'sought after' considering that most women my age had kids.

 

If it hadn't worked out for me in the dating world, I suppose I would have continued to live my life happily single. Relationships aren't the end-all, be-all for personal happiness, you know. There are other ways to find joy in this world. As a Mother, I thought you'd know that?

[juliepatterson]

Is your kid's dad in the picture? I don't use baby sitters. I go out when their dad has them every other w/end and if I need to go out more, I'll ask a relative to watch them, but I'm hesitant to do that. Not ideal if trying to get in a steady relationship, I suppose, but works for me for now.

 

 

Hi Bentley Chic let me start by saying your profile pic, is super cool. I'm considered an older mother and I still love it!

 

dad is in the picture. What the issue is, is my uncertainty. Something holds me back.

 

I haven't been able to get an answer from anyone about this yet but I'm considering maybe getting some relationship advise or going on a dating course just to prepare myself and improve like my interaction skills. And not choose the same kinda losers.

 

What you ever consider something like this?

[juliepatterson]

Yes, singles nights and other activities. I didn't take a course but I read about TWENTY self help books, because I was married or otherwise with my ex husband all my adult life and didn't know anything about dating or male psychology. Helped me a lot. First thing is you must have high self esteem before you start.

 

I raise my son 100% on my own so I need sitters.

 

 

Hi BluEyeL. You sound quite inspirational. I've excepted I will need sitters. Your the first one that's replied about alternative help. I can't just jump on dating sites yet, you know. I feel similar how you was, not knowing anything about dating. Is their a book you can recommend?

 

Don't feel bad if you want to say yes. But do you think my problem, is me and my lack of knowledge about dating??

 

What is the problem with finding love? Is there something missing that know one has said, that could just make this easier. I'm stuck

[juliepatterson]

The potion was 'no children.' As I said, the little factoid made me very 'sought after' considering that most women my age had kids.

 

If it hadn't worked out for me in the dating world, I suppose I would have continued to live my life happily single. Relationships aren't the end-all, be-all for personal happiness, you know. There are other ways to find joy in this world. As a Mother, I thought you'd know that?

 

Believe me, as someone who has been single for a very, very long time, I know that better than anyone. Which is why now my children and myself are emotionally solid, I've decided it's a good time to start the dating process.

 

I wanted alternative methods women had chosen other than dating sites, because that seems the only option these days. I know the process was easy for you. I was hoping you could imagine yourself in a position were you might have had to consider alternatives.

 

No worries I you can't. Thanks for your comments so far.

[BluEyeL]

Hi BluEyeL. You sound quite inspirational. I've excepted I will need sitters. Your the first one that's replied about alternative help. I can't just jump on dating sites yet, you know. I feel similar how you was, not knowing anything about dating. Is their a book you can recommend?

 

Don't feel bad if you want to say yes. But do you think my problem, is me and my lack of knowledge about dating??

 

What is the problem with finding love? Is there something missing that know one has said, that could just make this easier. I'm stuck

Yes, I can give you a full list of books, some of them were not good, I literally read twenty or more of them and the best ones I read several times, until I almost memorized them. So I'll give you just those that were good. I will list them starting with the best, and I'll leave the bad ones out:

 

1.You lost him at hello; Jess McCann

2. Was it something I said? Jess McCann

3. He's Just Not That Into You; Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

4.Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov

5. Why Men Marry Bitches by Sherry Argov

6. The Rules for Online Dating by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

[rocketman122]

Am a full time working mum with two boys. I'm a single mum I lead a busying life. I want to start dating again and haven't had much success on dating sites. Has any one been in similar situation? If so, have you done anything about it?

 

 

my problem with dating single mothers I dated was they cant put the effort in. theyre so busy but want someone to entertain/***ck them (when and if they have time) but you are never priority.

 

I would never date anyone with young children again. this one specific woman had a 9yo girl and in one week asked if I want to go out (she always has to decide since shes so busy) 3 times and every single time it was something else and we had to cancel. I got frustrated and walked away.

 

on one hand I dont want children so its a problem to date younger women since most of them want marriage and children and I dont want to lead them on. on the other dating women with children she will never be able to put in the effort and time till the kids are old enough.

 

and dating women who have kids who left the house usually wont want to get married again and really just want someone to entertain them.

 

im right in the middle. very tough.

and those single parents that say "I would rather date another parent" there is a big list of minuses to dating another parent. not much though with someone with no luggage.

[juliepatterson]

Yes, I can give you a full list of books, some of them were not good, I literally read twenty or more of them and the best ones I read several times, until I almost memorized them. So I'll give you just those that were good. I will list them starting with the best, and I'll leave the bad ones out:

 

1.You lost him at hello; Jess McCann

2. Was it something I said? Jess McCann

3. He's Just Not That Into You; Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo

4.Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov

5. Why Men Marry Bitches by Sherry Argov

6. The Rules for Online Dating by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

 

Thanks a lot, you've been very helpful