He Says ... "It's Not What I Want Right Now."

[Weird]

hehe, I feel the same way, my dream ex. hehehe.

 

I totally agree about the other person having thoughts of wanting to get back together but trying to hide behind it and make it sound like we are the ones wanting to get back. My ex will take almost ANYTHING that has any substance to it (so anything other than standard every day "how are you?" etc type talk) and try and flip it on me and start an argument and act like I said something I didn't. Recently she did this online where she took something I said and changed it to something totally different and I saved the transcript for it. It is hilarious and I'll gladly send you it if you want. She basically can't see reality and is reacting to me in real life based on the image she has in her head of me/things which isn't close to reality. It has got a point where I find it very amusing and use her as some comic relief because she's acting nuts.

 

I know all about the ex doing the "me me me" talk. I hung out with my ex last month and she spent no joke, 30-40 minutes I'd say talking about herself before she even asked anything regarding me. 30-40 minutes!!!! Don't get me wrong, I am happy to listen to her or anyone else do most of the talking as I am interested but how do you go on and on and on and not once even ask the other person how things are going? When she finally did it was after 5 minutes of silence because I was just thinking to myself "could she talk more about herself?"

 

My ex is opposite of yours and goes on about how happy she is with the way her life is right now but the thing is, she just fires out a comment like that out of NOWHERE. We could be talking about anything (paint drying time) and she will whip that out. I don't know about anyone else but to me it seems weird someone would just out of the blue say how happy they are with their life when the other person says NOTHING to provoke that. To me (and to friends I talked to about this) it seems she is saying this to try and mask the fact she isn't totally happy with her life and wants to try and project to me that she is and make herself believe it. Odd...

 

Love the little comment about your ex and his pothead female neighbour. Sure sounds like she is a winner and yeah, I can see how appealing she must be. He obviously says stuff about her simply to try and make you jealous for God knows what reason. I'd love to hear my ex try and make me jealous by saying she was hanging around a piece of trash. I'd be like "yeah? good for you. have fun with that one."

 

He does sound like he is acting like a little schoolboy rather than someone who is classified as an adult and I don't know about you but I see that attitude (my ex being the 12 year old girl) and just lose some respect the more and more I see it go on with her. I just have reached a point where I give up on trying to carry on a mature friendship with her because she right now can't do it. So silly and I am guessing you feel the same way with your guy.

 

Does your ex act in a way where it seems like he acts like the relationship between you two never happened? It sounds like he does since he is so distant around you when you two hang out. I LOVE people (my ex is doing exactly that) who are like that because it makes things worse since they are trying to hide/ignore history.

 

Gah...I hope your situation gets better or you decide to quit dealing with it. I don't want you to have to keep putting up with that mickey mouse bullshiiiit.

 

Oh and my ex is 23...how sad is it that she acts like she is 12.

[Layzie1207]

its kind of the opposite for me, my ex was always the more mature one in the relationship, who knew what a loving relationship was and wanted one, but i was teh one who treated her badly and caused her to fall out of love with me. man i hope she gives me another chance because i can give her everything shes always wanted and more.

 

also, yesterday my exs sister imed me and asked me how i was doing, if i was happy and enjoying school. she NEVER talks to me and it kind of seemed liek she was scouting for my ex, i may be paranoid but it just seemed very out of the ordinary. if she was kind of seeing how i was doing and relating that to my ex, do you think that is a good thing or a bad thing?

[UnicornGirl]

I hate this, I hate this, I hate this. I can't deal with this. I am so hurt and I am furious. I do not know how to deal with this. Everything I do fixes things only temporarily. I just don't see how we could ever get back together at this point -- I don't know how I could possibly trust him ever again. I think he feels bad about all of the promises he made to be but does not ever want them to be carried out. He is completely, 100% rejecting me. I cannot handle this. If I had known it would take so little for all of the promises and hopes to be TURNED AROUND and BROKEN by him, I never would have trusted him in the first place. And he's "trying to get over the fact that I never trusted him," trying to put it behind him -- he's just proven he was NEVER worthy of my trust.

 

Weird, my ex doesn't act as if the relationship never happened. He instead acts as if he was in a trance during the relationship and now he's out of it. He says everything he said in the relationship came from a time when he was in a "different mindset," and now he has a new mindset. Read: BULL****.

 

Layzie, I have no idea why she would ask about you. That's kind of strange. But I suggest you act happy in the case that she is scouting for your ex.

[Rayne84]

I don't know what exchange you two had, but I think it would be wise to not contact him anymore. It's a long weekend, go have some fun out with your girl friends from school, and make yourself feel better. Let him feed you bull$hit if we wants; you show him that you're not going to tolerate it.

 

Hang in there! I'm going home for the weekend so I probably won't be around on the boards.

[Weird]

whhhhhhhhy do people have to act like that and go and feed people BS? So retarded.

[UnicornGirl]

Oh, we didn't have an exchange. I was just pissed off.

 

Weird, my new theory about people feeding BS: they don't want to admit they care. If he really didn't care, he wouldn't insist he never said we were NEVER getting back together. A caring, secure guy would stand up and say, "Hey, I want to work things out, and I love you, but I need some space for a while. Would you grant me that? I'd appreciate it."

 

Your ex wouldn't bring up nasty comments out of the blue if she really didn't care about you. She'd be, as you said, cool and open with you.

 

BS = immaturity, and immaturity is pretty damn hard to deal with. I think a lot of pain and struggle comes, at least for me, from expecting him to act like an adult when he isn't one. He may FEEL like one, now that he doesn't call me every day and hangs around pothead girl all and evangelical girl (this is another one of his "really cool girl friends" that he described sitting next to during a political event in extreme detail, emphasizing how he grabbed her and would not let her leave since she was an undecided voter ... and she just broke up with her boyfriend ... somehow though, I just can't get intimidated by this girl, who is an extremely pushy evangelical Christian who tries to impress her views upon everyone [my ex is Jewish]). However much he looooves spending time with these girls, they do not connect with him in the way I do. He does not feel the way about them that he does about me. And he very well knows that. He just will not admit it and likes to rub these things in my face. I positively can't WAIT until he goes to Italy with his choir and comes back with all kinds of stories about who he was grabbing in Rome!

 

I have been talking to a lot of other guys lately, and, unfortunately, find them as immature as the ex himself. I really think I helped my ex grow as a person and become more mature, but he's reverting back to his old ways and rejoining the emotional capacity of the rest of the species known as "college-aged males." Ugh.

[Weird]

Yeah I would agree with that.

 

I have always felt that if you didn't have feelings/care for the other person you either wouldn't talk to them or you would but as you said, would be totally open and not try and play mickey mouse games. Take my ex...if she thinks I am soooo stubborn and demanding of her spending all this time talking to me (somethign she again makes up in her mind) and all i do is argue with her (I don't as she instigates every argument now) or whatever then why keep putting up with me? The only reason I come back to is because she still has feelings. If I did not have feelings for my ex or care about her then I would have never got back to talking with her or if I did, I would ahve bailed out on it for sure by now after seeing how she has been acting.

 

Naturally if you try and tell the person you know they care or whatever they will get defensive and make up even more BS.

 

I agree totally about how it is so difficult to deal with immaturity when you expect the person to act like an adult. i will admit before my ex and I stopped talking in early 2003 I acted sorta like her (but not nearly as bad) as I sometimes got all defensive and would be immature but since then I have grown up in how I deal with that stuff and realized acting like that is so stupid. I guess the thing is I have grown up, you have grown up but our exes havent and it is pretty pathetic to see.

 

Totally agree with you about college-age males. Many times I am ashamed of my fellow males (especially around my age) because they act like tools. I also have talked to a handful of females 21-25 in the last year and they all leave me unimpressed because they all act immature in many ways. I sometimes feel I am more like

 

I like the cut of your jig though:)

[Layzie1207]

weird thing is in my case it seems as though my ex was the mature one who knew what needed to be done, but now i feel like i have grown and matured. im very scared as to her reaction when i hopefully show her ive changed and ask for a second chance in the future and how she will react.

 

i think you should have a little bit of no contact with him and then just sit him down and basically thrash him with truth. i dont know its seems as though you need to take some things in your own hands and basically teach him a lesson. also, do you really want to be with someone that is skewed as he is right now? just seems like someone like you could do better now that you know who you are and have grown.

[Weird]

lazy

 

it is almost impossible to teach a stubborn immature person a lesson. They get all defensive and say some of the lamest BS ever.

 

I find it almost impossible to talk to obvious immature people. I work with one and sometimes I just want to put a muzzle on her.

 

If there is one thing worse than stubbon immature people it is stubborn immature people who can't take a joke or have any sense of humour. Oh mama those are horrible.

 

I dont think there is anything Unicorngirl can do other than possibly wait for this guy to grow up and figure junk out.

[UnicornGirl]

Yep. I can wait for him. I'm going to continue to show him I care about him in as non-pressuring of a way as possible ... he's said he wants to spend time together and I think that's a good idea. I'm just going to let him do the contacting thing for a while.

 

Things were going really well lately but I kind of feel like I tugged things the wrong way by talking about the relationship last weekend, though. It wasn't an entirely pleasant experience. Though he did seem quite touched when I told him how I felt about him, and tears came to his eyes. He seemed happily surprised on the phone when in response to his "This is not what I want in my life right now" I said, "Well, that's fine, I wouldn't want you to come back to me unless it was because you loved me 100%."

 

One of my best girl friends says what I may need to do is just assume that he's wanting a relationship, since he obviously isn't trying to get over me and sheer common sense as well as a lot of his actions indicate that he still loves me. But to assume that he's not going to want one right now, and he's not going to say I'll want one in a week or a month or whatever.

 

The acting like he's not attracted to me, etc. is most likely total bull**** designed to make him feel good about himself, and it will be least effective if I continue to be fabulous and not care if he ignores it.

 

I will take the time spent with him, if he does spend time with me (I'm slightly paranoid tonight that something's changed since I called his room around 11:30 and he wasn't in, and his cell phone has been off all day -- funny that he says call him sometime this week and then is unreachable!), as an opportunity to show him that I'm not wanting to get back into a relationship with the same old patterns as always, but a better, new one.

 

I just don't get this odd setup though -- he said back when he said "we might get back together we might not" he didn't know what he wanted, totally ignored that I said I was trusting him to tell me if anything changed, and said now he knows what he wants -- no relationship right now, but "No!" to the idea of never having a relationship. HOW HAS ANYTHING CHANGED? It's still as unsure as ever.

 

I miss the sweet things he used to do for me. I miss and mourn the fact that he introduced me to all his relatives on numerous occasions, and only once in our relationship really doubted that we'd be together forever. I miss his smiles and his hugs, and all the love he used to shower me with almost daily. We've gotten through so many hard times together, there were months when I had NO hope, but he was always there, smiling, resilient, saying, "It's ok that we fought, sweetheart, it'll just take me a little while to get back to normal." I miss so much of this going-on-four-years relationship, I miss our special days and our anniversary and everything that was so unique and special to us.

 

I know what was killing him in our relationship was the demands I made, the way I made him feel guilty when he had done nothing wrong, my insecurities that took over the relationship and made me insecure of him having his own life at college away from me. I couldn't interpret that as anything more than him leaving me. And it hurt him so bad to constantly feel like a bad guy, like he could never be my knight in shining armor again, and now he's left.

 

I just wonder if we could ever get it back. I really do wonder. It's the thing I desire most in the world and I would give anything for a chance.

[Layzie1207]

sorry your probably right, i dont have to deal with an immature ex, my ex luckily happens to understand everything clearly like i do now, and she is the last person on earth that would pull those kind of shenanigans. honestly, i think thats one of the reasons i love her so much she is just amazing with who she is and how she cares and pheeeewwwww stop me before i melt

[Weird]

well be happy if you don't have to deal with an immature ex. It blows.

 

Unicorngirl,

 

hope it all works out. If I were your ex I would not hold that stuff (you being insecure and taking stuff out on him) against you. Why? My ex did the same type of stuff and I don't hold it against her. Sadly, she apologized for acting like that but in a way still does it and still paints me as a bad guy. Pretty sad.

[Gottabestrong]

Hi everyone,

 

I am dealing with a similar situation. My bf of 2.5 years broke up with me a month ago, saying that he could not see a future for us.

 

He wanted to come back a few days later, when I said yes, he changed his mind and said he needed more time.

 

I have tried NC, but it made me miserable, so I contacted him again and now he said that he does not love me anymore.

 

I have no idea what to do now. I want to be his friend and hopefully build a relationship from there, but everytime I see him or talk to him I cant seem to stay quiet and tell him that I love him and want him back.

 

Afterwards I am really angry at myself and think that I should do NC again. But I am afraid that I will lose him this way as he will probably think that I moved on, as he told a mutual friend the last time I did NC.

 

I am meeting my ex in 1.5 hours because I am bringing him some of his stuff and I dont know how to act. I want to keep it casual and friendly and not pressure him, but I am afraid that I will start crying again.

[UnicornGirl]

I think you should act nice and happy and be sweet to him. Don't expect anything and you won't cry. Be strong!

 

I am having a tough day today ... I'm worrying that since we talked about the relationship last weekend, I have screwed stuff over. We were having so much fun together, he was calling me, he was giving me multiple hugs, he was gradually wanting to spend more time with me and I just keep having a flashback of when I saw his concert, and he said he was sorry I had to go and that it was so important to him that I came ... the time he came a few weeks ago on his way home for fall break and gave me two hugs before he left ....

 

I'm so afraid I have ruined things!!!!!! :( We talked and he did open up to me but now things are possibly going to be all weird between us again. I asked him to go to a movie with me and he was vague about it (this was last weekend). I mean, I haven't called him, and he said to call him sometime this week. I'm just so scared I've thrown us backward again and that now that he knows I would like to get back together, he's going to be awkward about hugging me or doing stuff with me and won't want to see me as much. I don't know how to stop this crazy spinning in circles of fear that things were going great and I ruined it irreparably. But then again, at least he knows now how much I love him ... but that may freak him out ... Aaaah! I feel stupid. He had been saying the sweetest things to me, even among all of the crap he was pulling, and I am so afraid all that is now gone. He didn't hug me after we talked, but he was in the car rushing me to the train station so I'm sure that's part of it, hehe.

 

Or maybe I did something really good by ensuring to him that I wasn't pressuring him? Or possibly the mystery is all gone now, now that he knows the gifts I gave him and the time I spent with him was in hopes we'd get back together?

 

So ... should I talk to him again about it? I was thinking of saying something about how I didn't mean I wanted to get back together today, all I wanted was to tell him how special he was to me and how much I want to be best friends again when we're all better and our lives are in order.

 

Or ... I could just continue with acting the way I was, being nice and friendly and loving, in order to encourage him to open up and be close with me again?

[lost_in_chgo]

He may be considering things, but the whole thing could turn on a dime if he meets someone else.

 

I was in the same sort of boat a year ago and I continued to pursue things until she finally refused to talk anymore.

 

Yes the feelings are there, but he's not sure what he wants to do. Maintaining contact could help him decide, or it could make him decide he doesn't want any contact. At which point he will break off everything entirely.

 

When I saw the first signs of that I withdrew, and I'm seeing periods of months of no contact as a result.

 

No contact is not helping me at all. In fact it makes things harder, but in the long run, if she does return I feel that it is best that she has this independent time to realize what she really wants.

 

Don't play ping pong with them. Don't give ultimatums. They might not come back, but that's better than being a backup plan for them.

 

And yeah the immature ex thing blows. big time

[UnicornGirl]

Originally posted by lost_in_chgo

He may be considering things, but the whole thing could turn on a dime if he meets someone else.

 

I was in the same sort of boat a year ago and I continued to pursue things until she finally refused to talk anymore.

 

How did things go with her before she refused to talk? Was she reluctant?

 

I'm thinking maybe I should refuse to contact HIM and see if he calls. But that's kind of stupid, since he asked me to call him.

[Layzie1207]

the problem i have with no contact, is that i treated my ex badly so it seems as though no contact would just give her more time to realize that i wasnt as good as advertised. i think thats why i had such a problem letting go. but i ended up giving the break saying that the next time i talked to you i would be a changed person so it at least planted the seed in her head that maybe id be different the next time we spoke. and boy have i changed into a better person. i am so excited to talk to her and try to convey to her what ive learned and who i am. but right now she may sitll think im that bad person and its very scary.

[Weird]

Unicorn,

 

I say you do what you feel is truly the best thing to do. If you want to clear the air and tell him you didnt mean you wanted to get back together today then tell him that.

 

Do whatever you need to do to clear your head.

 

Oh and don't be afraid to do no contact. It may get him thinking and he may figure out how important you are or aren't to him.

[Gottabestrong]

Dear Unicorn girl,

 

I know exactly how you feel. I too told my ex that I still loved him and missed him and he said that he did not want to be with me and did not love me anymore. I hated myself for telling him all that (my post is on this site if you want to read it).

 

But I just came back from meeting him and now I am glad that I told him all that last night.

 

I know that if I had not told him how I felt, tonight would have been really weird. I would have probably tried to analyze everything he said and did, and most likely would have blurted out how I felt.

 

He would have said that he does not feel that way, I would probably have cried and so the evening would have ended really badly.

 

But, because I knew how he felt, and also because I knew that he knew how I felt, I did not have to tell him and could just act friendly and lovingly.

 

You know, I did not have to worry about giving him the wrong impression (that I did not love him anymore) and could just enjoy being with him.

 

The result? We had a really nice evening. He kissed me and hugged me goodbye (did not get a kiss from him in over a month) and when I came home he sent me a message saying that it was really good seeing me and that I look really good indeed!

 

So dont be mad at yourself for telling him how you feel. At least he knows now and you dont have to worry about him not making a move because he does not know how you feel, and he might be afraid of rejection.

 

You love him and it is good of you to tell him. You are just being honest. You are not pressuring him into anything but are just being true to yourself.

 

The only reason why he would pull away from you now is if he really did not want to get back with you anymore, and at least than you know where you stand.

 

I feel relieved now because I told him how I feel, I will try to be his friend and be there for him and then we will see what happens.

 

I wish you all the best!

[Weird]

The only reason why he would pull away from you now is if he really did not want to get back with you anymore, and at least than you know where you stand.

 

That's probably not true. As unicorn said the guy said "No!" when she made the comment implying he would never consider getting back together. If he was certain that he never wanted to get back together with her then there is no reason for him to say that. He would have just said "Yes, I do not ever see us getting back together"

[Gottabestrong]

I do not think that he is going to pull away now. I just wanted to say that Unicorn should not have to worry about having made a mistake when she told him how she felt, because if he cares about her, he is not going to stop contact.

 

Maybe I am completly wrong WEIRD, just wanted to say how I felt as I am in a similar situation.

[lost_in_chgo]

Originally posted by UnicornGirl

How did things go with her before she refused to talk? Was she reluctant?

 

I'm thinking maybe I should refuse to contact HIM and see if he calls. But that's kind of stupid, since he asked me to call him.

 

 

Well originally, she pulled away, then when she started to see someone she refused to talk to me until they had been intimate. Then she wanted to talk everyday. It was as if a wall had been established in her mind.

 

But that didn't work the way she expected. In our case she was finalizing her divorce when she decided that she didn't want to be involved anymore and just wanted to be single. That's the only reason I have for sticking around thru all this. I believe that once she's thru the crisis, she'll start to think about what she really wants and a serious involvement won't scare her so much.

 

It is primarily about immaturity and emotional crisis. Every situation is different. But everyone that knows her says it is about the divorce and the effect losing her marriage of ten years had on her.

 

The reasons people make decisions about love aren't always the obvious ones. When she did talk to me she said that she still loved me but that she felt bad about herself. Years before I had broken up with a woman that I had dated after my divorce when I realized that we wanted different things. She asked me if I thought that down the road I might change my mind about us and I told her no. Primarily because I knew that she thought it might be that I just wanted a fling. But my reasons were well thought out. So last year when my ex was talking to me again, I told her that I wanted her back. And I asked her if she thought down the road that she might consider being involved again. She said she didn't know, in a year or two, who knew she might even be back with her ex husband. I know that she didn't mean that, as she had been pushed to the end of her rope there.

 

So later in the relationship after a period of no contact and shortly after valentine's day, she emailed me and said that she hoped to be friends and that I shouldn't talk to her about love or relationships. We chatted a bit then and I did as she asked, but she disappeared again.

 

A few months later, she contacted me and we talked via IM all day. I told her that I missed talking to her and that she could IM or email anytime. She asked some questions about who I talked to at her work, specifically asking about one particular guy who was a mutual friend of ours. During that conversation she mentioned that he was still dating the same girl he was dating when I had worked there.

 

Initially I thought that she was planning on dating him, but later I came to believe that he was encouraging her to get back with me and she was checking to see if I had put him up to it. Now I don't know the real truth about that as I haven't inquired into it with anyone there. But it seems to me that I am on her mind, at least from time to time and that when she is ready she will reach out again. So I've been trying to practice no contact.

 

And I have, but recently that is getting increasing difficult. It's been months.

 

But I believe this is a case of right guy wrong time and when the time is right she will return.

[UnicornGirl]

Thanks for your thoughts. Lost, that is quite a situation you have going there. I admire what you have done, though. And it is obvious that you love her. No contact or reduced contact is quite the difficult task.

 

Weird, I am trying for my sanity to go with what you thought -- that if he was certain about not getting back together he would have said so. He hasn't had any trouble being blunt with me lately and I don't think he's so cowardly as to lie to me about this just so I'll stick around and be his friend.

 

I have been crying non-stop every morning for this whole week since we talked. I don't really know why. It's not as if things went BADLY when we talked about all of this ... I'm just afraid I've ruined things, I guess.

 

I'm also really afraid of time -- it's been three months, a week and a day since we first broke up and I'm afraid that the more time we're broken up, the less of a chance there is that we'll get together again. That can't be true, though.

 

It's just so odd how it hurts like the very first day, still. And it's so hard to be trusting and loving sometimes when it feels like he's basically chucked our relationship into the trash can. That's what he did with this other girlfriend he had, he "decided" they didn't like each other anymore and they split, and he was very matter-of-fact about it. I don't think he loved her, though.

 

And it's just weird -- he has always been the one afraid I would leave him someday, he always felt I was "out of his league" in that very juvenile way, he always felt he wasn't quite deserving of me. Some days I look back and feel like that changed, other days I think it never did. But he's the one to leave. He's the one to risk losing me forever. I kind of feel like he WANTS me to find another guy because he doesn't feel worthy, especially after doing all of this.

 

He's so melodramatic about this breakup, it drives me nuts. I just want to say to him, "Stop the crap. Come give me a real hug and let's be us again." That's what we always did when we fought before. There were some months that were hell between us, where I thought it'd never work, but we kept up the hope and love and happy times always came again. My only consolation is that when we get back together, we won't have those periods of despair, they'll just be periods of giving more space, etc.

 

I was talking to a friend last night and she said, "I see two options for you guys. Forget each other, or get married. And I don't think the forget option is going to work." I agree. I think it really is so much better for both parties to work things out rather than try to "move on" when you've got years of memories and promises and in my case, the best friendship either of us could ever hope for. It's just so destructive! Where do we learn to destroy everything just because times get rough and the future looks black? Why do we have to freak out at the commitment we've pledged when it looks like we might be wrong? WHY DO WE HAVE TO BOLT? Are we learning it from TV, from movies, from popular culture? It really seems like my guy is pulling all of the over-sentimental wishy washy "I've gotta do what a man's gotta do" BS from the movies. It's overly dramatic and it's just creating a lot of unwarranted destruction.

[smile]

Unicorngirl I know what you mean about the bolting thing. I have no idea why so many people in this world jump ship when times get rough. Its like at that moment all the good stuff is obsolete and all they can see is the crap.

 

Its funny because most ppl would say romantics like you and me were naive and childish. But we may be the ones who see this whole love thing for what it is. Honest, and tough sometimes.. but the more crap you get through together the stronger your love becomes. It just takes too much commitment to get there and this MTV soundbyte culture we live in does not promote that. I read an article about that somewhere but I cant remember where.

 

It seems to me there has to be one strong pillar in every great relationship. Funny enough , no offense guys, its usually the woman. I have no idea what my ex is doing either. What he means, what he wants. Sometimes I just want to run away from him. But that hurts too much.

 

This might just be the case of anything hurting because its never going to be the same. Transition is tough .. whether the outcome is good or bad. I think you have so much power right now. To take care of you and make positive choices on how you interact with others.. esp him.

 

Use this time to be all those wonderful things you can be... show him how you have learned to cope with things and that you have learned to be a person yourself. Make sure you know who you are and then work on having a relationship with anyone. Thats the way to avoid the clingy (thats what my therapist told me anyway)

 

Take an art class, learn a new language, read books, see movies...do things that fulfill you. Maybe he will see the new independent strong you and want you back . Or maybe someone else will want you. Someone mature and worthy.. even if you dont want them .. its nice to be seen for your good qualities instead of all the bad ones.

 

Just dont blame yourself for pushing him away. He left because he felt he had to. Try to think that maybe he is going through something tough too , personally. He seems confused and he isnt purposely hurting you. Let him work it out.. be his friend. Thats really all you can do right now.

 

Oh yeh and if you left a msg on his phone then it is his turn to call you. Leave him alone and he will call. If only to wonder why you arent calling.

*sigh* boys!

[UnicornGirl]

Smile,

 

I'm with you. Bolting is crap. But thankfully enough for our exes, we aren't totally giving up hope on them.

 

I think all of this will work out for the better and we'll be happier than ever before. The only problem is that we've been through rough times and come out stronger -- but we stayed together. Now, I'm "not his girlfriend." He's decided to label it, and that label fills me with so many questions.

 

I want to ask so many things: Will we ever be together again? Should I give up hope? How is our situation now different than it was three months ago? Why do you say you know what you want now? Why do you have to leave? Don't you remember the bad times when we stayed together and got through it?

 

But that's pressure. And he doesn't need pressure. Whenever I pressure him I end up crying because he says something hurtful. I think when a person feels this kind of pressure they make a statement that they might not truly mean or want -- but it's the only surefire way, in their mind, to get that pressure off of their back.

 

He's told me he doesn't want me to expect anything. He grew up in a family where a lot was expected of him and it was never good enough, even when he tried his best. I think he's afraid that if he doesn't reject my expectations, he'll screw up and have failed me again.

 

It's sad because I know he's going home this weekend, even though he hasn't talked to me about it yet, and I know he's going to be telling a lot of our friends we've broken up. People that really loved us and thought we'd be together for good. That hurts. It hurts more to think that might make him feel more determined not to get back together, ever. The weekend after that is Thanksgiving and we probably won't see each other. Winter break is coming up and I'll have to go home to all the memories of us. We were always together, always, no matter what. But I have to not worry about what I don't know. I have to think, hey, maybe we will see each other soon. It's so hard not to call right now, and ask if we can talk. But I don't think it would help my long-term goal of getting back together. So I won't.