Phone calls and time schedules

[B]

Here's the quick version.

 

I've dated a guy on and off for a while, and we went through some rough times. I just recently moved to the same town as him for a job (not for him, and he knows it). I called him the day I was moving in and inquired about his plans for the weekend as I was having a bunch of friends come in and he was having 13 friends come in and we could all hang out together. He said he had tentative plans and told me to call him Friday and so I did, between my multiple trips to the airport, and I left a msg with one of his friends. After not hearing from him 6 hours later, I called again, and his friends said he was on his way to the airport and to call his cell, so I did and left a msg. Well, I haven't heard back from him, and I'm a bit confused.

 

Now I figured that I was cutting him some slack since he had 13 friends in and with with his roomates they totaled 17 (and they're all guys). And then with New Year's Eve and all (didn't hear from him) and finally it's Tuesday. What's the deal? Should I take this as an indication that he really doesn't care or see me as important to him?

 

Women always seem to find time to call as they are pros at multi-tasking....

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Should I take this as an indication that he really doesn't care or see me as important to him?"

 

Yes, unless he has lost his voice or has been injured or killed in an accident.

 

Not returning calls is extremely rude.

 

In the context of your relationship with him at this time, it is not unusual for him to put longtime plans ahead of other things. Depending on his age, his drinking buddies may be at the very top of his list.

 

He has had a lot of time to process the problems in his dating experience with you and very well may not want to revist those experiences. By calling you for New Years, he would be encouraging you.

 

Just because you've moved to his town, don't look to him at all for companionship. You should back off and sort of write him off. If he calls you fine, but don't try to push the issue.

 

As a practical matter, I would never count on somebody I hadn't seen in a good while being available for New Year's Eve activities...especially not at such a short notice.

 

If he was excited about hearing from you and seeing you, he definitely would have called you. Most people do exactly what they want to do.

 

I think you will meet other men who will make you a lot more important in their lives...and with whom your dating experiences will be lots more problem free than you had with this guy.

[B]

Thanks for your response Tony.

 

I thought not returning a phone call is pretty rude too, even if he has a lot of people in from out of town. Yet he has the habit of doing this and saying then he'll call and think everything is fine.

 

We both already had separate plans for New Year's Eve, so I hadn't planned on seeing him then, but I wanted us to all meet up Friday night.

 

As far as his age, he's 23.

[Deejette]

Since you called him three times, the ball is in his court. Don't bother calling him again. He has given you his silent answer to your question: Getting together was not his idea and he was not really interested in it.

Thanks for your response Tony. I thought not returning a phone call is pretty rude too, even if he has a lot of people in from out of town. Yet he has the habit of doing this and saying then he'll call and think everything is fine. We both already had separate plans for New Year's Eve, so I hadn't planned on seeing him then, but I wanted us to all meet up Friday night.

 

As far as his age, he's 23.