That moment you realize how used you were...

[BrookeM]

The last time I posted, I was upset with myself for breaking NC. Since then, I have not contacted him any further. He text me on Saturday telling me he was at the pool, something we used to do together. I think we was hoping I'd join him but I didn't reply. Last night, he texts me in the evening and asks how I was doing. I replied two hours later, being very short. He asked me what I was doing at the moment and I said homework (I've decided to go back to school and other than the math portion, I couldn't be more excited)! He said, "Ok well have a good night. If you decide to go for a run tonight let me know." We used to go running together, but it's been months since that last happened. I replied, "Not tonight, maybe another time." To which he responded, "Let me know, maybe we can do something fun while running...lol" and I said, "Yeah I knew there had to be a reason (I heard from you)." Then shortly after, I wrote, "No thanks." I didn't hear from him after that. (We had joked once a long time ago about getting frisky while running on a wooded trail).

 

I couldn't help but feel so angered and hurt!! After all of the months of "I love yous" and deep conversations, and "quality" time we spent together (not between the sheets), this is what it boiled down to after all. I'm so disappointed I wasted months of time and emotion on 1) Someone completely undeserving and 2) A person who has barely spoken to me in the past few weeks, then out of the blue suggests we go do something "fun" on a run. How insulting! I was so grossed out, I felt like saying a thousand hurtful things to him but I held back and didn't. We're over, but was I wrong to assume that he was insinuating we have some mid-run sex? Because although he didn't come out and say it, I was pretty sure that's exactly what he meant. I'm disgusted.

Edited August 14, 2013 by BrookeM
misspelled word

[whichwayisup]

Ego feed. That is it. He just wanted to see if you were still interested/into him.

 

I would try your best from now on to delete his texts without reading them. Or, if you are feeling strong just tell him goodbye and that you do not want to keep in touch at all anymore. Wish him well and be done.

[BrookeM]

Tell him you'll meet him to run and have some "fun" and then don't show up, don't text or call or have any further contact. Turn the tables on him and then never look back. Let him see how it feels!

 

Lmao! Brilliant!

[Feb]

The last time I posted, I was upset with myself for breaking NC. Since then, I have not contacted him any further. He text me on Saturday telling me he was at the pool, something we used to do together. I think we was hoping I'd join him but I didn't reply. Last night, he texts me in the evening and asks how I was doing. I replied two hours later, being very short. He asked me what I was doing at the moment and I said homework (I've decided to go back to school and other than the math portion, I couldn't be more excited)! He said, "Ok well have a good night. If you decide to go for a run tonight let me know." We used to go running together, but it's been months since that last happened. I replied, "Not tonight, maybe another time." To which he responded, "Let me know, maybe we can do something fun while running...lol" and I said, "Yeah I knew there had to be a reason (I heard from you)." Then shortly after, I wrote, "No thanks." I didn't hear from him after that. (We had joked once a long time ago about getting frisky while running on a wooded trail).

 

I couldn't help but feel so angered and hurt!! After all of the months of "I love yous" and deep conversations, and "quality" time we spent together (not between the sheets), this is what it boiled down to after all. I'm so disappointed I wasted months of time and emotion on 1) Someone completely undeserving and 2) A person who has barely spoken to me in the past few weeks, then out of the blue suggests we go do something "fun" on a run. How insulting! I was so grossed out, I felt like saying a thousand hurtful things to him but I held back and didn't. We're over, but was I wrong to assume that he was insinuating we have some mid-run sex? Because although he didn't come out and say it, I was pretty sure that's exactly what he meant. I'm disgusted.

 

Let me say first of all, Brooke, that you are making a lot of progress and are doing very well. Now you just have to do some fine tuning to accelerate the healing process. I agree with whichwayisup, that the best is to just stop all contact. These texts you are receiving, although not initiated by you, are just bringing about thoughts of your exMM and taking you a half step back, for every two steps forward you take.

 

 

Although it's tempting to let him have it and dump out everything you are feeling, don't do it. Any attention, even if it's negative empowers him -- shows him you are still emotionally engaged. Either go strict NC and block him from everything, or just reply with a simple "Please don't contact me again", and then be done. He will probably reply with some pathetic lines like, "I guess you don't love me.", "I wish we could still be friends -- I loved our friendship", "I will always love you are care about you", blah, blah, blah... eventually he'll get the hint and stop contacting you.

[Speakingofwhich]

We're over, but was I wrong to assume that he was insinuating we have some mid-run sex? Because although he didn't come out and say it, I was pretty sure that's exactly what he meant. I'm disgusted.

 

No, you were spot on! Good for you in not taking him up on it!

[skywriter]

Let me say first of all, Brooke, that you are making a lot of progress and are doing very well. Now you just have to do some fine tuning to accelerate the healing process. I agree with whichwayisup, that the best is to just stop all contact. These texts you are receiving, although not initiated by you, are just bringing about thoughts of your exMM and taking you a half step back, for every two steps forward you take.

 

 

Although it's tempting to let him have it and dump out everything you are feeling, don't do it. Any attention, even if it's negative empowers him -- shows him you are still emotionally engaged. Either go strict NC and block him from everything, or just reply with a simple "Please don't contact me again", and then be done. He will probably reply with some pathetic lines like, "I guess you don't love me.", "I wish we could still be friends -- I loved our friendship", "I will always love you are care about you", blah, blah, blah... eventually he'll get the hint and stop contacting you.

 

This is an excellent post. I hope you will take the advice, because doing so will empower you to emotionally disconnect yourself and

get over him.

[thecharade]

I so relate to all of this. I have blocked him from everything, but he got to me "creatively" the other day, and to say what? Nothing. Nothing new, generous, understanding or compassionate. Nothing that signaled I was a real person going through something, and he cared about me.

 

Honestly, it felt gross and icky.

 

I constantly ask myself, "Who is this person that could treat two lovely women this way? And what did I ever see in him." I answered his pointless email with crickets.

 

My dignity looks really good on me.

[BrookeM]

Let me say first of all, Brooke, that you are making a lot of progress and are doing very well. Now you just have to do some fine tuning to accelerate the healing process. I agree with whichwayisup, that the best is to just stop all contact. These texts you are receiving, although not initiated by you, are just bringing about thoughts of your exMM and taking you a half step back, for every two steps forward you take.

 

 

Although it's tempting to let him have it and dump out everything you are feeling, don't do it. Any attention, even if it's negative empowers him -- shows him you are still emotionally engaged. Either go strict NC and block him from everything, or just reply with a simple "Please don't contact me again", and then be done. He will probably reply with some pathetic lines like, "I guess you don't love me.", "I wish we could still be friends -- I loved our friendship", "I will always love you are care about you", blah, blah, blah... eventually he'll get the hint and stop contacting you.

 

Thank you so much! I had a little set back a few weeks ago right about 2 weeks after he said we wouldn't be able to see each other anymore due to his wife's illness (he came back in full force, following me to the gym and bombarding me with texts). I gave in to his days of begging and pleading only for him to get up and leave again. No texts. No contact. No explanation. I was left out in the cold once more. It angered me that I was so patient and kind to such a mean personality. His push/pull technique he used on me several times finally maxed itself out. Do I still hurt and think about him? Yes, definitely. But I quickly remind myself of one key phrase that's helped me through the sadness... He has NO good intentions for you.

[LimeBlue]

It angered me that I was so patient and kind to such a mean personality.

 

This is where I am right now. Angry. And continually questioning how I allowed myself to give all of my compassion and genuine care to someone so mean.

 

The last I heard from my EA man, he said he cares about me and how sorry he is for being so rude and mean to me. I now doubt he even meant one word of it which hurts me like hell. I find anger helps me through it, do you also?

[Turtles]

I am curious and hope you don't take this the wrong way but why do you not block his number? Is it because you are getting a little ego boost from him still lusting after you? Or??

[krazikat]

The last time I posted, I was upset with myself for breaking NC. Since then, I have not contacted him any further. He text me on Saturday telling me he was at the pool, something we used to do together. I think we was hoping I'd join him but I didn't reply. Last night, he texts me in the evening and asks how I was doing. I replied two hours later, being very short. He asked me what I was doing at the moment and I said homework (I've decided to go back to school and other than the math portion, I couldn't be more excited)! He said, "Ok well have a good night. If you decide to go for a run tonight let me know." We used to go running together, but it's been months since that last happened. I replied, "Not tonight, maybe another time." To which he responded, "Let me know, maybe we can do something fun while running...lol" and I said, "Yeah I knew there had to be a reason (I heard from you)." Then shortly after, I wrote, "No thanks." I didn't hear from him after that. (We had joked once a long time ago about getting frisky while running on a wooded trail).

 

I couldn't help but feel so angered and hurt!! After all of the months of "I love yous" and deep conversations, and "quality" time we spent together (not between the sheets), this is what it boiled down to after all. I'm so disappointed I wasted months of time and emotion on 1) Someone completely undeserving and 2) A person who has barely spoken to me in the past few weeks, then out of the blue suggests we go do something "fun" on a run. How insulting! I was so grossed out, I felt like saying a thousand hurtful things to him but I held back and didn't. We're over, but was I wrong to assume that he was insinuating we have some mid-run sex? Because although he didn't come out and say it, I was pretty sure that's exactly what he meant. I'm disgusted.

 

Oh honey...hang in there...and what an asshat he is! I thought you were going to block him....

[BrookeM]

I am curious and hope you don't take this the wrong way but why do you not block his number? Is it because you are getting a little ego boost from him still lusting after you? Or??

 

My cell phone company only permits me 5 lines to block without charge, I did block him (work, cell, and home). The other line I blocked was some stupid fax line that automatically calls me 4x a day and the last was a friendship that went south (long story). He reaches out to me on a work cell that he uses sometimes, the one number I did not block. Nothing to do with my ego needing a fix, in fact, all he does for it is harm it not help it. He doesn't contact me very often but if it persists, I will have to make adjustments to my block list.

[BrookeM]

Oh honey...hang in there...and what an asshat he is! I thought you were going to block him....

 

Thank you Krazikat! Lol at asshat! I will be adding that to my Rolodex of insults lol

[gregmurphyblue]

Sounds like he is trying to feed into his ego.

 

I am separated from my wife, and she is also trying to feed into her ego.

 

She is already dating and living with someone else, if I go somewhere where she knows I will be or when she has come by she makes sure to wear something super sexy, revealing or not much at all to try to get me to give her attention feeding into her ego.

 

What she hasn't realized yet is that me ignoring the attention she is seeking is feeding into my ego and at the same time pissing her off.

[BrookeM]

Sounds like he is trying to feed into his ego.

 

I am separated from my wife, and she is also trying to feed into her ego.

 

She is already dating and living with someone else, if I go somewhere where she knows I will be or when she has come by she makes sure to wear something super sexy, revealing or not much at all to try to get me to give her attention feeding into her ego.

 

What she hasn't realized yet is that me ignoring the attention she is seeking is feeding into my ego and at the same time pissing her off.

 

Yes!! Every time I ignore his attempts to talk to me or if I respond curtly, I give myself a mental high five. Sounds like your wife is behaving very childishly, good for you for seeing right through it. People like this are very confusing. They don't want you, but they don't want you to not want them. It's very sad when you think about it!