Dying inside

[b52srock]

I am at the lowest point in my life. Both children are thankfully out of the house so they aren't seeing their mother sobbing uncontrollably. I told H today that since he cannot make a choice between me and the OW that I would have to make the choice for him.

 

A divorce is not what I want. I love this man and always have. We've had some major problems. I've begged him to go to counselling. He went a couple of times and refused to go back. He began an affair a few months ago and when I found out, two weeks ago, I told him he had to make a choice. He came over today and had still not made a choice. There are so many other things. All he had to do was say "I want to come home".

 

I've loved him from the moment I laid eyes on him. Corny, I know, but true all the same. Right now I don't know how I'm going to go on. I cannot imagine my life without him. I am so terrified of being alone. I am just so, so scared.

[izzybelle]

b52, i'm so sorry you're going through all of this! i remember your posts from before and had hoped by now that things had worked out for you.

 

i am not in your situation but a relationship i was in ended several months ago. and since i'm divorced, i'm here alone fairly often. the heartache can be overwhelming, i know, but just take things one day at a time. and i know it can all feel like you don't want to face tomorrow, but just remember that your kids will need you through all of this and trust me, when you're with them you will find that strength.

 

did he give you any reason as to why he hasn't made his decision yet? how are your kids doing with all of this?

 

please take care of yourself. it's hard but you will get through this! don't give up on yourself. from what i remember from your past posts you strike me as a remarkably strong woman. i know right now you probably don't feel that way, but i'm sure somewhere in there, you'll find the strength to pull yourself back together again.

 

izzy

[Cis]

Hi-

I don't know your story - but you sound very hurt and I'm so sorry that you have to experience so much pain. I can't really offer you much, except that I've been feeling very lost and have been doing lots of reading. Yesterday I picked up Gail Sheeys New Passages.

 

I'm only 25 pages it - but the book has reminded me that all of us, will meet Passages (ie crisis) during our lives. And it's how we come out of them that shapes the next period....she talks a lot about the 2nd adulthood (age 45-85). Since we are expected to live longer and healthier lives need to plan for that and hopefully see the inevitable changes as opportunities for new adventures.

 

Perhaps it's too soon for you to be even thinking like that - but I pray that you will soon know, that whatever happens, you will not allow it to kill your spirit to explore, have fun and live your life to the fullest.

 

Cis

[Ladyjane14]

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. What a crappy situation.

 

Have you seen an attorney yet? It sounds to me like you'd really like to have your husband come home. But I don't think it would hurt for you to know what your options are. You may need to protect yourself financially.

 

I have to be honest, if I were me, I'd be done with him by now. And I'd be a might bit vindictive about it too.

 

I'd be finding out if I could sue the OW for 'alienation of affection', and my husband for adultery. I'd be asking how I could get the absolute largest settlement possible from both of them, so they'd never cash another paycheck without thinking of me.

 

But that's just me. You're you and even if you aren't interested in divorce at this point, you can still educate yourself on how to best proceed now, so that you'll be in a better position later. If it comes to that.

 

In the meantime, try to get out of the house and do some things that you enjoy. Visit with friends, get involved with some new hobbies. Whatever keeps you busy. It's not good for your body to dwell in sadness. It can make you literally sick. So hang in there, and do your best to take care of you. Your kids need you to do that.