25yo female and single all my life. Want to have a bf/sexual experience.

August 14, 2013

25yo female and single all my life. Want to have a bf/sexual experience.

Hello.

I am posting in order to get your advice, feedback/discussion and sympathetic listening ear and real life stories of similar nature on my issue.

I feel the need to get this off my chest because I can’t talk to people around me in real life about this as it is embarrassing. I appreciate it greatly in advance for taking the time to read my issue below. Are most of the readers in the Loveshack site from the USA,Europe? Whereas I am Malaysian (south east asia).

I am keeping it short and to the point as possible.

As of Aug 2013,

I am 25 years old, Female, Malaysian Chinese, living in Kuala Lumpur, capital of Malaysia.

I am turning 26 in 4 months and getting desperate and pressured.

I never had a boyfriend before. Never dated.

I am still a virgin.

I have never been kissed romantically before

The main reason for this being:

I rarely am attracted to any guy I meet in my life because I have to confess I am Usually not physically or sexually attracted to my own race, Chinese or Asians for that matter. This is a problem as I am an Asian living in asia. Throughout my younger years, I did not really have an attraction for Asian guys around me or Asian schoolmates.

I have a strong preference and attraction for Caucasian men because I like their features. I am not a racist person, I have friends of all races. It is only in regards to my sexual attraction. I am Not attracted to just Any white man- Tom Dick or Harry,, of course I am attracted to the good looking ones.

I do not want to date guys or become girlfriends with a guy I am not physically or sexually attracted to and I do not want to settle for less. If I did, I would not feel attracted enough to kiss or sleep with him.

Imagine kissing somebody you are not attracted to ?!

A quick summary of my non-existent love life

In the different stages of my life i.e. high school and college(preuniversity) in Malaysia and university life in the UK), I have had crushes here and there, just like everybody in the world.

There wasn’t really like a strong culture in my family to have a bf/gf as compared to western society.

I guess regarding the crushes I had in my life, they were not strong enough to eventually become a bf/gf relationship, or I was too introverted to ask him out and some would not have worked out anyway because attraction has to work both ways. Furthermore, as I mentioned earlier I have a strong preference and attraction for Caucasian men.

After university graduation, homesick and missing Asian hawker food and cusine, I returned to Malaysia and started working for a local company.

It was here that I had a pretty long 2 and a half year massive crush on a married co-worker who is only 2 years older than me. He is Asian but not of Chinese race. I have not felt that level of physical/sexual attraction before. I could not control my feelings. Anyway, I am not a home wrecker, never made a move on him and I hardly socialise with him in the office for work or socially. Recently, word got around that his wife was x months pregnant with a baby and because I have a big crush on him, this really devastated me for 1 ½ weeks. I cried a lot and I felt something died inside me. One of the worst moments in my life.

When I first joined the company, he just got married at the age of 24 years. And now 2 and a half years later at 27 years old, he is going to have a child.

It got me seriously thinking about my love/sex life.

This was the event that made the facts that I never had a boyfriend before and I am still a virgin, troubling to me and that put pressure on me.

From 20yrs-25yrs, I have had strong sexual urges but there is not outlet for them because I do not have a bf to have sex with so I resorted to masturbation. As a woman, I even have urges to have a baby,

I am shy and self-conscious of my body and would not even know how to pick guys up and execute a one night stand

I am naturally petite at 155 cm. I have a non identical twin sister who is 2 cm taller only so therefore it is genetics and out of my control. I am curvy and shapely, quite chubby but Not obese. I take care of how I look. People have called me cute and quite pretty my entire life. They also say I look much younger than my age---they say I look 19-20 yrs old even though I am nearing 26.

I found it very frustrating and unfair that he (and other married co workers) is lucky to have found someone in life he was physically/sexually attracted to, enough to be satisfied and get married to at a young age of 24 when I myself can’t often find people that I am attracted to at that level, because like I said, I have a strong preference for Caucasian men which I can’t find in Malaysia.

I am frustrated that he (and married ppl) was married and therefore can get all the kisses, PDA and cuddles, love and affection, sex and its physical pleasure (I want to experience all these!) whenever and wherever he wants from his wife, whereas I haven’t even been kissed romantically before because I never had a boyfriend.

I would not be surprised, but am very concerned that I will reach 40 yrs old and still not have the experience of falling in love with someone who feels the same way about me, of having sex and of having at least ONE bf/gf experience because 25 yrs have passed and ..nothing.

Because I was upset by the pregnancy news and also because I am sexually frustrated, I have posted in the craigslist casual encounters section to hookup with expat white guys in Malaysia but I don’t think I have the balls to go through with this because I have low self esteem issues with my body.

I am even thinking of one day hiring an Asian escort just for the sake of losing my virginity even though I would ideally

prefer to lose my virginity to a Caucasian bf.

Any thoughts or advice?

Edited August 15, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
E-mail address redacted per TOU

August 14, 2013

Hey milkyway

I read your story. Have you ever thought of coming to Australia or finding Aussie tourist in Malay? lol Or joining an Australian dating site?

The most popular australian dating site is http://www.rsvp.com.au/

I am Australian and I see so many Aussie men with malay, singapore, filo or indonesian women. I think because our countries are all very close. Many Aussies chose to holiday in those countries and familiar with the asian culture because of short distance.

Honestly i think if you put an ad up on an Australian dating site. You will get alot of hits from many Caucasian men looking for a wife.

If not come to Australia for a holiday and i guarantee you will get so many Caucasian men after you. lol

I will send you a private message soon.

Edited August 14, 2013 by 007

August 14, 2013

Uh.

I want to sympathize with you, I really do, OP. But I just can't see how you're expecting any sort of different outcome. Even Caucasian expat men are really not common where you live. Single, good-looking Caucasian expat men, when you don't socialize outside work... well.... that would be looking for the proverbial needle in the haystack.

It's fine to have preferences, but if they aren't realistic, eventually you reach a point where you are faced with only three choices: 1) Change your circumstances and by extension your chances, 2) Change your mindset, 3) Remain as you are - which clearly isn't working for you.

The way you talk about 'executing casual sex' scares me, too. What exactly do you think you'll gain from it, especially the way you describe it (you don't execute fun, you execute a task)?

As for Caucasian men with preferences for Asian women, I think that if you alter your circumstances you may meet many, but personally I've noticed that many of them have the wrong reasons for their preferences, as the poster above me described. You may find that some of them are in love with a stereotype.

Not trying to dissuade you, but hopefully to give you some things to think about.

August 14, 2013

Have you ever thought about coming to the USA? I have lots of white friends who love asian women, one who even only dates asian women... (ironiclly, my asian guy friends only date white women) I dated a shy reserved Indonesian girl for several months many years ago. She was beautiful, but we were two very different people (even though I am quasi-emerced in Asian cultures considering my father lives in Asia and half of my friends are Asian)... A lot of white guys like Asian women, you just need to go where there are a lot of white guys. If you don't want to leave Asia, what about going to Singapore? Been there many times, and there are lots of ex-Pats and western tourists. I would say Bangkok is your best bet to meet a white guy, but he may want you as just a sexual conquest, considering Bangkok's reputation (which is not a stereotype... been there many times myself).

August 14, 2013

I don't think finding a white man to lose your virginity to would be a problem. I have been to Malaysia and there is no shortage of white men there. But you most probably will have trouble finding a white bf. Again, you might be able to do it.

My advice to you is get over your white hangup for now and just start dating men you're at least somewhat attracted to. You don't have to marry them. Just date, have fun, have sex! Once you get better at the dating game you can try to land BFs from other cultures. But going without no experience for as long as you have for the reasons you have is just wrong!

August 15, 2013

Okay so she is encouraged and receives support to date white men. but when I talked about wanting a white guy I was shunned and called a self hater. the double standards

Thats because you put down your race, and wanted to date white men to spite black men. OP isnt trying to spite anyone. OP used tact and respect when stating her preference. And OPs preference is based on sexual attraction, not spite.

Thats why the responses are different.

August 15, 2013

To all the posters who have replied so far, (007, Elswyth, will1988, and mesmerized)

thank you very much for at least replying. It means a great deal to me, even though I have 174 views and only 4 replies so far!!

I would prefer if more people reading this will at least give feedback or some comments on the BELOW CENTRAL THEMES of my ISSUE, being:

CENTRAL THEME ONE

1. How many people around you in your daily life are you physically/sexually attracted to?

Do you see them as boyfriend/girlfriend material or future husband/wife material?

If you are rarely attracted (like me!), how difficult is it for you to find a bf/gf?

If you are easily attracted, do you still find it easy to move to he next level of bf/gf or do they just want to be friends? please say so and explain further your social life.

CENTRAL THEME TWO

2. Generally, how difficult is it for anyone to find a potential bf/gf and how difficult is it to develop it into a vf/gf relationship?

Tell me about your individual statistics.

I have read many posts in LOVESHACK In Search Of section about guys who go on dating websites to find girls or they meet girls somewhere but it never seems to work out because all the girls seem to be saying they just “wants to be friends”

CENTRAL THEME THREE

3. If you have an attraction preference or dating preference (e.g. for white guys),

how do you feel when you are dating a person outside this preference?

Do you think It can go further to develop into a bf/gf relationship or become your future spouse if he or she is outside your attraction/dating preference?

CENTRAL THEME FOUR

4. Being a virgin in your 20s.

To people who are virgin in your 20s, what are the reasons for this? (low esteem issues about your body, feel awkward or shy about sex?)

Are you now feeling worried about being a virgin in your 20s, or carefree.or starting to feel the pressure?

Do you feel left out like an outlier?

Feel there must be something seriously wrong with you when everybody else in the world seem to have it so easily?

Do you feel like you are treated like a boy/girl when you tell other people you are a virgin but you are in your 20s?

Have you hired an escort to lose your virginity?

CENTRAL THEME FiVE:

5. Just out of curiosity, have you hired an escort to fulfil your sexual needs? Tell me about your first time with an escort.

CENTRAL THEME SIX

6. Are you the type of person who gets a lot of “chases” from the opposite gender or do you have to be proactive and seek people out to date?

Please explain further.

I would want to know what the situation is like for other people and

do some sort of general survey.

CENTRAL THEME SEVEN

7. Have you kissed in a bf/gf sort of way or had sex with somebody you are not attracted to? And why? How did you feel?

August 15, 2013

Here is my (the Original Poster's) extra explanation or information for replies from posters so farL 007, Elswyth, will1988, and mesmerized

Since LOVESHACK will not allow any OP to modify or add further explanation to their original posting,

I have no choice but to add my extra explanation lower down in this thread.

Reply to the posters Elswyth and MESMERIZED and 007 and will1988

Sorry for using the term “execute” a one night stand. It might not be the right term.

I should have used the word “carry out” or “try for” a one night stand.

I fully understand the three choices that you listed out

and i think you are correct when you say that these are the only 3 options i have.

CHOICE NO. 1

No. 1- change my circumstances (e.g. move to another country, socialise with expat white

Guys in Malaysia) so that I increase my chances with white guys.

Like what the posters 007 and will1988 said, I should move to the USA and Australia. Yes that has crossed my mind many times. Firstly, I have to get a job and a working visa but I am not a citizen or PR in those countries. Americans uni graduates cannot even find a job n their country, why would they give a job to a foreigner?

Secondly, if I somehow do get a job and a working visa, and I move there, I have to find accommodation and set up my new home. This will take some time to do before I can go looking for boyfriends. Thirdly, I have to balance my 9 to 5pm work life which will get me home at around 5L30 pm on a weekday – not much time left to socialise except the weekend?

Fourthly, I will not have any friends or family when I first move over there. So it could be quite a lonely experience.

However I have thought about getting an MBA (masters of business adminsiration ) in those countries. Maybe I should just go for my post graduate degree and at the same time look for boyfriends?

CHOICE NO. 2

No. 2- change my mindset

Like what the poster mesmerized said,

I should date, have fun or have sex with people outside my attraction and dating preference.

I think I can do this IN THE MEANTIME, being desperate enough, however I will always have the underlying feeling that this is not what I truly want and have that uncontented feeling. But that’s ok. This is only for the MEANTIME. I can’t do this forever.

Dear mesmerized, I don’t think I can change who i am attracted to attraction or dating preference though.

As long as I am having the dating experience and hanging out with guys, right? As I am typing, I am trying to imagine kissing a guy I am not attracted to.

CHOICE NO. 3

No. 3- 3) Remain as you are –which is .

I am turning 26 in 4 months and getting desperate and pressured.

I never had a boyfriend before. Never dated.

I am still a virgin.

I have never been kissed romantically before but I have been kissed on the cheek by male strangers.

No. 3 is Definitely NOT an Option as I am growing older and turning 26 soon.

August 15, 2013

OP's response and further explanation to the replies of posters MESMERIZED and BLUEBERRYROAD

Yes, there is no shortage of white expats here in Malaysia. So I will try to find a way to socialise with them somehow.

The poster MESMERIZED advised “ to get over my white hangup for now”

Please be REMINDED that the married co worker I had a two and a half year long massive crush on

and had some kind of physical and sexual attraction to

is ASIAN, Not White but not Chinese either.

However it is very rarely I am SEXUALLY or Physically attracted to Asian or Chinese enough for them to become my boyfriend or future spouse.This can be considered a one-off case.

I think all my life i have been waiting for someone else to "chase" me, expecting a “chase”,

thinking it would come in a matter of time,

thinking that being a girl, guys that I am attracted to will come up to me or do the chasing..

However, I have realised that this is not working for me.

Nothing is going to happen if I do not become proactive.

IT IS NOT AS IF I NEVER HAD guys who were interested in my during my lifetime.

I have HAD guys who were interested in me, of various races but not white.

Many of those guys who have tried to pursue me were not who I was interested in as a boyfriend.

Some of the guys who were interested in me:

In my final years of high school, a male classmate of mine and there was a lot of word getting around that another male classmate “liked” me but eventually nothing came out of it.

When I was in college in Malaysia doing preuniversity qualification, my physics lecturer made a move on me but then eventually nothing came out of it as well.

When I was in the UK for university, a housemate’s friend, who is also in the studying in the same university as me, asked me if we could be more than friends. I told him I was not interested because i was not attracted to him. And we could just be friends.

I sent my mountain bike for repair in a shop and gave my mobile number to the bike repairmen because they do weekly bike trips at the countryside and I wanted to join the bike trip. Eventually one of the bike repairmen kept texting me, asking me out to see a movie, but I kept giving excuses because I was not interested in him at all.

August 15, 2013

Thanks for the detailed response, OP.

CHOICE NO. 1
No. 1- change my circumstances (e.g. move to another country, socialise with expat white
Guys in Malaysia) so that I increase my chances with white guys.
Like what the posters 007 and will1988 said, I should move to the USA and Australia. Yes that has crossed my mind many times. Firstly, I have to get a job and a working visa but I am not a citizen or PR in those countries. Americans uni graduates cannot even find a job n their country, why would they give a job to a foreigner?

Secondly, if I somehow do get a job and a working visa, and I move there, I have to find accommodation and set up my new home. This will take some time to do before I can go looking for boyfriends. Thirdly, I have to balance my 9 to 5pm work life which will get me home at around 5L30 pm on a weekday – not much time left to socialise except the weekend?
Fourthly, I will not have any friends or family when I first move over there. So it could be quite a lonely experience.

However I have thought about getting an MBA (masters of business adminsiration ) in those countries. Maybe I should just go for my post graduate degree and at the same time look for boyfriends?

Well, an MBA certainly can't hurt, but emigration is quite a serious issue; not saying you shouldn't go, but you need to consider much more than just boyfriends in that case.

I think most working folks are only free to socialize on weekends anyway, so if you were to put some effort into socializing on weekends, you could get to know many more people.

If you really want to consider the emigration route, America is not going to be your best bet. The American economy isn't doing well, and the green card still remains one of the toughest PRs to get. You would be better off looking at other countries.

CHOICE NO. 2
No. 2- change my mindset

Like what the poster mesmerized said,
I should date, have fun or have sex with people outside my attraction and dating preference.
I think I can do this IN THE MEANTIME, being desperate enough, however I will always have the underlying feeling that this is not what I truly want and have that uncontented feeling. But that’s ok. This is only for the MEANTIME. I can’t do this forever.
Dear mesmerized, I don’t think I can change who i am attracted to attraction or dating preference though.
As long as I am having the dating experience and hanging out with guys, right? As I am typing, I am trying to imagine kissing a guy I am not attracted to.

I'm not actually trying to tell you you're wrong for desiring white men, but I do have to ask you - how many Caucasian men have you truly gotten to know? Do you understand their culture, and more importantly, the stereotypical views of Asian women that prevail amongst them? I feel obliged to warn you that many of the Caucasians who prefer Asian women, have reasons that are slightly... worrisome.

That doesn't mean that all Caucasian men think that way, and you may indeed find one who just falls in love with you as you are. But with your inexperience (not talking about sex, but about people and relationships in general), do you think you would be able to distinguish one from the other?

CHOICE NO. 3
No. 3- 3) Remain as you are –which is .
I am turning 26 in 4 months and getting desperate and pressured.
I never had a boyfriend before. Never dated.
I am still a virgin.
I have never been kissed romantically before but I have been kissed on the cheek by male strangers.

No. 3 is Definitely NOT an Option as I am growing older and turning 26 soon.

Why is the virgin bit a sticking point to you, out of curiousity? AFAIK, many young women from your culture are virgins (even if they have relationships), and many are proud of it.

I do agree that some romantic experience would be beneficial to you currently, but losing your virginity just for the sake of getting rid of it to just anyone, is something I can't understand. Especially considering your culture, which is different from the largely American virgin-shaming culture.

August 15, 2013

The American economy might not be doing well, but it is doing better than a lot of westernized countries, and is on the rebound. There are big cities you could immigrate to that have a large SE Asian population (or not) and get a job in the city. I would becareful though, because if you try to come state side through some less than legal means, you may end up in the sex trafficing industry... which none of us want for you.

If you are just looking for a one night stand with a caucasian guy that should not be too hard... a large portion of white guys dig asian chicks, and there is a reason there are a lot of white ex-pats. However, as Elswyth and others have pointed out, if you want a long term BF you need to learn more about the culture etc... or else the relationship will be short lived, or misserable.

As I said earlier, I dated an Indonesian girl. She was not muslim, but catholic... which is what I am. This may not be too PC, but I would not date a muslim nor would a lot of white guys. Are you muslim? Maylasia is mostly muslim... if you are muslim, are you devout? not all white guys, but a lot of them, are as pointed out, turned off by devout muslim women. Ironicly, one of my best friends, who only dates Asian women, is half Bosnian Muslim and half Bosnian Serb... so he is a little more accepting of the Muslim part, but even he would not date a devout SE Asian muslim. So that is one cultural barrier you may have to get over... assuming you are muslim, which you may not be. And then of course there are the vast differences in cultures. A white guy may be physically attracted to you, and attracted to the thought of you being the stereotypical SE asian woman who will do the cooking and cleaning etc... but he may not know anything else about the culture, and once the novilty of dating someone exotic wheres off, he may leave. This is kind of what happened to me when i dated the indonesian girl. I was attracted to her, and she was attracted to me... I knew a bit about her culture etc... yet we were not on the same sexual level. I've been with a few women before, and she was still a virgin and wanted to wate until marriage. I did not pressure her. But the second I tried to feel her up after months of dating she broke down crying. All we done before that was kissing. I felt bad, and she felt bad. Of course other differences started to play in to the relationship... we parted ways civily and realized we were two different people. So you may want to up front and forward with a guy, but also learn to embrace his culture... if not, it may drive a wedge. good luck

August 15, 2013

Hi Elyswyth,

Thanks a lot for your second reply.

Choice 1

Yes, emigration to another country

and a totally different culture is

a very serious issue. I lived in the UK for three years so I have some idea.

You see, the dilemma I am in.

I wish I never have the feelings or preference I have.

Maybe i will consider moving in the distant or far future,

Perhaps, 5 or 10 years from now.

I know the American economy is bad currently and

a green card can be difficult to obtain.

However I like America because I have been there before.

I like that America is bigger than Australia and UK,

So many cities to move around, modern buildings, different landscapes.

I have spent one full month in America. Been to New York, Los Angeles, Fort Worth Texas,

Las Vegas and San Franciso,

In Australia, I have been to the Gold Coast, Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne. More than three weeks.

I feel Sydney is not big or exciting enough for me to live there multiple years.

I have been to Melbourne and cannot stand living there.

In the UK, London is ok but perhaps can get boring. I like skyscrapers and modern buildings, which London does not have.

Birmingham city is not exciting or big enough for me. I cannot stand living in Manchester because I feel there’s nothing much there.

Choice 2

Sorry but could you clarify and explain further about

“many of the Caucasians who prefer Asian women, have reasons that are slightly... worrisome.”

Could you elaborate further on the “reasons” part and the “are in love with a stereotype.”

I know there are Caucasians who go after Asian women for the wrong reasons

But at the same time there are Caucasians who have better intentions.

I have seen interracial marriages between a white guy and an Asian woman, in Malaysia and elsewhere,

and I thought if that could happen to her, why not me? I am a great and nice person i

In fact, one of my aunts got married to a British white guy in the UK decades ago, had 2 daughters and has been divorced from him for a very long time already.

I have another aunt who is married and still married to an American white guy and they have a teenage son and daughter and living in Texas.

Secondly,

You asked whether I “would be able to distinguish one from the other?”

Well, if the guy got into a relationship with me thinking he wanted that particular Asian stereotype

and finds out as the relationship progresses that I am not, then feel free to no longer be exclusive with me.

I think it just depends on the personality of the individual

and I know for sure that NOT ALL white guys are like that.

You said that I was inexperienced about people and relationships in general.

Please Do Not At All think that just because I never had a bf and am a virgin

that I never had great platonic relationships with my male school mates or men

or women. This is what people immediately think when you never had a bf or when you are a virgin

in your 20s or 30s.

Choice 3

The reason I wanted to lose my virginity asap

Is:

I read relationship forums in the internet all the time.

Loads of people in their early and later teenage years and early 20s

already had sex and have ex-es. That seems to be the norm for the majority. But I am in the very small minority.

Anyway, another reason I wanted to lose my virginity asap is because

people might think you are unsociable, ugly, unattractive or repulsive or asexual, not well connected or there is something wrong with you

if you are still a virgin at 25 or older, which is not true. I don’t want people to think that about me without getting to know me first hand and face to face.

So in real life, i would have to lie about my virginity so people do not start treating me like

a girl instead of a woman who is 25 years old going to 26, with half her 20s gone.

“but losing your virginity just for the sake of getting rid of it to just anyone, is something I can't understand”

25 years have passed and I am rarely attracted to the people around me and there is no romance going on.

If I have to wait for romance, I am going to reach 40 yrs without losing my virginity, or never losing my virginity just waiting for the romance factor.

I am pretty sure there is a minority who die a virgin in this world. If I do not do anything, I will fall into this category.

Never experience sex before I die.

I do not have to lose my virginity to someone I am romantically involved with because

I have so far never had been romantic with a guy and at the rate I am going, not for a very long time

because of my attraction preference.

So yeah, I might have to resort to escort services with Asian guys because I have no choice

Believe me, this is not at all what I want but desperate times need Desperate measures.

Anyway, as I am reading your replies, I am curious as to your gender, age or age range, race and location/country.

Would you be able to inform me these details?

Thanks

MilkyWay

August 15, 2013

I have spent one full month in America. Been to New York, Los Angeles, Fort Worth Texas,
Las Vegas and San Franciso,
In Australia, I have been to the Gold Coast, Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne. More than three weeks.
I feel Sydney is not big or exciting enough for me to live there multiple years.
I have been to Melbourne and cannot stand living there.
In the UK, London is ok but perhaps can get boring. I like skyscrapers and modern buildings, which London does not have.
Birmingham city is not exciting or big enough for me. I cannot stand living in Manchester because I feel there’s nothing much there.

Great, it sounds like you've seen the world a little and have an idea of where you'd like to go and what you'd be getting into if you chose to do so. That's a really good thing IMO, and will help you greatly in making your choices.

Personally, I can't imagine how Sydney could possibly be too small, but different strokes for different folks...

Choice 2
Sorry but could you clarify and explain further about
“many of the Caucasians who prefer Asian women, have reasons that are slightly... worrisome.”
Could you elaborate further on the “reasons” part and the “are in love with a stereotype.”

Well, I think a good example would be the post I mentioned above, in which someone mentioned that Aussie guys would love Asian women because 'Australian women are lazy and demanding'.

Now, either all Australian women really ARE 'lazy and demanding', or the man in question really wants a doormat who will do more than her fair share of work. Which do you think is more likely to be the case?

The stereotype of Asian women being 'submissive and subservient' is one I've encountered a lot also. Although I (and you, probably) know that that is far from true where the modern and educated Asian woman is concerned, what do you think of the personality of a man who would go for that?

Edit: Huh. I think the post I was talking about was edited after I saw it.... Ah well. Consider it a general point, then.

I know there are Caucasians who go after Asian women for the wrong reasons
But at the same time there are Caucasians who have better intentions.

Oh, certainly, quite possible. I definitely think interracial relationships could work like any other, as long as both parties have genuine intentions.

Secondly,
You asked whether I “would be able to distinguish one from the other?”
Well, if the guy got into a relationship with me thinking he wanted that particular Asian stereotype
and finds out as the relationship progresses that I am not, then feel free to no longer be exclusive with me.
I think it just depends on the personality of the individual
and I know for sure that NOT ALL white guys are like that.

Again, you are quite correct. I did not mean to say that everyone has poor intentions, simply a warning that you need to be careful of the subset of Caucasian men who do think that way.

You said that I was inexperienced about people and relationships in general.
Please Do Not At All think that just because I never had a bf and am a virgin
that I never had great platonic relationships with my male school mates or men
or women. This is what people immediately think when you never had a bf or when you are a virgin
in your 20s or 30s.

I wasn't implying that you hadn't talked to men at all, chill.

However, I feel that you get better at choosing partners and knowing what you want out of relationships, from being in relationships. Also, you mentioned rarely socializing out of work, so I would guess that you have not met many people outside school/work, which might restrict your social circle a little.

Choice 3
The reason I wanted to lose my virginity asap
Is:
I read relationship forums in the internet all the time.
Loads of people in their early and later teenage years and early 20s
already had sex and have ex-es. That seems to be the norm for the majority. But I am in the very small minority.

Anyway, another reason I wanted to lose my virginity asap is because
people might think you are unsociable, ugly, unattractive or repulsive or asexual, not well connected or there is something wrong with you
if you are still a virgin at 25 or older, which is not true. I don’t want people to think that about me without getting to know me first hand and face to face.
So in real life, i would have to lie about my virginity so people do not start treating me like
a girl instead of a woman who is 25 years old going to 26, with half her 20s gone.

Well, internet forums are a whole different kettle of fish, really. Do your real-life friends talk about having sex all that much?

“but losing your virginity just for the sake of getting rid of it to just anyone, is something I can't understand”
25 years have passed and I am rarely attracted to the people around me and there is no romance going on.
If I have to wait for romance, I am going to reach 40 yrs without losing my virginity, or never losing my virginity just waiting for the romance factor.
I am pretty sure there is a minority who die a virgin in this world. If I do not do anything, I will fall into this category.
Never experience sex before I die.

I do not have to lose my virginity to someone I am romantically involved with because
I have so far never had been romantic with a guy and at the rate I am going, not for a very long time
because of my attraction preference.
So yeah, I might have to resort to escort services with Asian guys because I have no choice
Believe me, this is not at all what I want but desperate times need Desperate measures.

Well, you certainly have the right to do as you like. I'd sincerely recommend against the escorts, though, since prostitution is illegal where you live, so STD tests etc aren't mandatory or enforced.

Anyway, as I am reading your replies, I am curious as to your gender, age or age range, race and location/country.
Would you be able to inform me these details?

If it helps, I'm slightly older than you, female, and an Asian who was born in Asia but currently with PR in a Caucasian country.

August 15, 2013

A guy I was pretty good friends with (white guy, European Spanish-Hungarian) in college had a long term relationship with a girl from Malaysia. I think they dated for 5 years or so. For some reason they broke up (they had been having problems with her extended family since she was Muslim and he wasn't), but I never asked him about it since we've kind of lost touch over the last few years. So white guys do date women from Malaysia.

As far as the virginity thing, I mean if you find the right guy he'll be fine with it. I don't know, it sounds like your best bet is to try to move to the US or Western Europe.

August 15, 2013

CENTRAL THEME ONE
1. How many people around you in your daily life are you physically/sexually attracted to?

I'm attracted to the vast majority of women.

Do you see them as boyfriend/girlfriend material or future husband/wife material?

Probably not, I'm pickier about that, but I don't really know anyone well enough to say.

CENTRAL THEME FOUR

4. Being a virgin in your 20s.
To people who are virgin in your 20s, what are the reasons for this? (low esteem issues about your body, feel awkward or shy about sex?)

I used to be very religious. Also, I was very overweight and had very bad social anxiety issues.

Are you now feeling worried about being a virgin in your 20s, or carefree.or starting to feel the pressure?

I used to be very worried when I learned how uncommon it is here in the US, but I've relaxed quite a bit since then.

Do you feel left out like an outlier?

Yes, very much so.

Feel there must be something seriously wrong with you when everybody else in the world seem to have it so easily?

Yes, very much so.

Do you feel like you are treated like a boy/girl when you tell other people you are a virgin but you are in your 20s?

I haven't told anyone. But then again I don't have any friends to tell it to.

Have you hired an escort to lose your virginity?

No and I would never. Besides, for the price of an escort you could pay my airfare and we could solve eachothers' problems.

CENTRAL THEME SIX

6. Are you the type of person who gets a lot of “chases” from the opposite gender or do you have to be proactive and seek people out to date?
Please explain further.

I don't get much female attention. I've never been on a date.

August 15, 2013

1. How many people around you in your daily life are you physically/sexually attracted to?
Do you see them as boyfriend/girlfriend material or future husband/wife material?
If you are rarely attracted (like me!), how difficult is it for you to find a bf/gf?
If you are easily attracted, do you still find it easy to move to he next level of bf/gf or do they just want to be friends? please say so and explain further your social life.

On an average day, I'm probably attracted to 75% give or take of the women I see who are around my age (20-30 years old). I don't necessarily see them as wife material because I don't know them.

2. Generally, how difficult is it for anyone to find a potential bf/gf and how difficult is it to develop it into a vf/gf relationship?
Tell me about your individual statistics.
I have read many posts in LOVESHACK In Search Of section about guys who go on dating websites to find girls or they meet girls somewhere but it never seems to work out because all the girls seem to be saying they just “wants to be friends”

For me, very hard. It's kind of a long story though that you can kind of piece together in the threads I've posted.

3. If you have an attraction preference or dating preference (e.g. for white guys), how do you feel when you are dating a person outside this preference?
Do you think It can go further to develop into a bf/gf relationship or become your future spouse if he or she is outside your attraction/dating preference?

I'm white, and I'm rarely attracted to white women. Not something purposeful, it's just I'm rarely attracted. I don't date someone unless I'm attracted to them. So I wouldn't date someone outside my preference, whatever that preference was.

4. Being a virgin in your 20s.
To people who are virgin in your 20s, what are the reasons for this? (low esteem issues about your body, feel awkward or shy about sex?)

Are you now feeling worried about being a virgin in your 20s, or carefree.or starting to feel the pressure?
Do you feel left out like an outlier?
Feel there must be something seriously wrong with you when everybody else in the world seem to have it so easily?
Do you feel like you are treated like a boy/girl when you tell other people you are a virgin but you are in your 20s?

Have you hired an escort to lose your virginity?

The reason is I don't want to have sex outside of a relationship and I haven't had much luck in that department. I haven't even kissed a girl. And yes I do feel like something is wrong with me, though it's not really about sex.

I don't really tell anyone I know in real life about my inexperience. Only one guy really knows, and whenever we talk about it (which is rarely) he usually is kind of patronizing with the "you'll find someone someday" shtick.

5. Just out of curiosity, have you hired an escort to fulfil your sexual needs? Tell me about your first time with an escort.

Although I feel prostitution should be legal, I have not and would not hire an escort to lose my virginity. The virginity isn't even what's important, it's my complete and utter lack of ability to have a meaningful interaction with women that bothers me. Going to a prostitute wouldn't fix that.

6. Are you the type of person who gets a lot of “chases” from the opposite gender or do you have to be proactive and seek people out to date?
Please explain further.
I would want to know what the situation is like for other people and
do some sort of general survey.

I don't think I've ever had a girl chase me. Though, to be honest I wouldn't know what "being chased" would consist of. I'm really not that good at reading signs and signals.

7. Have you kissed in a bf/gf sort of way or had sex with somebody you are not attracted to? And why? How did you feel?

No. Never. I imagine it would feel empty.

August 15, 2013

Actually, I think what I was trying to say, OP, before I got carried away by my own rambling was:

1) I think you should just make more of an effort to socialize outside work, even if it means sacrificing some personal time. Meet new people, date around a little, so you effectively broaden your horizons and gain experience, AND increase your chances of meeting guys you're attracted to at the same time.

2) Don't worry so much about your virginity

3) I don't think you should emigrate solely to meet white guys, but if there are other compelling reasons or you have your heart set on it, start researching routes and options now, because it takes a long time to plan and follow through.

No and I would never. Besides, for the price of an escort you could pay my airfare and we could solve eachothers' problems.

:lmao: Oh, Danny...

This is an offer if I've ever seen one, OP!

August 16, 2013

Reply to will1988

Hi will1988,

I really do appreciate your encouraging replies in posts #4 and #13.

and your own life story about dating a south east asian woman.

The reason for my posting was that I wanted replies from people with their real-life stories about themselves or people around them. That's why i posted.

It is really great to hear that there are some people you know in your life that have distinct dating preferences and that some white guys dig asian chicks.

I really like that you know, understand and can relate to Asia and the Asian culture well, having a father living in Asia, and having been to various Asian countries as well i.e. Thailand. Singapore etc..

=====================

Let me first correct your misconception about Malaysian religion and population mix.

Malaysia's official religion (on paper) is Islam but its constitution allows and guarantees freedom of religion.

About 50-60% of the Malaysian population is Malay who by law are supposed

to practise islam religion. The Chinese make up about 23-25% of the Malaysian population, although in 1957 the Chinese population was way higher at around 30-45%. The Indians make up about 7% and the rest of the population are indigenous populations in East Malaysia.

Most malaysian chinese practise some sort of buddhism, some practise christianity or catholicism. Some are not religious. It really depends on the individual, their upbringing, how religious they are, and the modern age.

Regarding me, i was raised in a buddhist setting but i am not religious. i consider myself a bit of a freethinker. Not at all a devout muslim.

======================

Cleaning is alright but i am not really into cooking. Food in malaysia and asia is cheap, very tasty and well cooked by stalls, and lots of people buy food.

I do know that in the USA, people like to cook and bake.

I am really not the type of person to be subservient and just cook and clean for my guy, the workload would have to be shared. I prefer a relationship where we share and learn new things together.

Additionally, I am not waiting to save my virginity until after marriage or waiting for that only one right boyfriend or partner. I am quite modern in the way i think, probably part of the modern generation.

You mentioned "if you want a long term BF you need to learn more about the culture etc"

What other things should i look out for, regarding the culture and thoughts of white men other than expecting cleaning and cooking to be done for them?

Thanks a lot for your valuable input, will1988

I am curious about your age range. Are you white?

Are you based in Northern Virginia? Are there a lot of Asians where you live?

Have you yourself ever lived in Asia?

August 16, 2013

Hey OP.

I'm a good-looking relationship-minded mid-20s white guy that is planning to expat to an Asian country once my US military contract expires in 2 years.

Just letting you know that we do exist. ****, I would offer myself if I was going there sooner.

August 16, 2013

CENTRAL THEME ONE
1. How many people around you in your daily life are you physically/sexually attracted to?
Do you see them as boyfriend/girlfriend material or future husband/wife material?
If you are rarely attracted (like me!), how difficult is it for you to find a bf/gf?
If you are easily attracted, do you still find it easy to move to he next level of bf/gf or do they just want to be friends? please say so and explain further your social life.

CENTRAL THEME TWO
2. Generally, how difficult is it for anyone to find a potential bf/gf and how difficult is it to develop it into a vf/gf relationship?
Tell me about your individual statistics.
I have read many posts in LOVESHACK In Search Of section about guys who go on dating websites to find girls or they meet girls somewhere but it never seems to work out because all the girls seem to be saying they just “wants to be friends”

CENTRAL THEME SIX
6. Are you the type of person who gets a lot of “chases” from the opposite gender or do you have to be proactive and seek people out to date?
Please explain further.
I would want to know what the situation is like for other people and
do some sort of general survey.

1. In my daily life I find most men reasonably attractive. I don't take that attraction to a sexual level because there's no need to, but if I was involved with any of these men the sexual attraction would be easy for me.

I do find that most of the men around me daily appear that they would make a perfectly decent boyfriend, a relationship would not be out of the question at all if I were to connect well with someone who was mutually interested/attracted.

I don't think me finding most men reasonably attractive is helpful. I have a hard time getting past the friendzone with men. Relationship are very difficult to find.

6. No, I don't get chased. I have to be proactive, but I'm bad at it. I have not learned how to properly pursue just yet, so far I've only gotten rejections. It's all a work in progress, learning how to pursue/approach/chase a man when society says girls don't need to (not true!!)

August 16, 2013

Thanks for your input Phoe

August 16, 2013

I feel Sydney is not big or exciting enough for me to live there multiple years.
I have been to Melbourne and cannot stand living there.

LOL!

I am from Sydney

Most Aussies cannot stand melbourne either due to the weather being super cold. haha so don't worry. you are not the only one who can't stand it there.

The people in melbourne are friendlier though as they are more country type of people.

Sydney. I agree it is a boring place but it's a nice city to live in.

I usually do not recommend tourists to visit Australia because i find Australlia to be abit too boring for a tourist but if it's to live here permanent. I highly recommend it as i find the living conditions here to be great. Much better than the US cos of things like having Free healthcase, low crime, no gangsters etc etc.

I find The US is great for tourists and travelling but not great to live in permanently. lol

August 16, 2013

I am attracted to Caucasians too but I don't understand why the white men prefer asian women who looks like

Gong Li (Chinese celebrity):

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQlGL2iNG0O2EEDugQiT_7H1XcAQg1bkxYxUFIRUR19wHOBIVuhvSFcGb7m

Not everyone in South East Asia has oriental features (monolid eyes). Or big boobs. It's so unfair.

August 16, 2013

Is being so picky and not being able to find certain races attractive just a female issue or what?

I'm a guy and I will tell you straight up that there are extremely attractive females in every race, shape and size . Black, White, Asian, Arabic, Latino, Fat, Skinny, Tall, Short etc.....you name it there is beauty everywhere in the world.

So whats the problem really? As if there are no attractive men in Malaysia....I had some Malaysian friends when I was at university and they were some of the coolest guys I have ever met in my life. They embrace western society and were totally on my wave length (Me being an English boy) and I had an absolute blast with them. The problem lies with you and you need to get over the inferiority complex that makes you feel like white people are the only people with any value in the world.....once you do that you might actually get laid by someone in Malaysia instead of just dreaming about sleeping with white people. Good luck.

August 17, 2013

Dear L1ght,

Thanks for your input.

i hope you read my below reply.

I know, for a fact, that Malaysians overseas can be some of the friendliest coolest people that one can meet. I know this because i am Malaysian, lived in the UK for a while and malaysians generally are Friendly, HOSPITABLE, KIND and helpful, AND HUMBLE.

This is WHY MALAYSIA AIRLINES and SINGAPORE AIRLINES are ALWAYS IN THE TOP TEN LIST BEST CABIN CREW IN THE WORLD.

i KNOW FOR A FACT THAT A LOT Of MALAYSIANS, MALE OR FEMALE, ARE MORE APPROACHABLE THAN PROBABLY BRITISH OR AMERICAN OR AUSTRALIAN PEOPLE.

Being in Malaysia, i see good looking and ugly malaysians of different races, chinese, indian, malay, east malaysian, all the time.

However i am not physically or sexually attracted to the good looking ones of asian race or when i am around them, i don't feel that i want them to be my boyfriend i don't feel like kissing them at all and creating babies with them,

This does not mean that i think whute people are more superior than asians. When i was in the UK, i faced some racism issues from WHITE people who looked down at my race and said some racist remarks toright to my face. And i was only 19-22 years old that time.

How can yuo think that i think that white people are superior when i myself have faced racist remarks from them while i was in teh UK and young and innocent at that time?

No race is better than another race.

I like my asian friends more than my university white friends as i find my asian friends more approachable and culturally similar. In REGARDS TO PHYSICAL SEXUAL DATING PREFERENCE ATTRACTION, IT'S A DIFFERENT THING.

Like i said in my post earlier, i was physically and sexually attracted to an ASIAN married co worker but that is very rare, and u know, he is already married. So yeah, looks like if i do fall for an asian guy, which is very rare, it ends up we cannot be together because he is married or not interested in me.

Relationships are all about MUTUAL attraction, just takes one party to be distnterested or unavailable and there is no future for the relationship.

Dear L1ght,

would appreciate a second reply from you after my explanation.

With all that being said,

Just to let posters know,

my capability to post at the moment is limited because LOVESHACK has banned me for accidentally including my personal email address in my original posting and banned me straightaway for one entire week without giving me me one chance for my first time offence. The ban will be lifted 25 august 2013.

I didn't even know that PM capability would be given FREE to Loveshack members AFTER 30 days membership and 100 posts.

I only knew this AFTER I WAS BANNED and i was googling about LOVESHACK banning stories.

And you know what, even if i have PrivateMessaging (PM) capability, what if the person that i want to PM does not have PM capability? How is it possible to get in touch with that person without putting some identifiable information ni the posting if he or she does not have PM capability ?

This is something Loveshack must address before banning people regardless.

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25yo female and single all my life. Want to have a bf/sexual experience.

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