Single mums who struggles to date?

[juliepatterson]

my problem with dating single mothers I dated was they cant put the effort in. theyre so busy but want someone to entertain/***ck them (when and if they have time) but you are never priority.

 

I would never date anyone with young children again. this one specific woman had a 9yo girl and in one week asked if I want to go out (she always has to decide since shes so busy) 3 times and every single time it was something else and we had to cancel. I got frustrated and walked away.

 

on one hand I dont want children so its a problem to date younger women since most of them want marriage and children and I dont want to lead them on. on the other dating women with children she will never be able to put in the effort and time till the kids are old enough.

 

and dating women who have kids who left the house usually wont want to get married again and really just want someone to entertain them.

 

im right in the middle. very tough.

and those single parents that say "I would rather date another parent" there is a big list of minuses to dating another parent. not much though with someone with no luggage.

 

Thanks for a good insight rocketman. Your the only man who has reply so far.

 

Just out of curiosity... What do you intend to do about it? where do go from here onwards?

[rocketman122]

Thanks for a good insight rocketman. Your the only man who has reply so far.

 

Just out of curiosity... What do you intend to do about it? where do go from here onwards?

 

 

Im dating a woman now who has 3 girls(teens). we live a little distance from each other. I feel like a dog sometimes. I dont get back (not even close) what I give and im very frustrated. not certain it will continue.

 

but women from 30-40 a lot are single and want children/marriage. marriage I can do, children, dont want. dont mind she has her own but when theyre young she has no freedom to date and be with me. its much worse than dating one who has a 12yo+ who is more independent.

 

40-50 are hesitant or think Im looking for fun and dont take me seriously. the majority had bitter divorces and dont want to get married or live together. its the "you stay there and I stay here and well get together once in a while for going out and f***king after, but it wont go further than this" I felt like a boy toy or arm candy for them.

 

so im stuck. I can date younger than 30..not a problem (im 41) but after sex, then what? I want someone with the same mindset. most still want to party and explore the world and have thorns up their asses and my ex wife was a travel agent and I did the world travel thing. I want a quiet more stable relationship. I simple love. things dont need to be complicated

 

im just very frustrated. I realize she cant give 50% and im considerate of that but im not willing to accept 10%. not when I give 60% sorry. I realize her kids are priority but its not the issue with the kids, its her and me.

I have a feeling I need to move on.

[will1988]

I am currently in a night time professional adults only program to earn a college degree. I'm 25, but the medium age I'd say is in the mid to late 30s... so I'm on the younger side. There are tones of middle aged single mothers that are in my program. Not only do they take care of the kids, but the work and take night classes as well. I really admirer them. Anyway, I've know around 4 couples who met through this program! Single dad meets single mom etc... Do you have a college degree? if not, maybe try taking some night classes to work on your degree and meet some other like minded men who are doing the same . I get hit on frequently myself, but I am taken...

[jamie2002]

Hi,

 

I am a single mommy with a 2 year old boy.. His dad is very much in the picture and we split time 50/50. I just started getting out in the dating world two months ago. i put a profile up on a dating site and have gone out with a few guys so far.. not what i am looking for yet but getting your feet wet and just getting out there and meeting people is the first step.. but you seem a little afraid and maybe not totally confident yet so maybe get some books on getting stronger inside of yourself first self love books.. so you can attract the right guy and not the guys just wanting s.x because there are a ton of them on those sites.. not at all relationship material..i call them bottom feeders....also when you are ready to date you will need to make quality time for that person so they dont feel like they are on the back burner.. personally i am more interested in the men with children because they are on the same page and they are also busy.. i think you can find a balance with both your children and a man in your life. I dont plan on letting any man near my son unless we have been dating a long time and i know that he is long term potential.. so my advice is take your time and when you feel good and confident in your own skin then get out there and meet men and enjoy your new life and journey.. it could be a brand new chance to find love again.. and dont feel that because you have children that no guy is going to want that.. there are alot of single daddys out there looking for the same thing.. just someone to be beside them through life and a good role model for there kids.. not a parent ..

[Radu]

Hi Lansing, good advice about meeting people doing things you like. I am considering my alternatives too. Have you ever considered things like dating courses, relationship advice or ways to better your dating techniques? Kinda like improving/working on yourself before getting out there?

 

Depending on what kind of an individual you are, you might like or dislike what i have to say.

 

Take those courses, but don't take any one of them that you have to pay a significant sum for.

Also do something about your very short temper, which can be gleamed through your reaction to the posters on page 1.

I'm not talking about hiding it, i'm talking about therapy, find out where it comes from ... what the source is.

While you may be a single mom with 2 boys, the cold hard truth is that men [like everyone else] will date your in a very selfish way ... we are all selfish, we ask ourselves what can we get out of it, and you just snapped.

 

That means [to me at least] either a personality that is very agressive, domineering, or a very high ammount of stress.

A guy who is decent self-esteem, will not try to 'fix you' and neither should you ask this of him.

 

A book that has helped me a lot is Dale Carnegie's book, How to make friends and influence people. It's a very light book, and cheap, but a very good book about personal relationships.

 

Finally, what i would also do in your place, is drop the valley talk, and increase standards.

The latter sounds simple, but it really isn't, and many ppl on this board have done this at one point or another [including me ... who used to go for quite horrible women] :

- try to see the pattern with your previous choices, find out why you go for that type

- when you meet that very bad type of the past, imagine the things you went through in the past, and no ... you can't save him and live happily ever after

- buy a good manners handbook and study it; this is not a joke ... those that have good manners and behave in a certain way towards ppl, expect the same kind of treatment in return ... it's a nice little thing one can subcomunicate

 

Good luck.

[juliepatterson]

Im dating a woman now who has 3 girls(teens). we live a little distance from each other. I feel like a dog sometimes. I dont get back (not even close) what I give and im very frustrated. not certain it will continue.

 

but women from 30-40 a lot are single and want children/marriage. marriage I can do, children, dont want. dont mind she has her own but when theyre young she has no freedom to date and be with me. its much worse than dating one who has a 12yo+ who is more independent.

 

40-50 are hesitant or think Im looking for fun and dont take me seriously. the majority had bitter divorces and dont want to get married or live together. its the "you stay there and I stay here and well get together once in a while for going out and f***king after, but it wont go further than this" I felt like a boy toy or arm candy for them.

 

so im stuck. I can date younger than 30..not a problem (im 41) but after sex, then what? I want someone with the same mindset. most still want to party and explore the world and have thorns up their asses and my ex wife was a travel agent and I did the world travel thing. I want a quiet more stable relationship. I simple love. things dont need to be complicated

 

im just very frustrated. I realize she cant give 50% and im considerate of that but im not willing to accept 10%. not when I give 60% sorry. I realize her kids are priority but its not the issue with the kids, its her and me.

I have a feeling I need to move on.

 

 

Hi rocket man. It sounds like your living a life many men would cherish... women who wants little commitment and when you do see each other she sex. But I understand not all men are that shallow.

 

Could you tell me (be crystal clear)...

1. If you had a magic wand what would your ideal relationship look like?

2. What do you intend to do about your problem?

[juliepatterson]

I am currently in a night time professional adults only program to earn a college degree. I'm 25, but the medium age I'd say is in the mid to late 30s... so I'm on the younger side. There are tones of middle aged single mothers that are in my program. Not only do they take care of the kids, but the work and take night classes as well. I really admirer them. Anyway, I've know around 4 couples who met through this program! Single dad meets single mom etc... Do you have a college degree? if not, maybe try taking some night classes to work on your degree and meet some other like minded men who are doing the same . I get hit on frequently myself, but I am taken...

 

 

Thanks for your input, good idea

[juliepatterson]

Hi,

 

I am a single mommy with a 2 year old boy.. His dad is very much in the picture and we split time 50/50. I just started getting out in the dating world two months ago. i put a profile up on a dating site and have gone out with a few guys so far.. not what i am looking for yet but getting your feet wet and just getting out there and meeting people is the first step.. but you seem a little afraid and maybe not totally confident yet so maybe get some books on getting stronger inside of yourself first self love books.. so you can attract the right guy and not the guys just wanting s.x because there are a ton of them on those sites.. not at all relationship material..i call them bottom feeders....also when you are ready to date you will need to make quality time for that person so they dont feel like they are on the back burner.. personally i am more interested in the men with children because they are on the same page and they are also busy.. i think you can find a balance with both your children and a man in your life. I dont plan on letting any man near my son unless we have been dating a long time and i know that he is long term potential.. so my advice is take your time and when you feel good and confident in your own skin then get out there and meet men and enjoy your new life and journey.. it could be a brand new chance to find love again.. and dont feel that because you have children that no guy is going to want that.. there are alot of single daddys out there looking for the same thing.. just someone to be beside them through life and a good role model for there kids.. not a parent ..

 

Thanks really good honest advice. If the online dating doesn't work out for you would you try alternatives like bettering your communication skills with men, dating course that kinda stuff?? Or have you tried anything else?

[juliepatterson]

Depending on what kind of an individual you are, you might like or dislike what i have to say.

 

Take those courses, but don't take any one of them that you have to pay a significant sum for.

Also do something about your very short temper, which can be gleamed through your reaction to the posters on page 1.

I'm not talking about hiding it, i'm talking about therapy, find out where it comes from ... what the source is.

While you may be a single mom with 2 boys, the cold hard truth is that men [like everyone else] will date your in a very selfish way ... we are all selfish, we ask ourselves what can we get out of it, and you just snapped.

 

That means [to me at least] either a personality that is very agressive, domineering, or a very high ammount of stress.

A guy who is decent self-esteem, will not try to 'fix you' and neither should you ask this of him.

 

A book that has helped me a lot is Dale Carnegie's book, How to make friends and influence people. It's a very light book, and cheap, but a very good book about personal relationships.

 

Finally, what i would also do in your place, is drop the valley talk, and increase standards.

The latter sounds simple, but it really isn't, and many ppl on this board have done this at one point or another [including me ... who used to go for quite horrible women] :

- try to see the pattern with your previous choices, find out why you go for that type

- when you meet that very bad type of the past, imagine the things you went through in the past, and no ... you can't save him and live happily ever after

- buy a good manners handbook and study it; this is not a joke ... those that have good manners and behave in a certain way towards ppl, expect the same kind of treatment in return ... it's a nice little thing one can subcomunicate

 

Good luck.

 

Hi radu thanks for your response you've given me some good insights. I apologise if my 1st page comments upset or offended you. Being a first time poster, I only expected quality responses and not bully tackles from people who don't even leave good advice! So shoot me, I got defensive. Really angry issue?

 

how would you of responded?

 

I couldn't agree more with... "those that have good manners and behave in a certain way towards ppl, expect the same kind of treatment in return"

 

Last thing what exactly does this mean... "drop the valley talk, and increase standards". I'm British, we don't use words like valley talk. No joke, please genuine answer.

 

Thanks for you recommendation, ill be sure to check it out.