My Story

[crazyencounter]

So let me start off by saying I am married with 2 kids. Happily but of course I know there has to be something up otherwise I wouldn't be looking for advice. I have been working at a company for 10 yrs.. and I meet people everyday at my job. I met this guy while working and talked to him for 15 min and there was INSTANT attraction! He was applying for a job where I work but it's a big company with places everywhere where he could be stationed. He wanted to be stationed in the city where I work so I was talking with him and told him that was a possibility because we actually needed people here (I honestly never though I would see him again...really what are the odds). Anyhow, I bumped into him, and low and behold he is wearing company uniform and says 'hey, I remember you, your the one who said I could end up in "our city" and I wanted to say thanks'. I was speechless. Here's this man I never thought I would see again, and was entirely attracted to from moment one..who I know was going to be working with. That's where it all started. From the moment I met him I wanted him! So we started working together (in my job you may see this person 2-10 times a month). We started talking (found out he's also married with 2 kids) and casually flirting. I started to make it so I could work with him more. Just being around him gave me sparks.. and I loved it. So months and months of flirting but I never thought anything could come of it..or would. I flirted with him he flirted back but I wasn't sure he was into me like I was with him, and I didn't want to be (really do love my husband)! Well this part I would call fate (while others may disagree) I find that some people come into your life for a reason..whilst it be a lesson or something else entirely. Anyhow.. we got stuck (In a different city because of a medical problem with another coworker) and stayed in that city overnight. Well we decided to go get drinks and hang out..and ended up talking for hours..then having sex. We decided to let it be at that, then two weeks later ended up having sex again in a remote location. After that we continued normally. I think we were both feeling guilty and were just trying to stay away from each other. I really wanted to continue this (even though I knew it was wrong). I think I like the excitement and lust. I knew I didn't want to be with him for good just wanted to have sex with him (damn he's hot)! Anyway, he was feeling guilty and said this couldn't continue because his guilt was killing him and he and his wife were already going to counseling for their marital problems (which I suspected but weren't confirmed until after I slept with him the second time) and he didn't want to be divorced yet again. I said ok and gave up on it at that point. I would work on my marriage and try to figure out why I had done what I did and fix mine! But then I see him again, and I just want to rip his clothes off and have sex with him..we still flirt.. but nothing happens. I want it to! Help. I am so convinced that he actually wants me too but won't let it happen. I can see it on his face every time we work together. Am I insane? I know this is awful but i just want him! Do I pursue, do I not? I don't know what to do!

[crazyencounter]

I should say this. I have never been the OW. I never thought anything like this would happen (never thought I could want anyone other than my husband). I love my husband and my kids. I want to be the good wife who never hurt him! But I also never saw myself wanting anyone like I want this MM!

[Zahara]

If you love your husband and kids, how about you try to sit back and visualize what would happen to your family if they were to find out. Lust isn't worth that loss, if you really do value what you have.

[ComingInHot]

Crazyencounter wrote: I love my husband and my kids. I want to be the good wife who never hurt him!

 

If the above IS true, WHY are doing exactly what would hurt your H and kids the most aside from leaving them by dying?!

(and all for a hot piece of a$$)

[veryhappy]

Girl, you are horny!

 

I had a similar experience. I found exMM absolutely insert words here from the first time I met him. I had to give him up after 18 months and that part hadn't fade at all.

 

I suggest you let him be, because the guy is feeling guilty and trying to end it. Let him deal with his marriage. He could easily continue the A, but he doesn't want to. Don't force things. I know it itches, but you have no right to mess up his life if he doesn't go along with it.

 

Meanwhile try to get what you want from your H. Mine didn't care about sex, but you might have better luck if you consider yourself happily married.

[jphcbpa]

Find another job if you need to

[Quiet Storm]

You know how when your kids were toddlers you taught them that it is NOT OK to lose control and have a temper tantrum in the middle of the grocery aisle? They learn that it's not OK to always act on your feelings. They learn impulse control.

 

If a toddler can do it, so can you.

 

It is normal to be attracted to others. It happens to married people all the time. Just because you have the feelings, does not mean you must act on them.

 

It sounds like you value the feelings this MM inspires in you MORE than your family. Your family deserves better than this.

 

Do not chase MM. He cheated, but he has realized that it is too much of a risk and he values his family more than an affair with you. Regardless of whether or not he is attracted, he doesn't want to continue and you need to respect that.

 

The grass isn't greener on the other side. It's greener where you water it. You are watering MM's grass right now. Water your own.

[veryhappy]

The feelings of wanting this MM are fleeting.

 

How do you know? It's been three years for me, and the feelings are the same or stronger. Haven't seen him in a year and I've done mental gymnastics and have been extremely rational in getting over him.

 

How original to stifle female libido. Just because some women are fine without sex, and they can play the little devoted virgin wife mother of the children part amazingly, doesn't mean all women are the same. Some of us actually have blood running though our bodies and our vaginas.

 

It's also convenient to discount the experience. No, this is not one of those attractions that you just get over five minutes after. It has to be out of ordinary in relation to noticing other people and not giving it a third thought.

[Quiet Storm]

How do you know? It's been three years for me, and the feelings are the same or stronger. Haven't seen him in a year and I've done mental gymnastics and have been extremely rational in getting over him.

 

How original to stifle female libido. Just because some women are fine without sex, and they can play the little devoted virgin wife mother of the children part amazingly, doesn't mean all women are the same. Some of us actually have blood running though our bodies and our vaginas.

 

It's also convenient to discount the experience. No, this is not one of those attractions that you just get over five minutes after. It has to be out of ordinary in relation to noticing other people and not giving it a third thought.

 

You can have a high libido and remain faithful to your spouse. I've done it for 22 years.

 

This is not about stifling female sexuality.

 

It's about the fact that she's married.

 

If she wants to explore sex with other men, then she shouldn't be married. Not unless her husband agrees to an open marriage.

[crazyencounter]

How do you know? It's been three years for me, and the feelings are the same or stronger. Haven't seen him in a year and I've done mental gymnastics and have been extremely rational in getting over him.

 

How original to stifle female libido. Just because some women are fine without sex, and they can play the little devoted virgin wife mother of the children part amazingly, doesn't mean all women are the same. Some of us actually have blood running though our bodies and our vaginas.

 

It's also convenient to discount the experience. No, this is not one of those attractions that you just get over five minutes after. It has to be out of ordinary in relation to noticing other people and not giving it a third thought.

 

I agree with you. This isn't just some attraction you know will disappear. Like I said I meet people everyday.. I mean at least 100 in the work that I do. That also why I said I believe in fate.. coincidence did not bring me to this point. The MM apples for a job, bumped into me, got stationed where I am, then got stuck in another city with me! It makes it hard to just let go of it. I am trying but that is also why I am here. Advice how to let it be, that's it's wrong, etc. Sometimes you just need perspective that isn't your own. So thanks for not discounting my feelings

[aliveagain]

Just remember, this will cost you your family if you continue. Things always have a way of coming to light, is it worth it? You can't unf**k yourself, what you did is permanent. How can you be sure his guilt isn't too much and he tells his wife? Guess who she calls next? Can you trust someone you hardly know with that kind of life altering information? He's outside of your control.

[Pierre]

So let me start off by saying I am married with 2 kids. Happily but of course I know there has to be something up otherwise I wouldn't be looking for advice. I have been working at a company for 10 yrs.. and I meet people everyday at my job. I met this guy while working and talked to him for 15 min and there was INSTANT attraction! He was applying for a job where I work but it's a big company with places everywhere where he could be stationed. He wanted to be stationed in the city where I work so I was talking with him and told him that was a possibility because we actually needed people here (I honestly never though I would see him again...really what are the odds). Anyhow, I bumped into him, and low and behold he is wearing company uniform and says 'hey, I remember you, your the one who said I could end up in "our city" and I wanted to say thanks'. I was speechless. Here's this man I never thought I would see again, and was entirely attracted to from moment one..who I know was going to be working with. That's where it all started. From the moment I met him I wanted him! So we started working together (in my job you may see this person 2-10 times a month). We started talking (found out he's also married with 2 kids) and casually flirting. I started to make it so I could work with him more. Just being around him gave me sparks.. and I loved it. So months and months of flirting but I never thought anything could come of it..or would. I flirted with him he flirted back but I wasn't sure he was into me like I was with him, and I didn't want to be (really do love my husband)! Well this part I would call fate (while others may disagree) I find that some people come into your life for a reason..whilst it be a lesson or something else entirely. Anyhow.. we got stuck (In a different city because of a medical problem with another coworker) and stayed in that city overnight. Well we decided to go get drinks and hang out..and ended up talking for hours..then having sex. We decided to let it be at that, then two weeks later ended up having sex again in a remote location. After that we continued normally. I think we were both feeling guilty and were just trying to stay away from each other. I really wanted to continue this (even though I knew it was wrong). I think I like the excitement and lust. I knew I didn't want to be with him for good just wanted to have sex with him (damn he's hot)! Anyway, he was feeling guilty and said this couldn't continue because his guilt was killing him and he and his wife were already going to counseling for their marital problems (which I suspected but weren't confirmed until after I slept with him the second time) and he didn't want to be divorced yet again. I said ok and gave up on it at that point. I would work on my marriage and try to figure out why I had done what I did and fix mine! But then I see him again, and I just want to rip his clothes off and have sex with him..we still flirt.. but nothing happens. I want it to! Help. I am so convinced that he actually wants me too but won't let it happen. I can see it on his face every time we work together. Am I insane? I know this is awful but i just want him! Do I pursue, do I not? I don't know what to do!

 

A lot of people in happy marriages cheat; you are not alone.

 

It is normal to find members of the opposite sex very attractive after you have been married for a while.

 

People that are not in need of validation simply enjoy seeing or talking to someone that is hot and attractive. They may even flirt, but will not cross the line into an affair. OTOH, some folks simply respond to the attraction and go for it. You are one of those.

 

You are standing at the precipice and if you fall the pain will be unbearable. You may lose your marriage and will put a dagger in the chest of your children. You will wish a million times you never slept with this man.

 

You have signs of low self esteem. The line I flirted with him he flirted back but I wasn't sure he was into me is a classic among women with low self esteem. It seems this line is present in every newbie OW.

 

You are a human and not an animal. You can walk away from this.

 

Change jobs ASAP. As long as you have contact you will have sex with tis guy again.

 

Perhaps you posted looking for support regarding this affair. If you want to have this affair I suggest you divorce your H and then go after the OM, no problems. I wish there was a way for you to have the affair where you did not have to be a liar or hurt your family, but as of now there is no possible way to do that.

[twosadthings]

It's quite telling that the only post(s) you responded to was the one that gave you support in your choice and justified your feelings.

 

Just sayin"

 

Twosadthings

[Pierre]

It's quite telling that the only post(s) you responded to was the one that gave you support in your choice and justified your feelings.

 

Just sayin"

 

Twosadthings

 

She is looking for a pro-affair point of view, but I believe this forum mostly supports single OWs that have been duped by married OMs.

 

Many MOWs actually post in a manner that likely represent how the married OMs feel. This is a perspective single OWs are not familiar with. They assume any married person that has an affair is in the marriage from hell. The truth is that many people in happy marriages cheat, happens all the time.

[RAN65]

But then I see him again, and I just want to rip his clothes off and have sex with him..we still flirt.. but nothing happens. I want it to! Help. I am so convinced that he actually wants me too but won't let it happen. I can see it on his face every time we work together. Am I insane? I know this is awful but i just want him! Do I pursue, do I not? I don't know what to do!

 

What would you do & how would you feel if your H had done the same to OW(if he had one).

[crazyencounter]

What would you do & how would you feel if your H had done the same to OW(if he had one).

 

I would be insane!! For a while there I was convinced that maybe my H did have an A. It was before I actually did anything with the MM. My H has been working on a project (hobby) that didn't involve me but involved a group of men and one woman (a woman that I felt was attractive but that my H said he didn't). I won't lie, I was jealous and insecure with this woman being around him let alone working in this project with him. I tried to tell him this with the response not well taken. My H just said there was nothing to worry about.. blah..blah..blah. I tried to talk to him a lot about it and felt as if I got no where. I think things in our marriage are good but there are things that could definetly be improved upon. I also think this is where things went sour because of this attraction that I had with MM. I always said I would never do this, but I guess I am still trying to figure out why I did. I know I said the MM is hot, cause he is. But I also think that there's a reason I let it happen. Just trying to figure out what it is.

[AlwaysGrowing]

The dating pool for a married person is pretty shallow. Most in there could drown in a raindrop, hot or not.

 

Simply put, anyone with Self Respect would never entertain any type of "relationship" with a married person. Even if there was an attraction, they would require the other person to be available. Not to mention, that they would not want to hurt an innocent person.

 

The issues lie solely with you, only you can answer to why you made the choices you did. No one here can answer that for you.