what is love? acceptance?

[Msrxchef]

i've been doing very poorly in college. barely a 3.0 GPA and I've lost my scholarship and guaranteed seat for pharmacy school. I didn't want to go to pharmacy school in the first place. I tried convincing myself, but it just wasn't something I found interesting enough. it was all a lie to keep my parents happy and i'm honestly not genius enough to get stellar grades to go to medical school either.

 

now I don't know what I want to do. I've been doing science all my life since 6th grade and i haven't done anything else otherwise. Nothing else was purposeful enough for me and i've never been driven enough to do anything. not that I could since I would have to be picked up by my mother after school and she always asked me what I was doing. my parents were always: academics academics academics.

 

And now I'm disappointed mostly of myself. I feel shame and anger towards myself. I'm about to start school again and i just don't feel that excitement or hope I used to" I'm going to get great grades, meet new people". nope, Nothing. It's just school. I don't want to go to school and I don't feel enthusiastic about school. I don't hate school.

 

i haven't told my parents anything. they help pay for college so they send me money every month but I've been lying about my GPA (3.5 not 3.0) but I can't bear to tell them that i've been trying my best to do what I needed to do.

 

I remember getting my first B in college and I told them. My parents immediately shot me down saying: "You spend too much time on your hair and makeup. you don't exercise. you didn't memorize the textbook. you should have done better. you should have asked more questions. you should have you oughta.....etc" And it was true. I didn't memorize the textbook, sometimes I did spend extra mintues on my hair that day. But would that have really gotten me that A in general chemistry? I don't know.

 

Since then it went downhill. I wasn't adjusting to school well. everyone seemed to have friends and i didn't. my roommate and i didn't get along, i was lost, and everyone else seemed to have everything. I was so negative to myself. If you've read my previous post about how I concurred negative thoughts about myself i was like that for awhile, still happens occasionally but mostly gone. i'm much more independent about my own thoughts but now i'm lost.

 

And I guess it started when I had my first close and good friend who I could "hang out" with in third grade once moving out here in the midwest. My parents said the only reason she wanted to be friends with me was because I could play the piano well. And I showed off my talents and skills. And my parents would compare her to me. How smart she is, how sweet she is with adults, how pretty she is. And me. I could just play piano.

 

And now i'm not a pianist. I ****ing hate learning music. It bores the **** out of me. It's not something I care about. But I did it. To keep my family "happier". I like listenign to music just not studying it.

 

If I tell my parents i'm not happy with my major (pre-health, pharmacy major) they're going to blow. They are going to seriously hate my decision. And they are going to "love" me but they won't accept me. They won't see me as the same person ever again. And I dont know what to do. I don't know what makes me happy. I know food, cooking, learning about wines makes me happy. I love learning new languages. I love learning about history, sociology, history of art. I love to cook. I love to read a lot. I love to try new things. I love to hang out with friends, have a good drink, eat, laugh, and clean and organize my house. I like to design spaces. I like to read and write poems.

 

But i'm just average. I'm really just an average person with average likes and hobbies. Ask any teenage girl and she'll tell you her favorite magazines and brands and that's me. Nothing more or less. I don't know what I'm stellar at and I'm not looking forward to changing my life. I've never been stellar at english (Bs through high school) I wish I knew how to be better at something without my parents breathing down my neck telling me how much I really suck.

And it sucks to also know that in life, people in science just have more jobs. More opportunity. And here I am sitting on my bunches of Bs and Cs and trying to figure out if its worth the work. If I switch my major to architecture, what am I going to do? Design big buildings? No. Probably just get an job somewhere and work there for the rest of my 9-5 life. Is that what I want? Not really.

[New User]

First thing- I hate to tell you this, but you're going to have to tell your parents. Yah- I know that scares you, but you have to do it and it's better sooner than later. It isn't uncommon at all for people your age to be unsure as to what they want to do with their lives. I'd say that it is the rule rather than the exception. You aren't likely to find too many jobs (at least outside of academia) that heavily involve the interests that you list. You can, however, base a major around them. I don't know that I would advise that though- they aren't as marketable as science or engineering based majors (this dynamic can lead to college graduates working in heavy construction ). Oh, and a 3.0 is a far cry from a lousy GPA. Especially if your area of concentration has been heavily tilted towards science and math.

 

Can you think of any occupation that you think that you think you'd enjoy doing? Map a course towards that and then execute. I think that you'll find that a significant portion of almost any career track you choose is going to involve work that you don't enjoy. The greatest challenge for a lot of people (self included) is finding a career track that you enjoy overall. I'd say that most people's attitudes towards their jobs ranges from mild dislike to outright hatred.

[Eve]

I have known a few people such as yourself who seem unable to break away from their parents until later in life. They too seem to carry great doubts about their ability also but generally are above average in terms of their ability to get on with others. Maybe their level of self reflection makes them more easy to talk to? Idk, anyhow they all have highly successful careers but have basically gone out and done other things they enjoy as well. One is a successful Doctor who has now cut down his practice hours and spends time fixing up cars and buildings. He scraped through Med School. All in all he is more 'himself' when outdoors but came to peace with the fact that he had to find a career that could fund his lifestyle, which included many children.

 

Whatever you do don't make the change to the subject you are studying your primary attempt at separation from your parents. Travel, get interests and find someone to really talk to in real life about everything. Someone who can give you their undivided attention.

 

The other side is that your parents may actually be right and you are suited to the subject but simply have not found the right environment to make it all seem worthwhile? There should be a careers advice section within your Uni, go chat to them. They probably would be best suited to guide you into looking at what could work for you. Maybe you could even try out new interests to see what fits? They will understand all the fears you have expressed here and be able to really help.

 

Main thing is to not keep it all in your head. Things always seem worse when it is just thoughts.

 

Take care and explore,

Eve x

[dizy]

I am in the same situation. Wanting to be amazingly smart just makes me so much more stressful and resentful. I realized that unless people live for themselves, they will be miserable. I have a couple of friends who have very controlling parents and frankly they have a pathetic life.

 

Your parents want a financial stable future for you. That's understandable. But it's your life.

 

I grew up thinking that adults have the answers to everything. There is a right way of doing things and they know it. They don't. Chances are most adults especially parents can't think rationally because they are consumed by their insecurities. They just want you to be happy. and yes being financially stable and professionally successful will help you get there. But ultimately, you are the one who knows what makes you happy.

[Msrxchef]

How do I find what I want in life? My parents are considering that I'd transfer colleges to one near home so they pay less and switch to nursing. I don't know if nursing is for me. I've volunteered in hospitals before and I never thought about nursing as a career for me.

[Msrxchef]

I guess I should be more specific:

1. I've tried pharmacy. I don't like it? I didn't chose it in the first place. I feel like it's very focused on medications and the field doesn't interact much with health care.

2. Sciences are not my forte. Being a high-achieving student is not my forte.

3. I like art but not enough to change my careers from health focused to art focused.

4. I need to have a legitimate career or career path set out before 26.