Anyones ex turn out to be a total fake?

[Tropi_cali510]

If this is how you view / think of women... I can only imagine how you treat them.

 

Why not switch teams and start dating men since women are so awful?

 

lmao cause im not gay bruh i get pussy! im just saying all the girls i tried to be nice and cool with they screwed me over in the end, the ones i treated like crap let me hit and i never talked to them or seen them again

[Tropi_cali510]

Hey bruh... You only see women as one thing and only offer one thing pussy (an object). Therefore you will not be able to understand what I really said. Much less, flip a switch and think you don't objectify the women you think you are cool / nice too.

 

true, so your saying i think all a women is there for is sex so i treat her like an object, what do you mean by flipping a switch ? and your saying i shouldnt think of women as objects which i didnt think i was but i could be possibly, there humans and i treat others how i want to be treated right ? What is your take on treating women then ?

[Sugarkane]

You picked them... not me. I'd worry less about them and work on my BF picker if I was you.

 

I didn't treat women that way when I dated them or when we broke up.

 

I had no idea my ex was going to do that because he has another ex who he is friends with. Therefore didn't expect it.

[Tropi_cali510]

Everything thing you have said in this thread revolves around one thing... their Vagina. There is more to a woman than what you see in a Rap Video.

 

There is a WHOLE LOT more. She has gifts, talents, abilities, skills, qualities, etc. that you do not posses and that you can't even begin to comprehend / see / understand / realize / know / experience because you are only concerned about you and their vagina.

 

There is a WHLess Rap Videos

 

dude you make so much sense to me, i realized how much of an ******* i was to this girl at times and i just thought about vagina, but women are so much more than that , dude your a genius, i dont know if this girl will ever talk to me but ill get over her and find another one but if i ever here from her, ill tell her how beautiful she is from the inside out not just casue shes pretty i like her, but cause her gifts, and talents, abilities to make me feel incredible. what do you think of no contact though, if she asked for space..?

[skydiveaddict]

[quote=Echo000;5138317

Any people relate to that? Giving your heart to someone who turned out to be a huge fake...

 

Yes, and not only that, she turned into a fat slob

[jesse93]

dude you make so much sense to me, i realized how much of an ******* i was to this girl at times and i just thought about vagina, but women are so much more than that , dude your a genius, i dont know if this girl will ever talk to me but ill get over her and find another one but if i ever here from her, ill tell her how beautiful she is from the inside out not just casue shes pretty i like her, but cause her gifts, and talents, abilities to make me feel incredible. what do you think of no contact though, if she asked for space..?

I can't tell if you're serious.. one post from a guy changed your whole perspective on woman? You want a woman that treats you right but from what I see you're the type of guy who would go around ****in woman just because you can, you don't care about a girls feelings, don't lie to yourself

[Echo000]

skid mark-

 

i agree with most of the things you say, although you seem somewhat narrow minded. You seem naive to the possibility that there are people on here who really were done wrong by their ex. If you actually looked closely at my posts, I have NEVER once shown resentment over the break up. Not only was it mutual, but i was the one who initiated it.

 

My ex was fake..and not because she "stopped loving me" or because she went from my gf to my ex gf. I said exactly what i meant to say...F.A.K.E. She often said things because she thought thats what i wanted to hear. She would do things because thats what she thought i wanted to see. She would talk behind my back. She blackmailed a friend of mine by telling him that if he "kept us apart" she would tell me that he made a move on her (he didnt..and i just found out about this recently..friend finally told me). She told me she would show respect toward me always, regardless of our relationship status. She SAID a million things, and ACTED on none of it.

 

And much of that, hurt me deeply. The games she played, the manipulation to try and make it seem like everything was my fault, was DEEPLY hurtful.

 

So guess what? I can choose your option A...and move on and find someone better. Thats my plan. But your advice suggests that i relinquish the pain like its some easy choice, something that im an idiot for not logically doing. I am mentally, but emotionally im still hurt. The fact that you come on here and blast others as "bitter dumpees" is extremely frustrating. Especially because whatever your describing isnt even what i mentioned.

[Tropi_cali510]

I can't tell if you're serious.. one post from a guy changed your whole perspective on woman? You want a woman that treats you right but from what I see you're the type of guy who would go around ****in woman just because you can, you don't care about a girls feelings, don't lie to yourself

 

no im saying his post made it more clear to me i have to tighten some things up in my game, and this whole i need space thing from this girl im talking about has made me realize so much and ive learned so many lessons from this one girl and his post made me really think about how i was treating a girl that i actually liked i treated her good, but there were times where i was a total dick and i shouldnt have been that mean because i treat people how i wanna be treated. no ones lieing here bro

[Misfortune]

I didn't say that either.

 

I said to grieve, heal and move on. I didn't say it was overnight or like turning off a faucet.

 

Internalizing, personalizing, wanting to hurt / cause mental, emotional or physical pain to someone you say you love and want to come back... isn't exactly what I call normal / healthy. Which is what a large majority of people on here write about and want / wish / hope / pray for in regards to their Ex.

 

Option A

 

Is it to better to hear / focus on the truth... One day you will heal, move on, fall in love, marry, etc. with someone you love and who loves you back...

 

Or...

 

Option B

 

Find 100 reasons and write a 10 page dissertation on why your Ex (who you will never be with) is the Spawn of Satan (if so, 100 reasons and 10 page essay why you were an idiot to date them to begin with)?

 

I'm choosing option A.

 

Fact of the matter, in life...

 

Sometimes you are the windshield and sometimes you are the bug. It's the same in all areas of your life including relationships, dating and yes even sometimes marriage.

 

Sorry to burst your bubble but, dumpers do exactly the same. You're not going to give up or let go of something you love, you have to demonize it so that its bad enough to leave without regrets. Dumpers do it all the time, just more discreetly because they're planning to kill your relationship. They internalize, rationalize, get friends/family to support their side of the story and use all of this to justify their actions. You may not agree with me but, you can't move on from something unless you dislike it.

 

You make it seem as if all dumpers are honest or chivalrous like you. Some people are downright evil, plot for weeks/months to ensure they have a safety net before breaking up, disappear without explanation, pretend everything is ok one day and break up with you the next. Being friends with an ex is a joke but, they're the ones that suggest it most of the times as if rubbing salt in your wounds. No1 is asking you to hold our hands and baby us, just don't be a douche about it. Breaking up is hard to begin with, don't make the pain even worse with all the BS. If your feelings change, say so, don't wait until the end of the next vacation you have together.

 

Forgive me for being hurt and carrying around my bucket of water that I was given. How dare I feel pain? -_- Next time, I'll jump for joy and shout it from the hilltops. Forgive me for not having the inside scoop on the decision that was made by the one person Judge, Jury and Executioner team on what I thought was OUR relationship. Glad you're able to dive right into Option A after things end but, not everyone is Skid Mark. It's like an atheist going into a church and starts telling them that what they're doing is nonsense because he believes so. Seriously, I can go anywhere that I disagree with others and be like you.

 

Most people here are grieving, healing and moving on in their own ways and at their own pace. It just bothers you cause they don't do it your way; don't be a jock.

[keepontruckin]

I agree with misfortune.

 

When the dumper sets up the plot, initiates the "Fatal Mistake," moves on like life couldn't be better, and then to relieve their guilt puts all the blame on the dumpee for even trivial things that happened months or even years ago, it does burn.

 

My stbxw did this to me. When I met her, she had nothing. I supported her while she was trying to find a good place to work at, helped her buy a new car to replace her heap, paid off her student loans, paid off her credit card debt, etc.

 

And we still had even bigger plans.

 

It does hurt, and it does burn, to know that someone you've invested so much time, love, and money into, can simply "flip the switch" and become cold as ice, wanting nothing to do with you literally overnight.

 

The sadness and anger are expected emotions, and it does take time to get over them.

[all_cats_rgray]

I look at it as heathy to dislike the Ex to a point.

 

If someone goes on loving their Ex that is unhealthy.

 

I don't worry about all the posts of my Ex is a bitch/ my ex is a fake/ my Ex is the demon spawn of the earth.

 

BUT in the end. As Misfortune states. These emotions dry up. And nothing is left. You don't feel any more. As much as Misfortune is rational and logical, you all have to take your steps to get there. And Anger is one of the.

 

It all just takes time.

 

In the end everyone's will be thinking like Misfortune. They are just not there let. They have to work it out personally.

 

And as much as I know, rational and logical my Ex is not evil. Im still angry. And im not too worried about it. Cause this too shall pass.

[Misfortune]

Once the dust settles and your emotions are under control, most come out the other end ready to start life anew again. You can be as rational as you want but, if your emotions aren't under control, they will get the best of you. Look at angry people or people caught up in the "affair FOG" as they say, in their heads, they know its wrong, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

 

People love to paint dumpees as weak, emotional and stuck on one thing when really, we were just ill prepared for the end of it all. Dumpers deal with their emotions before hand and come out looking like this confident p/well put together person. 2 sides to every coin.

 

If you don't get rid of the "I love you" feelings, your future relationships will be doomed because your heart is stuck in the past.

[Echo000]

the thing that is missing in this convo, in my opinion, is the fact that there really are ex's who turned out to be no good. Believe it or not, its not always the break up that causes you to feel angry (although they inevitably do), but sometimes its the exact thing you need to truly SEE things as they really are.

 

If you knew me since my break up in late January, you would know that up until the past couple months, i really didnt say much bad stuff about my ex. i still felt deeply in love, and yearned (quietly and to myself) to have her back. Yet after going four months of NC and breaking it to talk to her for a month and a half, i realized how not nice of a person she is. She wanted to be with me again- she said she was still in love with me. Thats what people want to hear on here right? well i got it. That all ended when she decided last minute to move- but im not immature enough to be angry over someone deciding to move if thats what they think is best for them.

 

What causes anger is the realization of how fake this person was the entire time..based on their words and actions. The break up drew it out, allowed me to fully see it, because ones truest colors are often seen in the most intense of moments. I saw a person who was FAKE- disingenuous. Whose words were the antithesis of her actions, whose "love" clearly didnt run that deep, and whose immaturity and irresponsibility make it possible for her to show me disrespect, blame, and mind games.

 

i agree with misfortune on almost all counts. the only thing im adding is, that its not always that you "dislike" your ex because your trying to get over them (that really does help though, because you cant truly get over someone you actively like). Instead, sometimes you really realize that you dated a douche bag. That your heart, your thoughts, your time, your desires, your money- all of it- was "invested" in someone who didnt ever come close to deserving any of it.

 

Oh, and forget any process or order of things. It naturally hurts to be abused, abandoned, and blamed by someone who you once called a teammate. Once called a partner..a bf/gf or husband/wife.

 

I feel like i got punched in the face, given a broken jaw, then blamed for the pain I feel. As if her punching me in the face, metaphorically speaking, was my doing.

[beyond]

You speak a lot of sense Skid.

 

Are you a reincarnation of a previous poster?

[beyond]

Am I that easy to spot? LOL!

 

Yep!!!;):)

[Misfortune]

You either arrive at that place either in an honest way or you arrive at the place in a dishonest way.

 

Either way, you still arrive at the same place. Which is, your Ex no longer wants to be with you and the relationship is over.

 

I can spend months / years focusing on how the dumper choose to deliver the message or I can start focusing on the reality of the situation.

 

I agree that we all arrive at the same place, eventually. I'm saying that everyone moves at there own pace. It sucks to see people suffering but you can't save everyone.

 

You don't think I haven't had that happen to me? I've walk in on one of my Exes banging another dude.

 

I can't do anything about the dumper. What's done is done. How they break up is not a reflection of me... it's a reflection of them.

 

I choose to focus and deal with this... They don't want me and it's over.

 

Everyone has had bad/undesirable things happen to them. It's great that you've managed to recover faster/better than others but, it seems like you're just trying to use your "it happens, get over it" hammer on everyone who's not at the same point. Most aren't trying to do anything to the dumper, they're just trying to get control of their memories/emotions.

 

I don't really care what they say when dumping me. Some people throw that out there meaning it and some don't.

 

What I do know... I was never my Exes friend, I was their BF. I didn't ask them out with the hopes of one day only being a friend. Therefore, their offer of friendship (whether they mean it or not)... means nothing and has no effect on me because it's not an option for me.

 

Again, great that you're immune to all ex-ships but what about the others that are not?

 

Good Luck with that. I suspect 70% of the population or more is not going to sit you down and give you the truth.

 

Either pick / date someone who you believe will have the strength, courage and guts to do that or be prepared to get a bunch of BS when dumped.

 

I didn't say I expected people to do it. I said most aren't like you in that regard. I was saying that most people can't deal with the BS before and after like some others can. Doesn't matter who you pick, people change over time and do the things you least expected. There's no sure fire system to pick someone like that unless you have future sight.

 

Care to point out where I didn't say to grieve and heal?

 

While you did say grieve and what not, you act as if there is a set process for grieving and anything outside of that is a pity party.

 

I am not bothered... Just sharing different ways to view / how to respond to a very traumatic experience.

 

Your way came off as "get over it because I did/can" to me.

[flitzanu]

Since we broke up, i have come to realize that my ENTIRE relationship with my ex was bullshi*. She always behaved/said things that she thought i wanted to see or here. She claimed she had grown up so much (what i hoped), she had changed from her earlier days of random hook ups and drinking way too much alcohol. She "wasnt about that" lifestyle anymore. She was unique. She was different. She was so...full of SH*T.

 

Anyone on here look at their ex at this point with so much hurt and anger? So many pine over their ex...i have so much anger and disgust toward mine now. The desire is gone, and instead for the past two days all i can think about is hoping that karma gets her. I want her to feel pain so badly..its not healthy for me to hold such resentment and anger i know but i am just being honest. I want her to suffer, for all the garbage she did/has put me through.

 

Any people relate to that? Giving your heart to someone who turned out to be a huge fake...

 

 

or, now your rose colored glasses have been removed, you actually see your ex for who she really is?

[Echo000]

i really value the comments on this thread. i agree with several of the viewpoints put forth. Misfortune is saying that as a human being, it is normal and okay to feel the hurt and pain. that sometimes exes do really shi**y things, and it can be hurtful and a painful, traumatic experience. I am real when i say how fake my ex was..and that has indeed been hurtful.

 

Skid expands the point, and seems to suggest that regardless of whether she is fake or not, it no longer pertains to me. i can spend the next five days, weeks, or years trying to figure it out, or i can grieve the loss and focus on ME instead. Why i ended up with someone so fake, and what can i do to make sure the next woman i date is genuine and honest. Im definitely going to take that route, and appreciate all advice. im the type that is constantly trying to better himself, and what i struggle with now is letting the thoughts that torture me about my ex, fade into the distance.

 

But i think misfortune is right, if you dont feel anger/hurt and all you feel is lovey dovey, how can you ever move on? All i know is, the one thing that bothers me the most is the obsessive and INTRUSIVE thoughts that haunt me every day. How can i stop these thoughts? i have tried the rubber band method (snap it against wrist whenever they start) but it just goes.

 

I feel so much injustice in this, and i constantly am left thinking of karma and hoping so badly it will get her. No people, that doesnt get me anywhere. i know this. i just dont know how to fully let go of that...damn thoughts?

[Misfortune]

i really value the comments on this thread. i agree with several of the viewpoints put forth. Misfortune is saying that as a human being, it is normal and okay to feel the hurt and pain. that sometimes exes do really shi**y things, and it can be hurtful and a painful, traumatic experience. I am real when i say how fake my ex was..and that has indeed been hurtful.

 

Skid expands the point, and seems to suggest that regardless of whether she is fake or not, it no longer pertains to me. i can spend the next five days, weeks, or years trying to figure it out, or i can grieve the loss and focus on ME instead. Why i ended up with someone so fake, and what can i do to make sure the next woman i date is genuine and honest. Im definitely going to take that route, and appreciate all advice. im the type that is constantly trying to better himself, and what i struggle with now is letting the thoughts that torture me about my ex, fade into the distance.

 

But i think misfortune is right, if you dont feel anger/hurt and all you feel is lovey dovey, how can you ever move on? All i know is, the one thing that bothers me the most is the obsessive and INTRUSIVE thoughts that haunt me every day. How can i stop these thoughts? i have tried the rubber band method (snap it against wrist whenever they start) but it just goes.

 

I feel so much injustice in this, and i constantly am left thinking of karma and hoping so badly it will get her. No people, that doesnt get me anywhere. i know this. i just dont know how to fully let go of that...damn thoughts?

 

My situation: Been with ex for 2 1/2 years. We got married Jan '13, she pushed for it more than I did. Found out she was having an affair with a girl. I confronted her and she left to go live with her gf. She abandoned our relationship, she's now gay and I was left to pick up the pieces. I feel like she wasted my time.

 

I spent June(my bday month. Great present -_-) begging, crying, raging and such to no avail. I gave up at the start of July when I accepted my situation for what it is. I accepted that I'm powerless in this situation and just decided to stop wasting time on something I can't control. Sh*t happens and life goes on. She wants nothing to do with me so why should I waste my time on something I know will fail? I just woke up and accepted it. It's like failing a test that has no retries, all you can do is accept it and aim to do better on the next one.

 

All the memories of our relationship and its downfall are there in my mind but, because I've got my emotions in check, it doesn't bother me at all. I can't stop my thoughts but I can manage how they affect me.

[all_cats_rgray]

 

 

Oh, and forget any process or order of things. It naturally hurts to be abused, abandoned, and blamed by someone who you once called a teammate. Once called a partner..a bf/gf or husband/wife.

 

I feel like i got punched in the face, given a broken jaw, then blamed for the pain I feel. As if her punching me in the face, metaphorically speaking, was my doing.

 

Yeah, It can get very frustration. I try so hard to be rational (grow-up) and accept that feeling change people change, that the dumper in not out to get you.

 

To me it was the abandonment. I still get that tight feeling in my neck of being left so easily. That pain digs deep.

 

Break up's can be done well. I had a girlfriend who's boyfriend slowly told his feelings of fear, worry, and desire to explore. This in a corse of three months. It was done with alot of talk and understanding on both sides. In the end she came out realizing that the break up had to happen.

 

To the people that have had their lover's punch them in the face; I like to state and evaluate the maturity and emotional intelligence of the dumper.

 

That person did a ****ty thing. And good people do ****ty things all the time. The people that love you are the ones that hurt you the most. That does not mean they are bad people as a whole. No one is all good and all bad.

 

Plus, I don't think the dumper knows how painful the punch in the face is. Whenever we see someone get hurt. We empathize. But really don't feel to much.

 

....I wish I did not feel. lol.

 

I don't know I think people will think this is crazy. But I feel Its better to feel the anger/pain/ and sadness.

 

Because after that, you don't feel anything. When I felt all the anger/pain/ and sadness it reminded me of how much I loved that person... now I don't have any of it, just indifference.

[LME]

Not that he was fake but that he was not what I built him up to be in my head. He's a great person but He never did anything nice for me. The last half of our relationship I felt very unappreciated. I was so smitten by him that I never expressed that I was unhappy with him.

 

I learned my lesson though. I'll never keep my mouth shut when I'm upset. All it did was build up resentment and made things worse.

[flitzanu]

i really value the comments on this thread. i agree with several of the viewpoints put forth. Misfortune is saying that as a human being, it is normal and okay to feel the hurt and pain. that sometimes exes do really shi**y things, and it can be hurtful and a painful, traumatic experience. I am real when i say how fake my ex was..and that has indeed been hurtful.

 

Skid expands the point, and seems to suggest that regardless of whether she is fake or not, it no longer pertains to me. i can spend the next five days, weeks, or years trying to figure it out, or i can grieve the loss and focus on ME instead. Why i ended up with someone so fake, and what can i do to make sure the next woman i date is genuine and honest. Im definitely going to take that route, and appreciate all advice. im the type that is constantly trying to better himself, and what i struggle with now is letting the thoughts that torture me about my ex, fade into the distance.

 

But i think misfortune is right, if you dont feel anger/hurt and all you feel is lovey dovey, how can you ever move on? All i know is, the one thing that bothers me the most is the obsessive and INTRUSIVE thoughts that haunt me every day. How can i stop these thoughts? i have tried the rubber band method (snap it against wrist whenever they start) but it just goes.

 

I feel so much injustice in this, and i constantly am left thinking of karma and hoping so badly it will get her. No people, that doesnt get me anywhere. i know this. i just dont know how to fully let go of that...damn thoughts?

 

 

how would you feel if the situation was reversed? that you did what your ex did, every step, and led up to YOU wanting to dump HER? she'd be feeling the same way as you do right now.

 

point is, you're hurt, which is normal, but you said you feel so much injustice. that's bc you have no control in the situation. you're not the one that had to make the decision, and you have no power in the outcome. that's your injustice.

 

but again...if YOU were the one dumping her...would that feel justified? and would she feel injustice?