Broke up because of distance.. my biggest regret ever. :(

[Meggerz]

So my ex boyfriend and I were together for a year before he had to head off to RMC (a military university 1h and 45 mins away) Really not that far when you think about it, but with him being in the military I could only see him for 2 or 3 weekends a month. He was my life at the time, I wasnt in school, I didn't have a job so when he left it was earth shattering...I had no idea what to do with myself. But we stuck it through, then I moved to a new city to pursue modelling and the drive then grew to 2 h and 30 mins. He would be exhausted after a week and sometimes would complain about coming up and how much money it was costing. Things were slowly spiraling downwards because I honestly couldn't handle things anymore and the distance was really taking a toll on us. We lasted another year before I was becoming interested in other guys and decided that I needed to end things. On a whim I broke up with him and really didn't give it another thought until a few months later when all my emotions came back and hit me like a train. I tried getting him back and he told me to move on because I had broken up with him because of distance, and no matter what he would be at school for another 3 years. I found out later he had rebounded with a new relationship. It lasted about 2 months and then a little after that we started talking casually and had told me that telling me to move on was one of the hardest things hes had to do, and that hed thought about me ever day since. I was so relieved to hear this because I had honestly thought he had moved on for good.

 

For the next few months he would randomly message me these huge emotional messages saying how he couldn't get over me and how he loves me unconditionally, and sent me songs saying " And I hope one day we'll end back where we used to be, because I know that something real is still there but maybe just for me". And then he would just back off again. I asked him why he was so hot and cold and he told me it was because his emotions build up and he really misses me and then he snaps back into reality and gets distant again. This was less than 2 months ago. Its almost been a year that we've been broken up and i've been hung up on him ever since. I'll have months where im okay and im just kind of getting by, but it always comes back and hits me. I still love him so much. We were back in the same town this week and I saw him for the first time in 8 months and it was great. He was pretty closed off and reserved at first, but by the end of the second night we hung out it was just like old times. I asked him if he wanted to fix things, and he said no because he can't handle school and a GF at the same time. I don't know what to think of all this, I'm guessing hes saying no because he knows how long distance worked for us the first time around, but SOO much has changed. I have my own place in now, Im busy with my own career my own life... I have matured so much in the past year that I really think it could work this time around. We were both quite needy before, and i feel like we've both matured enough to be able to handle it. I invited him to come visit me, and he said he would. I'm hoping that maybe once he sees my life and sees how different things are that maybe he'll come around and give me a second chance. I really really hurt him though, and I don't think he wants to be vulnerable again so whenever I bring up all the messages he sends and what he wants he gets super passive and doesn't want to talk about it. I don't know what to do, i want him back so badly, but I know I cant force it on him. He must still love me if he sends me these messages, but im at a crossroads wondering if I should just move on or really try and make this work. I hate myself for ending things, ive regretted it every single day for an entire year.... but I'm starting to think maybe the damage has been done

Edited August 15, 2013 by Meggerz

[Faith13/2]

What's meant to be will always find a way. Don't give up, fight for what you love. Distance is hard as most of us in LDRs know, but it's worth it when it's with the right person. Distance alone will bring so much heartache and arguements, but you must always keep the bigger picture in mind; your happiness and future. I promise you if he loves you as you do him, he will be back. Some things in life are just destined, I truly believe that. But it wouldn't hurt to give him a little push back into your arms either. Don't sweat the petty things, it just doesn't work in an LDR. Motivation, Dedication, Understanding, Trust, and most of all Love. Don't ever lose sight in the good, because the bad can only last so long. Good luck, wish you both the best.

[justwhoiam]

How many guys did you date in the meantime? How many guys did you sleep with?

 

From your words, I can't see anywhere that you truly opened up to him, while he did with his messages. If you think you can really handle it this time, and can handle being with him once a month for three years, open up to him and let him know you missed him like crazy and you can't get over him anyway. And promise you'd never break up with him again. I guess that thought is preventing him from being with you again.