Why is it that only "female" friends cause jealousy?

[Keenly]

Intuition is such a strong trait in a woman and from what I've learned in past relationships...if a guy hangs out with a girl and doesn't take my feelings as priority...GOODBYE. I deserve more than that, so does your girlfriend.

 

P.S. You have GOT to be kidding me, right?

 

So basically what your saying is he has to do what you say when you say it? Are you saying your feelings take priority over his friendships and his freedom? Because if that's the case, you are not dating an equal, you are dating a dog. Intuition can be wrong, there are men out there that would never, ever cheat.

 

 

 

Taking your feelings as a priority and being your doormat are very close to each other. He can be loving and supportive of how she feels, which clearly he is, bit that does not mean he has to ditch his female friend simply because his girlfriend has issues with it. That's not a relationship, that's control.

 

 

If he is not cheating, and has no intention of cheating, her insecurity is HER problem, not his. She needs to deal with it instead of blaming the man for her unhealthy thoughts .

 

 

EDIT: And when your feelings take priority over his friendships, that's when the precedent is established that any time you don't approve of something, he has to give it up, or you will be unhappy. How is that equal.

Edited August 16, 2013 by Keenly

[It-is-what-it-is.]

So basically what your saying is he has to do what you say when you say it? Are you saying your feelings take priority over his friendships and his freedom? Because if that's the case, you are not dating an equal, you are dating a dog. Intuition can be wrong, there are men out there that would never, ever cheat.

 

 

 

Taking your feelings as a priority and being your doormat are very close to each other. He can be loving and supportive of how she feels, which clearly he is, bit that does not mean he has to ditch his female friend simply because his girlfriend has issues with it. That's not a relationship, that's control.

 

 

If he is not cheating, and has no intention of cheating, her insecurity is HER problem, not his. She needs to deal with it instead of blaming the man for her unhealthy thoughts .

 

 

EDIT: And when your feelings take priority over his friendships, that's when the precedent is established that any time you don't approve of something, he has to give it up, or you will be unhappy. How is that equal.

 

With all due respect, your thinking is not what the girlfriend is thinking. The girls on here are explaining you can like it or not. It is.

[Keenly]

With all due respect, your thinking is not what the girlfriend is thinking. The girls on here are explaining you can like it or not. It is.

 

 

How exactly does your post negate what I have said?

 

 

Please explain to me why a girlfriend has the right to dictate a males social circle. I would LOVE to hear this one. Explain to me also why discomfort in a female mind equals cheating, changing your lifestyle, giving up things you love, and it doesn't ever lead to her instead trying to get over her mental hiccups.

 

He didn't do anything wrong. At any point. I'm getting the impression that you women THINK that he is doing something simply because he will not give in to the jealousy his girlfriend is feeling, and her possessiveness. If that's truly how women feel, then the overall state of relationships in the world is doomed, when the woman's insecurities override the mans relationships, friends, hobbies, activities, etc.

[will1988]

the only true female friends i have are lesbians... and i rarely hang out with them. sometimes my fiance gets annoyed if i hang out with the guys more than a few times a month. However, on the lesbian topic she gets angsty, even though she knows the lesbians are more likely to go after her than they are me! duh.

[Keenly]

the only true female friends i have are lesbians... and i rarely hang out with them. sometimes my fiance gets annoyed if i hang out with the guys more than a few times a month. However, on the lesbian topic she gets angsty, even though she knows the lesbians are more likely to go after her than they are me! duh.

 

 

And have you ditched your lesbian friends due to her feeling angsty? No? But you are engaged????? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!?!?! You didn't change around your entire life for her! You must be a SELFISH MAN!!!

[Maleficent]

But she's not interested in me, as I've already said it was a very long time ago & she's not my ex, it just happened one night & we decided to bury it.

 

 

 

& its a big deal because? she was my roommate in college & the women I dated back then didn't mind.

 

Well, this one does...

 

 

She is not an ex, we had sex once years ago & we want to bury it, & I'm not lying to her about it because we agreed that our past should stay in the past, it was a mutual decision.

 

 

 

1- She's not possessive in any way & whatever happened in the past was a mistake, so she couldn't have possibly picked up on something that doesn't exist.

 

 

2- Twice a week for lunch or dinner is not that much.

 

3- I am not keeping anything from my GF, I see my GF almost every day, her place is only five minutes away.

 

4- As I have mentioned, I do not spend more time with her than my GF.

 

I work eight hours a day & sleep six hours a day, that leaves ten hours free every day, I really have no other activities, everything else I do, I do it with my friends or GF, I'm 24 with no kids, my life consists of nothing but going out with my friends or GF.

 

And why would you assume I'm cheating? I wouldn't go out of my way to ask for advice if I intended to withhold information.

 

1-It doesn't matter. It bothers her. You can be all insulted that it does, in the end, you'll still have to respect that.

2-yes, it is a lot for a female friend you only hang out with alone.

3-that doesn't matter - you are still seeing the other girl

4-that doesn't matter either.

 

I'm all for having friends of the opposite sex. Plural. Hang out with a bunch of girls, that's fine. But just one on a regular basis?

It just looks weird.

 

Look, if you don't want to respect your girlfriend's feelings, go ahead and break up with her. You won't have to come on sites like this one to validate your pseudo girlfriend and she will get to date someone who actually cares how she feels.

This is how it works in serious, long term relationships.

 

I've lost a dear friend years ago - he was my ex. New girlfriend didn't want us hanging out so we haven't hung out since. As much as it pains me to have lost him (because at the time, he had become a close friend) I have to admit that in her situation - I most likely would have done the same.

 

No offence here, but this just makes you look like a spoiled little brat.

[will1988]

And have you ditched your lesbian friends due to her feeling angsty? No? But you are engaged????? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!?!?! You didn't change around your entire life for her! You must be a SELFISH MAN!!!

 

No, she knows I wont give up friends for her... I did that once with a girl and was a bad bro... when the relationship ended my friends and i became close again. I spend a lot of time with my fiance and do dates etc... more than I see my friends. If she starts getting pissy about it, I just say it is what it is. Of course I would not change my entire life for anyone, she loves me for me, and took me at face value... she knew what she was getting in to.

[Maleficent]

What is wrong with you people, you are placing her insecurities on him.

 

 

I'm getting really tired of the women of the human race believing they can dictate who men can and can't hang out with because of their insecurities.

 

 

Maybe this guy would NEVER cheat on his girlfriend, is he supposed to just give up this friendship because his girlfriend is clearly insecure? What's next then? What else is he going to have to give up that makes her uncomfortable . Guys night out at the bar? There are girls there... does he have to give that up too? What if he focuses on his career and she feels neglected, does he give that up too?

 

 

Its called called having a spine. That goes for both of them. She needs to grow one and deal with her jealousy and insecurity, and he needs to show his by not letting his girlfriend dictate who he can and can't hang out with based on gender.

 

 

 

 

 

Where is the trust in relationships these days? Where did this desire for women to control men come from ?

 

What bothers me is where he seems unconcerned about his girlfriend's feeling. She never asked him to stop seeing the girl. But it's obvious it bothers her (and it's normal that it does).

Instead of talking to her about it - which would most likely calm her insecurities - he comes here and complains.

 

That doesn't make for very strong relationships...

[It-is-what-it-is.]

Summer,

 

I am going to lay it out here in black and white.

 

To me you are a kid. My kids ages. So you can dismiss my advice as being out of touch, or you can respect it for the vast amount of experience that I have. Your choice.

 

Your girlfriend is insecure about this particular girl. She has been trying to be cool about it because the GIRL is important to you. I will go so far as to suggest she has tried to tell you but you are either dismissive or not listening.

 

The issue is YOUR INVESTMENT in that relationship IN FACT takes away from your girlfriend /boyfriend relationship. IN FACT, this is not an arguable issue. The issue is whether or not you care that it does. It sounds like it doesn't. It sounds like your girlfriend is not a priority and is just one more person in your social world.

 

You stated in your first comment that you would chose the friend over the girlfriend. So obviously, your girlfriend senses that. And obviously your friend senses that too.

 

So this has become about your girlfriends jealousy and how she is wrong. About how her taking the lead on the discussion of her jealousy is a poor grade on whether or not she's worthy to be with you.

 

Super secret insight into girls thinking we are providing you, but if you want to justify it with like thinking male "screw her" attitude more power to you.

 

So again, take a poll from the womenz on LS....Do we give the "he's mine" "I have prior claim" girl vibes EVEN WHEN WE DON'T WANT THE GUY?.. Yes we do.

 

So it sounds like you are not intending any kind of future with e girlfriend, and you said she's beautiful and intelligent so I am sure she's in the process of deciding for herself whether being second best to your friends is the kind of relationship she wants. My guess is you are failing her tests too.

 

But you don't really want to fix it right? You want the single unattached boyz to tell you that "fux her, you can have friends and she can walk if she doesn't like it" and they are right.

 

How are you going to feel when your girlfriend walks away and finds a guy who thinks she's the bomb? And doesn't date other girls, and be dismissive of her feelings, and makes her and the relationship a priority.

 

You are right the issue is she is jealous, dump her, because it couldn't possibly be that she is reading all the signs and signals exactly as they are.

[will1988]

Well, this one does...

 

 

 

 

1-It doesn't matter. It bothers her. You can be all insulted that it does, in the end, you'll still have to respect that.

2-yes, it is a lot for a female friend you only hang out with alone.

3-that doesn't matter - you are still seeing the other girl

4-that doesn't matter either.

 

I'm all for having friends of the opposite sex. Plural. Hang out with a bunch of girls, that's fine. But just one on a regular basis?

It just looks weird.

 

Look, if you don't want to respect your girlfriend's feelings, go ahead and break up with her. You won't have to come on sites like this one to validate your pseudo girlfriend and she will get to date someone who actually cares how she feels.

This is how it works in serious, long term relationships.

 

I've lost a dear friend years ago - he was my ex. New girlfriend didn't want us hanging out so we haven't hung out since. As much as it pains me to have lost him (because at the time, he had become a close friend) I have to admit that in her situation - I most likely would have done the same.

 

No offence here, but this just makes you look like a spoiled little brat.

 

^^^^

http://global3.memecdn.com/stalker-girlfriend_o_931723.jpg

[Maleficent]

How exactly does your post negate what I have said?

 

 

Please explain to me why a girlfriend has the right to dictate a males social circle. I would LOVE to hear this one. Explain to me also why discomfort in a female mind equals cheating, changing your lifestyle, giving up things you love, and it doesn't ever lead to her instead trying to get over her mental hiccups.

 

He didn't do anything wrong. At any point. I'm getting the impression that you women THINK that he is doing something simply because he will not give in to the jealousy his girlfriend is feeling, and her possessiveness. If that's truly how women feel, then the overall state of relationships in the world is doomed, when the woman's insecurities override the mans relationships, friends, hobbies, activities, etc.

 

Again, you are missing the point. She is not trying to dictate his social circle - she is worried about him seeing one-on-one twice a week this other girl she knows nothing about.

 

We have our insecurities, you (men) have yours (and yes, I'm referring to the mandatory paternity test thread)

[Maleficent]

Summer,

 

I am going to lay it out here in black and white.

 

To me you are a kid. My kids ages. So you can dismiss my advice as being out of touch, or you can respect it for the vast amount of experience that I have. Your choice.

 

Your girlfriend is insecure about this particular girl. She has been trying to be cool about it because the GIRL is important to you. I will go so far as to suggest she has tried to tell you but you are either dismissive or not listening.

 

The issue is YOUR INVESTMENT in that relationship IN FACT takes away from your girlfriend /boyfriend relationship. IN FACT, this is not an arguable issue. The issue is whether or not you care that it does. It sounds like it doesn't. It sounds like your girlfriend is not a priority and is just one more person in your social world.

 

You stated in your first comment that you would chose the friend over the girlfriend. So obviously, your girlfriend senses that. And obviously your friend senses that too.

 

So this has become about your girlfriends jealousy and how she is wrong. About how her taking the lead on the discussion of her jealousy is a poor grade on whether or not she's worthy to be with you.

 

Super secret insight into girls thinking we are providing you, but if you want to justify it with like thinking male "screw her" attitude more power to you.

 

So again, take a poll from the womenz on LS....Do we give the "he's mine" "I have prior claim" girl vibes EVEN WHEN WE DON'T WANT THE GUY?.. Yes we do.

 

So it sounds like you are not intending any kind of future with e girlfriend, and you said she's beautiful and intelligent so I am sure she's in the process of deciding for herself whether being second best to your friends is the kind of relationship she wants. My guess is you are failing her tests too.

 

But you don't really want to fix it right? You want the single unattached boyz to tell you that "fux her, you can have friends and she can walk if she doesn't like it" and they are right.

 

How are you going to feel when your girlfriend walks away and finds a guy who thinks she's the bomb? And doesn't date other girls, and be dismissive of her feelings, and makes her and the relationship a priority.

 

You are right the issue is she is jealous, dump her, because it couldn't possibly be that she is reading all the signs and signals exactly as they are.

 

Thank you for reading my mind....

[colombiana28]

Again, you are missing the point. She is not trying to dictate his social circle - she is worried about him seeing one-on-one twice a week this other girl she knows nothing about.

 

We have our insecurities, you (men) have yours (and yes, I'm referring to the mandatory paternity test thread)

 

exactly.

 

look, I am the most trusting girl you'll find - it doesn't bother me one iota if my boyfriend wants to hang out with his female friends 1 on 1. never complained in the past, never had any reason to.

 

THIS IS DIFFERENT.

 

why?

 

1. she's single

2. they've had sex in the past (we CAN pick up on this without it being said)

3. he tells us "she's not interested in me anyways." huge red flag. OP is without a doubt sexually attracted to this girl (don't care what he "says" haha).......which wouldn't be an issue except for the fact that THEY HANG OUT AT EACH OTHERS' PLACE 2-3 TIMES A WEEK!

 

I mean, really, all you male posters defending this guy tooth and nail? stop bitching about how his girlfriend is "dictating" his life. obviously she only has issues with this one girl - AND FOR GOOD REASON!

[Keenly]

Summer,

 

I am going to lay it out here in black and white.

 

To me you are a kid. My kids ages. So you can dismiss my advice as being out of touch, or you can respect it for the vast amount of experience that I have. Your choice.

 

Your girlfriend is insecure about this particular girl. She has been trying to be cool about it because the GIRL is important to you. I will go so far as to suggest she has tried to tell you but you are either dismissive or not listening.

He is listening, and how can he be dismissive if he went on the internet to ask for advice on this? He has invited her out with them, and she wasn't into it.

The issue is YOUR INVESTMENT in that relationship IN FACT takes away from your girlfriend /boyfriend relationship. IN FACT, this is not an arguable issue. The issue is whether or not you care that it does. It sounds like it doesn't. It sounds like your girlfriend is not a priority and is just one more person in your social world.

 

This is manipulative talk right here. Making the claim that having a friend thats a girl some how takes away from his intimate relationship with his girlfriend is complete BS. How is it taking away from his relationship? It IS an arguable issue, especially when you are not actually providing any substance to back up your claim, you just simply yell out "ITS A FACT!" Obviously he cares that it bothers her as he is trying to reassure her and get her to get over her insecurity. The whole "She is not a priority" thing is a typical manipulation tactic used by both genders to achieve an end goal, which is possession.

 

You stated in your first comment that you would chose the friend over the girlfriend. So obviously, your girlfriend senses that. And obviously your friend senses that too.

Perhaps you can point this out to us because I certainly don't remember such a claim being made.

 

So this has become about your girlfriends jealousy and how she is wrong. About how her taking the lead on the discussion of her jealousy is a poor grade on whether or not she's worthy to be with you.

 

Super secret insight into girls thinking we are providing you, but if you want to justify it with like thinking male "screw her" attitude more power to you.

 

 

So again, take a poll from the womenz on LS....Do we give the "he's mine" "I have prior claim" girl vibes EVEN WHEN WE DON'T WANT THE GUY?.. Yes we do.

 

So it sounds like you are not intending any kind of future with e girlfriend, and you said she's beautiful and intelligent so I am sure she's in the process of deciding for herself whether being second best to your friends is the kind of relationship she wants. My guess is you are failing her tests too.

What tests exactly? The having female friends test? Thats pretty juvenile.

But you don't really want to fix it right? You want the single unattached boyz to tell you that "fux her, you can have friends and she can walk if she doesn't like it" and they are right.

How are you going to feel when your girlfriend walks away and finds a guy who thinks she's the bomb? And doesn't date other girls, and be dismissive of her feelings, and makes her and the relationship a priority.

 

No one is dating other girls, now you are just making things up. He is not being dismissive of her feelings. Im so tired of this attitude. Taking some ones feelings to heart and doing your best to solve them does not mean you are dismissive. Not giving in to her insecurity DOES NOT EQUAL BEING DISMISSIVE. Its called standing your ground and not being a doormat. He mentioned several times how his girlfriend IS the priority, but you are intentionally ignoring it.

 

You are right the issue is she is jealous, dump her, because it couldn't possibly be that she is reading all the signs and signals exactly as they are.

 

Responses in bold.

 

 

 

It seems women these days have the following attitudes :

 

1. Men are not allowed to have female friends.

2. Not giving in to the womans demands means you don't care.

3. The womans feelings are more important than the mans feelings / friendships.

4. The woman always gets what she wants, or that means that the man doesn't care.

5. Whats important to HIM doesn't matter, because its not important to her.

 

 

Pretty safe to say that 70-80% of women behave like this, and its extremely unhealthy.

[colombiana28]

OP if you're so trustworthy, would you have any problem with getting both girls together and discussing the issue out in the open? as another poster said, kissing your GF in front of her while assuring her she has nothing to worry about?

[Maleficent]

Responses in bold.

 

 

 

It seems women these days have the following attitudes :

 

1. Men are not allowed to have female friends.

2. Not giving in to the womans demands means you don't care.

3. The womans feelings are more important than the mans feelings / friendships.

4. The woman always gets what she wants, or that means that the man doesn't care.

5. Whats important to HIM doesn't matter, because its not important to her.

 

 

Pretty safe to say that 70-80% of women behave like this, and its extremely unhealthy.

 

I would like to point out that one complaint that the general consensus - as far a men go - the paternity test was how women completely disregard the man's insecurities. A woman who has shown no hints of cheating should still prove she didn't cheat.

 

While here you are expecting a woman to just accept her boyfriend has a female, single friend he sees regularly and alone?

 

Ohhh....double standards.

 

He is disregarding her feelings as well by refusing to talk to her about the insecurities and you are doing the same by saying '**** that crazy bitch, do whatever the hell you want'

[Keenly]

Op, I have to head out to work, so you are on your own against all the women who think you are a terrible person now.

 

 

All I can leave you with is that she obviously does not trust you. Whether or not you have actually done anything to warrant the lack of trust, only you know. It's going to be an uphill battle to try and fight for her trust back, and you need to decide whether or not its really worth all the trouble.

 

Do not give in to demands. Keep your balls and your spine. Reassure her, prove to her she has nothing to worry about, and if she STILL has issues with it, you can either leave her, or you can let her dictate what you can and can not do. It's really up to you.

[Keenly]

I would like to point out that one complaint that the general consensus - as far a men go - the paternity test was how women completely disregard the man's insecurities. A woman who has shown no hints of cheating should still prove she didn't cheat.

 

While here you are expecting a woman to just accept her boyfriend has a female, single friend he sees regularly and alone?

 

Ohhh....double standards.

 

He is disregarding her feelings as well by refusing to talk to her about the insecurities and you are doing the same by saying '**** that crazy bitch, do whatever the hell you want'

 

 

Deflection is often a tactic used by the losing side of an argument. Why not stay on topic? That thread is long dead, and due to personal experiences I have had, I have formed my own opinion on that topic, and its my right to have that opinion. Paternity tests and insecurity about your spouse hanging out with the opposite sex are two completely different things. One's implications are far more profound. NEver did I say do whatever he wants. In fact I was the one who suggested reassurance.

 

 

 

 

Btw, my view on paternity tests has nothing to do with whether or not the woman cheated, but I have that opinion simply so that Both parties, neither the man nor the woman, will EVER be able to make the claim that the kid is in fact, not the mans. It eliminates the possibility for that speculation entirely.

 

 

Back to the topic, Reassurance, and if that doesn't work, its her problem.

[Maleficent]

one thing to have a baby by someone who is a little less than a class act, another thing to just be socializing with someone of the other sex.

 

Sure - but it still involves jealousy and proof of cheating (or not)

 

But here you have a man who demands his obviously innocent wife to prove she didn't cheat because he is insecure VS a woman who has some reasons to be insecure but should just ignore it cause you know, he's not doing anything wrong (or so he says)

[Maleficent]

Deflection is often a tactic used by the losing side of an argument. Why not stay on topic? That thread is long dead, and due to personal experiences I have had, I have formed my own opinion on that topic, and its my right to have that opinion. Paternity tests and insecurity about your spouse hanging out with the opposite sex are two completely different things. One's implications are far more profound. NEver did I say do whatever he wants. In fact I was the one who suggested reassurance.

 

 

 

 

Btw, my view on paternity tests has nothing to do with whether or not the woman cheated, but I have that opinion simply so that Both parties, neither the man nor the woman, will EVER be able to make the claim that the kid is in fact, not the mans. It eliminates the possibility for that speculation entirely.

 

 

Back to the topic, Reassurance, and if that doesn't work, its her problem.

 

I'm bringing back the paternity test because it involves cheating and insecurities related to cheating.

 

I have no argument to lose. This is my opinion. I have a right to it and I'm sticking to it.

 

Guy is acting shady.

[Keenly]

Sure - but it still involves jealousy and proof of cheating (or not)

 

But here you have a man who demands his obviously innocent wife to prove she didn't cheat because he is insecure VS a woman who has some reasons to be insecure but should just ignore it cause you know, he's not doing anything wrong (or so he says)

 

 

Again, deflection. Nothing to do with the topic at hand. I explained already that the test has nothing to do with cheating, and everything to do with the man will never be able to claim its not his, and the woman will never be able to tell him that the kid is not his. It has nothing to do with whether or not she cheated on him.

 

You can stop using that argument now.

[Keenly]

I'm bringing back the paternity test because it involves cheating and insecurities related to cheating.

 

I have no argument to lose. This is my opinion. I have a right to it and I'm sticking to it.

 

Guy is acting shady.

 

 

And girl is acting insecure and possessive. /agreetodisagree

 

 

 

 

 

This forum always makes me late.

[Maleficent]

And girl is acting insecure and possessive. /agreetodisagree

 

 

 

 

 

This forum always makes me late.

 

So basically you're saying that women have no right to be insecure.

ok.

 

In that case, neither do men.

 

Again agree to disagree.

[Keenly]

So basically you're saying that women have no right to be insecure.

ok.

 

In that case, neither do men.

 

Again agree to disagree.

 

 

Sounds like a perfect world to me.

[youngnlove89]

How exactly does your post negate what I have said?

 

 

Please explain to me why a girlfriend has the right to dictate a males social circle. I would LOVE to hear this one. Explain to me also why discomfort in a female mind equals cheating, changing your lifestyle, giving up things you love, and it doesn't ever lead to her instead trying to get over her mental hiccups.

 

He didn't do anything wrong. At any point. I'm getting the impression that you women THINK that he is doing something simply because he will not give in to the jealousy his girlfriend is feeling, and her possessiveness. If that's truly how women feel, then the overall state of relationships in the world is doomed, when the woman's insecurities override the mans relationships, friends, hobbies, activities, etc.

 

Keen, I'm sorry, but I know you don't have very much experience in relationships/sex. Or maybe you think you do. But from what I read on here, you don't.

 

My ex had this same type of "friendship". I hated it. I saw it disrespecting me. Sure, maybe it was MY problem. But point is, nobody should have to put up with something they don't like. So whether it is the OP or his gf, they clearly don't see eye to eye. Neither are guilty, but neither are respecting the other. Which means, they have different values/morals. They aren't meant to be.

 

Hanging out once or twice a week at her house or his?! PLEASE. I rather find a guy who DOESN'T do that. I know there are some out there. Because I sure as hell don't do that.

 

It's not control, it is respecting the one you love.

Edited August 16, 2013 by youngnlove89