Awkward friendship :(

[007]

I am a female and have a close male friend.

 

We knew each other since we were 13 so we have alot of mutual friends. I am now in my mid 20's.

 

Several years ago. He confessed his love for me however I had just gotten out of a long term emotionally abusive relationship and was not looking to date anyone. I have not gone on one single date with anyone since my ex. That's how emotionally traumatizing the relationship was. lol

 

We both pretty much ignored his confession and acted like it never happened and both of us went back to being good friends.

 

We have gone out just the 2 of us often since both of us are single. Like to dinner or the movies but I never considered them as dates and we always go halves when it comes to the bill.

 

I have always seen him as a potential future long term partner because He is the son of a preacher and he is heavily involved in church as well so he is the type of guy who is only looking for long term relationship or marriage. He doesn't go around dating a bunch of girls. I like his morals so i always thought when i am "ready" for it i will eventually be in a relationship with him. Our mutual friends have often commented that think we would make a great couple.

 

3 months ago I finally decided I was ready to date again and be in a serious relationship again I have thought of asking him out on a date however I was unsure on if he still felt the same way or not so i was unsure on how to go about it.

 

I hatched a plan and was waiting for the right moment to ask him out when I found out he had started seeing someone.

 

Anyway even though i am sad that i lost what i thought could be a potential future long term partner. As a friend. I am happy for him. I respect their relationship and in no way would i want to break them up.

 

I guess i am willing to let their relationship run it's course and if they end up married then so be it. if they end up breaking up then i would pounce then. lol

 

Now here is the problem. I have now started to notice that things are little awkward between us. He does not know i was about to ask him out but since he started seeing this girl. He doesn't make conversations as much with me and kinda acts like he is avoiding me as a friend.

 

I have a feeling it's because he thinks it's inappropriate for him to still be close to someone of the opposite sex while he is in a relationship.

 

I don't want to lose the friendship i have with him.

 

So my questions for loveshack members are

 

1, is it inappropriate for him to still be close friends with me, talking often and hang out with me one on one now that he is in a relationship?

 

2, Should i try to be friends with his girlfriend whom i've never met. Example asking her out to hang out. All 3 of us or do you guys think that is a no no and inappropriate considering his history of having feelings for me?

 

3, should i just let the friendship drift apart?

 

4, even though i don't want to do this. do you guys think i should just tell him the truth on how i feel?

Edited August 16, 2013 by 007

[sunrise24]

1. It is appropriate for you and him to remain friends as long as the boundaries between friendship and romance are clearly defined and acknowledged. Now that he is seeing someone, it is crucial to account for her boundaries as well.
   
2. Being friends with his girlfriend can be very helpful, provided they are open to that. How specifially to approach this again depends on the boundaires of everyone involved and what can be agreed upon.
   
3. There's no need to let the friendship drift apart unless his feelings for you in general have truly faded.
   
4. Do you still have romantic feelings for him? If so, you ought to put those aside at this point; that's just how it goes with monogamous relationships. The truth that ought to be discussed with him pertains to the relationship boundaries of him and his girlfriend, which may shed some light on your concerns about you and him possibly growing apart.
   

P.S.

he is heavily involved in church as well so he is the type of guy who is only looking for long term relationship or marriage. He doesn't go around dating a bunch of girls. I like his morals so i always thought when i am "ready" for it i will eventually be in a relationship with him.

I can relate to this in a way; I'm heavily involved with my local church as well. I'm single and I've never dated a woman (I'm a man); virtually everybody that I've met there is married or engaged.

One notable example: an attractive, athletic woman approached me and introduced herself to me very warmly, mentioning that she had seen me exercising. I felt an immediate attraction to her building; my first thought was to ask if she would like to get together outside of church, but I thought better of it and bit the bullet: I pulled her aside one day and asked her if she was seeing somebody; turns out she's engaged. I explained that I was practicing relationship etiquette and that a little awkwardness now saves a lot of awkwardness later. The awkwardness quickly dissipated; she smiled and enthusiastically thanked me while giving me a hug.

 

The key point here is biting the bullet. To wait for the "right moment" is to wait a lifetime: analysis paralysis; been there, done that.

 

At least you've taken action to begin addressing the issue by posting here; feel free to ask any other questions you may have.

Edited August 16, 2013 by sunrise24
grammar fixes and extra pertinent details