I don't know anymore...

[Lost&Confused]

I'm in love with a girl who loves me back, but she is engaged. She constantly complains about him, even though she won't leave him. It's interesting though, because the person she is engaged to is very manipulative and only managed to get her to say yes after many proposals. He managed the yes out of her by catching her in a weak state of mind brought on by her discovery that her mother was a whore.

 

I had just caught a flight in from seeing family on Christmas for the sole purpose of seeing her. The first time I get to talk to her, she relates to me 3 terrible stories and looks to me for advice, just as she always does. In the first one, she was being sexually harrassed and was thinking about going AWOL. (She's in the army.) In the second one, she told me of her mother's whoring and the family problems it caused. Almost as an afterthought, she tells me about how, in her weakest of states, her boyfriend proposed to her for the twentieth time and finally got a yes. Of course, at hearing this, I was dumbfounded. She knew I was genuinely in love with her, and yet she tells this to me so calmly...

 

In a later conversation, after I had almost lost my mind, we began losing hope at finding a solution to her problems. She began telling me about how I am her only link to sanity, and she tells me that she loves me infinitely, cosmically. At that we both broke down into tears, and I proposed to her in a passionate rollercoaster of love. All I asked is that she'd think about it, and she said yes.

 

Almost a week has now passed, and she has not yet broken it off with her fiance, even though she seems to have gotten control of the other problems. Now, my primary concern had turned to spending as much time as possible with her. And despite my constant attempts at just BEING with her, her boyfriend has her on a short leash and never seems to give her any time to herself. I was just over at her house last night, but could only stay for a couple of hours because he wanted to take her out for New Year's. And while I was over there, we didn't get ANY time at all just to be alone. Tonight I called over to her house, and she wasn't there, so I called to her house, and found her there. She told me to be online at 11PM so we could finally just talk. It is now 2:19AM, and I'm still waiting. This isn't the first time it's happened either, where I just wait. I was waiting ALL of today to go over to her house like she said she wanted me to. The first time she left for basic training, the EXACT same situation happened. We never even got to say goodbye. And now, I'm in the same position. I'm lost, hurt, confused, and can't stop thinking about her. I love her, and she loves me, but there's just that one little possessive detail that separates us.

 

There is so much more I want to tell you all, but I don't have time. I need help, just someone to tell me it's going to be alright. Advice is welcomed, but please don't tell me to give it up. If you people out there know what love is, you'll understand that that's why I can't just give her away. Thanks.

[Tony T]

You are attempting to do the same thing to this girl that her fiance has done, put a lot of pressure on her to change her mind and it really pisses me off.

 

This girl is adult and is capable of handling her life just fine. If she wasn't, you would not want her unless you were insane.

 

You have stated your case to her...you have professed her feelings. Now, don't stoop to the level this other manipulative jerk has done. She knows how you feel. Just back off big time and let her come to you when she's ready.

 

If she goes AWOL, all your problems will be over. The FBI will catch her and she will be imprisoned in a military facility for up to five years.

 

I hope she finds a guy who will let her be herself, not try to direct her life, and not put so much pressure on her while she's going through so many difficulties.

 

If you were sane, you would not want a girl who is so crazy she professes to love you more than life itself but she has the mind to remain with another guy she agreed to marry because she has just found out her mother was a whore.

 

This whole thing is bizarre. If you had any class whatsoever, you would bow out of this whole mess and go find a nice girl with a fraction of the problems this has. If you has any compassion, you would just leave this girl alone to deal with her many problems. Right now, you are just one more thorn in her side. If she really loved you so much, she would be with you. TAKE A HINT, PARTNER!!!

[Catari]

Very difficult situation. She is young, has a baggage of painful experiences and prone to be manipulated. She will make a huge mistake and put herself deeper in confusion, if out of a lack of confidence in herself, she will marry that guy. I understand that communication with her seems easy when the two of you are together, but it gets impossible when you lose her site. I am sure that you both talked about a possible scenario of having future together and she seemed being comfortable with that. Try to find out what is it about that boyfriend of hers that keeps her coming back to him.

I'm in love with a girl who loves me back, but she is engaged. She constantly complains about him, even though she won't leave him. It's interesting though, because the person she is engaged to is very manipulative and only managed to get her to say yes after many proposals. He managed the yes out of her by catching her in a weak state of mind brought on by her discovery that her mother was a whore. I had just caught a flight in from seeing family on Christmas for the sole purpose of seeing her. The first time I get to talk to her, she relates to me 3 terrible stories and looks to me for advice, just as she always does. In the first one, she was being sexually harrassed and was thinking about going AWOL. (She's in the army.) In the second one, she told me of her mother's whoring and the family problems it caused. Almost as an afterthought, she tells me about how, in her weakest of states, her boyfriend proposed to her for the twentieth time and finally got a yes. Of course, at hearing this, I was dumbfounded. She knew I was genuinely in love with her, and yet she tells this to me so calmly... In a later conversation, after I had almost lost my mind, we began losing hope at finding a solution to her problems. She began telling me about how I am her only link to sanity, and she tells me that she loves me infinitely, cosmically. At that we both broke down into tears, and I proposed to her in a passionate rollercoaster of love. All I asked is that she'd think about it, and she said yes. Almost a week has now passed, and she has not yet broken it off with her fiance, even though she seems to have gotten control of the other problems. Now, my primary concern had turned to spending as much time as possible with her. And despite my constant attempts at just BEING with her, her boyfriend has her on a short leash and never seems to give her any time to herself. I was just over at her house last night, but could only stay for a couple of hours because he wanted to take her out for New Year's. And while I was over there, we didn't get ANY time at all just to be alone. Tonight I called over to her house, and she wasn't there, so I called to her house, and found her there. She told me to be online at 11PM so we could finally just talk. It is now 2:19AM, and I'm still waiting. This isn't the first time it's happened either, where I just wait. I was waiting ALL of today to go over to her house like she said she wanted me to. The first time she left for basic training, the EXACT same situation happened. We never even got to say goodbye. And now, I'm in the same position. I'm lost, hurt, confused, and can't stop thinking about her. I love her, and she loves me, but there's just that one little possessive detail that separates us. There is so much more I want to tell you all, but I don't have time. I need help, just someone to tell me it's going to be alright. Advice is welcomed, but please don't tell me to give it up. If you people out there know what love is, you'll understand that that's why I can't just give her away. Thanks.

[Deejette]

You are not giving her any responsibility in all this. She is the one who is jerking you around, making you wait for her availability, accepting the one guy's proposal while declaring her love for you. Don't you see that she is pulling all the strings while making you think she is helpless.

 

You are making her out to be a big, helpless victim who has no say-so in her life and is being buffeted around by all these forces like a guy who manipulates her, finding out her mother is a whore. But what role does she play in all this? She is keeping you on the hook and keeping the other guy on the hook too.

 

I am sorry, I cannot advise that you stay with this girl. She is the one who needs to make up her mind and you are not the one to do it for her. If she loves you back so much, she would ditch the other guy in a hurry. He doesn't own her and they aren't even married yet.

I'm in love with a girl who loves me back, but she is engaged. She constantly complains about him, even though she won't leave him. It's interesting though, because the person she is engaged to is very manipulative and only managed to get her to say yes after many proposals. He managed the yes out of her by catching her in a weak state of mind brought on by her discovery that her mother was a whore. I had just caught a flight in from seeing family on Christmas for the sole purpose of seeing her. The first time I get to talk to her, she relates to me 3 terrible stories and looks to me for advice, just as she always does. In the first one, she was being sexually harrassed and was thinking about going AWOL. (She's in the army.) In the second one, she told me of her mother's whoring and the family problems it caused. Almost as an afterthought, she tells me about how, in her weakest of states, her boyfriend proposed to her for the twentieth time and finally got a yes. Of course, at hearing this, I was dumbfounded. She knew I was genuinely in love with her, and yet she tells this to me so calmly... In a later conversation, after I had almost lost my mind, we began losing hope at finding a solution to her problems. She began telling me about how I am her only link to sanity, and she tells me that she loves me infinitely, cosmically. At that we both broke down into tears, and I proposed to her in a passionate rollercoaster of love. All I asked is that she'd think about it, and she said yes. Almost a week has now passed, and she has not yet broken it off with her fiance, even though she seems to have gotten control of the other problems. Now, my primary concern had turned to spending as much time as possible with her. And despite my constant attempts at just BEING with her, her boyfriend has her on a short leash and never seems to give her any time to herself. I was just over at her house last night, but could only stay for a couple of hours because he wanted to take her out for New Year's. And while I was over there, we didn't get ANY time at all just to be alone. Tonight I called over to her house, and she wasn't there, so I called to her house, and found her there. She told me to be online at 11PM so we could finally just talk. It is now 2:19AM, and I'm still waiting. This isn't the first time it's happened either, where I just wait. I was waiting ALL of today to go over to her house like she said she wanted me to. The first time she left for basic training, the EXACT same situation happened. We never even got to say goodbye. And now, I'm in the same position. I'm lost, hurt, confused, and can't stop thinking about her. I love her, and she loves me, but there's just that one little possessive detail that separates us. There is so much more I want to tell you all, but I don't have time. I need help, just someone to tell me it's going to be alright. Advice is welcomed, but please don't tell me to give it up. If you people out there know what love is, you'll understand that that's why I can't just give her away. Thanks.

[red]

WOW! it is almost the same as my situation.. she too is with a manipulative jerk,, who treats her like crap, and is only there to have a maid,, she does everything but wipe his behind, still, he treat her like a door stop, why do woman stay with guys like this? ah,,?

 

I'm in love with a girl who loves me back, but she is engaged. She constantly complains about him, even though she won't leave him. It's interesting though, because the person she is engaged to is very manipulative and only managed to get her to say yes after many proposals. He managed the yes out of her by catching her in a weak state of mind brought on by her discovery that her mother was a whore. I had just caught a flight in from seeing family on Christmas for the sole purpose of seeing her. The first time I get to talk to her, she relates to me 3 terrible stories and looks to me for advice, just as she always does. In the first one, she was being sexually harrassed and was thinking about going AWOL. (She's in the army.) In the second one, she told me of her mother's whoring and the family problems it caused. Almost as an afterthought, she tells me about how, in her weakest of states, her boyfriend proposed to her for the twentieth time and finally got a yes. Of course, at hearing this, I was dumbfounded. She knew I was genuinely in love with her, and yet she tells this to me so calmly... In a later conversation, after I had almost lost my mind, we began losing hope at finding a solution to her problems. She began telling me about how I am her only link to sanity, and she tells me that she loves me infinitely, cosmically. At that we both broke down into tears, and I proposed to her in a passionate rollercoaster of love. All I asked is that she'd think about it, and she said yes. Almost a week has now passed, and she has not yet broken it off with her fiance, even though she seems to have gotten control of the other problems. Now, my primary concern had turned to spending as much time as possible with her. And despite my constant attempts at just BEING with her, her boyfriend has her on a short leash and never seems to give her any time to herself. I was just over at her house last night, but could only stay for a couple of hours because he wanted to take her out for New Year's. And while I was over there, we didn't get ANY time at all just to be alone. Tonight I called over to her house, and she wasn't there, so I called to her house, and found her there. She told me to be online at 11PM so we could finally just talk. It is now 2:19AM, and I'm still waiting. This isn't the first time it's happened either, where I just wait. I was waiting ALL of today to go over to her house like she said she wanted me to. The first time she left for basic training, the EXACT same situation happened. We never even got to say goodbye. And now, I'm in the same position. I'm lost, hurt, confused, and can't stop thinking about her. I love her, and she loves me, but there's just that one little possessive detail that separates us. There is so much more I want to tell you all, but I don't have time. I need help, just someone to tell me it's going to be alright. Advice is welcomed, but please don't tell me to give it up. If you people out there know what love is, you'll understand that that's why I can't just give her away. Thanks.