I think my boyfriend is still in love with his ex!

[MaryJaneInLove]

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[sIZE=3][FONT=Calibri]Please help I need advice! I am currently in a relationshipwith a guy (my very first boyfriend at the age of 24, he is 22). We starteddating in April of this year and became official by the end of May. We talkedon the phone previously for a couple weeks before we even met and starteddating. Previous to us being together he had gotten out of a three yearrelationship just three months prior. He is still best of friends with his ex butI have yet to meet her. I also know that even after they broke up (but I’m notsure when it stopped) they were hooking up and even slept together at leastonce. I was totally fine with the fact that he was friends with her andhonestly at the time thought it meant he was mature and very caring to stayfriends with someone that from what he said did not treat him so well (he has saidshe was “crazy” and “bi-polar”). But Ithought maybe they just made better friends then significant others to eachother. He told me he loved me after only a few weeks and it seemed like he saidit by accident and although it startled me that he professed that so early Ithought it was cute at the time that he could not hold back his feelings. Ittook me a little longer to be able to express my feelings to him this way but Iwas new to this thing (a relationship that is). He used to talk about hersporadically and let me know if he was meeting up with her for lunch, he isstill on her phone bill and had to get her the monthly money so I didn’t seeany harm in them meeting up at a restaurant for a meal and the exchange. Then,last week I had dropped my pocketbook when I was leaving his house in themorning and went back on my lunch break because I could not find my debit cardand was nervous it was lying on the street. He was allegedly at school and thenhad work that afternoon after. We were exchanging texts and he was acting likehe was in class but when I arrived at his house he was THERE! I was so flabbergastedthat I just drove right by. I started overanalyzing things and realizing by histext patterns that he prob hadn’t been going to school for a couples days afteras well. One night this week he was supposed to be over my house by 8:30 and itwas 9:30 and I hadn’t heard from him (this is not the first time he has donethis to me). Eventually I drove to his house and he was there on the couchsleeping. When he came to the door he didn’t even apologize for falling asleepand making me worried. So I just started questioning about lying about going toschool and he said that he had been but when I told him about my “drive-by” hethen admitted that he hadn’t been going and said he lied because he was afraidthat I would judge him. Which I find odd because he knows the reason I’ve beengoing to college sporadically since I was eighteen is because I have a hard timemaking myself go, so why would I judge him? Then I asked if he had hung outwith his ex-gf on any of the days and he said yes that he did but that theyjust grabbed lunch. I asked why he didn’t tell me that night he had met up withher and he said he simply forgot. I do not believe this because we exchangetexts all day and got together that night and we always quickly chat about whatwe did that day whether in school, work, etc. The reason I thought he might behanging out with her behind my back is that he suddenly never brought her upanymore but would share pics or videos that she would text to him. Only, hewould say “someone” sent it to him and only when I inquired who then he wouldsay it was her. Another weird thing I noticed is that he used to have herlisted by her actual name in his phone when we first started dating and thenchanged it to the pet name that he used to call her when they were together. Sheeven asks him to run errands for her (like pick up her BC, which she has a bfso I don’t get why he cant) but offers to pay him. I told him that made mereally uncomfortable but I think he did it anyways. Also, I think what startedmaking me feel uneasy is that about a month ago when we together and I wastelling him how much I was in love with him he told me he loves me but is not “inlove” with me yet. I am so confused because I feel so betrayed but I love him.Everyone that I have met that knows him thinks the best of him and tells me heis such a great guy and he deserves a good girl like me. But now I am not sosure. I don’t think he is maliciously trying to hurt me but I think he hasunresolved feelings or is still in love with his ex, how can I handle this ifthey are best friends? What would you do?[/FONT][/sIZE]

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[Zahara]

It does sound that he has unresolved feelings/issues with her. If I was in a relationship with someone, 1) my focus would be solely on my partner 2) if my relations with an ex bothered my partner, I would curb/compromise/quit it.

 

Secondly, he lies.

 

The guy was broken up 3 months prior to you both meeting and still sleeping with the ex. Told you he loved you within weeks of dating you.

 

Too many red flags.

[emva07]

advice from my personal experience, if your gut tells you something, BELIEVE IT BECAUSE IT'S TRUE.

[Magical.Mermaid]

He's behaving like a sketch fest, so there's a huge strike right there.

 

I was in a similar situation where my current boyfriend broke up with his ex-girlfriend three months prior to when he and I started dating. They had minimal contact, as far as I know, and even then it wasn't a walk in the park due to me having to deal with all of his residual feelings.

 

If I were in your shoes, I'd move on and find somebody else. Plenty of fish in the sea.