Why is it that only "female" friends cause jealousy?

[anna121]

Their fight doesn't sound that "petty" to me.

 

Like it or not, you are a part of the dynamic now. Wishing it away won't make it so.

[Summerslam]

To give you the benefit of the doubt I am going to try this again.

 

1. The hate between them is not isolated to what happened before. Everything that has happened since has exacerbated the original hate (see my Trojan horse comment) so while they may have always disliked each other.....all the time and priori that you give to your BFF is what is keeping the hate alive on your girlfriends side.. And on your BFF side...I stand by my other comments, and those of several other posters who told you that your BFF is claiming you and doesn't want to share.

 

Good point, which is why I've decided to hang out with her much less, maybe she'll be less pissed.

 

2. Your BFF is going to continue to be a sticking point in your relationship with your girlfriend...forever. Why? Because your GF feels that she is a third wheel and comes second.

 

My GF never came second, I always spent the majority of my time with her, the only thing I spend time with more than her is work which is expected since we don't live together. I'm still willing to go the extra mile & spend less time with my friend.

 

3. Your friends recommend you dumping your GF. Why is that? They know you in real life. So is it because they think you have a thing for the BFF?

 

Because they're biased idiots, that's why I never ask them for advice, I only did this time because I HAD to ask someone, & they don't know about my history with this friend.

 

4. I would not bet on that. Why do you think that she would be gracious, if there is fighting and bad blood on both sides? I mean I am sure she does not want your relationship to survive because she could have made this better if she wanted to...right? It would have required an apology from her about what happened in college, and an agreement to support your relationship.

 

So why won't she do that?

 

I can get my friend to apologize to her, yeah she'll claim that she didn't start it but I can convince her to do it anyway, but I'm not sure if it helps, there was real hate between them

[Summerslam]

You mean, your girlfriend X is pissed, because your friend Y once tried to drive a wedge between her and her boyfriend and you do not understand why she is pissed now that friend Y is hanging out so much with her current boyfriend, aka as YOU?

 

 

Oh man, I never thought of it that way, in that case, I don't think a favorable outcome is even possible.

Edited August 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Summerslam]

Really, have dinner together? You must be what, 16, 17, 18 at most? Sorry for the sarcasm but man, this cannot be real. Why dinner, just ask for a 3-way..your GF will LOVE that idea.

 

Of course there will be bad blood...

 

All three of us are 24, & when I first asked them to have dinner together, I didn't know about their history, it only looks like a bad idea in hindsight.

 

Their fight doesn't sound that "petty" to me.

 

Like it or not, you are a part of the dynamic now. Wishing it away won't make it so.

 

Back in college, those things were petty, everyone was sleeping with everybody, its all relative.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Oh man, I never thought of it that way, in that case, I don't think a favorable outcome is even possible.

 

Right.

 

It took you what 180 posts to get that? We aren't trying to be mean...well most of the time anyway.

 

Your BFF has shown a history of sabotaging your girlfriends relationships. However, even if she didn't do it before, the signs are there she IS doing it now.

 

Your BFF will always be an issue UNLESS YOU actively chose your girlfriend.

 

What does that mean. (Please listen)

 

It means that you have to go to your friend and say, "you are my friend, but since you and GF cannot get along, then I will not spend ANY time with you one on one. Only in groups where my girlfriend is present. No more lunches, no more overnights, no more video games, no more." You have to stick to that too, no texting, no phone calls and for the love of all that is holy...no more discussion of your relationship problems with her.

 

Fixing would have to happen organically between them. You cannot force it or ask for it in any way or it won't work.

 

You clearly prioritize your girlfriend higher, this is by choosing your girlfriend over your now "friend"

 

Your friend and girlfriend know it. Your girlfriend now does not feel like the third wheel, she knows that you are not being seduced by the friend, because YOU ARE AWARE. And your friend realizes her proper place in the relationship. And you keep the boundaries...YOU.

 

You then apologize to your girlfriend for assuming she was a insecure (childish, needy, jealous). Tell her that you think she is more beautiful than the friend and that you are sorry for being a bone head.

 

Maybe...maybe they will be able to be at the same party in the future. But only if you do this^^

[Simon Phoenix]

You have to be one of the most hard-headed, lacking-in-basic-common-sense posters I've seen on this sites. Or one of the best trolls.

[Summerslam]

Right.

 

It took you what 180 posts to get that? We aren't trying to be mean...well most of the time anyway.

 

Some of the posters here really hate me, its like they have their mind made up before I even post, I could say my GF chopped off my penis & they'd be like "you deserved it", which is one of the reasons I've been arguing every single poster, some of them come off as if they're above & I'm this jerk that isn't worth their time, you on the other hand seem to genuinely want to help, so thank you.

 

Your BFF has shown a history of sabotaging your girlfriends relationships. However, even if she didn't do it before, the signs are there she IS doing it now.

 

Yes she did do it before, Apparently it was for revenge, the exact specifics are: my GF called her out for being a player, which my friend responded disproportionately by "proving" that her then-BF was no different by sending a friend to "trap" him. But there are reasons I don't want to stress the past here:

 

- We were both horrible people when we were in college & I admit that, but both me & my friend changed.

- Her sister did worse things to sabotage our relationship, & she still hangs out with her sister regularly, & I consider my friend a sister to me.

- My friend did nothing to sabotage my current relationship AT ALL, everything she did to my GF was in the past.

 

I do understand her however, my friend did sabotage a relationship she had in the past, so I understand WHY she doesn't want her around for the fear of that happening again. I do believe that the situation is different this time, besides the things I listed above, she wasn't a friend to her college BF.

 

Your BFF will always be an issue UNLESS YOU actively chose your girlfriend.

 

& I will choose her side in this situation, but that does not mean I have to stop being friends with my friend.

 

What does that mean. (Please listen)

 

It means that you have to go to your friend and say, "you are my friend, but since you and GF cannot get along, then I will not spend ANY time with you one on one. Only in groups where my girlfriend is present. No more lunches, no more overnights, no more video games, no more." You have to stick to that too, no texting, no phone calls and for the love of all that is holy...no more discussion of your relationship problems with her.

 

No time together at all is kinda excessive, what happened between them was years ago, & there are many reasons I listed above as well.

 

Fixing would have to happen organically between them. You cannot force it or ask for it in any way or it won't work.

 

I realize that now, & I wish I realized that sooner.

 

You clearly prioritize your girlfriend higher, this is by choosing your girlfriend over your now "friend"

 

She has been my priority for months, spending some time with someone else doesn't change that, & even with that I will still spend less time with my friend.

 

Your friend and girlfriend know it. Your girlfriend now does not feel like the third wheel, she knows that you are not being seduced by the friend, because YOU ARE AWARE. And your friend realizes her proper place in the relationship. And you keep the boundaries...YOU.

 

I'm not being seduced by her because she never tried to seduce me in the first place.

 

You then apologize to your girlfriend for assuming she was a insecure (childish, needy, jealous). Tell her that you think she is more beautiful than the friend and that you are sorry for being a bone head.

 

I will apologize to her, but she needs to apologize to me too for being dishonest & hiding this from me for over a year now, things could have been much better if she told me sooner.

 

I will add that, is my GF willing to have no contact with her sister? I seriously doubt that, she actively tried to sabotage THIS relationship & not something in the past, & I do not expect her to anyway, I will not put her in a position to choose between her sister & me because I love her, does she love me enough not to put me in this position too?

 

I do not want to bring up her sister however, I do not want to blackmail her into it, I want her to do what is necessary because she loves me. I'm still struggling to contact both my friend & GF however, every time I pick up the phone I hesitate, & I didn't answer their phone calls, I want to be ready & know what to say before I talk to them.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Summer...people are irritated with you because you ask for help then discount and argue very bit of it rather than trying to see the point they are making. It is frustrating to spend time reading and writing try to help you.

 

See your situation is not unique..,most of us have been on one or more sides if this so we am see what you don't want to see. We have been there, done that and have the t-shirt.

 

But just because you don't want to see it doesn't mean what we are saying is not true. This really only has one path...as much as you might wish it were so...

 

Yes she did do it before, Apparently it was for revenge, the exact specifics are: my GF called her out for being a player, which my friend responded disproportionately by "proving" that her then-BF was no different by sending a friend to "trap" him. But there are reasons I don't want to stress the past here:

 

- We were both horrible people when we were in college & I admit that, but both me & my friend changed.

- Her sister did worse things to sabotage our relationship, & she still hangs out with her sister regularly, & I consider my friend a sister to me.

- My friend did nothing to sabotage my current relationship AT ALL, everything she did to my GF was in the past.

 

I do understand her however, my friend did sabotage a relationship she had in the past, so I understand WHY she doesn't want her around for the fear of that happening again.

 

I do believe that the situation is different this time, besides the things I listed above, she wasn't a friend to her college BF.

 

This is completely irrelevant. Your BFF is not a friend to your GF. She has proven through her actions past and present that she will do things to harm your GF. Your BFF has known and done nothing to make your relationship with your GF easier, when she had the full power to do it...by not doing that, by keeping the previous bad blood between them, by not trying to make her comfortable when you guys hung out...all of these are girl sabotage. I have done it and numerous other posters have said they have done it.

 

NOTE: So nowadays, your BFF only sabotages relationships of males who are not her friends?

 

 

I'm not being seduced by her because she never tried to seduce me in the first place.

 

Whatever...you are missing the Forrest for the trees here.

 

Your BFF IS TRYING TO SABOTAGE THIS RELATIONSHIP. Go back and read my thread on Trojan horses. She may not want to date you but she does want this relationship to work and I will also say she probably doesn't want any relationship to work with any girl because ultimately any girl who has any self respect won't tolerate this.

 

Being her friend so closely will kill THIS relationship and any others you have. This is not a question. This is a statement of significant probability and the rest of your comments indicate further that this will be your choice.

 

I will choose her side in this situation, but that does not mean I have to stop being friends with my friend.

 

No time together at all is kinda excessive, what happened between them was years ago, & there are many reasons I listed above as well.

 

She has been my priority for months, spending some time with someone else doesn't change that, & even with that I will still spend less time with my friend.

 

Go back and read what I said choosing means. What you are saying here is not choosing. Again, your choice, your consequence..

 

 

I will apologize to her, but she needs to apologize to me too for being dishonest & hiding this from me for over a year now, things could have been much better if she told me sooner.

 

How is her keeping her history with your BFF from you any different from you keeping the fact that you slept with your BFF a secret? This is an extremely lame argument.

 

NOTE: This statement appears very immature. This kind of statement drives posters nuts. Because you appear very immature and selfish by this statement.

 

I will add that, is my GF willing to have no contact with her sister? I seriously doubt that, she actively tried to sabotage THIS relationship & not something in the past, & I do not expect her to anyway, I will not put her in a position to choose between her sister & me because I love her, does she love me enough not to put me in this position too?

 

I do not want to bring up her sister however, I do not want to blackmail her into it, I

 

NOTE: Your train of logic through this thread has changed to try to support your argument. Fact is..your BFF is not your sister...you SLEPT WITH HER....YOU think she is HOT. Going down this path is flawed. The only comparison is if your GF had a BFF, who she slept with, who you had history and hated, and who she refused to actively "chose" over you. Your friend is never going to or never has had a sexual relationship with her sister.

 

I want her to do what is necessary because she loves me.

I have been trying to explain this to you for several posts. This is what your girlfriend thinks too, but you keep trying to negotiate this to be what you want and not what she needs.

 

I'm still struggling to contact both my friend & GF however, every time I pick up the phone I hesitate, & I didn't answer their phone calls, I want to be ready & know what to say before I talk to them.

 

Well I will give it one more shot...but ultimately what your posts and responses say is what you really want is both of them.

 

If that's not possible, then by default you are picking your BFF.

 

The only hope you had is what I wrote before...doing what I said before. IF you do this then your GF will be able to trust you. IF your BFF is truly a friend, she will understand and support doing this to help your GF feel comfortable.

 

If your BFF wont, then it's because she is trying to sabotage THIS relationship. I know you don't want to see it. And maybe your BFF is doing it subconsciously, but it is what it is.

 

Funny thing...I don't know why you feel entitled to be pissed off. You are not a victim.

 

Anyway...all that you need to say is written I the previous posts...you just have to put away your ego and look at what people are saying to you.

[Els]

It's like watching a car crash.

 

Except the damn car is taking 13 pages to do it instead of 1 second.

[PlumPrincess]

Because they're biased idiots, that's why I never ask them for advice, I only did this time because I HAD to ask someone, & they don't know about my history with this friend.

They told you to dump your friend, because without all the fact she looks jealous and controlling. I'm sure they would change their minds if you told them the WHOLE story.

 

I don't think you're a jerk or anything. I'm more amused. In a way, I also understand your point of view, if you're really not into your friend, then seeing your friend and girlfriend fight must look irrational. You have no issue with any of them and just because they hate each other, they are dragging you into their drama.

[Summerslam]

Summer...people are irritated with you because you ask for help then discount and argue very bit of it rather than trying to see the point they are making. It is frustrating to spend time reading and writing try to help you.

 

See your situation is not unique..,most of us have been on one or more sides if this so we am see what you don't want to see. We have been there, done that and have the t-shirt.

 

But just because you don't want to see it doesn't mean what we are saying is not true. This really only has one path...as much as you might wish it were so...

 

I know that, but its easier to listen to an advice from someone that doesn't make posts looking down on me.

 

This is completely irrelevant. Your BFF is not a friend to your GF. She has proven through her actions past and present that she will do things to harm your GF. Your BFF has known and done nothing to make your relationship with your GF easier, when she had the full power to do it...by not doing that, by keeping the previous bad blood between them, by not trying to make her comfortable when you guys hung out...all of these are girl sabotage. I have done it and numerous other posters have said they have done it.

 

That's why I said I understand where my GF comes from, but I want the past to stay in the past.

 

NOTE: So nowadays, your BFF only sabotages relationships of males who are not her friends?

 

That's the keyword here, what she did was in the past, & she never really sabotaged a relationship I was in even in the past, but I guess from my GF's perspective, she sabotaged a previous relationship she had so she is capable of sabotaging this relationship, I don't agree with that, she helped me out a lot in many of my past relationships/

 

Whatever...you are missing the Forrest for the trees here.

 

Your BFF IS TRYING TO SABOTAGE THIS RELATIONSHIP. Go back and read my thread on Trojan horses. She may not want to date you but she does want this relationship to work and I will also say she probably doesn't want any relationship to work with any girl because ultimately any girl who has any self respect won't tolerate this.

 

Being her friend so closely will kill THIS relationship and any others you have. This is not a question. This is a statement of significant probability and the rest of your comments indicate further that this will be your choice.

 

Her being my friend never killed any relationship I had in the past, but I do get my GF's perspective here.

 

How is her keeping her history with your BFF from you any different from you keeping the fact that you slept with your BFF a secret? This is an extremely lame argument.

 

You're right, but two wrongs don't make a right, she deserves an apology from me for that too (even though we agreed not to discuss our past relationships), but hiding her past with my friend from me is not "lame", I am willing to apologize for all my mistakes.

 

NOTE: Your train of logic through this thread has changed to try to support your argument. Fact is..your BFF is not your sister...you SLEPT WITH HER....YOU think she is HOT. Going down this path is flawed. The only comparison is if your GF had a BFF, who she slept with, who you had history and hated, and who she refused to actively "chose" over you. Your friend is never going to or never has had a sexual relationship with her sister.

 

I understand that, but the same argument applies here, if we're gonna control each other's relationships, then we'd be prisoners of each other instead of partners, if I want to argue the fact that its her sister & they didn't sleep together, I can say her sister ACTIVELY tried to sabotage our relationship, she would say that "but I slept with this friend"....and in the end, that argument will lead to nowhere except more resentment.

 

I have been trying to explain this to you for several posts. This is what your girlfriend thinks too, but you keep trying to negotiate this to be what you want and not what she needs.

 

I don't want to argue that or more posters will call me selfish & inconsiderate.

 

Well I will give it one more shot...but ultimately what your posts and responses say is what you really want is both of them.

 

If that's not possible, then by default you are picking your BFF.

 

As you said before, my situation is not unique, the most similar cases involve the wife/mother-in-law which happens a lot, some men choose the wife, some choose the mother, some try to stay in the middle, while the situation is not the same, there are similarities, both hate each other & I don't want to lose either one.

 

The only hope you had is what I wrote before...doing what I said before. IF you do this then your GF will be able to trust you. IF your BFF is truly a friend, she will understand and support doing this to help your GF feel comfortable.

 

Maybe you're right & I'm just in denial, I just don't know what to do.

 

If your BFF wont, then it's because she is trying to sabotage THIS relationship. I know you don't want to see it. And maybe your BFF is doing it subconsciously, but it is what it is.

 

She never did anything to sabotage this relationship, really.

 

Anyway...all that you need to say is written I the previous posts...you just have to put away your ego and look at what people are saying to you.

 

I wish if it was just about ego, what I'm really trying to achieve is to stay with my GF & keep my friendship intact, it might not be possible, but I'd be a fool if I don't exhaust every possible option.

 

Anyway, I told my GF to meet me at my place, I didn't call my friend yet, I'll postpone my talk with her after I speak with my GF, & frankly, I haven't been this uneasy in a very long time, I still don't know exactly what to say to her.

[sweetjasmine]

That's why I said I understand where my GF comes from, but I want the past to stay in the past.

 

It doesn't matter what you want. You can't force the past to stay in the past, especially if the problem involves people other than yourself who haven't gotten over their own issues.

 

And you're only 24. It's not really that far back in the past.

[Summerslam]

They told you to dump your friend, because without all the fact she looks jealous and controlling. I'm sure they would change their minds if you told them the WHOLE story.

 

I don't think you're a jerk or anything. I'm more amused. In a way, I also understand your point of view, if you're really not into your friend, then seeing your friend and girlfriend fight must look irrational. You have no issue with any of them and just because they hate each other, they are dragging you into their drama.

 

You haven't met them, if I tell them I cheated on my GF, they'd say "she should apologize cause she's not satisfying you in bed", obviously I'm exaggerating, but you get my point.

[Summerslam]

It doesn't matter what you want. You can't force the past to stay in the past, especially if the problem involves people other than yourself who haven't gotten over their own issues.

 

And you're only 24. It's not really that far back in the past.

 

People change, I was just like her back in college, we did the unthinkable back then, my GF didn't know me back when we were in college so she doesn't know how much I've changed, if I can change, my friend can too.

[nescafe1982]

Summer I wish you luck when you talk to your GF.

 

Honestly no one can give you clearer advice than the literally hundreds of posts full of advice you've already received. If you "don't know what to do," you can reread the foregoing pages. If you're still puzzled, I'm not sure this forum can help you.

 

After reading about whatever weird drama these two women have in their past, I think there is plenty of immaturity to go around: it's not just you. That said, though, I echo SweetJasmine by saying that while you might want to "leave it in the past," um, well, you can't because you're not the only one (or even the primary one) in that equation.

 

In the end, it looks like you have a choice to make. The same fundamental choice you began with: your GF, or your BFF. Even if you eventually get to have both in your life, you need to choose who gets precedence. Clearly I think you should go for GF given BFF's history of manipulation. But no one can make the decision for you... that's yours to make and yours alone. But sadly, there are sometimes no "middle roads" and you have to choose one path or the other. Good luck to you.

[nescafe1982]

People change... if I can change, my friend can too.

 

BUT you can't make someone else change. You have no power over whether she changes. The only power you have to the power to either stop letting your BFF interfere in your relationship with GF, or to keep letting her until eventually GF leaves. You can only change you and your boundaries.

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Summer.

 

By trying to keep them both you will lose them both.

 

The MIL/Wife analogy is similar, but in those cases you have blood and marriage that will force people to work through issues.

 

You have neither.

 

You continue to defend your friend and her motives. And so I am going to say one thing and then let it go.

 

You are being incredibly naive about her. Your own words, your own description has all kinds of red flags. Boys are notoriously blind to the manipulations of women and this is what's going on here.

 

But the more you defend her...the more you make excuses...the more YOU are taking sides.

 

You are the one causing this problem.

 

YOU.

 

They are behaving just like girls do. Jealous, possessive, sneaky, secretive, vicious, catty.

 

You have to recognize that YOU DID THIS.

 

You have to continue a very very close personal relationship with your BFF, with sleepovers, and sharing relationship secrets. Private lunches and hanging out at each others houses. Letting your friend be your confidant etc.

 

And you justify this by saying your girlfriend should not control you, or your friends, and that you will NEVER give up the close personal intimate confidant relationship. Never ever.

 

So that leaves your girlfriend no choice but to hate her. Hate her or you....that's her choice.

 

She is lashing out because you are giving to your BFF personal private intimate energy that your girlfriend wants.

 

You created the ongoing hostility, by trying to keep them both, you continue it.

 

Whatever you do you do. But it is what it is.

[Auguria]

Summer.

 

By trying to keep them both you will lose them both.

 

The MIL/Wife analogy is similar, but in those cases you have blood and marriage that will force people to work through issues.

[...].

 

My profound respects m'am!

I thought it was impossible to be as patient and understanding as my mother trying to teach me how to tie my shoes at the age of 5, but she doesn't stand a chance against you!

[Summerslam]

BUT you can't make someone else change. You have no power over whether she changes. The only power you have to the power to either stop letting your BFF interfere in your relationship with GF, or to keep letting her until eventually GF leaves. You can only change you and your boundaries.

 

But it would be kinda hypocritical of me, don't you think? we both haven't done the crap we used to do in a very long time.

[darkmoon]

why are you so magnetically bonded to this one friend? srs

what is it about her?

have you other friends?

Edited August 22, 2013 by darkmoon

[Summerslam]

Summer.

 

By trying to keep them both you will lose them both.

 

I hope not.

 

The MIL/Wife analogy is similar, but in those cases you have blood and marriage that will force people to work through issues.

 

You have neither.

 

I don't believe in marriage (the ceremony itself, not the commitment), so my GF is basically my wife, & she agrees with me. Blood is only blood, I consider my friend a sister, yes we had a sexual encounter in the past, but as I have explained, we were drunken teenagers, our current relationship is like a sibling relationship. It might not work, but if there is a chance we can work through this, I want to try, me & my GF are pretty much in love, so we're not walking on egg shells, we can work through this without the fear of ending the relationship, I just don't know how.

 

You continue to defend your friend and her motives. And so I am going to say one thing and then let it go.

 

You are being incredibly naive about her. Your own words, your own description has all kinds of red flags. Boys are notoriously blind to the manipulations of women and this is what's going on here.

 

Maybe I am naive, & maybe I'm not, but I really fail to see at what point did she really try to sabotage our relationship, she always gave me helpful advice, she never said a bad thing about my GF prior to their fight, & when all three of us were together she never said anything hurtful, yeah I may be naive, but can you tell me where exactly did she try to sabotage our relationship?

 

But the more you defend her...the more you make excuses...the more YOU are taking sides.

 

It may look like that way, but I'm basically defending the threatened side, if you told me my GF was probably cheating on me because I'm paying less attention to her, I'd be defending her.

 

You are the one causing this problem.

 

YOU.

 

They are behaving just like girls do. Jealous, possessive, sneaky, secretive, vicious, catty.

 

You have to recognize that YOU DID THIS.

 

Yes, I made a mistake when I let them have dinner together alone, but that wouldn't have happened if one of them was honest with me, yes I take the majority of the blame here, but its not just me that made a mistake here.

 

You have to continue a very very close personal relationship with your BFF, with sleepovers, and sharing relationship secrets. Private lunches and hanging out at each others houses. Letting your friend be your confidant etc.

 

And you justify this by saying your girlfriend should not control you, or your friends, and that you will NEVER give up the close personal intimate confidant relationship. Never ever.

 

I am willing to make compromises, all I want her to do is meet me half way, I will stop going to her place, we won't have regular dinners together, I'll stop having movie nights with her, I'll limit my bowling/pool time with her to once or twice a month, I'll keep my relationship with her just lunches & the occasional bowling/pool night, but I want my GF to meet me half way here, that is what I'm trying to accomplish.

 

So that leaves your girlfriend no choice but to hate her. Hate her or you....that's her choice.

 

I understand her.

 

She is lashing out because you are giving to your BFF personal private intimate energy that your girlfriend wants.

 

She never really lashed out at me all, all her anger was towards my friend.

 

You created the ongoing hostility, by trying to keep them both, you continue it.

 

Whatever you do you do. But it is what it is.

 

I'm starting to have a headache, she'd be here any minute & I still don't know what to do, thank you anyway.

[Summerslam]

why are you so magnetically bonded to this one friend? srs

what is it about her?

have you other friends?

 

I do, & I would be just the same if it was one of my other close male friends too, maybe I value my friendships more than the people around here do, I never thought valuing your friendship is that unusual until I started posting here, I have never seen people tell me to give up on an 18 year old friendship that easy in my entire life.

[PlumPrincess]

I do, & I would be just the same if it was one of my other close male friends too, maybe I value my friendships more than the people around here do, I never thought valuing your friendship is that unusual until I started posting here, I have never seen people tell me to give up on an 18 year old friendship that easy in my entire life.

You didn't say she was a childhood friend. You only said you were roommates. I recommend that you talk with your girlfriend and figure out if she believes your friend is interested in you/wants to break you guys apart and therefore is a real threat or if she just doesn't like her. If she doesn't like her, then you might want to reduce contact somewhat with your friend and she has to accept the fact that she does not like all of your friends. If her intuition is telling her that your friend wants you, no matter what your friend says, then you need to get rid of your friend, because then she is indeed interfering with your relationship.

[darkmoon]

I do, & I would be just the same if it was one of my other close male friends too, maybe I value my friendships more than the people around here do, I never thought valuing your friendship is that unusual until I started posting here, I have never seen people tell me to give up on an 18 year old friendship that easy in my entire life.

 

but this friend, she is upsetting your girlfriend - so this friend is toxic, only you see her good points, it is your girlfriend's job to be your most able and valued friend, she is feeling, understandably, usurped

 

so - are you with your girlfriend for sex only? srs

Edited August 22, 2013 by darkmoon

[It-is-what-it-is.]

I hope not.

 

I don't believe in marriage (the ceremony itself, not the commitment), so my GF is basically my wife, & she agrees with me. Blood is only blood, I consider my friend a sister, yes we had a sexual encounter in the past, but as I have explained, we were drunken teenagers, our current relationship is like a sibling relationship.

My statement stands.

 

It might not work, but if there is a chance we can work through this, I want to try, me & my GF are pretty much in love, so we're not walking on egg shells, we can work through this without the fear of ending the relationship, I just don't know how.

 

I have told you how, you just dont like what I said.

 

Maybe I am naive, & maybe I'm not, but I really fail to see at what point did she really try to sabotage our relationship, she always gave me helpful advice, she never said a bad thing about my GF prior to their fight, & when all three of us were together she never said anything hurtful, yeah I may be naive, but can you tell me where exactly did she try to sabotage our relationship?

 

I have told you repeatedly, you just argue.

 

It may look like that way, but I'm basically defending the threatened side, if you told me my GF was probably cheating on me because I'm paying less attention to her, I'd be defending her.

 

By defending instead and not trying to understand you are missing out on the insight people are trying to give you.

 

Yes, I made a mistake when I let them have dinner together alone, but that wouldn't have happened if one of them was honest with me, yes I take the majority of the blame here, but its not just me that made a mistake here.

 

This started before the dinner. It has been true for the entire time you have been together.

 

 

I am willing to make compromises,

You are willing to compromise only as much as you feel it is reasonable. Not to compromise to address your girlfriends concerns.

 

all I want her to do is meet me half way, I will stop going to her place, we won't have regular dinners together, I'll stop having movie nights with her, I'll limit my bowling/pool time with her to once or twice a month, I'll keep my relationship with her just lunches & the occasional bowling/pool night, but I want my GF to meet me half way here, that is what I'm trying to accomplish.

 

Choice=friendship not girlfriend and her feelings.

 

 

I understand her.

 

She never really lashed out at me all, all her anger was towards my friend.

Re read what I said, you are missing the point. I said, you caused this...and that your girlfriend is angry, and since she can be angry AT YOU or angry AT YOUR BFF.

 

I'm starting to have a headache, she'd be here any minute & I still don't know what to do, thank you anyway.

So am I...