I alienated her with cold behaviour, almost lost her, now become too possesive.

[MaxPayne2]

HI,

This is my first post here. Im not sure can put my story into right words or not, but seems u guys are so helpful and frendly, i wil just keep blurbing.

 

Well im a person with lots of responsibilities. I have a career which i just started, and a new business as well getting along with my job. My professional activities left a very little room for my gf. I had been with my gf for over a year, but i hardly spent much time with her. During the time she showed all her affection to me, though i was cold. Not because i didnt realized her love, i was in love, but im a person who takes things really slowly. It was obvious that she would feel not wanted. And it all started alienating her.

 

Perhaps it was her my abcense from her life, or my blind trust, she started going out with few friends and having drinks. She even slept with couple of them. I got to know incidently, and all this have been going on for almost 3 months now. When i confronted her, she told me tat she never felt my love for her, tat would make her more sad, she would go for drinks and would lost control after tat. But she only had sex with one fren, and tat too when she was drunk. On the day that she confessed, we both cried like babies. She admiited her fault, and i vowed to forget it forever and move on. I felt so much at loss. Yet i couldnt blame her also, as it was my cold (but taking things slow) behaviour tat alienated her. Since tat day, im being overly possesive of her. I have been delaying my projects, work and other things just to give her most of my time, bring her out for dinners, movies. I never been with her during the whole year since i have been with her in few weeks. But whatever i do, i cant get rid of the illusions of her having sex with another man.

 

I couldnt control my insecurity and started snooping on her acvities. Hacked her emails, put spywares on her comp, did everything to findout if shes still cheating on me. Perhaps its a desperate attempt to convince myself. But i have put a nice and broad smile infront of her, and told her that everything is fine. We just celebrated our anniversary, our first anniversary. I want to give her much time i can, to make her really feel my love for her. Since she had slept with her friend, i wanted to bring her for an STD, i wont knew how she would feel, but spoke it our openly.

 

My quesions are..

1- Am i really being reasonable, being cheated once, and snooping on her,, spying on her activities.

2- Can a person cheat in circumstances if he/shes not happy or not feel wanted.

3- Can she really commit herself to me, once i have felt what mistake i had done, and not go back to her old frens.

4- She told me she had everybody, but How can i get rid off all those delusions, even if i cant reach her, i feel like crying and mad (with me, not at her). How can i retain my trust.

5- How would you feel if ur bf wants u to bring u for an STD checkup, digging up past, becoming posessive, or caring.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I just want to make sure I read this correctly. Did you say your wife has gone out with friends and had unprotected sex with other men and you have only been married just a year? You have got to be kidding?

[MaxPayne2]

no we havent been married yet. We celebrated anniversary for being together for a year. A day tat we had marked we met on. Just to make it worthwhile and romantic.

[No One]

It does NOT matter what you did! It is NOT your fault that she cheated on you. Even if she felt lonely - that is not an excuse for cheating -- nothing is. She should have broken relations with you before she f**ked her friend. How can you think this is your fault? She is right about one thing though - she probably didn't feel loved but she could have at least taken the effort to talk to you about it.

 

After all she did say yes to the vows - till death do us part. This does NOT mean till he doesn't give me the attention I need, etc... Cheating is totally unacceptable in a committed relationship in my book. If I was in your position, I would have thrown her out on that day.

 

If you stay in the relationship, you will always worry about her. Your trust has been broken and it'll take a while to repair if it's even repairable. Also, forgiving does not mean forgetting. There is a big difference. How can you forget - you can't. It obviously hurt you a great deal and it will be worst if you act like it never happen. The consequences of her cheating is still there - i.e. pain for you. You need to make her aware of this.

 

You are perfectly justified in being suspicious now because she has broken your trust until she regains your trust. Personally, I would have thrown her out the minute I found out!

[MaxPayne2]

Hi,

Since i have been checking her logs and everything, i just found out something. We had been chating online when we cant meet, and theres her trusty best from somewhere outaworld who talks to both of us, ONLY about how great she is, and how much she loves me. I had found out tat the friend doesnt exists, and its only her another alias. Not even this, i had also found out that shes been chating with that imaginery friend of hers, or should i say, chating with herself. Ok we all do talk to ourselves when we are stressed, upto some extent, but chating with urself, just using different nicks.Is tat normal. ? I confronted her, and she told me, tats how she could communicate with me.. bizzare,

[EC]

Hold up..let me get this straight...

 

So she feels lonely, goes out and gets drunk, and has sx with her friends.

 

Then she makes up a name on line and tells you its a friend of hers and you think your talking to this friend and this friend is telling you how much she loves you and the whole time it was her!?! Are you serious?

 

And then she chats with herself on line but with different names?

 

Thats not normal..it's weird..I think you should really re-think your relationship.

[ChattGirl]

I agree. I think that is abnormal and someone that has to create a false illusion about themselves to get their significant other to like them, that's a definite problem.

 

I mean, come on.... I remember hanging out with a girl who used to have imaginary friends and I thought it was weird then...

[ChattGirl]

I failed to mention it was a friend in KINDERGARTEN that did the imaginary friend thing...