Yeah

[CourtneyJ]

This is a long story, so I'll try to shorten it as much as possible. I think I really need some advice; this won't stop eating at me. Please totally read this all.<3

 

So I met my boyfriend in high school, but I had turned him down when he asked me out because I was with someone at the time. After high school, I was single and a mutual friend invited me out, and my boyfriend was in the car with him. We caught up, bonded, and after talking for about a month, he asked me out again.

 

Well, things went really well. But I was turning 18 in five months, I had graduated high school early, and I felt like I hadn't done enough adventerous things, so I was still pretty rambunctious. Here's where the trouble started.

 

I had a best friend of two years named Jesse before this, and I always wanted to date him, but he wanted to wait until I was 18 because he had just turned 21. He had no idea I was dating my bf, and right before my birthday (my bf and I had been together for three months at this time) Jesse and I started dating. Neither of them had any idea I was dating the other person. Before Jesse asked me out him and I were having sex when I was dating my boyfriend.

 

Long story short someone told Jesse I was dating someone he knew and he found out after about a week with Jesse. Basically Jesse called my boyfriend and it was a big thing. My boyfriend and I stayed together after a few hours of crying and problems, but I still feel guilty. The only reason I dated both of them at once was because I didn't want to lose either of them, because I was trying to see which one truly loved me (I've always been scared I'll never find true love), so I tested them both simultaneously.

 

I still feel really awful, but my man says he trusts me and etc, but I know you can't get it back. This all ended 2.5-3 months ago, but it bothers me every day. And I've cheated since middle school /: it doesn't help I joined a bunch of swinger's forums and hooked up with a random guy behind my boyfriend's back (which he still doesn't know about). I just wanted to explore sexually because my boyfriend didn't & doesn't satisfy, and Jesse turned out to be a total jerk anyways. I stopped talking to Jesse three months ago, I never talked to the guy I hooked up with or logged back on to the swinger's sites, but I just can't get satisfied with my man.

 

Is there something wrong with me? I cheated to try and find who really meant the most to me, but I really hurt my boyfriend. I look at myself in the mirror every day and think about how I broke this perfect man's heart. And he really is perfect for me. Thank you so much for reading this and putting up with my bs, I just need some feedback.

[HEY2147]

I agree to what dasein said break up with your BF ASAP cause its just mean that you are still with him when you cheated on him a lot and still are keeping secrets from him. If you have a problem in a relationship even sexual you can let him know and try to fix it instead of going to someone else while still with him, and if you tried and it doesnt work then leave. If you dont want a relationship and just want casual sex then have at it huass doesnt make you a bad person but dont break someones heart and feelings because you cant tell him the problems. what you did was mean but its just cruel to still put your BF through this

 

Here is your chance to do the right thing and break up with your BF and a little advice for the future is do not cheat under any circumstances it will only hurt people and there's no reason for it. Take it as life experience that you should not repeat

do the right thing and set both of you free