NC is the only way out of the fog.

[affairaddict]

I'm a month NC.

 

I have no desire to make contact. Something's switched in me this time. I've had enough.

 

The first two weeks were horrible but after that it gets easier.

I don't regret telling him never to contact me and my self worth and dignity are at least mediocre leaving first.

I think about how awful and humiliated I'd feel if he'd have had enough of me and withdrew or ended it.

 

The fog is so thick when you're in it you can't see. He said nice things and was emotionally supportive but he gave me breadcrumbs and I cannot believe I put up with breadcrumbs. Now im mostly out of the fog I see his faults. A liar and a coward. A weak man who lies to his Bs to be. I'm a strong woman what do I want with a man like that?

 

I urge anyone seeing a MM to ask stop contact with him and ask him to chose. Otherwise you are prolonging agony and wasting years you could be spending with a single available person. I read posts on here And think omg this poster is so naive and brainwashed!

I was an addict addicted to him and the high and the danger. I was addicted to the drama of going NC and reconciling too! But there has to come a point where you say enough and NC means you are moving on never looking back.

 

I'm doing me .

[Feb]

I'm a month NC.

 

I have no desire to make contact. Something's switched in me this time. I've had enough.

 

The first two weeks were horrible but after that it gets easier.

I don't regret telling him never to contact me and my self worth and dignity are at least mediocre leaving first.

I think about how awful and humiliated I'd feel if he'd have had enough of me and withdrew or ended it.

 

The fog is so thick when you're in it you can't see. He said nice things and was emotionally supportive but he gave me breadcrumbs and I cannot believe I put up with breadcrumbs. Now im mostly out of the fog I see his faults. A liar and a coward. A weak man who lies to his Bs to be. I'm a strong woman what do I want with a man like that?

 

I urge anyone seeing a MM to ask stop contact with him and ask him to chose. Otherwise you are prolonging agony and wasting years you could be spending with a single available person. I read posts on here And think omg this poster is so naive and brainwashed!

I was an addict addicted to him and the high and the danger. I was addicted to the drama of going NC and reconciling too! But there has to come a point where you say enough and NC means you are moving on never looking back.

 

I'm doing me .

 

So proud of you AA! There is a reason why they call it a 'fog' ... it clouds everything around you, including common sense and ability to see what is obvious to anyone with an IQ above 50. I believe that a lot of people here who keep breaking NC and needing "closure" are not totally out of the fog yet.

 

 

When you are 100% fog-less you have no desire to reach out for any reason... in fact you do everything in your power to avoid even accidental contact. Also, you begin to truly appreciate life again and you are actually happier out of the fog than when you are in it. It's this in-between stage when you're afraid of letting go that causes all the pain. Welcome to the other side!!!!

[BruisedBNBroken]

So proud of you AA! There is a reason why they call it a 'fog' ... it clouds everything around you, including common sense and ability to see what is obvious to anyone with an IQ above 50. I believe that a lot of people here who keep breaking NC and needing "closure" are not totally out of the fog yet.

 

 

When you are 100% fog-less you have no desire to reach out for any reason... in fact you do everything in your power to avoid even accidental contact. Also, you begin to truly appreciate life again and you are actually happier out of the fog than when you are in it. It's this in-between stage when you're afraid of letting go that causes all the pain. Welcome to the other side!!!!

 

AA and Feb, THANK YOU so much for posting this and giving those of us still in the fog hope that here's another side. I've been reading both of your old posts also over the last few days and they have been truly motivating!

 

I'm a MOW in that exact in-between stage that Feb speaks of. The A is over, and we haven't spoken in over a week, but I'm too scared to actually go full NC. Scared of the pain, scared of the finality, scared of actually having to deal with the real issues in my life. It makes no sense whatsoever when I break it down logically. My AP is so not anyone I would ever chose or be compatible with in real life. I am a professional, level headed, successful self confident woman and I can't understand how I keep making such stupid self destructive decisions. Exactly like an addict laying on the floor waiting, wishing, hoping for my next fix.

 

Anyway, enough about me, didn't mean to T/J, just wanted to say thank you to people like AA and Feb and all the others who put their stories out there to help people like me still trying to break out of the fog.

[thecharade]

AA,

 

Your words are dead on. I am very grateful that I did not wait on a dday (I know how that would have played out) to reclaim my self-respect. I have worked hard to win my internal battle, but when it came to NC, I couldn't do it. Why? I am a communicator by nature. Talk it out. One more thing to say. Need to be understood. Closure. Blah. Blah. Blah. But really, I think it's that I had too much hope or maybe denial.

 

But he just kept disrespecting me by justifying, manipulating, not deciding, giving mixed signals, and confusing the issues. (My favorite is that my need for NC means that I AM the dumper, and he is the injured, rejected one! That angle played on my guilt for a good three months. I read on infidelity sites that WS pull this with the BS too, when the BS gets tired of the poor treatment and screams "Done!" Poor, poor WS . . . not.)

 

One day I had to trust the advice: follow your head, and your heart will catch up. BAM! It worked! I slowly took him down from his pedestal and realized he was hurting me (and his W) and he just couldn't see it. He didn't want to see it.

[fanine]

AA,

 

Your words are dead on. I am very grateful that I did not wait on a dday (I know how that would have played out) to reclaim my self-respect. I have worked hard to win my internal battle, but when it came to NC, I couldn't do it. Why? I am a communicator by nature. Talk it out. One more thing to say. Need to be understood. Closure. Blah. Blah. Blah. But really, I think it's that I had too much hope or maybe denial.

 

But he just kept disrespecting me by justifying, manipulating, not deciding, giving mixed signals, and confusing the issues. (My favorite is that my need for NC means that I AM the dumper, and he is the injured, rejected one! That angle played on my guilt for a good three months. I read on infidelity sites that WS pull this with the BS too, when the BS gets tired of the poor treatment and screams "Done!" Poor, poor WS . . . not.)

 

One day I had to trust the advice: follow your head, and your heart will catch up. BAM! It worked! I slowly took him down from his pedestal and realized he was hurting me (and his W) and he just couldn't see it. He didn't want to see it.

 

I always got that every time I tried to go NC and told him it was too difficult for me. He never pleaded with me to stay, just accused me of never really loving him if I was going to leave him! And of course I would feel guilty too, as I didn't want him to think that....so of course it would go back to how it was...

These men are very clever manipulators...

[compulsivedancer]

I'm a month NC.

 

I have no desire to make contact. Something's switched in me this time. I've had enough.

 

The first two weeks were horrible but after that it gets easier.

I don't regret telling him never to contact me and my self worth and dignity are at least mediocre leaving first.

I think about how awful and humiliated I'd feel if he'd have had enough of me and withdrew or ended it.

 

The fog is so thick when you're in it you can't see. He said nice things and was emotionally supportive but he gave me breadcrumbs and I cannot believe I put up with breadcrumbs. Now im mostly out of the fog I see his faults. A liar and a coward. A weak man who lies to his Bs to be. I'm a strong woman what do I want with a man like that?

 

I urge anyone seeing a MM to ask stop contact with him and ask him to chose. Otherwise you are prolonging agony and wasting years you could be spending with a single available person. I read posts on here And think omg this poster is so naive and brainwashed!

I was an addict addicted to him and the high and the danger. I was addicted to the drama of going NC and reconciling too! But there has to come a point where you say enough and NC means you are moving on never looking back.

 

I'm doing me .

I did something a while back that helped. I got the idea from a thread on this forum. I wrote down all the things I could think of that I don't miss about the affair (eg. Not talking all weekend because he's with his GF) and all the things I could think of that I didn't miss about him (eg. His porn obsession). It was really helpful to focus on the negative instead of the positive.

[Lady2163]

I'm almost reaching a point where I can understand why people go NC. I've done it with xbf, but don't plan to do it with XMM.

 

I never wanted him to leave his wife for me. It doesn't make me jealous when he has sex with her, I don't get worked up when we can't talk because of family time. I've dated other men and had sex with other men since I've been with him. I'm actually encouraging him to have the semi innocent lunch with an xap from years ago. She'd like to see him, she's lost a bunch of weight since he saw her years ago. I told him no matter where we end up, if I lost that same amount of weight, he'd HAVE to make time for a lunch.

 

I don't love him romantically. I will be perfectly content being phone buddies. I have a gut feeling we won't be able to see each other, it's pretty easy to say no sex when we are five hours apart, quite different when we're together and a private place is five minutes away.

 

We've actually dropped down to LC. It used to be we emailed each other throughout the day, then his workplace blocked hotmail, yahoo and gmail addresses. Now we talk 2-3 times a week.

[orangegirl]

I'm a month NC.

 

I have no desire to make contact. Something's switched in me this time. I've had enough.

 

The first two weeks were horrible but after that it gets easier.

I don't regret telling him never to contact me and my self worth and dignity are at least mediocre leaving first.

I think about how awful and humiliated I'd feel if he'd have had enough of me and withdrew or ended it.

 

The fog is so thick when you're in it you can't see. He said nice things and was emotionally supportive but he gave me breadcrumbs and I cannot believe I put up with breadcrumbs. Now im mostly out of the fog I see his faults. A liar and a coward. A weak man who lies to his Bs to be. I'm a strong woman what do I want with a man like that?

 

I urge anyone seeing a MM to ask stop contact with him and ask him to chose. Otherwise you are prolonging agony and wasting years you could be spending with a single available person. I read posts on here And think omg this poster is so naive and brainwashed!

I was an addict addicted to him and the high and the danger. I was addicted to the drama of going NC and reconciling too! But there has to come a point where you say enough and NC means you are moving on never looking back.

 

I'm doing me .

 

Do you. I agree. Any mm, is lying and cheating. Divorceyou're not happy. Period

[affairaddict]

Well perhaps it's somewhat easier for me, as he never begs or uses manipulation. He agrees it's wrong and says he understands why.

Yes he has come back again couple of months down the line but at the time it's accepted and I suppose he has moments of weak and ego stroking needs to a degree.

 

At the time did I want him to plead and say "you don't love me etc.." Yes!!! How could he just let me go so easily like I meant nothing? Selfish uncaring man!

 

But you see that now I'm mostly out the fog that's not necessarily true. In fact him letting me go and understanding is the kindest thing he could have done. And showed me that my feelings were considered equal to or above his own.

That's like my closure. He cared enough to let me go.

 

So yes I can say that he was selfish and a pig and weak but as a person I really cared about him and liked him. And eventually I will be at complete acceptance and indifference which is a little way off still but getting there fast.

[fanine]

You are lucky,he understands. Mine would have ended far earlier if he had been more understanding....