The fact is that good-looking people find love more easily

[PJKino]

No, I wasn't saying men have it easier. They have different ways. Each has advantages and disadvantages.

 

I really see no advantage as a man unless youre very good looking and women flock to you..

 

An average or below average dude has to stand out over a long period of time and build a repoire just to attract a girl equal to him..

Edited August 17, 2013 by PJKino

[SpiralOut]

All I see in this thread is a comparison between good-looking and less good-looking people. Sure, there might be advantages there, but once you put a bunch of attractive people all in the same room together, suddenly their looks don't matter so much and it becomes about their personality. An attractive person has options, but so do OTHER attractive people, meaning that good looking guy might not want you just because you're hot. Maybe he would rather have the hot woman sitting beside you because she is wittier than you.

[tbf]

Do a probability calc and you'll find compatible mate seeking neither better or worse for good vs. average looking people.

[Suave]

A lot of this depends on where you're looking for love.

 

Parties/clubs and the like...sure. Looks are of utmost importance here. But how many times do girls/guys you meet in a club end up being a part of your life a week later? Almost none.

 

My personal experience: looking for love will leave you frustrated beyond belief until you find it, which will happen on its own when you least expect it.

 

Oh, and attractive people may have it easier in terms of pure selection, but don't forget that their standards are also all raised so they are often unwilling to settle. This leads to a drastically diminished pool from which to choose from. You will also generally have very critical friends of similar attractiveness whom you need to worry about impressing, unfortunately.

Edited August 17, 2013 by Suave

[ThaWholigan]

Well, this thread was predictable.

 

I think the mods should lock these as soon as they're made, then we won't have to have the same exact conversation over and over again. Yes. Good looking/sexually attractive people will generally have more people drawn to them. Nobody has trouble admitting that - the mere fact that it keeps being brought up probably indicates that you guys who keep beating this drum are the ones who have trouble accepting it.

 

There are lots of better looking guys than me, who have a far greater understanding of how to be sexually attractive to women and have a lot of options. Hell, there are guys who are probably less attractive than me conventionally who do far better at being sexually attractive and having options. I accept that. I don't exactly have a plethora of options but its never been a big problem. I learned how to get them anyway.

 

Guys, just forget about it. So what if they have it easier? So what if women have dick surrounding them daily? Eventually, you have to live your life and do your best to improve. Talking about the same topic over and over again is not going to help you. Stop it.

[tbf]

Maybe the problem isn't so much the number of options but the superficial looks of the options. The majority of men who whine about looks being of the utmost importance to dating, tend to be the same guys who feel entitled to hot chicks.

[MrNate 2.0]

I agree that compatible personalities are what ultimately cement a relationship. However, you have a better chance of finding someone with a compatible personality if you're good-looking, because you get around more. I don't sympathize at all with people who are good-looking and complain that they can, with no effort at all, get countless dates and one-night stands with sexually attractive people, but haven't yet found one who seems like long-term relationship material. Yeah, what a terrible problem to have. Wouldn't that be awful to be a tall, handsome (and/or rich) guy who has women swooning over him 24/7, who is just having trouble finding one worth settling down with. 99% of the work of finding a romantic partner is getting them attracted to you in the first place. What really sucks is being a guy and knowing women who are attractive and like hanging around you because of your personality, but won't ever date you because they wouldn't like being seen hitched to you due to you being short or otherwise unattractive.

 

 

 

Where's your friend, Dads lasagna?

 

 

Maybe you two should pick a corner to cry in.

 

 

Yes attractive (which is relative) people have it easier. The funny thing is that this does not change your situation one bit.

 

Only you can do that.

[GoodOnPaper]

Maybe the problem isn't so much the number of options but the superficial looks of the options. The majority of men who whine about looks being of the utmost importance to dating, tend to be the same guys who feel entitled to hot chicks.

 

So we're stuck between a rock and a hard place. If we want a partner who's attractive, we're too entitled. If we "lower out standards" to partner up but we're not super-infatuated, then we're settling. THIS is what very attractive people don't have to face.

[tbf]

So we're stuck between a rock and a hard place. If we want a partner who's attractive, we're too entitled.

If people want extremely attractive partners, they're going to have to be patient. It's all the unnecessary whining, moaning and bitching that's annoying. As if people feel they're entitled to the objects of their lust.

 

If we "lower out standards" to partner up but we're not super-infatuated, then we're settling.

Refer to above.

 

THIS is what very attractive people don't have to face.

But what they do face is a lot of entitled people who feel they deserve the attractive object they lust after. Any idea how endlessly creepy that gets when all any human being wants, is to be wanted for themselves?

[GoodOnPaper]

I'm afraid I don't. Being wanted for only what's beneath the surface isn't all that it's cracked up to be. A lot of loyalty and dedication outside the bedroom. Very tame inside the bedroom. Surface attraction ( or lack of) makes a difference.

[tbf]

I'm afraid I don't. Being wanted for only what's beneath the surface isn't all that it's cracked up to be. A lot of loyalty and dedication outside the bedroom. Very tame inside the bedroom. Surface attraction ( or lack of) makes a difference.

This is the main reason why it's difficult to have any sympathy for whiners. They're incapable of seeing the other side, intent on playing victim.

[sillyanswer]

Good rant!

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

This is the main reason why it's difficult to have any sympathy for whiners. They're incapable of seeing the other side, intent on playing victim.

 

Let's be serious here. I'm sure GoodOnPaper has it much more difficult than other guys on here (say, therhythm, who claims to be very good looking).

 

Their outlooks on life reflect their out appearance and how people treat them differently because of it.

 

So, in many ways, these guys are victims. Victims of genetics and societal expectations.

 

Unfortunately, the fact is that many women don't understand this because women will have options regardless of what they look like (because women have higher social standings in the US). This is why you see lot of men coming on here whining, but you rarely see any women saying "I can't get ANY guys".

 

So I disagree with you. You don't understand the other side, as you expect others to do.

[Southern Cal Dude]

Let's be serious here. I'm sure GoodOnPaper has it much more difficult than other guys on here (say, therhythm, who claims to be very good looking).

 

Their outlooks on life reflect their out appearance and how people treat them differently because of it.

 

So, in many ways, these guys are victims. Victims of genetics and societal expectations.

 

Unfortunately, the fact is that many women don't understand this because women will have options regardless of what they look like (because women have higher social standings in the US). This is why you see lot of men coming on here whining, but you rarely see any women saying "I can't get ANY guys".

 

So I disagree with you. You don't understand the other side, as you expect others to do.

 

 

I don't believe anyone here is that good looking(male or female), unless they post a picture. I'm around ultra good looking people regularly. There's a difference between being remotely good looking(say a 6-7) and those bordering on model looks(anything over an 8). With the former, there's probably quite a few here. The latter, I'd be surprised if there's more than 1 or 2.

 

Do I consider myself a victim? No. Are there situations where I'm at a disadvantage? For sure, but the pros don't outweigh the cons. But you are correct in that women always have at least some options, unless she weighs 300 lbs and looks like Susan Boyle. Any woman can get sex if she's horny and remain passive and stumble into a relationship. It may not be with their first choice, but women are not punished for being passive and shy. But they will still lose out if a more assertive woman comes along, even if she's a notch or two below in looks.

[man_in_the_box]

Probably 80% of uss are either average or below, including me. Women don't come falling into my lap, they never did and never will. How is our situation any different from yours? Or are you a quadriplegic or something? Are you infected with leprosis? You keep hiding something or your standards are just way out there. Average and below guys might not have the brightest options, or not options all times but to claim that we have no options whatsoever is a big ****ing lie.

[ascendotum]

I will add, my ex gf just turned 43, and she is one of the hottest, most attractive women I have ever met. All heads turn when she walks by, even the women! At 43 she looks like she is in her early 30s.

 

She is single, 4 failed engagements, never married. So does she have it easier because of her looks? I dunno, I could probably argue she may have it harder as she gets the wrong kind of attention and/or Mr. Right will not approach her because of her looks.

 

No doubt there will be a difference of opinion on this based on gender lines. I know a number of women along the lines of your ex who clearly made poor choices (from LTR context not STR). They had lots of options but tended to go with style over substance. They feel they have been hard done by in love, but at the same time they fell head over heals in love plenty of times with an awesome guy. At the same time though what makes it tough for attractive women, is the nature of attractive guys and them having lots of options. Its the more attractive I've known as opposed to the less attractive women who have been cheated on the most. That doesn't really change the fact they found love...just have to start again.

 

Of course good looking people find love more easily, simply via more options. Generally you have a better chance of finding someone who matches all your criteria, no compromise is necessary. If it fails (which it can as easily as it does for the less attractive person, though less chance of people shopping for better options) other options will present themselves very shortly. From personal experience with changing physique, (desirable just does not = face) I very much noticed the contrast (more options, better quality, more enthusiastic). same story with others I know. See for yourself..get fat, wear clothes that don't show off your figure, don't alter your looks with make up/hair products.

 

Yes you can still find love when unattractive but it takes longer and you will have to compromise (though not necessarily for all). It can still be love but maybe not that great think of them all the time, intense passionate, cant wait to see em love. It really depends on the expectations of both in the relationship though. Good Looking people complaining how hard it is to those less blessed is like telling a third world person about your first world problem. It is still a problem to them, but not so much to the other.

 

Sex/FB/FWBs/flings for many, both M+F these days is still a good temporary substitute for love.

Edited August 18, 2013 by ascendotum

[man_in_the_box]

What does supposedly ugly means?

[Scrab22]

Well, good-looking is various.

I, for instance, want a good-looking woman. But I don't have too much standards for good-looking.

The only things I have coming in mind are thin to average weighted women, but not women who, for instance, smoke, have piercings (ear piercings are fine for me though. Nose piercing are tolerable, so long as they are not those kind of bone-witch-doctor piercings (that go through the middle of your nose) ), or have an exaggerated amount of tattoos.

In short, I'm looking for an innocent-looking girl, nothing too magnificent nor disgusting.

 

From my little experience I've learnt that even ugly people can be terrible people, not just people who only care for looks.

[xxoo]

I'm afraid I don't. Being wanted for only what's beneath the surface isn't all that it's cracked up to be. A lot of loyalty and dedication outside the bedroom. Very tame inside the bedroom. Surface attraction ( or lack of) makes a difference.

 

Being wanted for only the surface isn't all it's cracked up to be, either. In fact, it's kind of gross.

 

But just as a beautiful person can be loved for their insides by a special someone, a non-beautiful person can be highly sexually desirable to a special someone. It's all about finding that special someone, and it's not easy for any of us.

[sillyanswer]

What's the name (it's probably a latin term) for the form of argument where adherents on one side make a claim that any opposing view isn't valid because the opponents can't/don't understand the proposition? I think it must be a type of argumentum ad hominem, but a specific type of that. Whatever it is it seems to be going on a few places in this thread (and often throughout this site) and it's bugging me that I can't recall the name for this.

[Ryan R.]

women are not punished for being passive and shy. But they will still lose out if a more assertive woman comes along, even if she's a notch or two below in looks.

 

That's probably right. I know I'll probably be doomed to a life time of masturbation simply because I can't sexually engage any women.

[PlumPrincess]

Being wanted for only the surface isn't all it's cracked up to be, either. In fact, it's kind of gross.

 

But just as a beautiful person can be loved for their insides by a special someone, a non-beautiful person can be highly sexually desirable to a special someone. It's all about finding that special someone, and it's not easy for any of us.

I think, very good-looking people, in general have more advantages, but their looks also create their own problems. I mean, looks fade with age and if you found someone when you were young and pretty and it was not genuine love, your partner will leave you one day or cheat on you with someone younger. This seems to be a problem, that specifically good-looking women have. You attract more people, but also more crappy people - players, stalkers, etc - and you are forced to do a lot more weeding out than an average person. The comparison with a rich person is probably pretty good. Lots of money won't buy you happiness and it will make you question once in a while if someone loves you for who you are or if it's your money that they like.

 

So, while lots of money will not necessarily buy you happiness, we still need a certain amount of it, but:

 

a) We all probably need way less than we assume.

b) If you are below a certain amount, life can be very tough, but luckily, most people do have enough to get along in life.

 

And to get back to looks, most people here are probably ok lookwise.

[gaius]

I always thought beautiful people have it harder, women especially, since they have so many offers coming at them. Things seem simpler if you're not that good looking. You get a better grasp of what people think of you.

 

Plus you have to develop a personality to get attention, which will help you out when you get old and wrinkled. It's not pretty when a pretty person gets old and can't attract much attention anymore since they never had to develop one.

[tbf]

I always thought beautiful people have it harder, women especially, since they have so many offers coming at them. Things seem simpler if you're not that good looking. You get a better grasp of what people think of you.

 

Plus you have to develop a personality to get attention, which will help you out when you get old and wrinkled. It's not pretty when a pretty person gets old and can't attract much attention anymore since they never had to develop one.

Ahem, I have a personality.