I am cheating on him for another guy at my job - is he a better catch?

[Ramza]

I never thought the day would come where I would cheat on somebody who puts their heart into this relationship. It seems as though he puts more into it than I do, and after 7 months with him, my feelings just aren't growing for him anymore. We went to New York, Miami and India within a 7 month period, but its just the emotional chemistry that something just isn't right.

 

So I confessed to him that I'm seeing someone else and that this guy fulfills me, excites me, surprises me like I want and hesweeps me off my feet. Of course my bf got upset, and I literally could not crying in front of him. It was just a sad state of affairs, even he started crying a little.

 

Anyway, the guy I cheated on him with is a co-worker that I've known now for 5 months. He comes by my desk and visits me, and he just makes me feel whole and complete. I know I may seem selfish but I just need someone to make me feel complete. So we went out on dates and we've kissed, but one thing that I am concerned about is his baggae and things he is going through right now.

 

This is whats bother me: He is 9 years older than me (I'm 25 and he's 34). He is divorced with two kids - all of them who live in Chicago and we are currently in Virginia. He also said he was talking to a girl in Bolivia at one point until she stopped emailing him all together. He used to serve in the military but no longer does. I don't know much about him and his ex-wife, but I know he recently went to Chicago to see his kids, and him and his ex-wife took pictures together with the kids and snapped video with them on a carousel with the kids. The ex-wife has a blog that I read and it talks about how he was the one who filed the divorce on her, and she sounds like a really depressed, unhappy individual who also talks down on one of her kids that she says she did not physically give birth to. Weird!

 

Anyhow, how worried should I be? We've been talking on that level now for 2 months, but I don't know if this will be something that will last and provide me with the things I want in a relationship. I'm not sure if he has to pay child support or not for these kids, and when he goes over there, the constant reminder that he is close to his ex-wife can be mind boggling.

 

What issues do you see? Should I get involved with this guy who I see everyday at my job?

 

Thanks.

[will1988]

leave your current BF ASAP! Then I would honestly suggest staying clear from this new guy... he might be an amazing guy, but there is a reason his relationship ended in the first place, and these are things that you honestly do not want to be dragged in to. Might I also inquire as to why you would cheat on someone who seemed like a great guy?

[Lecturer]

First, the question here is not "should I choose my current BF or the guy I'm cheating with". Fact is, your current BF is nothing to you, so end that. You neither like him nor respect him.

 

The real question then becomes 'should i pursue a relationship with new divorced guy, or look for someone else', and you're really the only one that can answer that.

[Zahara]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/415832-i-m-cheating-him-another-guy-what-do-i-do

 

There is no point re-posting. You're going to receive the same type of responses.

 

You're going to keep your BF on the backburner while you decide if you can go forward with this other guy. Selfish and completely devoid of a conscience. Do the right thing.

[eddyctv]

Obviously you and your BF aren't working out. Dump him.

 

You can date the guy at work, but if/when it falls apart, it may be tough to be in the same office with him.

 

Everyone has baggage. How YOU handle it is what's important.

[giblesp]

Treat both of them, and yourself, with a bit more respect.

[2sunny]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/415832-i-m-cheating-him-another-guy-what-do-i-do

 

There is no point re-posting. You're going to receive the same type of responses.

 

You're going to keep your BF on the backburner while you decide if you can go forward with this other guy. Selfish and completely devoid of a conscience. Do the right thing.

 

I agree. You don't respect your BF - you don't honor him.

 

Yet HE is nice to you. Too bad for him.

 

Find out why you don't honor and appreciate what is good.

 

The guy at work? He's not WITH his kids - he probably hooks up with the ex while he's there - and yet YOU don't ask? Your eyes are closed so tight you don't see what you need to see.

 

Start asking for answers!!!

 

You'll see how he handles himself when forced to face questions about what he's doing. See if he lies. Watch his body language while he attempts to answer!

 

Ask questions he has to answer with yes or no! If he avoids answering yes or no - tell him it's a yes or no answer.

 

Start asking what you need to know.

 

But first let go of the nice guy - he deserves a gal that honors and appreciates him!!!

[Ramza]

I agree. You don't respect your BF - you don't honor him.

 

Yet HE is nice to you. Too bad for him.

 

Find out why you don't honor and appreciate what is good.

 

The guy at work? He's not WITH his kids - he probably hooks up with the ex while he's there - and yet YOU don't ask? Your eyes are closed so tight you don't see what you need to see.

 

Start asking for answers!!!

 

You'll see how he handles himself when forced to face questions about what he's doing. See if he lies. Watch his body language while he attempts to answer!

 

Ask questions he has to answer with yes or no! If he avoids answering yes or no - tell him it's a yes or no answer.

 

Start asking what you need to know.

 

But first let go of the nice guy - he deserves a gal that honors and appreciates him!!!

 

I guess you are right. But after my ex and I broke up, he now starts putting up pictures of him having a good time at clubs at taking pictures with girls.. Its really killing me to see that now all of a sudden we are no longer together. Maybe I should put a pic up of me and the new guy?!!

[2sunny]

Are you proud of yourself? Are you proud of how you participate?

 

Participate in a way that always makes you proud of who you are.

[Zahara]

I guess you are right. But after my ex and I broke up, he now starts putting up pictures of him having a good time at clubs at taking pictures with girls.. Its really killing me to see that now all of a sudden we are no longer together. Maybe I should put a pic up of me and the new guy?!!

 

What are you, 12?

 

Grow up, live with your choices and leave the ex alone. He deserves to have a good time versus being with someone like you. How selfish of you to say that it's killing you? How do you think he felt when you told him you were cheating?

 

You're a cake eater.

[New User]

I agree. You don't respect your BF - you don't honor him.

 

Yet HE is nice to you. Too bad for him.

 

Find out why you don't honor and appreciate what is good.

 

The guy at work? He's not WITH his kids - he probably hooks up with the ex while he's there - and yet YOU don't ask? Your eyes are closed so tight you don't see what you need to see.

 

Start asking for answers!!!

 

You'll see how he handles himself when forced to face questions about what he's doing. See if he lies. Watch his body language while he attempts to answer!

 

Ask questions he has to answer with yes or no! If he avoids answering yes or no - tell him it's a yes or no answer.

 

Start asking what you need to know.

 

But first let go of the nice guy - he deserves a gal that honors and appreciates him!!!

 

 

Why on earth would you assume he's hooking up with his ex? Suggesting using interrogation techniques when there appears to be nothing to even warrant suspicion strikes me as a sure way to drive the guy away. So, yeah OP- you should do that. See if you can get a friend to help with this- just make sure you decide ahead of time who's going to be the good cop and who's going to be the bad cop.

 

Oh, and your BF- that should be over. You clearly have no respect for either him or that relationship.

[pteromom]

I know I may seem selfish but I just need someone to make me feel complete.

 

This issue stuck out to me. You should enter a relationship as an already whole person, ready to share a life with another already whole person.

 

So my suggestion is to break up with your boyfriend, quit seeing the other guy, and just spend some time on your own, working on making yourself feel complete as an individual.

 

Then when you do get ready for a relationship, don't just base it on how someone makes you FEEL, but on shared values and goals.

[New User]

I guess you are right. But after my ex and I broke up, he now starts putting up pictures of him having a good time at clubs at taking pictures with girls.. Its really killing me to see that now all of a sudden we are no longer together. Maybe I should put a pic up of me and the new guy?!!

 

 

Yes, how dare the guy that I no longer want to be with go on and be happier without me in his life. Side note- WTF is up with people continuing to spy on their exes?

 

Good Lord. It is hard for me to believe that was written by a grown woman.

[emva07]

Well who we love and who loves us are never the same person.

 

....this guy loved you....you didn't. Now you love someone else....and it may not end well....or it may. You won't know until you try, but in the meantime leave the other guy alone. He didn't make you happy. This guy makes you happy so even if it ends bad, at least you had a chance to love as opposed to being with someone just because they were nice to you. He deserves to find someone who loves him. Don't be selfish.

[Bito]

My faith in humanity drops from reading your posts.I'm going hope youre trolling because its just sad. No one but yourself can complete you. You will never be happy unless you figure out that fact of life. Im sure what I say will fall on deaf ears as you only seem to read what you want to hear.

 

I will pray for you to find yourself.

[Darren Steez]

Not buying this, but have fun peeps.

[MidwestUSA]

You also had a problem with the new guy's pics of him with his ex and kids. You realize they are going to be a part of his life forever, right? Whether he "hooks up" with his ex or not. Child support, I should hope so! Talking to a girl from Bolivia? How dare he!

 

Your ex moving on? Good for him after what you did. Maybe you need to find someone fresh out of the womb who has no past, present or future. Better yet, work on yourself, or you'll be the bunny boiler who takes scissors to photo albums and throws phone and address books in the fireplace. Yes, I hope you are a troll, because I can't believe what I'm reading. YOU are the one in this triad who cheated! Remember?

[Simon Phoenix]

You're either a troll pretending to be a despicable human being or you are a despicable human being.

[emva07]

Oh, and men LOVE talking to women from other countries and promise to bring them over....Bolivia is sitting there patiently waiting for her Visa.

[The Way I Am]

Might I also inquire as to why you would cheat on someone who seemed like a great guy?

 

Judging by what appears to be his own posts, she dropped him because he's a clingy doormat. Guys like him are horrible to date. He really doesn't seem like that great of a guy.

 

Ramza, why are you still calling him your boyfriend?

 

This is whats bother me: He is 9 years older than me (I'm 25 and he's 34). He is divorced with two kids - all of them who live in Chicago and we are currently in Virginia. He also said he was talking to a girl in Bolivia at one point until she stopped emailing him all together. He used to serve in the military but no longer does. I don't know much about him and his ex-wife, but I know he recently went to Chicago to see his kids, and him and his ex-wife took pictures together with the kids and snapped video with them on a carousel with the kids. The ex-wife has a blog that I read and it talks about how he was the one who filed the divorce on her, and she sounds like a really depressed, unhappy individual who also talks down on one of her kids that she says she did not physically give birth to. Weird!

 

Anyhow, how worried should I be? We've been talking on that level now for 2 months, but I don't know if this will be something that will last and provide me with the things I want in a relationship. I'm not sure if he has to pay child support or not for these kids, and when he goes over there, the constant reminder that he is close to his ex-wife can be mind boggling.

 

What issues do you see? Should I get involved with this guy who I see everyday at my job?

 

Thanks.

 

Reading between the lines, you seem to be worried that something is going on him with and his ex wife. But you haven't posted anything factual that would support that. Going to visit one's kids and take pictures with them is normal. You've read his wife's blog, and since you didn't mention it, I would assume there are no implications there that they're still sleeping together. Why does it bother you that he spends time with his children's mother?

 

I don't see anything particularly to be worried about. The most worrisome element is that you are in the same workplace. I've dated people I work with a few times with no issues, but I don't advise it for others. It has too much potential to turn into a dramatic mess -- especially for anyone who has insecurity/jealousy issues. I get the impression from your feelings toward his wife that you're either insecure with jealousy issues or he's doing something you're not mentioning to cause it. Either way, not a good prospect.

Edited August 17, 2013 by The Way I Am

[2sunny]

Looks like your old bf posted here last month.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/409934-she-left-me-kinda-guy

[2sunny]

Why on earth would you assume he's hooking up with his ex? Suggesting using interrogation techniques when there appears to be nothing to even warrant suspicion strikes me as a sure way to drive the guy away. So, yeah OP- you should do that. See if you can get a friend to help with this- just make sure you decide ahead of time who's going to be the good cop and who's going to be the bad cop.

 

Oh, and your BF- that should be over. You clearly have no respect for either him or that relationship.

 

I told her to ask him - since she wonders.

 

Nothing wrong with asking the obvious questions.

[The Way I Am]

ahahahhahahahhaha, such a small world we live in.

 

hahaahahhahaahhaahha:confused:, or is it one person playing 2 games in here....

 

Personally, I think Ramza is just CazK88 still finding ways to cling instead of growing a spine and moving on. But we're not supposed to say those things...

 

So officially, I believe that Ramza genuinely is CazK88's ex who just happens to have the same language and posting patterns and mentions all the exact same details as Caz and only those details.

Edited August 17, 2013 by The Way I Am

[stillafool]

Yeah this is definitely CazK88. Shame on you!

[empirestate87]

Yikes! Talk about a bad person...