miss_jaclynrae Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 I have always been one to say "I WANT A WEDDING." It just meant a lot to me, since I didn't have one with my ex, I always have said I NEED to have one. Whoever I am with needs to want one. So here I am, super in love with my boyfriend, and he tells me he has always wanted to get married at Niagara falls. I am all for that, but it is FAR, and with all our family here, I could see that being difficult to arrange. The funny thing though? I don't know if it is all these mushy romance movies I have been watching, or him being gone... but the more I think about it, the more I think I don't want a big wedding. To just be able to have a small thing where we can be ourselves in our raw forms and profess our everlasting love... it seems so much more meaningful and romantic. I think it would be kinda awesome to run away together and do such a thing. It is bizarre because I seriously have been so adamant about a wedding. IDK, anyone else struggle with the idea of what to do? Big wedding, small wedding, no wedding, just a reception? [not even engaged yet, but I just love talking about these sort of things. ] Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 I've always wanted a small one in an old church by a gorgeous glacial lake that we have around here, surrounded by snow-capped mountains. I really don't understand 'struggling' with what to do before you're even engaged though! It's nice to fantasize about, but leave the horrid planning and logistics for later when it's actually necessary, geez.. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 I got married once, long ago. It was modest, and not a 'wedding' the way most people think of them. I was quite anti- me getting married (as opposed to anti-marriage) for a time and when I fell in love a few years back I thought I'd love to elope to Gretna or something similar, a pretty summer dress and flip flops... When my husband and I decided to get married we struggled to keep the guest list down! We wanted everyone who really meant something to us to be there and join in our happiness and excitement. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops! So yes, I completely understand your views changing. They may well change again 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 A lot of women care more about the wedding than the marriage. They want to bend over backwards so that their friends and family can see them and how good they look and how fancy their wedding is so they can take a million pictures and post them all over facebook and hang them all over their house for a few years. When in all reality, in my opinion, a wedding should be a special event between the two people getting married. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 15, 2013 Author Share Posted August 15, 2013 I've always wanted a small one in an old church by a gorgeous glacial lake that we have around here, surrounded by snow-capped mountains. I really don't understand 'struggling' with what to do before you're even engaged though! It's nice to fantasize about, but leave the horrid planning and logistics for later when it's actually necessary, geez.. If I was driving myself insane and what I was doing was "horrid" then I wouldn't be doing it. It is called dreaming, and it is fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 A lot of women care more about the wedding than the marriage. They want to bend over backwards so that their friends and family can see them and how good they look and how fancy their wedding is so they can take a million pictures and post them all over facebook and hang them all over their house for a few years. When in all reality, in my opinion, a wedding should be a special event between the two people getting married. Just because people make a big thing of their wedding (I didn't, personally) doesn't mean it isn't "a special event between the two people getting married" Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 15, 2013 Author Share Posted August 15, 2013 I got married once, long ago. It was modest, and not a 'wedding' the way most people think of them. I was quite anti- me getting married (as opposed to anti-marriage) for a time and when I fell in love a few years back I thought I'd love to elope to Gretna or something similar, a pretty summer dress and flip flops... When my husband and I decided to get married we struggled to keep the guest list down! We wanted everyone who really meant something to us to be there and join in our happiness and excitement. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops! So yes, I completely understand your views changing. They may well change again Luckily we both have small families and very few friends. If I was to add up the amount of people that mean the absolute most to us, it would be 21 people. I have never thought of a destination wedding, but I think something like that could be awesome! Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 Be careful of the groomzilla ... My advice is to keep it cheap, no reason to start life together with [more] debt. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 15, 2013 Author Share Posted August 15, 2013 Be careful of the groomzilla ... My advice is to keep it cheap, no reason to start life together with [more] debt. The [more] part is definitely needed! If we had a wedding, I wouldn't add any debt. Seriously, we would save for that ****. My parents paid for their own wedding, without going into debt too. Not to mention both of our families would be more than willing to help out which would be nice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 15, 2013 Share Posted August 15, 2013 Be careful of the groomzilla ... My advice is to keep it cheap, no reason to start life together with [more] debt. I don't plan to be in debt for my wedding. I know some people,with everything they do in life, they live above their means. Buy a more expensive house than they can really afford, more expensive car, wardrobe etc. But I don't believe in that, so I would know the kind of wedding I want and explore the estimated cost and save for it, like I would anything else. Which is why for me, I'd want to be engaged for a year before the wedding, so I'd have time to plan and save for it and it wouldn't be some spur of the moment expense I can't really afford and am in great debt over. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 15, 2013 Author Share Posted August 15, 2013 I don't plan to be in debt for my wedding. I know some people,with everything they do in life, they live above their means. Buy a more expensive house than they can really afford, more expensive car, wardrobe etc. But I don't believe in that, so I would know the kind of wedding I want and explore the estimated cost and save for it, like I would anything else. Which is why for me, I'd want to be engaged for a year before the wedding, so I'd have time to plan and save for it and it wouldn't be some spur of the moment expense I can't really afford and am in great debt over. This 100%! It is exactly how I feel! The point of being engaged longer would be so for one, finances would be in order, and because I don't want that **** to be stressful. I want it to be fun! I NEVER wanted a big wedding. Just because I wanted a wedding didn't mean I wanted it big... I just think the idea of eloping would be fun, especially because I know with how WE are as a couple we would have a blast. Then again... I want those we love most to witness it. It's like.. I want something super intimate... but I still think it would be important to have family involved. We don't even like our family THAT much [we love them, but we could do without them around lol]. I know my mom would be sad if I didn't have one, mostly because with my ex, we just got engaged and married two weeks later at the courthouse. It was so terrible. I regretted that for our entire marriage. He said we would have a real wedding later... THAT went out the window. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 This 100%! It is exactly how I feel! The point of being engaged longer would be so for one, finances would be in order, and because I don't want that **** to be stressful. I want it to be fun! I NEVER wanted a big wedding. Just because I wanted a wedding didn't mean I wanted it big... I just think the idea of eloping would be fun, especially because I know with how WE are as a couple we would have a blast. Then again... I want those we love most to witness it. It's like.. I want something super intimate... but I still think it would be important to have family involved. We don't even like our family THAT much [we love them, but we could do without them around lol]. I know my mom would be sad if I didn't have one, mostly because with my ex, we just got engaged and married two weeks later at the courthouse. It was so terrible. I regretted that for our entire marriage. He said we would have a real wedding later... THAT went out the window. You posted the topic twice and I replied in the first one saying I want something intimate as well, probably 80 people max, but ideally, maybe 50 of our closest friends and family, and maybe it would also be a destination wedding (if so, it would probably be even smaller, like 30 people). I want it smaller and intimate and hope that this means we can splurge on certain aspects important to us, since we have less guests. I always see people saying it as some given fact that a big wedding means debt, but that is assuming you don't have the money and everybody takes out loans or borrows. I have always imagined it like any other expense in my life, if I can't afford it out of pocket easily on a whim, I save up for it for a while, so it would be no different with a wedding. I know the kind of taste I have, but I'm also good at cutting expenses and getting deals, and for my wedding I know I want some DIY unique elements, so I'm sure I'd be able to, with proper financial planning, have the kind of wedding I want without going into debt. Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 I have no idea what kind of wedding I would want, I've never really thought about it. Who knows if I'll ever even get married! lol. I think it's okay to have a change of heart though! A small and sweet wedding is perfect. It's all about what's meaningful to you. Just be sure that it's really what you want. You mentioned wanting a big wedding in the past and that now certain factors have caused a change of heart. You wanna be sure it's a REAL change in what you want and not a phase that was influenced by what you've been seeing lately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 You posted the topic twice and I replied in the first one saying I want something intimate as well, probably 80 people max, but ideally, maybe 50 of our closest friends and family, and maybe it would also be a destination wedding (if so, it would probably be even smaller, like 30 people). I want it smaller and intimate and hope that this means we can splurge on certain aspects important to us, since we have less guests. I always see people saying it as some given fact that a big wedding means debt, but that is assuming you don't have the money and everybody takes out loans or borrows. I have always imagined it like any other expense in my life, if I can't afford it out of pocket easily on a whim, I save up for it for a while, so it would be no different with a wedding. I know the kind of taste I have, but I'm also good at cutting expenses and getting deals, and for my wedding I know I want some DIY unique elements, so I'm sure I'd be able to, with proper financial planning, have the kind of wedding I want without going into debt. I am all about DIY. You should see my wedding board on pinterest! I love the idea of working within a budget actually, then again, I am a big thrifter, it is fun finding things that are beautiful without spending a ton of money. I have no idea what kind of wedding I would want, I've never really thought about it. Who knows if I'll ever even get married! lol. I think it's okay to have a change of heart though! A small and sweet wedding is perfect. It's all about what's meaningful to you. Just be sure that it's really what you want. You mentioned wanting a big wedding in the past and that now certain factors have caused a change of heart. You wanna be sure it's a REAL change in what you want and not a phase that was influenced by what you've been seeing lately. When I said BIG wedding, I never meant BIG as in a lot of people and fancy venue. I always wanted something more intimate, but I also wanted the dress, the first dance, the traditional wedding so to speak. The more I see these intimate weddings and the more in love I fall with the mister, the more I could something small and sweet. I am sure if I had tons of friends or family I would feel different [i am always slightly envious of people who have a big fun wedding party, I don't know enough people to have one!] and would lean towards doing the big shibang, but I also know that those cost a LOT of money, something we nor family have. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Crikey! I've never heard of someone having a wedding Pinterest board before deciding to get married! Be sure to slow down and enjoy the moment and not be rushing towards things that aren't really there yet Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 Crikey! I've never heard of someone having a wedding Pinterest board before deciding to get married! Be sure to slow down and enjoy the moment and not be rushing towards things that aren't really there yet WHaaaa??? Seriously? Almost every woman I know who ISN'T engaged has one. I have one for everything from dream home, munchkin stuff... What is so wrong with dreaming? It isn't like it is keeping me from enjoying now! Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 WHaaaa??? Seriously? Almost every woman I know who ISN'T engaged has one. I have one for everything from dream home, munchkin stuff... What is so wrong with dreaming? It isn't like it is keeping me from enjoying now! Maybe it's me. I didn't have a wedding one when I *was* engaged and no one I know has one prior to engagement. Nothing wrong with dreaming but sometimes it can stop us keeping our eyes on the here and now. I'm not saying it's the case with you - but if someone is all about romanticising and wedding planning, are they really in the now, fully enjoying it, or too busy living in the future to notice if things start to deteriorate in the relationship? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 A... wedding... Pinterest board??? Some of my friends have gotten engaged and married and even they didn't have one! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 A... wedding... Pinterest board??? Some of my friends have gotten engaged and married and even they didn't have one! I am shocked... Everyone I know has one! I have one for pretty much everything, as I said, I have one for engagement, newborns, kids... I pin EVERYTHING. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miss_jaclynrae Posted August 16, 2013 Author Share Posted August 16, 2013 As a matter of fact, a lot of the people on there aren't even in a relationship! Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 Crikey! I've never heard of someone having a wedding Pinterest board before deciding to get married! Be sure to slow down and enjoy the moment and not be rushing towards things that aren't really there yet I have one! Lots of people do. There are all these funny ecard things on Pinterest about it, like this one,Pinterest Weddings Planning Pin Boards Funny Ecard | Wedding Ecard | someecards.com, because lots of people just like pinning wedding stuff. Even a friend of mine, who's already married and already had a wedding, likes and pins lots of wedding stuff on Pinterest, saying it's just fun to do although she's already married Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 As a matter of fact, a lot of the people on there aren't even in a relationship! Yeaa I think Pinterest for lots of people is used as a vision board to envision things they want in the future and lots of pins have tags like "Pin now for future" and it's not a hard and fast tool for things they are actually currently doing. That's how I was even introduced to the idea of Pinterest actually, I read about it in a magazine and it was featuring some successful people who used vision boards and someone mentioned how Pinterest is like an electronic kind of vision board, and I checked it out. Lots of boards are about places you'd like to visit, things you'd like to see, foods you'd like to try, clothes you'd like to buy and the wedding you'd like to have. I hope Pinterest is still around when I am planning a wedding, so I can go look back on some of the cute stuff I've pinned. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted August 16, 2013 Share Posted August 16, 2013 It's like.. I want something super intimate... but I still think it would be important to have family involved. We don't even like our family THAT much [we love them, but we could do without them around lol]. I know my mom would be sad if I didn't have one, mostly because with my ex, we just got engaged and married two weeks later at the courthouse. It was so terrible. I regretted that for our entire marriage. He said we would have a real wedding later... THAT went out the window. What about eloping and then having a nice family party when you get home? You could even do a another mini-ceremony in front of them so they can still be a part of it. Be creative! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 I truly think living in the moment is a good thing, especially when you aren't even engaged yet, but dreaming is fun too. My H and I had spoken about marriage for years before we were even engaged, so I always knew we would go there when the time was right. Just make sure you reel yourself in when you start getting too far into the future. Live in the moment and enjoy him for what he is now - your boyfriend. Don't rush. We actually had a nice weekend away with a group of friends and family (small group.) We stayed in a B&B and had our wedding in front of the fireplace upstairs in the B&B. Our friends and family were able to spend their nights nearby in a little hotel. Nothing big at all. I couldn't have asked for anything more romantic. Our closest friends and family witnessed our wedding. We then had food made for everyone who attended, and we all sat around the same table and enjoyed wine and food and lots of laughs. We were able to sit with all of the people who came. We then got into comfy clothing, got the booze out and had a few too many drinks around the fire, right on the water in the Muskokas. It was the sweetest day. We had 19 people attend, including us. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 17, 2013 Share Posted August 17, 2013 I felt the same way when Soldier Boy was deployed. Having him gone, I just wanted him here, in my day-to-day life again. I was willing to go to City Hall. (Hey, it's a really pretty building!) Once he got back, I wanted the formality of having our loved ones there to celebrate with us. Me thinks you'll feel the same way again once he comes back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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